Total Drama Return to the Island
by The Firebending Frog
Summary: 22 brand new contestant compete for a million dollars in this humorous story. Chapter 7 Scary Chapter is out and believe me when I say it's overly ridiculous! How many times will Jill escape cages? Will the word SPI-DERS have you ranting after this? Who will get removed from the game? and when will the real drama start? Find out right here on Total Drama Return to the Island!
1. Chapter 1: welcome to wawanakwa

**Disclaimer**

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**I do not own Total drama or any of its seasons, I do not own Chris or Chef either they are the property of Fresh productions and teletoon, I do however own the 22 contestants and the 5 interns.**

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Chris Maclean stood on the dock of shame awaiting the director to announce that the show was about to begin.

"We begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!" The director shouted as the camera began rolling capturing Chris and a boom mike in its frame.

"Welcome to total drama, the show where we stick a bunch of teens on an island for the whole summer and watch as they leave one by one until one becomes a millionaire." Chris began, "So far we've survived the wild, gone Hollywood, flown around the world and even come across mutated wild animals which were cleaned out of the island."

A unrecognisable roar sounded from the woods shaking the dock.

"Well mostly cleaned out, Heh Heh." Chris laughed rubbing his hands together, "Now the theme for this season is quite simple, we stay here in order to cover environmental lawsuits by treehuggers."

"Let's get a move on Maclean!" The director yelled.

"Of course Mr. Benson. And now to welcome our first contestant... Cole!' Chris exclaimed as the camera panned over to a tall, broad shouldered guy with black hair, sideburns, and green eyes, he was wearing a grey T-shirt, black jeans, and a forest green sweater. As the speedboat landed on the dock, Cole dumped his luggage on an intern and stepped off ship.

"Welcome to the contest Cole!' Chris exclaimed.

"My pleasure." Cole growled cracking his knuckles.

"Now if you could go stand over on the left side of the dock while I introduce our next competitor."

"Whatever." Cole growled walking to the other side of the dock.

"Ok now we welcome Julia!" Chris smiled as another boat pulled up with a redheaded girl with crazy blue eyes, wearing a straightjacket, and skinny jeans who was laughing hysterically on it. "We paid the mental hospital in downtown Toronto quite a sum of money in order for her to compete."

As the boat pulled up the driver grabbed the straightjacket, undid it and pushed Julia onto the deck before driving away as quickly as humanly possible.

"AHHH what's happening!" Julia screamed before jumping off the dock and didn't resurface for 30 seconds.

"She's mentally unstable..." Chris whispered to the camera.

"She's stupid." Cole growled.

Before anyone could even react to what Cole had said, Julia had attacked him and was biting his shoulder while he stood there indifferently. "I don't like you." he muttered picking her up and throwing her off the dock.

"And now we welcome our resident Daredevil, John!" Chris exclaimed as a short kid wearing a helmet, with green eyes, and a yellow and white jumpsuit was driving his speedboat which he plowed right into the deck with and flew right into Cole's arms. "Oh this will be good!"

"Thanks for catching me bud." John said patting Cole on the head not realizing that Cole was glaring at him. "You can put me down now."

"Oh look at the cute little shrimp... we should return him home!" Cole said grinning.

"No wait, NO, NO, NO!" John yelled before Cole threw him in the water laughing. After a few seconds of floundering he managed to stay afloat.

"I don't like that guy..." John muttered sinking a little bit more into the water before Julia popped up beside him and said: "I'm a butterfly" before sinking back underwater leaving John with a very confused expression.

While John was sitting in the water with Julia swimming circles around him singing the pygmy's theme in Celtic another boat with a girl wearing a red one piece bathing suit pulled up to the dock. She had blonde hair done up in a ponytail, green eyes, and braces and looked really happy to be there.

"Now we give a warm welcome to Summer!" Chris said smiling not taking his eyes off Summer.

"But it's July. It's been summer for like two months now." Cole said confused.

"Her name is Summer." John said pulling himself halfway onto the dock. Cole just grunted and kicked him back into the water.

"You're not too bad looking babe." Julia said batting her eyelashes.

"Wait, What?!" Summer said confused.

"I CAN FLY LIKE A EARTHWORM!" Julia screamed before doing a back flip into the lake.

"We are now about to introduce Vanessa!" Chris said smiling.

"HE SAID MY NAME!" screamed a bleach blonde haired girl with dark blue eyes that was wearing short shorts, a team Chris T-shirt with hearts all over it and was carrying luggage with Chris's face on it. "I LOVE YOU CHRIS!" She screamed before the boat came to a sudden stop and she slammed right into Chris's feet.

"Hello Vanessa." Chris said but Vanessa just squealed and licked Chris's shoe before standing up and hugging him. "Wait, are you sniffing my hair?"

"No I was just cutting a lock off." Vanessa said before sniffing Chris's hair and dancing around in a circle.

"You can throw her off the dock if you want." Summer said.

"Nah I might catch crazy." Cole replied.

"I like her!" Julia screamed jumping out of the water like a dolphin carrying a screaming John by his underwear.

"Yes, yes we all like her." Chris said pushing Vanessa away to a safe distance. "Now let's welcome Patrice to this group of crazy people, and me.

"Just going to ignore that comment." Summer grumbled crossing her arms.

"Hey ladies." A Dirty blond haired guy with a perfect tan and baby blue eyes flirted. He wore a muscle shirt that showed off his masculine form and skinny jeans. "The name's Patrice."

"Ugh." Summer groaned rolling her eyes.

"That guy actually has chest hair." Cole said pointing at Patrice.

"What was that?" Summer asked.

"Coughing, I was Coughing!" Cole yelled faking a cough.

"This is fun, what you two have." Julia said rotating her finger while pointing at Summer and Cole.

"Julia! How long have you been standing there?" Cole Growled.

"It doesn't matter because I have legs! To the nuclear reactor on Mars!" Julia screamed before jumping off the deck and landing on top of john who screamed: "Mommy!" before he was pushed underwater by her weight.

"Why you're a beautiful sight to see, call me the boy of your dreams." Patrice flirted with Vanessa.

"Chris is the only man for me!" Vanessa yelled before hissing and backing away slowly.

"Well now that we've all met Patrice, lets meet Spader our resident marine biologist." Chris said motioning to a Black haired, blue eyed guy wearing a blue wetsuit and an air tank on his back." Now don't tell Spader's mother about this, she's a bit overprotective and believes that he's at happy turtle bay fishing summer camp. Haha, What a wimp."

"Wait there's a camp meant for Summer?" Cole asked cocking his head.

"Ugh can someone please explain this to Cole." Chris said face palming.

"He means that it's a camp that takes place in the summer." John Explained pulling himself halfway onto the dock.

"Spinning!" Julia yelled bursting out of the water and grabbing John by the waist.

"Help me." John whispered before he was dragged underwater.

"What's going on here?" Spader quizzed looking at the spot where John had been a few seconds ago.

"Shrimpo's being attacked by a maniac, oh and she's a contestant." Cole said pointing to where Julia was stroking John's helmet saying: "Smoothie, smooth, smooth." While John desperately tried to escape.

"Why can't your mother know where you are?" Summer asked.

"Because she's extremely overprotective." Spader replied smiling.

"Can I talk to you for a moment? Thanks." Patrice asked dragging Spader away from the group. "Okay, you see Summer over there? Stay away from her, She's mine. Thanks for the talk man, remember stay away or ill beat the pulp out of you."

"Uhhh, Okay... Bud." Spader muttered.

"Okay enough about Spader who is obviously a loser and lets welcome a guy who plays some boring sport that no one except old people, bachelors, and rednecks play, give a warm welcome to Greg!"

"FORE!" Yelled a blonde, Scottish looking guy with grey eyes, wearing plaid green golf gear.

"Yeah I can read at a grade 13 level, which is like higher than 8th grade math, wait What does Fore mean?" Patrice asked before a golf ball hit him knocking him out.

"Finally." Summer muttered rolling her eyes. "I thought he'd never shut up about made up things and how he's so smart. I hate guys like that."

"Where did my shot go? It was my best all day, it was like 14 yards." Greg boasted.

"Not impressive." Vanessa muttered. "Chris could do a much better job with a blindfold on.

"Yeah right." Greg muttered, "I'm like a total pro!"

Everyone was silent for a few seconds until Julia popped out of the water spitting Greg's golf ball onto the deck before jumping into the water again yelling "For Narnia!"

"Why does everyone here seem crazy?" Greg asked.

"Because most of them are." Chris growled while Chef was holding Vanessa away from him, "Now let's meet Helga, the brute of this competition!"

A large speedboat that was mostly underwater due to the weight of its passenger sunk just offshore of the dock and a square jawed, red haired, extremely broad shouldered, black eyed girl wearing a pink T-shirt and shorts pulled herself onto the dock.

"Greetings Helga." Chris welcomed, but Helga just sniffed him and grunted indifferently.

"She's the ugliest girl I've ever seen!" Patrice Yelled, "I mean what girl is taller, bulkier, and not to mention has a square jaw and barely any assets! And she's right behind me isn't she."

"Helga no like this pretty man who thinks he knows everything!" Helga yelled in third person.

"She can't even speak properly!" Patrice exclaimed before Helga picked him up and tossed him aside into the water where Julia jumped on him and began yelling, "Onward seahorse!"

"Thanks Helga, he was getting annoying." Summer muttered.

Helga looked at Summer intently before smelling her. "You smell like fruit, Helga likes you!"

"Oh that's my shampoo, its strawberry. Wait, why did you just sniff me?" Summer asked with a confused look on her face.

"Because Helga thinks you smell good!" Helga yelled smashing a dock post with her oversized fists before screaming, "Fruity!"

"This is getting weird." Vanessa muttered.

"Yes, yes it is." Cole replied.

"Now let's welcome Jill!" Chris said while Helga poked Greg with his golf club.

A Speedboat carrying a green eyed girl with a friendly face wearing pink knight armour and carrying a sword in a scabbard at her hip came to a stop at the dock, "Hello everyone how's it going?"

"Why are you wearing armour?" Greg asked.

"It was my grandmothers, it's very important to me." Jill said smiling fidgeting with her armour nervously.

"That's stupid!" Patrice yelled, "Now take off the armour so I can get a good look at you."

"No thanks, that's Kind of creepy." Jill responded with a creeped out expression.

"Ah come on babe. At least take the helmet off." Patrice asked but Jill responded by drawing her sword and glaring at him, "Okay I'll back off, just don't stab me."

"Your armour is so chic!" Julia yelled leaping onto the dock.

"Chic?" Cole asked.

"We'll explain later." Summer said.

"Okay enough about the crazy girl with a sword." Chris said with a bored expression, before Jill growled and sheathed her sword, "Now we introduce Pete, hold your possessions close people."

"Why, hello fellow contestants!" Pete yelled throwing his arms in the air. A twenty dollar bill flew halfway out of his sleeve and he pushed it back in with his hand saying, "Tap, Tap. Anyway how is everyone?" he asked walking past Chris and putting his hand on Chris's shoulder.

"Pete, give me back my wallet please." Chris said angrily.

"Ugh fine." Pete groaned.

"The Money that was in it as well."

"Fine!"

"Pete! The credit card."

"Ok ill give back everything." Pete said hanging his head and passing Chris several bottles of hair gel, a comb, $500, and some pieces of ID. "What a waste of time that was."

"Stay away from my shampoo, its valuable and important to me being clean." Summer growled hugging a yellow bag to her chest protectively while she glared at Pete.

"No worries, I wouldn't steal from my teammates ever, Chris on the other hand..." Pete said eyeing the bag summer was holding intently. "Do tell? What is the exact worth of the contents of your bag?"

"Why would you need to know that?" Jill asked crossing her arms and putting herself between Pete and Summer.

"No reason..." Pete Trailed before pointing at Jill's sword, "Whoa! A gold encrusted sword worth about half a million dollars on , I mean on Ebay..."

"Stay away from my sword you freak!" Jill growled backing away from Pete.

"Have a fake ID my friend. Remember to contact me if you need anymore!" Pete said handing a girls ID to Cole.

"Wow, do I owe you any money?" Cole asked.

"Yes that'll be $795.99." Pete said.

"I Said Do I Owe You Money!" Cole said picking Pete up by his shirt.

"N-N-No..." Pete muttered under his breath.

"Good!" Cole growled tossing Pete aside.

"Ok now in order to proceed we must introduce... Billy!" Chris exclaimed happily as a black haired Indian guy with brown eyes, wearing an old worn tuxedo and tie.

"Hello. Hello, can I interest you in a mint condition jetpack!" Billy marketed as he held a jetpack in the air which fell apart as he lifted it, "Some Assembly required."

"That's a complete rip-off!" Vanessa yelled, "Plus Chris already has a Jetpack!"

"Then maybe I can offer you this prime condition dehydrated sand!" Billy marketed holding sand that was obviously from the island's beach. "$120.95 for a limited time."

"I'll buy it!" Julia yelled dashing over to Billy knocking John off the pier again (Because of his short stature he was having trouble getting onto the pier), "Ahahahaha! It's one of a kind!"

"AWKWARD!" Greg said in a high pitched voice.

"This, guy is weird... hey get away from my bags Pete!" Summer yelled hitting Pete over the head with her bag with shampoo in it.

"I'd keep your wares out of Pete's hands if I were you Billy." Jill stated.

"What! A buyer!" Billy said waltzing over to Pete, "May I interest you in buying a slightly used opossum?"

'Am I! Not!" Pete yelled, swiping a fifty out of Billy's pocket while Billy did the same to Pete.

"Ok let's welcome our next guest, a freaking Albino! Hahaha! That's ridicules!" Chris laughed as an indeed albino girl with Natural bleach blonde hair in a ponytail, Pale blue eyes, and glasses, wearing a teal sweater and jeans walked onto the deck.

"Hey everyone I'm Winter." Winter said shyly.

"Ugh another person named after a season, this is getting too confusing." Cole groaned, "I don't like her."

"Hey, you're ok with me!" Summer replied.

"Ok, I guess I'll give her a trial run." Cole replied shrugging.

"Hello, hello, can I interest you in some super duper spray on tan!" Billy said holding up a can labeled spray on tan that's label peeled off revealing the real label which read: Motor oil spray. "Only $39.99 plus 200% tax!"

"No thanks... Shady guy." Winter said awkwardly.

"Back off Punk before I beat you with a mace." Jill growled pulling a mace out of one of her bags.

"Gyaaaaaah!" Billy screamed running over to Greg and hiding behind him.

"Get off me you little punk!" Greg yelled in a Scottish accent.

"Whoa I didn't know you had an accent!" Spader exclaimed.

"Helga likes accent, she thinks it hot!"Helga yelled batting her eyelashes.

"Damn it I worked hours on suppressing me accent!" Greg said face palming.

"Helga thinks accent makes golfer 10x better." Helga grunted wiggling her eyebrows.

"Now listen here lassie, I'm not very attracted to you. Or you Julia, you're insane." Greg implied pointing at Julia who was sitting on an exhausted soaking wet John who muttered, "I hate this contest."

"You're accent is a major threat to my flirty ways, no more flirting!" Patrice yelled snootily.

"Helga can be attracted to whomever she wants!" Roared Helga as she grabbed Patrice and flung him into a pile of luggage.

"Way to go Helga!" Spader cheered.

"I COULD SMASH YOU RIGHT NOW!" Patrice screamed charging at Spader.

"Hey I'm the only one allowed to smash things here!" Cole growled getting in Patrice's way, "Now give me your lunch money Dork!"

"I'm not a dork!" Patrice Yelled.

"You are while you're in this game dork! Hahahahaha!" Cole laughed while Spader, Summer, Helga, and Winter joined in. "I was serious about the money though."

"Can someone tell me why this weird guy is standing behind me? Winter asked pointing at Pete who was poking at her bags.

"Back off bub!" Summer growled throwing one of Billy's candlesticks at Pete.

"Fine." Pete moped rubbing his head while walking to a dock post and sitting on it before he started to pout.

"He thinks he can steal all of our possessions and get away with it." Vanessa explained.

"It's a terrible habit, Okay!" Pete called from his post.

"Sure it is you greedy jerk!" Vanessa said sarcastically.

"The Drama continues with the introduction of Kai" Chris exclaimed pointing at an empty boat that had just pulled up."

"YOU CALLED!" a Black haired, black eyed, Asian girl wearing an unzipped orange sweater, green shirt, blue jeans, and a purple toque popped out of nowhere.

"Ahhhhhhh!" everyone screamed, shocked by her sudden appearance.

"Uhhh, this is Kai everyone." Chris said settling down. "She's a samurai!"

"I'm a ninja actually, right place wrong Job." Kai responded striking a pose, Ninja style.

"I believe it M'lady." Patrice said bowing, "Is it hard being a Ninja."

"Yes it is quite hard, but the skills are useful in real life." Kai replied happily.

"That's what she said." Billy whispered to Cole.

"Ahaha! Not funny." Cole Growled angrily glaring at Billy.

"So Kai... where did she go." Summer asked looking around.

"YOU CALLED!" Kai yelled from behind Summer and Cole who froze the moment she appeared.

"That is really weird." Winter shuddered.

"I know right." John muttered emptying water from his boots.

"This girl is kind of creepy." Greg whispered to Summer.

"Awww just give her a chance Greg, or should I say Nessie true believer." Summer mocked smirking at the angry expression Greg had plastered on his face.

"Shut up you!" Greg hissed, but it was kind of hard to take him seriously with his accent. "And we all know she be real deep down."

"Yeah, deep down in wherever you're head is, oh wait it's in your butt." Cole said while Summer awed like Greg was a cute baby that had just done something adorable.

"It'd not be funny young sir, or adorable young lassie, I be off in a huff." Greg yelled walking over to where Patrice and Kai were standing.

"Greg's annoyance is funny, but we must continue." Chris laughed, "Now please give a warm welcome to Teresa!"

Another speedboat popped up as a black haired girl with green eyes, wearing a Chef's coat and dress pants stepped off the boat.

"These crab cakes are delish!" an intern on the boat said munching on a crab cake.

"Oh it was a pleasure cooking for such kind gentlemen." Teresa smiled speaking with a French accent.

"Call me." The driver said handing Teresa a slip of paper smiling.

"Chef get rid of them!" Chris yelled waving his arms.

Chef picked up Vanessa and chucked her at the boat in response saying, "Two birds with one stone, Heh heh."

"Ok, we're like leaving Eh." The driver yelled shaking his fist.

"Why did 'ou 'ave to make the nice gentleman leave?" Teresa asked.

"Because, we have a show to finish. Duh!" Chris replied, "Now go mingle, Shoo!"

"'ou don't 'ave to be rude about it Chris." Teresa muttered.

"Hey! Stay away from my man!" Vanessa screeched tackling Teresa.

"Ok break it up you two." Jill said separating the two. Five seconds later they were slap fighting each other with Jill in the middle, "Hey quit it!"

"Helga stop it!" Helga yelled picking Vanessa and Teresa up, "Slaps aren't answer, Fists are!"

"Take this you maniac!" Teresa yelled throwing a kitchen knife at Vanessa, Tearing the back of her shirt.

"Hey that was my Beach edition Chris Maclean T-shirt! You tore a hole in it!" Vanessa screamed back.

"I will sue you for calling each other maniacs! I'm the only real maniac here!" Julia yelled pulling a wet legal document out of her pocket.

"I'll rip your evil heart out you Evil Girl!" Vanessa hissed.

"Someone else insult me, this is great TV." Chris whispered to Chef.

"For once I agree with you." Chef laughed sadistically.

"Ok break it up you two, Vanessa I think Chris needs you." Spader yelled.

"He does! OMG!" Vanessa screamed running over to Chris as quickly as possible.

"Nice thinking." Winter complemented.

"It was just common sense, Helga put Teresa down!" Spader said sternly.

"Helga will obey." Helga said dropping Teresa.

"Ok that hurt." Teresa said her face in the dock.

"Ok, that was really fun and good for ratings, but our next camper Terrance has arrived!" Chris introduced dramatically.

"Just have to finish beating Red!" Terrance said holding his hand in front of John who had walked over to shake hands with him, "Hah take that you ultimate Pokemon master!"

"You play pokemon... Ahahahahaha!" Pete laughed, "That's hilarious, why not sell them, the originals can go for almost a thousand bucks on Ebay!"

"Pokemon is for dorks." Vanessa yelled from where Chef had tied her up, "If Chris doesn't play it then it must be stupid!"

"I've never played it." Kai said putting her finger to her chin pondering about something.

"Trust me. I steal more money from losers that play Pokemon than anyone else." Cole growled before Summer elbowed him saying: "Be nice, he might spare you from being eliminated." So Cole sighed and said, "Fine, but only this once."

"You like games son? You should buy this authentic Super NES!" Billy said holding up a cracked DVD player, "Only $1000.75, and that's its sale price!"

"No thanks, I'll probably buy something from you sometime in the future, as in never." Terrance responded shyly.

"I'll be waiting for you then." Billy said keeping his salesman pitch.

"So have you ever played dungeons and dragons?" Jill asked pushing her way to the front of the group.

"Of course, I play as a Necromancer, I'm guessing you play as a knight?" Terrance asked pointing both his hands 50's style at Jill.

"Actually I play as an Ice Knight." Jill corrected.

"Even better, combat and magic, what do you do in volcano environments though?" Terrance asked.

"I have a..." Jill began but was interrupted by Greg.

"Ok I think we've all had enough Nerd for one day." Greg interrupted.

"Nerd?" Jill asked.

"The correct term is geek..." Terrance began.

"... Fantasy/fiction geek..." Jill continued.

"We both probably play Skyrim, Minecraft, and kingdom rush." Terrance finished.

"Correct, nice finishing touch with the kingdom rush." Jill said smiling.

"Great he's been here for three minutes and they're already in sync." Kai muttered.

"I do not find this that annoying it's actually interesting to watch two people get along so well." Teresa replied.

"If I actually liked her, id totally beat that guy to pulp. But this nerd speak is too damn annoying and geeky." Patrice growled cracking his knuckles.

"What's stopping you?" Pete asked.

"Jill's sword." Patrice replied.

"We're very close to introducing our last competitor, but we still have six competitors to introduce, starting with Theodore." Chris said motioning to a pale brown hair, pale teal eyes wearing a navy blue sweater unzipped halfway with the sleeves rolled up, blue jeans, orange and black shoes, and a purple shirt.

"Hey guys how's it going?" Theodore asked.

"What's with the shoes?" Cole asked pointing at the ridiculous coloured shoes Theodore was wearing, "What is it Halloween?"

"Actually Halloween is in October, not July." Theodore corrected.

"Then why would you be wearing those ridiculously coloured shoes?" Cole replied crossing his arms and grinning.

"Well this is my favorite colour combination." Theodore replied.

"That's stupid!" Vanessa yelled, "Chris wouldn't be caught dead wearing orange and black."

"Yeah, I'd never wear anything coloured like that..." Chris said trailing.

"Only his pajamas are like that." Chef Muttered rolling his eyes.

"Shhhh! No one has to know that you do my laundry!" Chris whispered in a panicked way.

"Only because it's in my contract." Chef growled.

"Don't talk poorly of Chrissypoo!" Vanessa screamed tackling Chef.

"And she continues to prove that crazy has no limits." Spader said pointing at Vanessa.

"The correct term is mentally unstable." Theodore said smartly.

"Oh so we have a smart guy now!" Cole yelled picking Theodore up by his shirt.

"Put my boyfriend down!" Julia screamed.

"I don't even know who you are." Theodore muttered form where Cole was holding him.

"I had a dream where we got married like 15 minutes ago this means we're soul mates." Julia rambled backing away slowly.

"I see you've met Julia, queen of crazy and the lake, which she likes dragging me into." John growled glaring at Julia who was trying to take a corndog from Helga.

"This is Helga's food! Nice Spanish lady make it for me!" Helga yelled holding the corndog above Julia's head where she couldn't reach it.

"I'm French actually." Teresa said angrily.

"French-Canadian or French-France?" Theodore asked, "I speak both dialects."

"Shut your blowhole, smart guy." Patrice growled, "Or just go join the nerd squad."

"Stop being so rude Patrice!" Winter scolded looking up from a book she had been reading, "You just happen to be jealous of his knowledge."

"Am not!" Cried Patrice dashing away quickly.

"He's stupid, don't mind him." Spader said walking up to Theodore, "Names Spader."

"Hello Spader, nice to meet you." Theodore replied shaking Spader's hand.

"And our next guest is Alexa!" Chris smiled motioning to a speedboat filled with pink leopard print luggage and a snooty looking girl wearing pink sunglasses, a neon green tank top, and short shorts. Her hair was an obviously dyed blonde and she had massive earrings.

"Ugh what a dump, daddy promised to give me another private beach house if I came on this show though." Alexa said snootily.

"This is Alexa, our second most spoiled person on this show." Chris said smiling.

"Ugh, for real!" Greg yelled, "One is bad enough, let alone two!?"

"Oh I like your accent is it British?" Alexa asked stupidly.

"Ok first off that's called an English accent, and second off, are you bloody stupid? I'm from Scotland!" Greg Ranted.

"You're Canadian Greg." Terrance reminded Greg.

"I believe you are correct, but that doesn't change any of what I said!" Greg yelled.

"Oh you're a funny guy, say more words!" Alexa squealed grabbing Greg's face, "Your cheeks are so fat!"

"I'm not fat lassie! I'll show you a thing or two!" Greg yelled charging at Alexa, but Terrance and Spader held him back, "Oh just let me kill the dumb daddy's girl and we can get along with our lives!"

"Greg eat a snickers!" Spader said.

"Now why would I want to do that!" Greg screamed, "Stop quoting commercials!"

"You turn into an angry Scotsman with the temper of an old Japanese man when you're hungry." Spader replied.

"Screw off, I don't need a chocolate bar!" Greg yelled marching over to where Cole was giving Billy a wedgie.

"He's a fun fellow!" Alexa smiling, literally emitting stupidity., "Why is that girl in armour?"

"Don't bother her she's..." Terrance started but was interrupted.

"Who's that big ugly girl?" Alexa asked.

"ME HELGA!" Helga screamed in response spittle flying from her mouth.

"Pleasure."

"You're pretty hot." Patrice flirted pushing past Spader and Helga.

"You're not too bad on the eyes yourself handsome." Alexa flirted back.

"Ok we get that Patrice likes Alexa, now we welcome Luke our next competitor." Chris welcomed as a skinny kid with brown hair and hazel eyes walked onto the dock, he wore a green T-shirt and cargo pants, and seemed kind of freaked out.

"Hey guys, how's it going?" Luke asked nervously.

"Pretty good, how are you?" Jill replied.

"Okay I guess." Luke mumbled.

"Can I offer you a deal on this mint condition toaster? Only $599.95 and that's its sale price!" Billy marketed in a perfect salesman pitch.

"I can do without thanks." Luke replied with a slightly annoyed tone.

"Then can I offer you..." Billy started.

'I DON"T WANT TO BUY ANYTHING!" Luke yowled waving his arms in the air, "Sorry, I raised my voice."

"My forgiveness is now only $29.99." Billy offered before he was pushed away by Helga.

"Silly salesman, forgiveness is free!" Boomed Helga.

"You don't ever talk quietly, do you Helga?" John asked.

"Helga can only yell! That's why she banned from 150 different libraries." Helga explained screaming.

"That's... cute..." Luke muttered.

"Helga isn't cute, technically she's ugly!" Theodore inquired.

"HELGA SMASH!" Helga screamed smashing her fists into the dock.

"Helga settle down please." Teresa yelled.

"No I won't!" Helga screamed.

"I'll give you another corndog." Teresa replied.

"CORNDOG!" Helga screamed dropping Theodore who she had picked up.

"This is weird." Luke mumbled.

"You haven't seen anything yet buddy." Winter muttered turning the page on her book.

"What do you mean?" Luke asked before turning around and seeing Julia tempting a shark with John who was screaming his head off.

"That's what I mean." Winter replied.

"Yeah I see what you mean." Luke answered.

"Why is he two people?" Julia yelled from where she was.

"What do you mean two people? I'm not two people. Stop questioning me!" Luke stammered.

"What are you talking about?" Winter asked.

"Nothing." Luke muttered.

"Ok now we welcome a really fat kid named Clyde, Hah Hah that's a ridiculous name." Chris snickered.

"It is not!" A fat guy with brown hair, green eyes, and an enormous gut that made his black shirt and grey sweat pants look tight yelled, "And I'm not that fat."

"Yes you are." Vanessa yelled, "Chris says you're fat, so you are."

"Hey stop being so rude Vanessa, you aren't nice to anyone but Chris, More people like Helga than you!" Jill ranted angrily.

"It's true Vanessa, you aren't very nice." Kai agreed.

"Who's Vanessa?" Alexa asked like a ditz.

Patrice zipped over, put his arm on Alexa's shoulder and said, "You just keep getting more perfect babe."

"Awww thanks Patrice, I am perfect." Alexa giggled.

"Ugh too mushy for my tastes." John said looking away.

"Whooo! When do we eat?" Clyde asked.

"After your first challenge." Chris replied.

"Does that mean that we have a challenge right after this?" Jill groaned.

"Yes, yes it does." Chris replied laughing.

"Yeah a challenge already!" Terrance yelled fist pumping.

"I thought gamers only played video games and didn't like exercise." Clyde implied.

"Who says the challenge is physical." Terrance answered, "And I happen to enjoy cycling."

"It is physical." Chris answered looking up from a mirror he had been staring into. "It's always physical."

"Always?" Summer asked suspiciously.

"Ok mostly physical, but the next one is for sure." Chris growled pointing his mirror at Summer.

"Does it involve running?" Clyde asked.

"Maybe..." Chris smiled.

"Good because I hate... wait did you say maybe?" Clyde questioned.

"What do you hate? Tell Me!" Julia begged.

"Running." Clyde answered.

"You hate running then boy do I have an offer for you, with these jet shoes, they run for you!" Billy said waltzing over to Clyde.

"Wow really? For Free?" Clyde asked.

"Heck no you stupid fat idiot!" Billy yelled.

"That's rude, you big jerk!" Spader growled.

"Don't make yourself a target for my amusement." Cole smirked.

"He's a bully, you might want to watch out bud." Summer implied.

"And now for our next guest, a carpenter named Emily!" Chris welcomed as a pretty blond girl with black eyes stepped off the speedboat she wore a tool belt, a white T-shirt, and torn jeans.

"Can we get more Crab cakes EH?" The driver asked."

"Chef! Get rid of them! They're not supposed to be seen!" Chris yelled as Chef grabbed a shotgun and aimed it at the driver's head.

"Ok we're like going to pick up the last girl EH." The driver yelled panicked before speeding away.

"Remind me to fire him next time." Chris whispered to Chef.

"I'll put it on the notice board in your trailer." Chef said pulling a notepad out and writing something on it.

"Hi my name's Emily." Emily greeted.

"That's like, such a cool name, what does it mean?" Alexa asked.

"I'm not sure exactly." Emily replied.

"It's an English name meaning rival." Theodore responded. "Tough luck, in a competition for a million dollars and your name means rival."

"You're nice." Emily replied sarcastically fiddling with her tool belt.

"My name means awesome and hot." Patrice Bragged walking over to Emily.

"Actually it means Noble woman." Theodore corrected, "You see it's French so..."

"Shut up!" Patrice yelled charging Theodore who bolted, "I'll punch your face in! You little know it all!"

"Only if you can catch me first!" Theodore yelled back hiding behind Helga.

"I will break you little man!" Patrice screamed back.

"Overreact much." Greg commented.

"I know right." Jill agreed.

"So what was that all about?" Emily asked.

"Patrice flirts with every girl, and he has too much pride, figure A + figure B= that." Winter answered pointing her book to where Patrice was giving Theodore a wedgie.

"Hey! You're doing it wrong!" Cole yelled marching over to where Patrice and Theodore were.

"But Patrice is so hot. And that's all that matters in a guy anyway." Alexa explained.

"She's dull." Jill responded.

"What do you know about guys you freak?" Alexa growled.

"That I want one that care for more than my looks." Jill responded angrily.

"Awww that's cute. If you live in the 1930's! Guys only care about how good you look nowadays." Alexa responded, "And then you just leave them when the fun gets boring."

"What do you do for fun prissykins?" Jill growled.

"Drink and have fun in bed, if you know what I mean." Alexa responded snootily.

"Not that I have anything against it but you're under the legal drinking age, you shouldn't be drinking!" Jill retorted.

"And how many boyfriends have you had with that attitude?" Alexa responded pulling her makeup kit out and drawing herself new eyebrows.

"None..." Jill trailed.

"I win, my way's better!" Alexa cheered striking a girly pose. "oooh the last contestant is here!"

"And please welcome Mona!" Chris called motioning to the speedboat filled to the brim with luggage and a Extremely pretty brown blond and grey haired girl, with a perfect tan wearing sunglasses, a tank top and short shorts carrying a purse dog.

"Where's the rest of my, luggage?" Mona asked as a helicopter dumped a ton of bags on top of Pete. "Oh there they are! Is this my competition, they look too easy to beat, but what do I know?"

"That's a lot of bags." Luke commented.

"Shut your face you... ummm, what's your name?"

"I'm Luke." Luke replied offering a handshake.

"Not a pleasure." Mona replied ignoring the handshake.

"Finally someone at least close to my league..." Alexa began before approaching Mona, "Hey Girlfriend!"

"Finally, someone who understands my issues!" Mona replied.

"I'm lost." Kai commented.

"You have a lot to learn Kai." Alexa replied, "Oh and ignore knight girl, She's "Pure" like really uneducated."

"Hey that's rude!" Jeered Clyde

"Stay out of this chubby!" Mona growled.

"She knows my middle name!" Clyde cheered. "Now I just have to get her to let me sit within five feet.

"Ok now that we're all here, it's time for your first challenge!" Chris announced, "You will run to the other side of the island, be quick, or something else might get you... have fun!"

In a matter of seconds Chris had attached his jetpack to his back and had flown off to the other side of the island to begin the Challenge.

**Confessional**

**Mona:** So these losers don't know that I'm a billionaire, I'm going to win so easily.

**Luke: **I just hope I don't get in my own way...

Kai, Summer, and Winter were head in head for first place, closely followed by a panting Spader who didn't seem to be doing so well.

"So ladies, and Spader, what do you think of the competition so far?" Summer asked jogging at a moderate speed.

"I think most of them are nice, oddballs, but nice." Winter replied, she had changed into a Pink T-shirt and jogging shorts. "Especially Luke, Jill, Clyde, Teresa, Terrance, and of course you guys."

"No one else here likes Mona? Do they?" Kai asked slowing down slightly so she could jog with her fellow competition.

"No, hate her." Summer responded.

"She seems like a spoiled brat." Winter agreed.

"I really don't like Patrice either." Spader added finally catching up to the three girls.

"Agreed." Summer and Winter agreed.

"Why do you hate Patrice?" Kai asked.

"He threatened to kill me if I ever talked to Summer, or Winter, or you believe it or not ever again." Spader answered.

"That's so rude!" Kai responded.

"Tell me about it." Spader said smiling, "At least he's not here now."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Spader:** Those three girls are really cool, they're the types I'd probably date one day... don't tell my mom!

**Summer:** oddly I'm the only person who Cole listens to... It's strange I never expected to be holding the reins of a bully.

**Kai: **I don't like boys who get possessive over girls, like really, we aren't objects!

**Winter:** (She's reading a book and eating an apple and humming a song completely ignoring the camera) It's quite private in here, away from all the drama... and cameras that won't leave us alone, I spent quite a while trying to escape them...

* * *

Teresa, Patrice, Cole, John and Pete were running together a few kilometers behind the first group of people. Patrice was right next to Teresa flirting poorly, meanwhile Cole was trying to keep Pete from stealing his wallet and John had a bored expression on his face.

"And after I destroyed the terrorist organisation I was knighted by the queen and given the Medal of Honor by the president." Patrice bragged.

"Zat is excellent and probably not true." Teresa responded laughing, "'Ou are a good storyteller."

"Why thank you." Patrice smiled.

"You are attracted to far too many women." John muttered.

"What was that short stuff?!" Patrice growled angrily.

"Nothing..." John trailed dashing away from the group.

"Good riddance." Pete growled.

"What do you care about Shrimpo?" Cole grunted.

"He's really annoying." Patrice remarked.

"Is he?" Teresa asked, "I haven't really met him."

"He's fun to bug." Cole answered, "I don't mind him though."

"I hate him!" Patrice argued, "Julia pays way too much attention to him."

"Meh, he was just being annoying, plus his outfit has no pockets." Pete replied.

"Well there are some way more annoying people." Teresa stated, "Take Vanessa for example, I say one thing, and I get attacked."

"That was pretty cool how you threw that knife at her." Pete replied laughing.

"Hey, she deserved it." Teresa responded shrugging, "But Billy trying to sell me all those things, UGH."

"He's the only one I'd steal from here." Pete replied.

"He tried to sell me a new name, like really." Patrice agreed.

"Trash talking people is fun." Cole laughed.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**John:** I escaped as fast as physically possible... It was quite lonely afterwards by myself.

**Patrice:** Pete is getting a bit too popular with Teresa for my liking. I'm going to have to do something about it.

**Cole:** John is fun to bug.

**Teresa:** It iz fun to be around people who I can get along with easily.

* * *

**Pete:** Well I wouldn't steal from people who have the power to eliminate me.

* * *

Emily, Luke, and Vanessa were running near a creek when they stopped and began panting.

"Do you (pant) think we (gulp) lost them?" Emily gasped grabbing her knees.

"The further we are from Teresa and Mona the better." Vanessa replied.

"I actually like Teresa!" Luke growled, "Maybe you should stop hating on people who you don't get along with that well."

"Maybe you should shut your face!" Vanessa screamed jumping Luke.

"Guys, Guys, we can't fight now, you're just making more enemies!" Emily explained.

"She's right." Vanessa grumbled looking at the ground. "We may already have people we don't like, but we can at least get along right now."

"Yeah I guess you're right, you don't like Teresa but I do, we shouldn't fight about it." Luke agreed.

"Now shake hands." Emily ordered as Luke and Vanessa shook hands.

"Eeeew did you spit on your hand?!" Luke asked shaking his hand wildly.

"What was I not supposed to?" Vanessa asked shrugging.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Luke:** I'm not going to try to make enemies out here, but I keep getting in my own way... thank god for Emily.

**Emily:** I always fix things... that even includes friendships, not that Luke and Vanessa were friends before this.

**Vanessa:** In reality I hate Luke, but if I can convince fix-it stupid that I try my hardest to get along with people, she might convince people to spare me.

* * *

Julia, Billy, Greg, and Theodore were picking their way slowly past a rocky part of the beach.

"...And can someone explain to me why we just didn't go around like Jill and Terrance?" Theodore asked.

"You decided to come with us!" Greg grumbled.

"Rather be here than with those two and their nerd speak." Theodore replied.

"Can I kill him? Pleeease?" Julia asked giggling, "I want to sell his heart on Ebay!"

"Can I interest you in some Knives then?" Billy marketed opening his jacket to reveal many rusty and blunt knives.

Greg stormed over, grabbed a knife and threw it in the water. "That is what I think of your knives!"

"Hey that cost me $300.00!" Billy complained.

"It looked like you pulled it out of a lake in the first place!" Greg yelled in reply.

"No more like a junkyard." Theodore corrected.

"Shut up!" Greg yelled glaring at Theodore.

"Why are you a different colour?" Julia asked pointing at Billy.

"I'm from India." Billy replied.

"Omygosh the land where houses grow!" Julia squealed.

"What are you talking about?!" Greg asked irritably.

"I have no idea Mr. Cuddles." Julia smirked before dashing off the rocks and onto the beach below, "We lost the gamers!"

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Julia:** (She's singing) I'm a rainbow Unicorn princess! And I came from the oceans on mars...

**Greg:** Theodore, Billy, and Julia together with me, kill me now!

**Billy:** ... and if you buy this amazing deal we'll throw in this free water for only $144.95! That and the ridiculously low priced Speedboat...

**Theodore:** I always read popular mechanics and national geographic to test my brain, I learn something new every day, like don't piss off a Scottish guy.

* * *

Jill and Terrance were walking some ways to the right of Greg and the others and were currently talking about people in the competition so far.

"Ok Mona is a complete spoiled brat! Did you see what she's making Clyde do?" Terrance asked.

"No what was she doing?" Jill replied skirting around a large boulder.

"He had to carry her because her shoes aren't made for running." Terrance explained waving his arms around dramatically.

"Poor Clyde, he's a nice guy and all, just a bit too gullible." Jill responded.

"Nothing's wrong with being nice though." Terrance stated stepping over a large stone.

"I've never seen this part of the island on TV, it's very rocky." Jill said gazing around.

"Maybe it's never been used before." Terrance replied.

"It's rugged let's never come back." Jill stated.

"Agreed."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Terrance:** I get along with Jill the best out of anyone here, she's cool...

**Jill:** Terrance is the complete opposite of people like Mona and Alexa, Speaking of which, I hope you guys enjoy being alone later in life.

* * *

Helga, Clyde, Alexa and Mona were walking along a smooth sandy stretch of shoreline. Currently Clyde and Helga were carrying Mona and Alexa who just happened to be rudely gossiping about people.

"...Can you believe that?" Alexa laughed.

"Hey that isn't as bad as Billy's hair, it's hideous!" Mona replied whacking Clyde with her foot, "Faster fat boy!"

"Why do I have to carry you again?" Clyde asked almost tripping over a tree root.

"Because I'm rich and powerful. You? More like a poor excuse for a human being." Mona retorted checking her nails for flaws.

"That is very mean!" Clyde replied.

"You deserve it!" Alexa responded, "Now stop complaining about it and get a move on!"

"I don't have to take this you know!" Clyde growled, "Neither does Helga."

"You and Helga are the stupidest, ugliest, terrible mannered people in this competition!" Mona said angrily.

It took about five seconds for Helga and Clyde to drop the two girls and walk away.

"Hey come back! We shouldn't have to walk ourselves!" Mona whined but was ignored.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Mona:** Stupid people like Clyde are too lazy to finish what they started, they're the reason society has gone downhill.

**Clyde:** Even I have a breaking point.

**Helga:** Helga doesn't enjoy being made fun of, Helga likes to smash things!

**Alexa:** Good riddance, those two were really holding us back

* * *

On the other side of the island Chris stood with Chef next to a ribbon tied between two trees.

"How long does it take people to get here?" Chris muttered checking his watch, "It only took you five minutes."

At that moment Spader, Kai, Summer and Winter came dashing around to the finish, Kai was in the lead closely followed by summer and Winter, while Spader was a few meters behind. As Chris watched Kai flew over the finish, Winter came second, and Summer came third.

"Okay, Kai team one, Winter team two, and Summer team one." Chris directed as Spader crossed the finish, "Spader team two."

"Teammates!" Summer cheered highfiving Kai just as John crossed the finish.

"John you're on team one." Chris explained while Jill, Terrance, Emily, Luke, And Vanessa showed up. "Jill, Terrance, Luke are team one, Vanessa and Emily are team Two.

"Yes!" Luke cheered as Cole, Pete, Patrice, and Teresa jogged to the finish.

"Pete and Cole are on team one, Patrice and Teresa are on team two!" Chris announced while Greg, Julia, Billy, and Theodore crossed the finish.

"Theodore! Team one." Chris said as Theodore passed out, "Same for you Billy. Greg and Julia you will join team two!"

Just then Helga and Clyde showed up, Clyde passed out and fell on Theodore while Helga smacked into Greg sending him flying, "Helga team two, Clyde team one."

After nearly half an hour Mona and Alexa showed up.

"Both of you are on team two." Chris explained as team two groaned. "From now on Team one shall be known as... The Frosty Falcons!"

"Decent." Luke responded.

"And from now on team two will be known as... The Wicked Weasels.

"You're awesome Chris!" Vanessa squealed.

"Ok you can unload your luggage and we want you to meet at the mess hall in two hours for dinner." Chris explained.

"We're having meatloaf surprise." Chef laughed.

"He's joking right?" Pete asked.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** My team seems awesome! We have the coolest name ever. Frosty Falcons! Stay Frosty! GO FALCONS!

**Mona:** I deserve a five course lobster dinner with those specialty massages by hot guys afterwards, not what Chef will feed us.

**Clyde:** I'll eat whatever Chef feeds us.

* * *

On the girl's side of the Falcons cabin Jill, Summer, and Kai were pulling the last of their suitcases into the cabin.

"You packed really light Kai." Jill stated picking one of Kai's suitcases up.

"I don't need much." Kai replied putting the stand for a sword on the wall, "If I'm eliminated before i take this down, would you girls send it to me?"

"Of course, only if you'd do the same for us." Summer answered putting some of her luggage on the top bunk of her bed.

"Its weird how there's three bunk beds and only three people to sleep in them." Jill said with a questioning look in her eyes.

"True, imagine the other cabin, eight teenage girls and quite a few are territorial!" Kai answered, "Can you hand me my sword Summer?"

"Sure." Summer replied handing Kai the Sword that had been lying on the bed.

"We should tidy this place a little more." Jill stated, "And maybe print the Falcon's seal on the floor in a bright blue."

"Agreed." Kai nodded.

"So which team do you think will be better at challenges?" Summer asked.

"Ours!" Jill and Kai said in unison.

"Mona, Alexa, Patrice. Yeah their team is going to erupt into chaos." Kai responded.

"Defiantly, I'd eliminate them as soon as possible so that my team could function properly." Jill agreed.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Jill:** Not to be rude but come on the chances of the Weasels getting along is probably worse than ours, girls tend to get over dramatic compared to boys plus I'm a girl so I would know about that kind of thing.

**Kai:** I'm going to get along so well with Jill and Summer, they're nice girls.

**Summer:** I already made my team a cheer, yep being part of the Cheerleading squad back home comes in handy sometimes.

* * *

On the boys side of the Falcons cabin the last of Billy's suitcases were dragged in by Clyde and Luke.

"What do you have in these? Bricks?" Luke asked climbing onto the top bunk of the bed to the left of the door.

"Well of course, you never know when someone will need some." Billy responded.

"Not many people brought money Billy." Clyde responded sitting on the bed below Luke and the front right leg smashed through the floor, "Uhhh I guess this bed is mine..."

"No problem we just have to decide who sleeps on the floor tonight, and then we rotate every night." Terrance responded.

"That's fair enough." Pete agreed, "Are we all cool with that?"

"Anyone who argues gets a knuckle sandwich." Cole growled.

"Okay everyone draw sticks." Luke said holding some sticks in the air, "I marked the bottoms of two with blue dye."

Every guy drew a stick and Terrance and John ended up with the floor.

"So if John and I survive elimination we both sleep in beds tomorrow." Terrance explained.

"Okay that's fair." Billy said hanging a jar of money on the wall, "Stay away from this Pete! I know exactly how much is in there."

"I wasn't going to even touch it." Pete muttered throwing his backpack onto the lower bunk on the far wall.

"I wonder how the Weasels are making out with their team." Luke asked, "What do you guys think?"

"They have three guys, so they have less strength." Theodore said.

"They have Helga, so you're argument is invalid." Terrance replied.

"True dat!" Cole said laughing.

"How bad do you think Mona and all the "lesser people" turned out?" John asked.

"Dunno." Clyde replied trying to balance the broken bunk with a thick book he had borrowed from Theodore.

"She's a stuck up snob and anyone watching knows that." Billy growled, "But she's hot and that's all that counts with a girl."

"Sorry to disagree but I don't go after girls for their looks." Terrance responded fluffing his pillow and smoothing his sleeping bag on the floor.

"GAY!" Cole yelled while Pete, Theodore and Billy joined in, "We're just kidding bud."

"I was serious." Billy yelled before looking around, "Why is no one laughing?"

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**John:** Guys are so easy to get along with, Girls not so much.

**Billy:** You never know when someone might need a few bricks, five minutes after I finished unpacking Emily ran over here and bought some $10 Bricks.

**Clyde:** I hope I don't accidentally fall off the crooked bed at night.

**Luke:** I liked how Clyde broke our bed it just made things more enjoyable and took my mind off Billy's bricks, speaking of which, why did Emily need those bricks?

**Cole:** My team seems cool.

**Pete:** I would never even touch Billy's profits.

**Terrance:** I'm not gay and have nothing against gay people, they were kind of being jerks back there.

**Theodore:** The real meaning of gay is happy.

* * *

On the girls side of the Weasels cabin everyone but Mona and Alexa was packing in the insane amount of Luggage the two girls had brought with them.

"Can you help us please?" Vanessa asked as she packed a large pink leopard print bag in.

"Put it near my bunk will you hun?" Asked Mona completely ignoring the question as she took up two beds with her luggage and sleeping supplies, "Oh and Winter can you put Alexa's beauty bag on her top bunk, and Emily please put Alexa's sleeping bag on her bottom bunk."

"You two take up four beds!" Teresa yelled, "And you could at least say thank you!"

"Hurry up you girls! We need to change for the fifth time today!" Mona said while Helga buried Emily in bags she had chucked into the cabin.

"Helga sorry!" Helga yelled from outside, "There still one more load then we can pack ours in!"

"She has much better manners than you two!" Vanessa yelled.

"Maybe you should just not sleep here!" Alexa yelled back.

"I'm going to go and grab my suitcase." Winter growled storming out of the cabin.

"She will go first." Mona ordered, "then Helga."

"It should be you actually." Teresa muttered.

"I heard that you dirty immigrant!" Mona insulted.

"I'm from Alberta actually!" Teresa yelled back.

"Only people from Ontario are superior." Alexa responded.

"Now everyone from every province hates you." Vanessa growled.

"Final load!" Helga yelled throwing fifteen suitcases into the cabin and smashing a hole in the floor and walking inside. But because of how broad her shoulders were she broke an outline of her shoulders into the wall around the door, "OOPS!"

"I'll ask Billy for repair supplies." Emily sighed dashing out the door.

"We'll all pay our share!" Winter called as she entered the cabin with a teal suitcase.

"That's all you packed!" Mona said snootily.

"It's all I need, eight pairs of clothes, a swimsuit, bug lotion, sunscreen, some books, and my plush penguin." Winter explained grabbing a sleeping bag and pillow from the pile against the wall.

"Who reads nowadays!" Alexa commented.

"We all text and Phone each other!" Mona agreed, "Unless we're alone with boys, then we might take more than 30 seconds to respond."

"I don't even have a cell phone." Winter replied politely.

"Get a life loser!" Mona yelled.

"You know what. I'm not going to take this." Winter said calmly before taking her sleeping bag and suitcase and marching out the door.

"Good riddance!" Alexa said picking up her phone, "WHAT NO SIGNAL! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!"

"Omygosh we're all going to die." Teresa said sarcastically.

"I hate you." Mona growled pointing a hairbrush at Teresa.

"BZZZAP I'm a dolphin!" Julia yelled from the top bunk of the remaining bed while Helga sat on the bottom.

"No vacant beds left!" Vanessa complained, "This is your fault!"

"I don't have a bed either if you haven't noticed!" Teresa replied in an angered voice.

"You're causing a problem Teresa maybe you should leave like What's her face." Alexa explained.

"I hate you all!" Teresa growled walking out, "Except you Helga and Julia."

"Good to know NOW LEAVE!" Alexa yelled.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Winter:** I decided to be the bigger person and leave. I met Chef and he told me I could sleep in mess hall, he was watching and felt sorry for some of us.

**Mona:** What's her face and Teresa are complete lazy, ignorant, self absorbed freaks!

**Julia:** I'm a rainbow unicorn on a magical journey to the center of the universe... Shoot it down!

**Emily:** I came back with overpriced bricks and found out that I was sleeping on the floor and Winter and Teresa weren't welcome in the cabin, I'm guessing Mona and Alexa caused the problem.

**Teresa:** I'll find out where Winter is staying and sleep with her away from brat and brattier.

**Alexa:** some people are just uncivilized.

**Helga:** Helga like steak!

* * *

As the girls fought, the boys were unpacking peacefully.

"I HATE CHRIS!" Someone screamed through the wall.

"Ugh can they be quiet for five minutes." Greg complained pulling a kilt out of one of his bags.

"Hey most of them are hot, so who cares." Patrice argued glaring at Greg.

"I'm not attracted to anyone who wears an entire bottle of perfume and enough eye shadow to make them look like they're Goth." Greg retorted.

"Only Vanessa, Mona, and Alexa wear that much eye shadow." Spader commented grabbing a pillow from the old dresser against the wall, "We all get a sleeping bag and a pillow guys."

"Stop changing the subject Spader!" Patrice hissed, "You talk to my girls too much!"

"WHAT! He can talk to anyone he wants!" Greg yelled poking Patrice in the chest.

"Shut up you stupid Scotsman!" Patrice yelled back pushing Greg over.

"Most of the girls here don't even like you!" Greg growled pushing Patrice back.

"At least I don't wear skirts!" Patrice retorted.

"They're Kilts!" Greg roared.

"I'm just going to leave and wait in the mess hall." Spader said backing out slowly but was completely ignored.

"I HATE YOU!" Patrice screamed.

"I HATE YOU MORE!" Greg yelled back.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Patrice:** Greg is a stupid immigrant that shouldn't even be allowed near me!

**Greg:** I feel bad for Spader but really does Patrice have to be such a jerk?

**Spader:** Winter and Teresa were in the mess hall as well. Apparently they had worse problems than me.

* * *

After the two teams had finished unpacking they were sitting at their respective tables in the mess hall some more peacefully then others.

"I see you two had the nerve to show up." Mona said airily while brushing her hair.

"Well we have to eat sometime." Winter replied from between Spader and Teresa.

"Ok maggots!" Chef interrupted from the window of the kitchen, "Now normally I would make you come here to get your food but tonight you'll be eating roast pork from platters!"

Chef then placed a burnt platter of roast pork on the Falcons table and a bright pink one on the Weasels table.

"Do not enjoy." Chef said backing away laughing.

"Our food is burnt to Charcoal!" Jill exclaimed.

"At least yours is cooked!" Patrice yelled from the other table.

"It's not that bad." Clyde said poking the Falcons food with a knife causing it to disintegrate on touch, "Correction it's worse than we thought."

"I'm not eating this garbage!" Mona growled storming into the kitchen.

"Hey we aren't allowed in there lassie!" Greg yelled dashing after Mona.

"But there's a pile of edible food!" Mona yelled.

"WHAT!" Everyone yelled at once dashing into the kitchen to see a stack of soups, fruits, and pies.

"Why is this here?" Jill said sceptically.

"Who cares let's eat it!" Mona said touching an Apple causing a net to spring up from the floor trapping both teams.

"You had to touch the trap didn't you?" Summer muttered.

"Hey I was hungry!" Mona yelled.

"Looks like it worked, nice job Chef." A voice sounded from the pantry.

"CHRIS! LET US GO!" Billy screamed.

"No way because it's challenge time!" Chris said in a sing song voice.

"Great." Winter muttered.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Vanessa:** Chris is so smart trapping us like that!

**Spader:** Nothing good can come from this.

**Mona:** What? I was hungry.

**Clyde:** (He's crying) We never even got to eat anything!

* * *

"Your challenge is a simple game of predator vs. Prey, you guys are the prey, and we are the hunters." Chris explained to the campers while loading a paintball gun, "You get a five second head start and the game last for half an hour, the team with the most members standing at the end wins, you can free team mates, but only one at a time."

"That's not fair!" Mona growled before Chris shot her in the face.

"Time's up!" Chef laughed shooting Alexa in the back while everyone else scrambled away.

"So the hunt begins, Who will survive our thirty minute hunt, who will wet their pants, and who will be covered in paint, you will find out after this quick commercial break!" Chris announced while the two eliminated girls were carried away by Chef.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons**

* * *

"I can't believe how unfair this game is." Terrance muttered jogging next to Jill.

"But we are two players ahead!" Cole replied stopping next to a crooked tree.

"We should split into three groups of three and one group of two in order to make it harder to track us." Theodore said smartly.

"For once I agree with you." Billy agreed.

"Ok lets go Cole, Summer, and Pete, Luke, Clyde, and John, Theodore, Me, and Billy, And Terrance and Jill." Kai said dividing the Teams evenly, "Terrance and Jill you guys find where they're keeping captives and free them."

"Deal." Jill said grabbing Terrance's wrist and dragging him towards camp.

"We don't have much time!" Clyde began before a green paintball hit him in the chest, "Oh no! RUN!"

Everyone dashed off as fast as possible while Chris stepped out of the bushes, "Ok off to camp with you."

"Great." Clyde muttered while being led back to camp by Chris.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Clyde:** being the first one on my team out puts a huge target on my backside.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels**

* * *

"Great we're two players down and have no game plan what so ever!" Patrice panicked, "I'm too hot to die!"

"They aren't going to kill you pretty boy." Spader muttered grumpily.

"I know that but if my hair gets ruined I'll literally die." Patrice argued.

"So what are we going to do, we're two people down and don't know where they're keeping everyone!" Emily said, "We have to keep our numbers up."

"Too late for that." A voice laughed from the bushes before Patrice and Julia were shot with Yellow paintballs.

"It's Chef!" Vanessa screamed dashing off towards the beach as fast as humanly possible.

"Let's go!" Teresa yelled grabbing Emily and Winter and running deeper into the forest.

"LEAVE FAST!" Helga screamed picking Greg up and grabbing Spader by the wrist before running towards the cliff.

"Ok you two we're going somewhere where we can use you as bait." Chef laughed grabbing the two campers by the backs of their shirts!

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Patrice:** My hair! My beautiful hair! Waaah!

**Julia:** Yellow! Yellow! Yellow! Yellow! Yellow!

* * *

**Cole, Summer, and Pete**

* * *

"I can't believe we lost a member of our team that quickly." Pete grumbled kicking a rock into a tree.

"We have to free Clyde!" Summer said leaning against the tree.

"Chris could find us at any time though." Cole argued.

"Hey I just realized that he's probably got an intern watching the cameras for us!" Pete said Chucking another rock into a nearby bush.

"Stop throwing rocks!" Summer growled, "Chris will hear you!"

"Or Chef." A voice added from the bush.

"Yeah, Chef could hear us as well!" Pete agreed, "Wait a second..."

Five seconds later the three campers were covered in Yellow paint and Chef was standing in front of them laughing.

"Good thing you three started yelling and throwing rocks or I would never have heard you." Chef laughed leading the three campers towards camp.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** (She's scrubbing yellow paint out of her hair) Why couldn't we have just found a cave and hid in it until the half hour had passed.

**Cole:** I would punch Chef but I have to admit that he was clever to do that.

**Pete:** They are totally watching us via camera.

* * *

**Emily, Winter, and Teresa**

* * *

The three girls were panting near a clump of boulders deep in the forest.

"I think (Pant) we (Pant) lost them." Winter panted gasping for air.

"Maybe we should have paced ourselves." Teresa said leaning against the boulders.

"We should find a hiding place so we can avoid Chris and Chef." Emily agreed leaning against a mossy part of the stone which gave way under her weight, "Found one!"

"Good work Emily!" Winter complimented looking inside the cave to see a chubby intern holding a half eaten burger surrounded by computer monitors.

"Uhhh you're not supposed to see this." The Intern muttered nervously.

"This is The Hot Man! Come in fatso! Where are the Weasels?" A radio next to the Intern said emitting Chris's voice.

"If you tell him where we are I'll beat you with a stick." Emily threatened.

"You can go to jail for that." The Intern argued picking up the radio's microphone.

"I'll cook you roast duck." Teresa offered.

"Deal!" The Intern agreed eagerly.

"That was easier than I thought." Teresa said smiling.

"Come in fatso!" Chris yelled through the radio.

"I don't have any of the Weasels on screen, we might want to check the cameras in area five, they shorted out, but I do see Theodore, Billy, and Kai from the Frosty Falcons on screen." The Intern replied through the microphone.

"Ok I'll send Chef to check area five." Chris replied.

"What's Area five?" Emily asked.

"This is area five." The intern said turning around with a paintball pistol in his hand, "Sorry but Chef cooks some damn good burgers!"

"Run!" Emily screamed before she was hit by a blue paintball from the Interns gun while Teresa and Winter rushed towards the beach.

"Chef will be here soon and they're going down!" The Intern laughed, "He'll be here in about five minutes to pick you up as well."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Emily:** (She's face palming) Silly!

* * *

**Terrance and Jill**

* * *

Terrance and Jill were watching as Cole, Summer, and Pete were being pushed into a cage with Mona, Alexa, Patrice, Clyde, and Julia.

"There they are, in an unlocked cage." Terrance observed, "We seem to be on par with the Weasels."

"Who should we free?" Jill asked, "I say Summer and Cole."

"No we should free only Summer, there's three interns guarding the cage." Terrance replied.

"Then you can create a distraction and I can free someone." Jill said, "You're faster than me so you should be the distraction."

"Agreed." Terrance replied running out of the bushes and past the three interns.

"Shoot him!" Yelled an intern in an Indian accent before running after Terrance with his two companions in close pursuit. After they left Jill crept out and opened the cage.

"Summer you're fastest so I'm freeing you first." Jill ordered.

"Good plan." Pete commented before Terrance ran from behind the mess hall and pointed at Pete panting, "I guess I'm next."

"Where are the guards?" Clyde asked.

"Looking for me in the woods, we better leave before they come back." Terrance said looking at the bushes nervously.

"I concur." Pete agreed before the foursome dashed into the woods.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Pete:** Freedom!

**Summer:** Jill and Terrance came up with a brilliant plan, the quicker you are the more slowly you fall, that is unless you stop like I did.

* * *

**Vanessa**

* * *

Vanessa crept out of the woods to see an unguarded cage full of eliminated campers and her team was down by two.

"I'm coming guys!" Vanessa yelled running to the cage and pointing at Patrice, "You're free!"

"Good." Patrice growled stepping out of the cage and being hit by a red paintball.

"Good shot sire." An intern said while the Indian one aimed his gun at Vanessa.

"RUN VANESSA!" Julia screamed as the intern shot another bullet hitting Vanessa square in the forehead.

"Look out next time." Mona muttered.

"NOOOOOO!" Vanessa screamed as she was pelted with more paintballs.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Patrice:** Vanessa should have run, and Julia should have warned her about the interns.

**Vanessa:** (She has an ugly welt above her eye) was it really necessary to pelt me that much?

* * *

**Theodore, Billy, Kai**

* * *

Theodore, Billy, and Kai were walking near the base of the cliff trying to be as secretive as possible.

"How long have we been playing?" Kai asked.

"Fifteen minutes." Theodore replied checking his watch.

"I wonder who's winning?" Billy asked himself.

"I don't know, maybe we could be the last members of our team left standing." Theodore replied stopping suddenly, "OH-no!"

"What?" Kai asked.

"Our tracks!" We've been walking along the beach for ten minutes!" Theodore panicked, "Quick we have to get in the woods as quickly as possible!"

At that moment the sound of a moving vehicle roared from the woods and Chef drove a jeep onto the sand and smiled at the three Members of the falcon's team.

"Hey people from the other team!" Emily commented from the passenger's seat.

"Hand me the long range sniper!" Chef order as Emily handed him a gun.

"You're helping him!" Kai yelled.

"Sorry but my team has to win." Emily apologized rubbing her head, "You see I'm out already..."

"Enough Monologues we have some Falcons to hunt!" Chef barked aiming his gun and shooting Billy in the chest.

"Run for our team." Billy said dramatically as Kai and Theodore bolted.

"Oh running won't help you." Chef laughed shooting Theodore from long range.

"To the bushes!" Theodore ordered.

"You got it!" Kai yelled dashing into the woods.

"Off to camp with you three!" Chef laughed grabbing Billy and Theodore and pushing them into the backseat.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Billy:** Paint remover now only $39.99!

**Theodore:** I hope Kai survives. If chef had a jeep than what does Chris have?

* * *

**Helga, Greg, and Spader**

* * *

The three Weasel campers watched as Chef drove away with three eliminated campers.

"C'mon they won't check where they've been already." Spader said walking to where the tire tracks left by the jeep were sitting, "We may as well hang out here till the game is over, and judging by what Theodore said, we have thirteen minutes left."

"Helga like this plan!" Helga yelled as quietly as possible but unknowingly to the three a camera had pinpointed their location.

"So we may as well use this time to get to know each other, Spader you start." Greg announced.

"Well I spend my free time watching nature documentaries when my mom isn't looking." Spader began.

"Why does your mom stop you from watching nature documentaries?" Greg asked raising his hand.

"She's an aggressive parent." Spader replied, "She doesn't want me to turn out like my dad."

"What's wrong with your dad?" Helga asked.

"He's in prison for smuggling kinder surprises into the US." Spader replied.

"You can go to prison for that?" Greg asked.

"Guys!" Helga boomed.

"Not now Helga!" Greg said waving her off.

"Yeah he smuggled things so yeah it's possible." Spader replied.

"Guys!" Helga yelled.

"Didn't you hear me? NOT NOW!" Greg yelled.

"Helicopter!" Helga yelled.

"WHAT!" Spader and Greg said in unison as a helicopter approached and dumped green paint all over the three Weasels.

"AWWW COME ON!" Greg screamed as the helicopter landed and Chris stepped out.

"YOU!" Helga yelled as she knocked paint out of her ear.

"Yes it's me, and I got you guys, into the chopper and back to camp we go!" Chris replied climbing back in.

"Great who's left on our team?" Greg grumbled climbing into the helicopter.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Helga:** Helga don't like green anymore.

**Greg:** Chris didn't tell us they'd be using military grade machinery!

**Spader:** Good thing my mom's not watching.

* * *

**Luke and John**

* * *

The two boys were walking through the woods watching the trees around them nervously. They had managed to avoid meeting their hunters but weren't feeling secure at all.

"Every time a bush rustles I almost have a heart attack." John muttered.

"I know what you mean." Luke replied glancing up in a tree, "Hey what's that thing?"

Luke had pointed out a hairless squirrel with reptilian eyes that was watching them intently.

"I don't know." John replied, "Let me take a closer look."

John walked forward a few paces before he stepped on a dry twig which emitted a loud snap. The squirrel then emitted an unearthly roar and shot lasers from its eyes.

"AHHHHH!" The two boys screamed running in the opposite direction.

"What should we do?!" John yelled running alongside Luke.

"You're on your own!" Luke hissed in a completely different voice before pushing John over and running ahead faster than before.

"Well that was completely uncalled for." John muttered to himself standing up then shrugging, "Forgive and forget."

"You won't forget this." A voice behind John laughed.

"Who..." John started but was hit in the face with a green paintball.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**John:** If we lose I vote for Luke, if we win I forgive him.

* * *

**Winter and Teresa**

* * *

"Ok from the people left in the cage we can guess that we're going to lose unless we do something fast." Winter explained watching the camp.

"And we only have about three minutes." Teresa agreed.

"We have to get rid of the guards though." Winter explained but at that moment Luke came barreling out of the woods and the guards followed him.

"Now for faze two." Winter announced as she and Teresa crept out of the woods towards the cage.

"We're almost there." Teresa said excitably before she was knocked off her feet by something.

"What happened...?" Winter began before she was knocked to the ground and looked up to see Kai.

"What are you doing?!" Teresa yelled sweeping Kai off her feet.

"Making sure my team wins!" Kai announced Knocking Teresa back to the ground with a summersault, "I will not harm you."

"Brilliant strategy." Winter complemented standing up.

"Thanks." Kai said before she was hit in the face with a roundhouse kick from Winter, "OW!"

"I take martial arts classes." Winter bragged begin to drive Kai back.

"I'm a ninja!" Kai responded ducking under another roundhouse and popping up behind Winter.

"Hiyah!" Teresa yelled jumping on Kai`s back.

"Hey they're fighting!" The Interns yelled walking back into camp.

"Shoot them!" The Indian guy yelled charging towards the girls.

At that moment a large air horn sounded as Chris and Chef drove into camp holding an air horn to a megaphone which was attached to the announcement system so it sounded loudly across the entire island.

"Game's over, let's count points." Chris said while John hopped out of the Jeep and walked to the cage.

The frosty falcons finish with..." Chris began making suspense, "Six points for six team members left standing, they freed two by the way."

"Not bad" Jill said walking out of the woods with Cole, Terrance, and Summer.

"And the weasels finish with..."

...

...

"Two points for two people meaning that the Falcons win today's challenge and get to spend tonight relaxing!"

"WHOOOO!" Cole cheered picking John up and throwing him in the air.

"What happened to me and John?" Luke asked rubbing his head.

"You pushed me! That's what!" John muttered falling to the ground.

"Oh god! I'm sorry!" Luke apologized.

"It's fine I forgive you." John said smiling.

"Oh thank god." Luke sighed.

"Ok Weasels I will be seeing you tonight at elimination, one of you will not receive a marshmallow, one of you will lose the chance to win One million dollars, and one of you shall leave total drama forever!" Chris announced pointing at the weasels dramatically.

"People come back in every season." Theodore stated.

"Shut up!" Chris whined.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Spader:** Great I've been here one day and face elimination.

**Greg:** I am sick and tired of Patrice so I'm voting for him tonight in hopes that we can eliminate him... maybe I can get Spader on board as well.

**Summer:** We Won! GO FROSTY FALCONS! STAY FROSTY!

**Luke:** Just when I thought I had myself under control.

* * *

Greg had pulled Spader into the woods so he could talk to him in private about eliminating Patrice.

"So why are we here Greg?" Spader asked picking a stick up and poking an anthill with it.

"I have a proposition." Greg announced rocking back and forth on his heels, "We both dislike how Patrice has been treating the both of us am I right?"

"I guess but he'd break my bones if he found me retaliating." Spader sighed standing up and facing Greg.

"Then how about the two of us make an alliance until we vote out Patrice." Greg offered.

"Isn't it a little risky to be making an alliance this early in the game?" Spader questioned.

"We'd only be making a temporary one, when we vote out Patrice we can go our separate ways." Greg offered, "C'mon I hate it when he yells at you and you don't do anything about it."

"I don't know." Spader muttered, "I don't want the others to think we're in a secret alliance."

"Well just think about it." Greg replied patting Spader on the back before heading back to camp.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Greg:** I'm hoping Spader comes through with my plan I'm really counting on him. So anyway I vote for Patrice.

**Mona:** I vote for what's her face! The one always reading books and has a stupid plush parrot!

**Winter:** I'm voting for Mona, You've caused nothing but trouble!

**Emily:** I'm voting for Mona, She's really causing a rift in our team.

**Helga:** Helga likes almost everyone so Helga will vote for someone who isn't going to get eliminated!

**Spader:** I don't know. Greg's plan is brilliant but I don't want to be involved in something no one else is onboard with. I guess I vote for... (Static cuts him off)

* * *

The campfires flames shone brightly in the dark of the bonfire pit area, the eleven weasel campers sat on assorted logs, stumps and even an old barrel while Chris stood at his makeshift podium with a plate that had ten marshmallows on it.

"Welcome to the elimination ceremony where one of you will leave the game forever!" Chris stated lifting the plate of marshmallows dramatically, "When I call your name come forward and receive your marshmallow, if you do not receive one you will walk the dock of shame and board the boat of losers never to return."

"We get it!" Mona yelled snootily, "Now give me my marshmallow so I can leave already."

"Not yet!" Chris snapped, "First I must ask, what went wrong at today's challenge?"

"Albino mc stupid screwed it up, that's what!" Alexa snapped from beside Mona.

"As I recall Winter actually finished the challenge." Chris replied leaning on his podium.

"My team agrees right people!" Mona laughed turning around to see people rubbing their heads and muttering things like "yeah" and "Totally".

"Ok let's begin, first up... Helga!" Chris announced as Helga clapped and jogged up to collect her marshmallow, "Julia."

"YAY!" Julia squealed Grabbing her immunity and throwing it in the fire, "I win the super bowl!"

"Alexa." Chris announced as Alexa smiled and collected her marshmallow sashaying her hips while walking, "Spader."

"Nice." Spader smiled collecting his marshmallow and sitting back down next to Greg who offered a friendly highfive.

"Teresa." Chris said as Teresa laughed at the shocked expression on Vanessa's face, "Greg you're safe as well."

"And he Scotsman passes round one!" Greg announced collecting his immunity.

"Vanessa you're safe for now as well." Chris announced.

"He gave me immunity! EEEEK!" Vanessa squealed hugging Chris.

"I have to finish!" Chris said annoyed.

"Of course sorry." Vanessa apologized sitting back down blushing.

"Emily, Winter, you two are safe." Chris announced looking at the final two campers: Mona and Patrice, "And the final marshmallow goes to...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

... Patrice!" Chris said flicking the last marshmallow into Patrice's eye.

"My beautiful eye!" Patrice screamed while Spader and Greg laughed.

"WHAT!" Mona gasped dropping her hairbrush, "You can't eliminate me with fools like What's her face still around!"

"Apparently we can." Emily laughed, "You just cause too many problems."

"Your face is a problem!" Mona yelled back before Chef grabbed her and carried her down the dock of shame and threw her onto the boat of losers, "I'll have my revenge!"

"I doubt it." Teresa yelled back before everyone but one camper was laughing.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Boys cabin**

* * *

The Falcon's guys were celebrating some before bed, Cole had snuck some Beef jerky and cherry sodas in, and Billy had set up a stereo system and was blasting Radioactive at full volume.

"Hey Terrance want a soda?" Pete asked holding the sugary drink in front of Terrance's face.

"No thanks, I don't drink pop." Terrance refused politely.

"What!" Pete gasped as the music abruptly stopped, "How could you not like Pop?!"

"I don't like the carbonation." Terrance replied shrugging.

"Dude not liking Pop is like not liking Bacon!" Theodore explained, "No sane person doesn't like bacon!"

"What about vegetarians?" Terrance asked.

"Like I just said any sane person!" Theodore repeated.

"It's a personal choice, I don't judge you for drinking it, you don't judge me for not drinking it." Terrance replied.

"Something is seriously wrong with a person if they don't like soda." Theodore continued.

"Dude he told you to stop." Clyde growled.

"But he's crazy!" Theodore argued.

"No he's not." John said agreeing with Clyde, "I don't judge you for how many useless facts you spew out every hour.

"Next he's going to say he wears man panties and sits down when peeing." Theodore continued.

"They're actually the basic form of underwear and yes I do wear them, and yes I do pee while sitting down, I don't judge what you do so don't judge what I do." Terrance replied picking a book up.

"You're gay!" Theodore accused.

The next thing Theodore knew he was taped to the porch post outside with tape over his mouth.

"Sweet dreams you opinionated jerk!" Cole laughed as he walked back inside.

"Thanks Cole." Terrance thanked.

"Hey we don't judge here, I do ballet." Cole replied.

"I'm banned from McDonalds across the northern hemisphere." Pete revealed, "I stole a soda."

"I'm not allowed in Ontario." Billy said.

"I'm the healthy weight of a baby killer whale." Clyde said blushing.

"I'm the only guy in my class, and I'm the most unpopular kid at school." Luke smiled.

"I'm afraid of Heights." John revealed.

"See we all have something to hide, so no judging!" Cole snarled.

"Agreed!" Everyone else said in unison.

"Now back to partying!" Luke yelled turning the stereo back on.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Girls cabin**

* * *

The three Falcon girls were trying to sleep but the noise coming from the boys cabin was outrageously loud.

"I wish they'd shut it off, If they stay up too late we could lose tomorrow." Jill muttered sleepily.

"We should go tell them to shut it off, they won't otherwise." Summer agreed.

"While we're still up what do you two think of our team?" Kai asked.

"I think most of us are good people, but we don't always get along." Jill replied, "Theodore is a major problem."

"I agree." Summer agreed.

"Why did Luke push John today?" Jill asked.

"I don't know, he didn't remember anything about it either." Summer agreed.

"Do you think John was lying?" Kai gasped.

"Maybe, or perhaps Luke is evil." Jill responded.

"Evil is a strong word for this." Kai argued.

"Who cares let's just sleep." Summer ordered, "The boys have gone quiet."

"Finally." Jill sighed falling asleep.

"Goodnight." Summer said before she passed out.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Boys cabin**

* * *

Spader and Greg were watching Patrice pick the last bits of watered down marshmallow out of his eyes.

"That looks painful." Spader commented cringing.

"Why did Chris even throw it at you?" Greg also commented snickering behind Patrice's back.

"I know! He is such a freaking jerk!" Patrice yelled banging the wall with his fist.

"I have eye drops in my bag if you want them. They hurt for fifty seconds then your eyes should be fine." Spader offered.

"Heck no!" Patrice yelled angrily, "You're trying to kill me!"

"No." Spader said panicking.

"You can't just attempt murder for no reason!" Patrice screamed knocking Spader's books off his side table.

"Back off!" Greg yelled pinching Patrice's neck and knocking him out, "let's put him in his bed and pretend this never happened."

"Agreed." Spader said grabbing Patrice by his shoulders.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Girls cabin**

* * *

Emily was walking back to the Wicked Weasels cabin from the restroom when she noticed the door was locked.

"That's weird." Emily mumbled to herself half asleep.

Emily the proceeded up the stairs, onto the deck and knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" Alexa asked opening the door but the moment she saw Emily she frowned and glared at her.

"Why was the door locked?" Emily asked giving Alexa a curious look.

"Oh to keep you out." Alexa growled snootily.

"Why would you want to keep me out?" Emily asked suddenly worried.

"Because you help get rid of my bestie!" Alexa laughed, "Oh and I gave the rest of the girls earmuffs because the boys were making lots of noise so they won't hear you banging on the door."

"Wait my stuff!" Emily gasped but Alexa had already closed the door, "This is going to be a long night."

"What are you doing out here?" Winter who had just come out of the bathroom asked looking at Emily.

"Alexa hates me." Emily sighed standing up and walking over to Winter.

"Why don't you come and stay with me and Teresa in the mess hall?" Winter offered.

"Why not." Emily said thanking Winter.

"Trust me you'll enjoy the mess hall much more than the girls cabin." Winter smiled putting her arm over Emily's shoulder, "I think the two of us will get along really well."

* * *

"Well this concludes our first episode with a dramatic close." Chris laughed smiling at the camera, "We've got a lot to look forward to this season, who will survive? Who will be eliminated? Who will kill someone before sunrise? Find out next time, right here on Total! Drama! Island!

* * *

**Frosty falcons:** Jill, Theodore, Terrance, Luke, Summer, Cole, Pete, Billy, Kai, Clyde, John

**Wicked Weasels:** Teresa, Vanessa, Emily, Julia, Patrice, Spader, Greg, Helga, Winter, Alexa

**Eliminated:** Mona

**Votes:**

Teresa: Mona

Helga: Vanessa

Alexa: Emily

Emily: Mona

Patrice: Spader

Vanessa: Teresa

Julia: Greg

Greg: Patrice

Spader: Mona

Winter: Mona

Mona: Winter

**So how was that for the first chapter? I thought it was pretty good for my first time publishing something, Do you have a comment? Good or bad I'll accept it**

**Character stereotypes:**

**Mona: Spoiled brat**

**Alexa: Daddy's girl**

**Helga: Brute**

**Julia: Crazy girl**

**Emily: Repairwoman**

**Winter: Albino**

**Teresa: Chef**

**Spader: Marine biologist**

**Patrice: Player**

**Greg: Golfer**

**Jill: Knight**

**Kai: Ninja**

**Summer: Lifeguard**

**Luke: Nice guy (For now)**

**John: Daredevil**

**Clyde: Fat Kid**

**Cole: Bully**

**Theodore: Know-it-all**

**Terrance: Gamer**

**Billy: Salesman**

**Pete: Thief**


	2. Chapter 2: Bee My Guest

**Total Drama return to the Island Chapter 2: Bee my guest.**

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own total drama or any of its characters or seasons, I do however own all 22 of the characters that appear in this story.**

**Warning:**

**This Chapter Of TDRTTI contains scenes of extreme stunts, a head injury, weapons, mutated wildlife, a handsome jerk, bullying, random items going missing, several scenes with blurted swearing, a know-it all, constant breaking of floors, a girl who talks in third person, and a plush penguin named Frosty, nothing M rated though, it's just rated T in case.**

**You have been warned...**

* * *

Chris Maclean was standing on the dock of shame so early in the morning that the birds weren't even up yet. "Last time on Total Drama Island, Twenty two campers arrived at our island and began fighting for a million." Chris said smiling, "After a brief running race the contestants were split into two teams, The Frosty Falcons and The Wicked Weasels. We then brilliantly trapped the two teams and hunted them in the woods with paintball guns. After we caught all but eight campers we took the Weasels to elimination where Mona finally got what she deserved, a good walk down the dock of shame. Who will be the most creative? Who can drive? And will Patrice ever get along with Spader? Find out right here on Total! Drama! Island!" Chris finished holding an air horn to a megaphone and laughing.

* * *

**Theme song:** I wanna be famous

* * *

The first rays of sunlight dotted the Boys part of the Frosty Falcon's cabin as the book stabilizing one of the beds suddenly broke through the floor when Clyde rolled over causing Luke to fall to the floor.

"Ouch!" Luke grunted as he smacked headfirst into the floor.

"Who's robbing me?!" Billy yelled sitting up with a wild look in his eyes.

"No one." Cole groaned woken up by the noise.

"Yo Billy you have a coffee maker in any of your bags?" Clyde asked.

"Of course I do, who wants Coffee?" Billy asked.

"I would like some!" John replied raising his hand.

"Cook some up!" Cole cheered grabbing a fresh shirt.

"You got it guys." Billy answered pulling a Battery operated Coffee maker and several packets of coffee mix out of his bag of bricks, "It'll be ready in five minutes."

"Good news for everyone who drinks coffee." Terrance smiled pulling a bottle of pills out of his bag.

"What are those?" John asked pointing at the bottle of pills.

"They're my Iron pills." Terrance replied, "I have an iron deficiency."

"Really?" Pete asked, "I never would have guessed that."

"Yeah it's annoying." Terrance replied popping a pill into his mouth, "I have to take one once a day."

"You aren't overdosing." Billy laughed, "You can't overdose you stoner."

"That's a little mean." Luke commented.

"It's not that mean." Billy responded sticking his tongue out at Luke.

"Now you're just acting childish!" Luke complained.

"Hey I'm right and you're wrong." Billy responded.

"Nice outlook on life." Terrance muttered.

"Hey has anyone seen my helmet?" John asked.

"Not since you took it off last night." Pete replied, "It was right next to my lock pick which seems to be missing as well."

"They'll turn up." Billy assured pouring a cup of coffee, "There's cups here I made enough for our whole team besides Theodore."

"Is he still outside?" Luke asked.

"Yes." Cole responded pouring coffee into a cup.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Luke:** Billy is starting to get annoying with his snooty attitude.

**Terrance:** Besides having low Iron I have too many allergies to count.

**Billy:** Speaking of lock picks, I have sixteen, no seventeen lock picks in my collection.

**Pete:** I just hope I wasn't stealing things in my sleep again.

**Cole:** its funny how strong duct tape can be.

**John:** If Pete's lock pick and my helmet were stolen I'm guessing Chris has something to do with it, normally I'd accuse Pete but something important was stolen from him as well.

**Clyde:** I feel bad for making Luke hit his head on the ground.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Girls cabin**

* * *

Jill, Summer, and Kai were sleeping peacefully in their cabin while the boys were getting ready but this was about to change as a Chris held his Air horn, Megaphone, Speaker system together and pressed the button. The noise was so loud it woke up anyone who was still sleeping and caused animals in the forest to fall off trees.

"Are we being kidnapped again?" Jill screamed pulling a knife and boomerang out of her sleeping bag before hitting her head on the top bunk and passing out again.

"Chris can't give a ruder wakeup call can he?" Summer complained jumping out of bed and grabbing a neat pile of clothing off of her end table.

"You're a morning person aren't you?" Kai muttered glancing over at Jill who had drool hanging from her mouth, "Did she literally sleep through that?"

"No she knocked herself out when Chris blasted that Air horn." Summer explained, "We might want to put some Ice on her forehead and maybe wake her up."

"I'll do that, you claim a shower for me and one for her while there's still warm water." Kai agreed with few demands.

"Deal!" Summer agreed grabbing three flower print towels from one of her bags.

"This won't be hard." Kai sighed, pinching Jill's nose shut.

"What! Kai what are you doing?" Jill asked rubbing her hair with her boomerang, "And why does my head hurt?"

"Ok you don't have a concussion, that's a good sign." Kai sighed relieved, "Your head will hurt though."

"Where can I get ice?" Jill muttered gripping her head like she had brain freeze.

"C'mon we better get to the showers so we don't have cold water." Kai said pulling Jill out the door.

"Will cold water relieve me temporarily?" Jill asked as the door shut behind them, "Maybe we should stop by the medical tent."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Jill:** My head will be pounding for hours! At least I'm not seriously injured.

**Kai:** Theodore was taped to one of the porch posts, like my great aunt Tessie used to say: sometimes you just don't ask.

**Summer:** Six showers three girls... I got the handicap stall! YES!

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Boys cabin**

* * *

Greg and Spader watched nervously as Patrice grumpily threw things from their suitcases all over the ground.

"WHERE IS IT?" Patrice roared throwing Spader's second suitcase through the window smashing the glass.

"We didn't take your book of girl's phone numbers." Spader replied flinching as Patrice whipped his air tank at the wall smashing it.

"I never said it was full of girl's phone numbers." Patrice growled whipping around and grabbing Spader by the shirt.

"You told us fifteen times yesterday before we were all knocked out by something." Greg lied. Well he lied about the second part.

"You're right, but who could have taken it." Patrice pondered tapping his chin.

"Pete maybe?" Greg suggested.

"I got it! Pete stole my little black book." Patrice said bragging a little.

"Oh and if you two don't help me find it..." Patrice began before picking up one of Greg's putters and smashing it, "... Or that will happen to you."

"We'll help." Spader offered quickly.

"Yes, we'll help!" Greg agreed nodding as fast as possible.

"Good." Patrice muttered rubbing his hands together evilly, "You can start by standing in line for the showers so I get one before all the hot water is used up by the girls."

"Sir yes sir!" Spader saluted before dashing outside with Greg right behind him.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Spader:** I'm starting to regret voting for Mona last night.

**Greg:** Ok Patrice has gone too far this time! My lucky golf ball is missing and you don't see me breaking other people's things!

**Patrice:** Pete will pay, oh yes he will pay with his life!

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Girls cabin**

* * *

Alexa smiled as she watched the other three girls in her cabin sleep through Chris's alarm. She had given them earmuffs that cut all sound. It would put a bigger target on the other three girl's backs.

"AWAKE!" Helga yelled her head denting the top bunk and sending Julia crashing into Vanessa.

"Why did you wake up so randomly?" Vanessa asked pushing derp faced Julia off of her and taking the earmuffs off.

"Helga wakes up at exactly 8:10 every morning she doesn't go to school!" Helga yelled as all four of her bed's legs broke through the floor.

"Where's Emily when you need her." Vanessa asked grabbing her shower supplies.

"She's in the shower house with Winter and Teresa, I was there earlier so I would know." Alexa answered attaching earrings to her ears.

"Was the water still hot?" Vanessa asked.

"I took a two hour shower last night and spent one hour and fifty two minutes thinking about the origin of life in the universe!" Julia laughed throwing a purple T-shirt on.

"Yeah that's what you did! We all know what you did in there." Alexa laughed while getting strange looks from the other three.

"Helga thinks about origins of life like Julia, she has no idea what you talking about." Helga grunted.

"Ditto." Vanessa agreed walking out the door with Helga who smashed through the recently fixed outline again, "Emily will fix that."

"What is wrong with you people?!" Alexa screamed but only Julia was listening.

"Inner ninja!" Julia sang.

"Shut up." Alexa muttered.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Julia:** (She's singing) I learned the rules before I broke them, I broke them...

**Helga:** Helga has a time based wakeup schedule, it's a family trait.

**Vanessa:** When we got there the water was freezing and every other girl had left.

**Alexa:** (Her confessional uses so many bad words that we literally have to cut it out)

* * *

**Mess hall**

* * *

At the Frosty Falcons table Theodore was ranting about how rude everyone was being to him.

"... And if I ever get locked out again I'll literally kill someone!" Theodore yelled while most of his team laughed at the fact that he had a bird's nest in his hair and several patches a bird poop on his shoulders.

"It's entirely your fault I hope you realize." Cole growled crossing his arms.

"How is it my fault?!" Theodore yelled slamming his fist on the table.

"You made fun of Terrance's personal choice after he told you that he didn't judge you for yours." Luke answered.

"Do I have to break you two up?!" Jill yelled drawing nothing from her scabbard, "Hey where's my sword?!"

"I don't know." Billy replied, "But John and Pete had things stolen as well."

"Maybe I just left it in the cabin." Jill mumbled clutching her head suddenly.

"She hit her head this morning." Kai explained standing up to go get more ice.

"Ok is this food even edible?" John asked poking some brown gunk in his bowl which proceeded to leap out of it and ensnare John's face.

"Now that's just plain weird." Summer commented pushing her bowl away.

"It's actually good." Clyde commented biting one of the legs off his, "Tastes like Blue."

"How can something taste like a colour?" Pete asked.

"Trust me." Clyde answered.

"I'll pass." Pete replied pushing his bowl away.

"More for me then." Clyde beamed clapping and grabbing Pete's bowl.

"I got ice!" Kai called sitting back down next to Jill who had begun drooling and had a glazed expression on her face.

"How did that happen?" Terrance asked pointing at Jill.

"Chris and his air horn, that's what!" Kai growled glancing at the door.

"When's Chris going to announce the challenge?" Cole asked.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Theodore:** I can't believe I was being ignored like that!

**Jill:** Maybe I should just lie down.

**Cole:** Chris is taking a while to get here, what's up with that?

**Kai:** I think Jill should be excused from the challenge, she's in terrible shape.

**Terrance:** I'm ready for whatever Chris has to throw at us.

* * *

"So where does everyone go to school?" Summer asked.

"I go to NAIT, The North American Institute of Technology." Theodore bragged.

"The A stands for Albertan." Terrance replied, "So you aren't in university."

"No I go there!" Theodore lied.

"I go to Harvard Dillonberg high!" Summer cheered, "I'm on the Cheerleading squad!"

"Ok I've always wondered why you're all called Cheerleaders and the leader isn't just the Cheerleader." John questioned.

"Bethany is our Head Cheerleader, we're all Cheerleaders." Summer replied, "If she was Cheerleader we'd all be Cheers!"

"Makes sense." Billy responded as Jill slumped onto the table and began to sleep.

"Ok I'm taking Jill to bed! This is getting out of hand!" Kai yelled picking Jill up and carrying her out of the mess hall.

"It must suck being Jill right now." Luke commented.

"I concur." John agreed.

"If we lose she will be eliminated." Theodore said smiling, "That means we're all safe here!"

"Maybe we should duct tape you to a bear next time." Cole laughed while Summer giggled behind him.

"Don't you think that's a little too nice?" Pete added.

"You're right maybe the sharks would like some company." Cole decided.

"I'm still voting for Jill if we lose." Theodore stubbornly argued.

"He's hopeless." Luke sighed as Kai returned.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Luke:** (He's talking in a very scratchy voice) my plan is working perfectly.

**Summer:** Theodore is going if we lose, unless I figure out who stole my shampoo.

**Pete:** I haven't had the urge to steal something since the first day! This contest is really helping with my problems!

**Billy:** I'm keeping my products close and away from the thief.

**Clyde:** That food was delish!

**John:** I feel sorry for Jill, I'm not voting her off if we lose, she's a good asset to the team.

* * *

The Wicked Weasels girls were sitting in three groups at their table: Alexa and Vanessa, Helga and Julia, and Winter, Emily, and Teresa, the boys were all sitting with Helga and Julia.

"I can't believe Mona is gone." Alexa whimpered faking tears.

"It's okay Alexa." Vanessa shushed hugging her.

"Ugh those tears are so obviously fake." Emily complained glaring at Alexa.

"Don't say that so loud!" Winter said quickly, "We don't want them to overhear you complaining."

"We managed to get Mona out last night though, so I say we get rid of Alexa next." Teresa suggested.

"Or you could help me and Spader get rid of Patrice." Greg said suddenly next to the three girls.

"Why should we?" Winter asked.

"Because we'll help eliminate Alexa after that." Greg assured.

"I guess we could give it a shot." Emily agreed.

"Hey will someone tell me what we're eating exactly?" Alexa yelled from across the table.

"Helga thinks its oatmeal!" Helga yelled swallowing hers in one bite.

"It's friendly!" Julia yelled as hers crawled onto her head still attached to the bowl, "I shall name him Oatis!"

"It looks inedible." Vanessa complained before Oatis threw a spoon at her and showed very inappropriate hand signals.

"If it can still think I won't eat it." Emily muttered.

"I can tell it's not fully cooked or beaten, how Chef managed to bring food to life is the real question." Teresa pondered.

"Of course it's still better than yesterday's dinner." Spader commented handing his bowl to Helga, "I can clearly see that the Falcons have much better food than us."

"Never mind the food! Who else had something stolen last night?" Patrice asked glaring at everyone.

"I can't find my Penguin plush." Winter answered.

"So it was stolen!" Patrice yelled holding his hands in the air like he just won the super bowl.

"No I'm saying that I misplaced it." Winter repeated.

"Anyone else?" Patrice hissed.

"Nope." Alexa responded ending the conversation.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Teresa:** I know Chef can actually cook due to that Intern and that time he made sticky buns.

**Emily:** There is so much that was wrong with that food, so much!

**Patrice:** Soon I shall put my plan into phase 2! I just need a few Falcons on board with me.

**Greg:** I can't believe Helga ate that much living oatmeal.

**Winter:** I'm missing Frosty and will find him later. He's probably in the cabin.

* * *

"So Emily... Do you perhaps know how to repair bunk beds?" Alexa asked.

"Depends on whose bunk we're talking about." Emily growled.

"Helga dented the metal on hers and smashed it through the floor." Vanessa answered.

"Helga is sorry." Helga apologized.

"I can't without a blowtorch and some scrap metal." Emily replied, "Until then Julia will have to sleep on the bunk above Vanessa."

"Roomies." Julia whispered creepily leaning towards Vanessa.

"Help me." Vanessa begged.

"Maybe Chris can lend her one." Winter suggested pulling out a book.

"Why would Chris do that stupid?" Alexa mocked.

"I actually happen to get the top grades in my class." Winter responded slightly offended by what Alexa had told her.

"Maybe you should leave the real thinking to the prettier girls!" Vanessa laughed, "Chris wants the game to be a challenge!"

"Hey that's not nice!" Winter complained hiding herself behind her book.

"Truthfully you're probably a 4." Patrice judged giving Winter a good look, "You have very little bust."

"But..." Winter began before Alexa cut her off.

"Shut it! We don't care about what you have to say! Right guys?" Alexa asked as Patrice gave a threatening glare to Spader and Greg.

"You guys aren't that nice!" Teresa yelled.

"Oh like you're any better!" Vanessa mocked, "You and your ugly friends can leave!"

"Maybe we will!" Emily yelled back.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Vanessa:** Let's face it, Chris is hot, Winter's not.

**Julia:** (She has Oatis on her head) Oatis is our new king! All hail grass king Oatis!

**Spader:** If Patrice wasn't capable of crushing my bones I'd stand up for Winter.

**Helga:** Helga thinks Winter looks pretty!

**Alexa:** Winter is ugly, her makeup doesn't even show.

* * *

"Challenge time!" Chris announced waltzing into the Mess hall with a huge grin on his face.

"Great." Cole complained.

"Wait we're missing a Falcon!" Chris announced.

"You gave her a head injury!" Kai yelled.

"Oh that is so going on the show!" Chris laughed picking up a phone, "Yeah pick out all the scenes with Jill from today, should be fun!"

"What's the challenge?" Greg asked.

"It was going to be another awakathon, but ten vs. ten! Perfect." Chris laughed rubbing his hands together evilly, "You guys should try this hand lotion!"

"Please continue." Billy asked rotating his hand.

"Ok so we will be making Vehicles out of junk and things you find in the woods!" Chris laughed, "And we found footage of some giant wasps with very bad attitudes."

"How bad are their attitudes?" Patrice asked.

"We had to airlift an Intern, That's about it." Chris replied, "Now you get an hour, Lets move!"

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Kai:** I wonder how Jill is doing. (The Image switches to the girls cabin which is absolutely a mess with the door hanging on its hinges and several windows smashed before the camera blacks out)

**Winter:** (She's sobbing) Why does my team think I'm ugly!

**Greg:** Chris failed to tell us WHERE these wasps are!

**Billy:** (He's reading something) that is a lot of merchandise! $2.99 each should do.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons**

* * *

The Frosty Falcons were digging in several piles of trash and placing them on a pile where Terrance, Kai and Summer separated usable pieces from trash while Theodore drew up blueprints for the bikes.

"Ooh a toaster!" Terrance said holding it up to the light, "Can this be used?"

"Of course, on Vehicle Three that is." Theodore replied drawing something while Cole dropped an armload of wheels onto the pile, "Check if any can be used."

"Five out of seven aren't bent." Kai replied.

"Luke, John! Come start working on Vehicle one!" Theodore ordered pointing to a pile consisting of three tires, a bathtub, handlebars, and several chunks of wood and ropes.

"You got it." John replied picking the bathtub up.

"Do we need bolts for this?" Luke asked picking up some rope.

"No, No, I've made the schematics, it'll work." Theodore said waving Luke off.

"If you say so." Luke muttered tying a rope to the back of the bathtub.

"Hey Theodore I found an engine!" Summer called pulling a motorcycle engine out of the pile.

"We don't need it!" Theodore yelled pointing at the engine, "Throw it away!"

"But we're racing." Theodore explained.

"Chris didn't explain that we had to race." Theodore responded, "Now go look for wood in the forest!"

"Why me?" Terrance asked.

"Because you're gay!" Theodore argued, "Now get!"

"I'm not gay!" Terrance angrily yelled back walking into the woods, "And you should shut your mouth!"

"And you should shut your mouth!" Theodore imitated making his hand talk as Terrance walked into the woods.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Theodore:** Terrance should grow a pair and stop acting like a little girl!

**Terrance:** I got this strange feeling like I was being watched while I was walking through the woods.

**Kai:** Theodore should try being nice to everyone and stop pegging himself as the leader, we`re a team for god`s sake!

**Summer:** I don`t get why Theodore thinks we should throw a perfectly good engine away.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels**

* * *

Alexa sat on an old lawn chair tanning while Julia fanned her with a giant mutated leaf. Emily and Spader had completed a pretty nice bike and were working on a four wheel electric powered chair with a windshield.

"Hand me that wrench." Emily ordered while Patrice just watched her butt.

"You got it." Spader answered as Winter dropped a pile of wood next to several tires.

"I'm a human fan!" Julia laughed crazily continuing to fan Alexa.

"Hey stupid!" Alexa yelled pointing at Greg, "Go get me some food!"

"But we just ate!" Greg complained.

"Helga just ate actually, and why are you still wearing breakfast Julia?" Alexa questioned.

"He likes my head!" Julia laughed, "He eats dirt out of my hair."

"More like your brain out of your head." Vanessa muttered walking back to the group carrying a cushion.

"Greg get me food!" Alexa snapped.

"No!" Greg argued.

"Greg, go get her food, she won't shut up until you do." Teresa ordered wiring a gas tank into an engine.

"Fine." Greg sighed walking towards camp.

"Helga find used car body!" Helga exclaimed dropping a huge rusty car body with most of the wiring intact in front of Spader.

"Wow! Good job Helga!" Spader praised taking a closer look at the engine.

"Helga tries her hardest!" Helga answered beaming.

"Where did you find this?" Emily asked standing up and smacking Patrice who had begun checking out her chest.

"Over by a bunch of wrecked bikes!" Helga yelled.

"Can you show Vanessa and Teresa where you found it?" Emily asked kicking Patrice in the nards because he had pinched her butt.

"Helga can!" Helga exclaimed dashing off into the piles of junk.

"Where's my food!" Alexa yelled before Emily whipped a wrench at her, knocking her unconscious.

"Julia get a screwdriver and help me attach this engine." Emily asked as Julia dropped her leaf grabbed a saw and ran to the car giggling.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Julia:** Oatis likes chewing on my... (She freezes up) Mwahahaha I shall destroy all mankind with a weapon so vile, that it will destroy this island!

**Vanessa:** Helga made a really good find with that broken car.

**Emily:** I have a degree in vehicle repair and scrap yard building.

**Spader:** Greg has been gone for too long. Something's going on here...

**Helga:** Helga best at finding things!

* * *

**Greg**

* * *

Greg was walking through the woods kicking rocks and muttering to himself.

"Get her food or she'll never shut up." Greg complained mimicking Emily's voice, "Why can't Alexa get her own food!"

"Greg?" A voice behind Greg asked.

Greg whipped around to see Terrance standing behind him holding several logs and twigs.

"What are you doing out here?" Terrance asked putting his pile on the ground.

"Just getting food for my whiney team mate." Greg replied.

"We'll I have to get timber for my bossy team mate who thinks we're building these for show." Terrance explained.

"Have you seen any food?" Greg asked.

"Nope but if you help me find wood I'll help you find berries." Terrance offered.

"Deal... Wait why did the forest suddenly go quiet?" Greg asked looking around for the birds that had stopped chirping and the only sound was a loud crunching noise from a nearby bush.

"Uh-oh." Terrance said cowering as a large beast rose from the bushes and let out an unearthly screech.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons**

* * *

"Where the **** is Terrance?" Theodore swore waving his arms in the air.

"Please don't swear." Summer asked.

"**** **** ****." Theodore chanted making Summer grow a big scowl.

"He's probably just collecting good pieces." Kai assured.

"You better be right." Theodore hissed.

"Hey guys I found a boat!" Cole exclaimed pointing into the junkyard where Luke and Pete were uncovering an old speedboat.

"Good we can use the metal and throw the engine out!" Theodore planned looking at the first vehicle which had a motorcycle engine attached by bolts to the back, "HEY!"

"What?" John asked looking up from painting flames on the side, "Were they supposed to be blue?"

"The engine!" Theodore screamed shoving John aside and trying to pull the engine off, "It's not in my plans!"

"Oh yeah we took a vote behind your back and decided to attach engines and cup holders to every single one." John explained, "This one can go 70mph."

"REMOVE IT THIS INSTANT!" Theodore screamed pointing at the engine angrily.

"Settle bud, What's wrong with a engine here and there?" Billy asked while bolting handlebars onto a makeshift motorbike with a sidecar, this one counts as two because it can fit two people."

"STOP IT!" Theodore screamed. Smashing the sidecar off with a wrench.

"Stop it!" Cole yelled but Theodore then threw the wrench at him giving him a nasty bruise on the forehead, "YOU LITTLE TROLL!"

"STOP!" Kai yelled stopping the commotion, "Billy fix that sidecar, Cole tie Theo up, and Clyde get me some gears."

"I'll get right on that." Billy nodded grabbing a blowtorch and some scrap metal.

"Come on you freak." Cole laughed carrying a screaming and squirming Theodore into the woods.

"I saw some old gears and Chains by an old car body!" Clyde exclaimed dashing off into the piles of junk.

"Hey Pete can you detach engines?" Summer asked looking at Theodore's plans.

"Sure can!" Pete answered flipping a wrench in his hand.

"We're going to need seven more." Summer explained.

"I saw some gasoline powered Plane engines and several bicycles under this boat." Pete replied.

"Good job, let's finish this in the next half hour!" Summer yelled as everyone else yelled "Yeah" in response.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Theodore:** (The camera is only focused on the left hand side of the confessional) My team is full of useless bags of **** that have no place in the world! No offense.

**Cole:** (The camera zooms out) none taken.

**Theodore:** I mean Jill didn't even show up!

**Summer:** Yeah I'm pretty good at pep talks.

**Billy:** (He's reading something again) wow a lot of them live at the same place.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels**

* * *

"I didn't know you were handy with tools Julia!" Emily complimented while Julia put the finishing touches on another vehicle that looked like a weapon.

"We only need ammo!" Julia growled her eyes a strange red colour.

"You're hilarious!" Teresa laughed attaching the steering wheel to a vehicle with forward mounted guns, "What are these tubes for?"

"Uhhh headlights!" Julia yelled the bowl of oatmeal shaking on her head.

"Good idea, what if Chris makes us drive at night." Patrice smirked with a hint of flirting.

"Maybe we should take Oatis off of you, he'll be sticky and gross by now. Spader suggested.

"NEVER!" Julia hissed backing up and falling over Alexa's empty chair.

"Hey where did Alexa go?" Vanessa asked.

"Who cares Human fools! We must destroy all mankind!" Julia yelled laughing manically.

"Maybe she should be in an asylum." Spader whispered to Winter who sighed in response.

"Why did the ugly girl sigh?" Patrice asked checking his reflection in a cracked mirror, "She should just leave!"

"Leave her alone!" Emily yelled throwing a can of motor oil at Patrice getting some on his shirt.

"This shirt is ruined." Patrice smiled taking his shirt off revealing a six pack and too many muscles to count, "Too sexy for my pants as well."

"Don't even think about it!" Emily threatened holding up a can of black paint.

"Ok fine!' Patrice agreed but Emily had already spray painted his face, "MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!"

"It's fine Wint... where did she go?" Teresa asked looking around but Winter was nowhere to be found.

"Great, not only is he a jerk but he's a hot jerk." Emily complained as Vanessa watched Patrice's chest as he rolled around on the ground.

"We should eliminate him." Spader suggested.

"I concur." Teresa agreed.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Patrice:** (He has black paint around his eyes like a racoon) Oh if she wasn't a hot chick I would make her bleed!

**Winter:** (She's sobbing) Am I really so ugly that I need to be told about it! (Sob)

**Emily:** Don't underestimate me holding spray paint... I've always wanted to mimic that scene from home alone.

**Spader:** I'm sorry for changing the subject. But am I the only one here wondering where Alexa went?

* * *

**Cole and Theodore**

* * *

Cole was tying Theodore to a tree deep in the forest with thick industrial grade rope.

"You can't do this to me!" Theodore screamed while Cole finished tying his legs.

"Shut up or I'll tie a rope to you that will cause excruciating pain if you let it out of your mouth." Cole explained standing back to admire his work.

"Where did you learn to tie knots like this?" Theodore stalled while he pulled a pocket knife from his pocked and began sawing the ropes.

"I learned when I was at junior scouts." Cole replied.

"You were a boy scout?" Theodore asked.

"A girl scout actually, we didn't have a boys group." Cole replied, "That's how I met my best friends!"

"You were a girl scout! Haha! did you have to wear a skirt?" Theodore asked as one of the ropes snapped.

"It was referred to as a kilt by my scout leader." Cole replied looking into the distance.

"One more..." Theodore began looking around but Cole wasn't in sight, "Where are you Cole?"

A nearby bush rattled.

"This isn't funny!" Theodore screamed as the clearing was filled with loud buzzing.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons**

* * *

"We did it." Pete commented nodding.

"And with five minutes to spare." Summer grinned offering Pete a high five which he eagerly accepted, "Hey you didn't try to steal something!"

"I-I didn't?" Pete realized feeling his pockets, "I didn't!"

"You hear that world! Pete is cured of his need to rob people." Summer smiled pulling Pete onto her vehicle.

"They may not look like much but they go fast." John smiled patting his bathtub-mobile.

"Luke and I have this sweet bike." Billy commented rubbing the motorbike and sidecar.

"We're so winning this one!" Summer yelled standing atop her pink eight wheeled tank-boat, "Frosty falcons For The Win!"

"FTW!" Clyde cheered from a makeshift pedal powered tricycle.

"Let's get these to camp!" Kai cheered from the window of a rusty Cadillac with a plane propeller on the front, "I feel like I'm playing bad piggies."

"True dat!" Billy exclaimed pointing at Kai.

"What's bad piggies?" Clyde asked as Pete pulled a dingy on wheels past him.

"It's a game where you build stuff out of wood, metal and TNT." Summer replied climbing into her tank.

"Mine and Theodore's have TNT!" Clyde exclaimed looking at the self-destruct button near his bell and giggled.

"Where is everyone else?" Kai asked looking at the three empty vehicles.

"All Campers without head injuries please report to camp for the second part of the challenge." A speaker in a nearby tree ordered in the fat intern's voice.

"That's everyone minus Jill." Summer yelled from the top of her vehicle before diving down and starting the Engine and turning the jet turbine on low.

"LET'S DO THIS THING!" John yelled spinning three reverse donuts before speeding at 70mph towards camp.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** I'm so keeping my tank, I wonder if it's street legal...

**Luke:** I don't trust Billy, but I will admit we made a pretty sic Chopper.

**Pete:** It feels great not having the urge to steal things!

**Clyde:** I was tempted to press the self-destruct button.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels**

* * *

"So you scare Winter off then you blow My vehicle up!" Emily screamed smacking Patrice across the face.

"I'm sorry just use a different one!" Patrice whined hiding behind a motorcycle.

"That was our only bomb! We needed that to destroy all humans!" Julia (well maybe we should say Oatis) yelled smacking Patrice with a chunk of a tire.

"I didn't know Julia had installed actual working weapons onto a four wheeled chair!" Patrice argued pointing at Julia's vehicle.

"Helga doesn't think you know much about buttons." Helga said shaking her head like she was ashamed of Patrice.

"I didn't know!" Patrice whined.

"Just let him go, he's pathetic." Teresa sighed pulling Emily back a few paces.

"Stupid females." Patrice laughed facing Spader before Emily junmped him and began beating the pulp out of him.

"Die you idiotic racoon face!" Emily screamed smacking Patrice so hard he spat out blood.

"Ok no one but Chris would enjoy this." Teresa sighed before Vanessa jumped her.

"TAKE THAT BACK!" She screamed biting Teresa's arm so hard it bled.

"STOP!" Helga screamed picking the four fighting teammates up and tossing them to the ground, "We're a team so we should be getting along! Not fighting!"

"Helga's right you know." Spader agreed, "You four are acting like Idiots!"

"She's right." Emily sighed.

"She's wrong!" Vanessa screamed knocking Teresa out with a rock she had picked up.

"Vanessa!" Spader gasped, "You just knocked one of our teammates out!"

"Lock her in Helga's truck with a cage on the back for stabilization!" Patrice suggested.

"For once that's a brilliant idea coming from your mouth." Emily said smiling.

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Vanessa screamed as Helga picked her up.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Chris:** We should rig the challenges in favor of the Weasels! They make great TV!

**Vanessa:** I hate my team, they don't believe in the power of Chris!

**Emily:** I have major anger issues it appears.

**Spader:** My team should get along better than this! I bet the Falcons have half as many problems as we do.

**Patrice:** (He's crying) why am I being tortured!

* * *

**Camp**

* * *

The members who had been with the two groups were gathered in two lines in front of Chris.

"As I mentioned earlier we found a giant wasp's nest." Chris explained.

"Yeah but we didn't see any wasps." Luke replied while everyone else nodded agreeing with what Luke had just said

"You haven't seen any, but your teammates have." Chris laughed while Chef rolled a large TV over to the group.

"What do you mean?" Summer asked.

"Where are our teammates?" Spader demanded.

"Right here." Chris laughed as the TV formed the image of Terrance, Jill, Greg, Alexa, Theodore, Cole and Winter. Jill was asleep tied to the wall by some sort of web, Theodore's legs were sticking out of some sort of cocoon of web, while everyone else was attached to the roof with the same sticky substance.

"They took a lot of our cameras." Chef explained.

"Originally we were just going to judge your vehicles but now you must save your teammates from the Spiderwasps!" Chris exclaimed.

"You said they were just wasps." Emily corrected.

"Close enough." Chris said waving Emily off, "So anyway, you will now take your vehicles to the enormous hive and help me exterminate these things so they don't spread."

"Ok everyone suit up!" Chef ordered pointing to boxes of Insect killer, several pieces of combat armour and paintball guns filled with bottles of Insect killer.

"So first person to kill the queen wins immunity for their team." Chris explained, "She'll release a toxin that will kill every other Spiderwasp across Canada."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** (She's wearing the combat armour and has enough bottles of Insect Killer to basically finish the mission strapped to her as well as three guns already loaded) this is going to be just like Hero's Duty from Wreck It Ralph except I get a tank which I already filled with Insect Killer.

**Emily:** So Chris just happens to forget that the Wasps are half Spider! Geez Chris, get your priorities in order here!

**Helga:** Helga can just smash bugs!

**Luke:** I'm kind of scared Sly might try to kill John again.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons**

* * *

The Falcons were the first group to reach the hive which was a giant pile of dead trees and a hole burrowed into the mountain which was emitting a strange buzzing noise.

"Yeesh how are we going to get everyone's vehicles in there." John commented.

"We leave my tank here, since it's the only one that won't fit and seal off the entrance when we're done. Then we keep going until we have no more vehicles then we go on foot." Summer explained pulling a sniper rifle from her back and marching to the cave with her team not far behind her.

"This is really creepy." Clyde whimpered as Summer stepped inside and the buzzing stopped.

Behind the group a six foot tall Black and yellow armoured spider with wings and a huge stinger landed scaring the group and letting out an unearthly scream.

"SHOOT HER!" Summer yelled quoting Jurassic park while Clyde, Luke and Kai shot the eight legged monstrosity with their guns killing it almost instantly.

"That was too easy..." Summer muttered before one grabbed her from behind and flung her into a smaller downwards facing tunnel.

"AAAH!" Clyde screamed hitting his self-destruct button which blew up his tricycle and sent him flying through Kai's windshield as about fifty Spiderwasps suddenly entered the tunnel some dying quickly, some lasting a little too long for comfort.

"Why did Chris have to rent out this island!" Luke screamed ducking under some web one shot at him.

"You tell me!" Billy answered putting the bike in forward and falling directly down a nearby hole.

"Luke! Billy! NOOOO!" John screamed as he was flung out of the cave and into a nearby tree.

"This has gone too far!" Pete yelled picking up an air horn and blowing it.

You wouldn't believe how quickly they were alone.

"They apparently don't like loud noises." Clyde commented, "Nice thinking Pete."

"That's Chris's air horn isn't it." Kai stated.

"You know it." Pete replied smiling.

"Well lets head deeper into these caves." Kai ordered as the three headed deeper into the tunnels, "I hope everyone else is okay."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Clyde:** By the gods, what happened to those wasps? (The screen flashes to the image of a wasp and spider falling into a pool of toxic waste)

**Kai:** I'm hoping that my ninja skills come handy here. Ah what am I worrying, they'll be handy!

**Pete:** I had to steal from Chris, not because I'm a thief, but because I really dislike Chris.

**John:** My head hurts, I wish my helmet hadn't been taken.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels**

* * *

"This is too much like last challenge." Patrice complained walking behind everyone's vehicles and dragging his gun on the ground with Vanessa.

"Can we slow down?" Vanessa whined falling over while Patrice followed suit.

"We're going five MPH!" Spader yelled, "Old ladies walk faster than this across roads back home!"

"We shall insert our weapon into the queen so she kills people too! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Julia laughed evilly with Oatis still on her head.

"I'm beginning to think that Oatmeal has a mind of its own." Teresa whispered to Emily.

"Hopefully it dries out soon." Emily replied.

"Does anyone find this challenge almost exactly like the last one?" Patrice asked standing up and catching up with the group.

"Yes and no." Spader replied, "It almost has the same theme as yesterday's challenge but at the same time it's about ten times more dangerous and has us driving vehicles so as I said earlier, yes and no."

"Too much nerd talk." Patrice complained walking forwards a bit more.

"Helga likes this challenge she get to build cool car and kill bugs!" Helga grunted motioning to her rusty pickup with a cage on the back, "She thinks the lift kit makes it more ergonomically stable for Helga!"

"It needs a freaking paintjob!" Vanessa commented checking her nails.

"Helga's thinking it should be either Red or Pink to show off Helga's feminine side!" Helga yelled picturing the truck painted.

"What feminine side." Vanessa growled.

"Helga likes unicorns, rainbows, wrestlers, monster trucks, Wii, Pink, Nail polish, and kissing as her feminine side!" Helga answered.

"How are wrestlers, monster trucks and video games feminine?!" Vanessa asked slightly annoyed.

"Helga likes muscles and tough gum!" Helga replied making no sense at all.

"You're too masculine!" Patrice yelled.

"Helga's boyfriend seems to think she's perfect!" Helga yelled.

"He's probably a blind, ugly guy with no muscles." Vanessa whispered to Patrice as the two started giggling.

"Groan." Someone groaned from about two meters away.

"What was that? Tell me it wasn't a bear! I'm too pretty to die!" Patrice panicked pushing Vanessa to the ground, "Take her!"

"It's just John." Teresa assured lifting up a bathtub to reveal a knocked out John.

"Something happened here!" Spader realized pointing at Summers abandoned tank.

"We're behind!" Emily yelled, "Let's get a move on!"

"Let's leave the vehicles here so we can make a quick getaway, those wasps will be going berserk after we kill their queen." Spader suggested.

"Good idea Spader!" Teresa complimented.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Spader:** I guess I have good ideas occasionally.

**Patrice:** What were the writers thinking making two challenges almost the same! It's a complete rip off! Let alone the gaps in the story! Plus I think the segments are actually getting shorter! And everything just seems really random!

**Emily:** I kind of scared, if john's out cold then what could those Spiderwasps do to us?

**Helga:** Helga's boyfriend is awesome and respectful! He's scared of girls who wear short shorts and lots of eye shadow! Like Mona did!

* * *

**Summer**

* * *

Summer was slowly making her way down a corridor covered in Spiderwasp web pointing her gun at anything that moved or made a sound. The corridor was lit by crystals that were emitting light as well as mushrooms that glowed in the dark.

"Come out you monstrous bugs!" Summer called making noise with her feet in order to attract the attention of the Spiderwasps.

Of course a bug was watching but it was stealthy and was making no sound as it crept towards Summer.

"Where are you all hiding?" Summer called turning her back on the monster.

Taking the opportunity the beast leaped at Summer knocking the gun out of her hands and biting her leg leaving a nasty looking gash.

"AHHHH!" Summer screamed throwing a can of Insect killer at her attacker but he just jumped on her and began squashing her beneath itself.

The monsters weight crushed all of Summer's cans letting the noxious fumes out killing it instantly, unfortunately it died atop of Summer.

"Help." Summer screamed trying to wiggle out from under the monster's weight.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** Being trapped under that thing was not pleasant at all.

* * *

**Billy and Luke**

* * *

Billy and Luke had fallen quite a ways but the bike had broken their fall upon impact so the two were alright... well mostly alright.

"Ouch." Luke cringed rubbing his arm while climbing out of the remains of the sidecar, "Billy are you alright?"

"Pretty bird." Billy laughed clapping while pointing at the wall.

"What happened to you?" Luke asked before noticing the long stinger stuck in Billy's arm, "Great they cause hallucinations."

"We should leave him!" Luke said in a scratchy voice.

"That wouldn't be nice though." Luke argued talking normally, "We should stick with him."

"No leave him, you must survive!" Luke yelled in the scratchy voice.

"The more people we have the better chance we have of finding the queen!" Luke whined in his normal voice.

"He's deadweight now!" Luke answered himself in his scratchy voice.

"I thought I subdued you!" Luke yelled in his normal voice.

"Money makes me come out again!" Luke laughed in the scratchy voice while Billy began wandering off.

"Go away Sly!" Luke ordered but got no response from himself, "Finally."

"BUMBLEBEE! AHHHH!" Billy screamed from down the tunnel he had just wandered down as several Spiderwasp entered the room.

"Eat Insect spray! Or I guess it does what Raid does!" Luke yelled reading the label, "It literally says that it does exactly what Raid does!"

"SCREECH!" a Spiderwasp called shooting web that attached Luke's right arm to the wall.

"Eat Does what Raid does!" Luke yelled breaking a can open and throwing it at the monsters which began to whither on the ground in pain before dying.

"This should last about three minutes!" Luke told himself as he began trying to undo the web around his hand.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Luke:** okay so I have a split personality, you happy Chris!

**Sly:** (its Luke's other personality) I love Money!

* * *

**Pete, Kai, and Clyde**

* * *

The three falcons had abandoned their vehicles and were marching on foot down a long corridor with no side entrances, Kai was leading while holding a flashlight, Pete was nervously aiming his gun at anything that looked weird, and Clyde who had dropped his weapon was stumbling behind Pete holding a can of Not Raid.

"How long does this thing last?" Pete asked looking at the eerily bare rock ceilings.

"Someone's scared!" Kai giggled.

"No I'm not!" Pete quickly responded looking around nervously.

"Yeah you are!" Kai laughed looking back at Pete.

"No I'm... Clyde stop that!" Pete growled as someone poked the top of his head making a farting noise with their mouth.

"You're totally freaked out!" Kai laughed.

"As I was saying... Clyde what did I just say!" Pete repeated glaring ahead of himself.

"You're totally..." Kai began turning around before getting a shocked expression on her face and dropping the flashlight.

"Okay it's not going to work Kai!" Pete ranted waving his arms around.

"Uhhh." Kai stammered.

"I know you're trying to convince me that there's a Spiderwasp behind me, well I'm not buying it!"

"Uhhh." Kai stammered again backing away slowly.

"What?" Pete asked as something dripped on his shoulder, "Eeew."

Pete turned slowly to see a Spiderwasp staring at him with its six eyes.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!" The two campers screamed running as fast as possible, but a Spiderwasp is faster so it shot web at the two entangling them before picking them up and flying away.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels**

* * *

The Wicked Weasels had been marching along meeting tons of dead Spiderwasps along the way but no living ones.

"This is lame." Patrice complained.

"Nothing makes you happy." Spader criticized.

"Well girls..." Patrice began before Helga cut him off.

"Helga found something!" Helga screamed pointing at two of the Frosty Falcons vehicles (from Kai, Pete, and Clyde).

"We're getting close to them!" Emily exclaimed while everyone else smiled happily.

"The sooner we get to the queen the sooner mankind across Canada shall be wiped out." Julia (Oatis) laughed manically.

"I never thought breakfast would want to eliminate mankind. Well you learn something new every day." Emily stated.

"I concur." Teresa agreed.

"Then I shall take over the ENTIRE TRISTATE AREA!" Julia (Oatis) exclaimed.

"Now breakfast is quoting cartoons." Emily stated.

"This is getting weird." Teresa agreed edging a bit further away from Julia.

"I will rule the..." Julia (Oatis) began but before anyone could even respond a Spiderwasp flew into the room and ripped Oatis off Julia's head.

"Julia? Are you, you?" Spader asked.

"Bzaap! Nope I'm the queen of Antarctica! Hail me my penguin subjects!" Julia laughed pointing at Vanessa.

"Is it me or was evil Julia less annoying?" Vanessa asked.

"Nope it's just you." Emily smirked.

"Uh guys." Helga pointed out.

"What Hel... RUN!" Teresa screamed as hundreds of Spiderwasps barreled into the room grabbing Vanessa, Emily, and attempting to get Helga, but she just smashed ones armour open and threw a can of Insect killer into another's mouth making it explode.

"These birds are shiny!" Julia laughed grabbing a can of Insect killer and opening it before inhaling all the contents and burping out a noxious cloud of gas that made the Spiderwasps puke their stomachs out and die.

"That is disturbing." Teresa commented while Helga pulled Spader out from under a dead Spiderwasp.

"Makes me want to..." Patrice began before puking.

"I wonder why this chemical hasn't killed us yet? Seems a bit cartoony." Spader commented.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Spader:** I seriously doubt that this chemical won't have a long lasting effect on us.

**Julia:** (She's giggling crazily) I don't know how I got down into that castle but Oatis is missing and that makes me sad.

**Teresa:** Great Emily's gone and I'm the only girl here that Patrice will hit on.

**Patrice:** Emily's gone and Teresa's the only girl left that I can hit on.

**Helga:** Helga likes smashing bugs with her fists!

* * *

**John**

* * *

John was running through the tunnels at full speed attempting to find at least one of his teammates.

"Where are you guys?!" John muttered to himself noticing that the hall was eerily empty, "Huh, I was expecting to see a lot of fights between campers and Spiderwasps here."

While John was distracted he accidentally fell down a hole in the floor and began screaming before landing on the corpse of a Spiderwasp.

"Great now I'm sore and lost!" John complained shining a flashlight around the room.

"SHUT THAT BRIGHT LIGHT OFF!" someone yelled and John whipped around to see Luke holding his hand in front of his eyes.

"Luke? Where is everyone?" John asked lowering the flashlight.

"We were separated by the Spiderwasps!" Luke replied, "I only have one bottle of Insect killer left and my hand is stuck to this wall."

"Let me help." John said smiling cutting the web with a sharp piece of metal from his Bathtub-mobile.

"Thanks man!" Luke thanked rubbing circulation back into his right arm.

"I wonder if we're the only ones left on our team!" John realized, "We have to find the queen's chamber quick!"

"It's a little too late for that." Luke whimpered as a Spiderwasp webbed the two to a wall.

"NOOOOOOO!" John screamed as the Spiderwasp drew nearer.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels**

* * *

"That is one big Spiderwasp." Teresa commented loading her gun.

"I'm scared!" Patrice whined crying like a baby and wetting his pants a little bit.

"Well we found our teammates and the queen so unless Summer shows up we basically win." Spader analyzed.

"So we kill the queen then we free our friends." Teresa summed up.

"Helga will smash all little bugs!" Helga explained.

"Can I bet the bumblebee?" Julia asked.

"NO!" Patrice growled.

"I miss Oatis." Julia said randomly.

"We don't!" Everyone said in unison except Helga who said "Helga doesn't!"

"Ok on the count of three, one, two..." Teresa began but Patrice had panicked and had run out early drawing the attention of the hundreds of Spiderwasps in the room which bombarded him with web sticking him to the ground.

"Great!" Teresa sighed as the monsters began charging the Weasels.

BOOM!

The loud noise made the creatures stop.

BOOM!

A crack appeared in the wall.

KA-BOOM!

A giant hole appeared near the base of the wall and Summer drove her tank inside knocking Spiderwasps off their feet and shooting them with noxious gas.

"KILL THE QUEEN FIRST!" Helga screamed punching the queen in the face knocking its head off.

Just as she died the Spiderwasps became ten times a vicious attempting to sting everyone.

"HELP!" someone screamed from the roof as Summer launched a huge missile filled with Insect spray at the roof.

"GET IN!" Summer yelled opening the side hatch to her vehicle and shooting down bugs with an AK47 filled with darts laced with the bug poison.

"TEAM IS DROPPING!" Helga screamed catching Theodore and chucking him into the tank.

"Where?" Julia asked as Emily fell on top of her.

As the Weasels caught the other campers the Spiderwasps were beginning to die and the webs loosen.

"Only Cole left!" Helga yelled as she caught Cole and tripped over Patrice, "And pretty boy!"

"I hate Chris!" Spader whined as a dead Spiderwasp landed atop the tank freaking everyone out.

"Let's leave as quickly as possible!" Vanessa yelled crying her eyes out.

"Helga agrees!" Helga yelled throwing the remainder of the ammo into the center of the cavern before chucking a huge scrap of metal at them spewing noxious fumes everywhere.

"Let's go!" Summer yelled driving her tank back outside.

* * *

**Camp**

* * *

"I will say that Summer had the best vehicle but the Weasels get immunity!" Chris said laughing.

"Ok so the vehicle building was a complete waste of time." Kai muttered trying to pull web out of her hair.

"Nah we're having a vehicle battle royal!" Chris exclaimed but everyone just glared at him, "Not today though, so keep working on those piece of **** cars!"

"Great more work." Alexa complained, "I worked my butt of today."

"(Cough) you're lazy (Cough)" Emily said faking a cough.

"Your butt is beautiful." Patrice complimented.

"Aren't you just the sweetest." Alexa responded.

"Anyway I will be seeing the Falcons at elimination tonight, but before that I must present Summer with something for winning the first part of the challenge." Chris explained pulling a green piece of carved wood attached to a string out of his pocket, "I will explain what it does later... if you survive tonight's elimination."

"I will get that from her." Patrice told himself quietly.

"I will see the falcons when it gets dark!' Chris explained walking away.

"Before we go I have to ask why the chemicals didn't kill us." Spader asked.

"The Chemical was actually lemon spray! Spiderwasps die from contact with citrus fruit." Chris responded.

"That is really weird." Spader commented.

"Yep."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** So not only do I lose the challenge but this Thing puts a huge target on my back.

**Patrice:** I will steal that Necklace!

**Chris:** This is better than I expected! I love conflict!

**Spader:** I'm glad I can rest easy and go to bed early tonight.

**Kai:** I think I'm pretty safe tonight with the way Theodore has been treating people lately

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Boys cabin**

* * *

The males of the frosty Falcons were listening to Theodore rant about how useless some members of their team were.

"... Not to mention Terrence here did nothing during today's challenge, and don't get me started on Jill..." Theodore ranted while everyone he wasn't facing was glaring at him.

"Will he ever shut up?" Cole whispered to Luke.

"We should knock him out." Luke responded.

"Nah that'd just make him rant more." Cole responded.

"Got something to add Cole?" Theodore asked facing Cole.

"Jill was injured today so we should spare her." Cole replied.

"Nice point... but NO! Are you a ******* Idiot! Jill should go for not helping today!" Theodore screamed right in Cole's face.

"Jeez you don't have to scream Theo." Pete explained.

"SHUT UP YOU ******* THIEF! YOU'VE BEEN STEALING EVERYONES ****** **** AND HAVEN'T GIVEN IT BACK!" Theodore screamed throwing a piece of wood at Pete.

"I haven't stolen anything since I got here, except Chris's megaphone." Pete explained.

"YOU'RE A DIRTY THIEF!" Theodore screamed.

"Settle down Theo." Clyde said.

"Never call me Theo, It sounds like I'm a ******* redneck!" Theodore swore.

"Ok I'll never call you Theo again." Clyde answered cringing.

"We all vote Jill then next time the other weak *** Girls will leave, We should have won, we have more men on our team!" Theodore ordered, "Are you all on board?"

"Of course."

"I would never stray from your plan."

"We shall eliminate Jill!"

"Now I'm going to vote, I'll be back soon... Friends." Theodore hissed storming out the door yelling about how much his team was full of imbeciles.

"All in favor of voting that sexist jerk out raise your hands." Terrance explained while everyone else raised their hands, "Okay it's settled Theo's leaving and someone should go tell the girls about it."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Theodore:** I vote Jill! She's too weak and plus she's a girl, and they're all weak!

**Terrance:** I'm voting for Theodore, He's a sexist jerk with barely any morals.

**Summer:** After what I heard Theodore is getting my vote!

**Pete:** HE ACCUSED ME OF STEALING EVERYONES STUFF! GOODBYE THEODORE!

**Cole:** I'd give him a wedgie but let's face the facts, he has no balls talking about women that way!

**Clyde:** I'm voting Theodore, no suspense tonight!

* * *

**Bonfire Pit**

* * *

The Falcons sat around the bonfire pit on assorted logs and stumps while Chris watched them intently from his makeshift podium.

"What went wrong today Falcons? You did so well yesterday." Chris asked gazing at the miserable team named after a bird of prey and a type of ice.

"The ******* girls screwed it up!" Theodore yelled before anyone else could answer, "We all know that Jill is leaving, she faked a head injury!"

"FAKE!" Jill screamed before grabbing her head in pain, "Does this look fake?"

Jill lifted her helmet to reveal that she had a large purple bruise on her forehead and also revealing that she had long beautiful brown hair.

"We got footage of it!" Chris laughed, "The best part was when you tried to attack people with your sword but it wasn't there!"

"It's actually missing." Jill growled putting her helmet back on and working on tucking her hair in.

"Really? Who stole it?" Luke asked while Billy bent over to pick up something Luke had dropped.

"You dropped this pen." Billy said handing a pen to Luke.

"No I had my flute in my back pocket." Luke replied checking his pocket, "OH NO THE THIEF TOOK MY FLUTE AND REPLACED IT WITH A PEN!"

"Don't panic." Billy assured, "Pete's an expert at stealing things maybe he can tell us who stole the flute."

"I can't do that." Pete responded picking at his nails.

"Anyway we begin the ceremony, one of you shall walk the dock of shame and board the boat of losers tonight, that person shall not receive a marshmallow and that person shall lose the chance at a million dollars." Chris explained, "Oh and no stealing immunity from other people."

"Did someone try doing that?" Clyde asked.

"Nah but it could happen so we should make that rule now, Chef remind me to put it in the rulebook tomorrow." Chris explained to Chef who began jotting it down on a notepad, "Now we begin with handing Immunity to Terrance!"

"Day three here I come!" Terrance exclaimed grabbing his marshmallow, "It's on like donkey Kong!"

"Good to know." Chris muttered with a bored expression, "Summer you're safe!"

"GO ME!" Summer cheered kart wheeling to Chris and collecting her immunity.

"Enough showing off." Chris growled with a look of loathing.

"Chris isn't that athletic." Clyde whispered to John.

"I'll burn your immunity." Chris muttered throwing a marshmallow into the fire, "That means you're safe."

"Come back sugary goodness!" Clyde cried falling to his knees.

"Luke! You're safe as well." Chris said handing the next marshmallow to Luke.

"Thanks." Luke thanked grabbing his marshmallow.

"Cole you get to continue your reign as a bully." Chris explained as Cole poked his marshmallow with a stick, stuck it into the fire and chucked the melted treat onto John's forehead.

"My skin is scolding!" John screamed falling over.

"Do that again with his immunity." Chris ordered.

"Deal!" Cole smiled repeating the process.

"Pete you're safe as well." Chris explained handing Cole Pete's immunity, "Do it again!"

"Hey!" Pete complained as John was hit in the eye with the melted treat.

"Billy, Kai you two are safe!" Chris explained handing Cole their immunity as well.

"Kai have your marshmallow, Billy... GET LOST BEFORE I START KILLING YOU WITH BURNING MARSHMALLOW BOMBS!" Cole yelled chucking another marshmallow at John.

"I hate my life!" John cried.

"Jill, Theodore... the time has come, one of you shall leave forever." Chris explained.

"We all know who that is." Theodore laughed.

"And losing by a clean sweep..." Chris began holding the suspense, "Is...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Theodore!" Chris finished smiling, "Get your sexist *** out of here!"

"WHAT!" Theodore screamed, "YOU BUNCH OF **** FACED **** **** **** **** ****! *******! ****! ****!"

"Chef!" Chris called as Chef walked over to Theodore and knocked him out.

"Goodbye Theodore." Cole said while everyone else started laughing.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Girls cabin**

* * *

Alexa was walking back to the cabin after taking a long shower with plenty of hot water when she opened the cabin door to see every girl on her team sitting on the floor inside the cabin.

"WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?" Alexa asked waving her arms in the air.

"Hi Alexa! We're just playing poker." Vanessa answered, "Julia's winning and she doesn't even know what we're playing."

"Got any aces?" Julia asked Winter.

"We're playing poker Julia." Winter sighed.

"GET OUT!" Alexa screamed pointing to the door.

"About that." Teresa began, "We were getting sick of living in the mess hall so we moved back in here."

"I SAID GET OUT!" Alexa screamed grabbing Emily and attempting to push her out the door.

"Hey!" Emily complained holding herself inside.

"Helga doesn't like it when her friends are treated badly!" Helga yelled grabbing Alexa and throwing her outside where she landed in a puddle of mud.

"HEY!" Alexa complained wiping mud out of her eyes.

"AND STAY OUT!" Helga ordered slamming the door and locking it.

"I deserve better!" Alexa whined looking into the sky.

"She over reacts far too much." Teresa commented as Helga sat back down.

"Urp." Julia burped randomly.

"She burped! I fold!" Vanessa exclaimed.

"I was bluffing!" Julia laughed.

"WHAT! I had four aces!" Vanessa growled smacking her forehead.

"I win!" Julia laughed eating one of the poker chips, "Plastic flavored!"

"We should stop playing." Winter suggested.

"Yeah, I agree." Teresa responded.

Just than Helga smashed through the floor she was sitting on.

"I can fix that." Emily stated.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Teresa:** Vanessa let us in. Apparently Alexa was telling her that Chris was ugly or something.

**Helga:** Helga is starting to think this cabin has a bad floor... Helga never breaks things back home.

**Winter:** I'm feeling much better than this morning. Alexa and Patrice really hurt me.

**Alexa:** Mark my words girls! I will defiantly have my revenge.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Boys cabin**

* * *

Spader and Greg were lying in their beds attempting to fall asleep through Patrice's loud snoring.

"SNORT!" Patrice snored rolling over while Spader covered his ears with his pillow.

"Will he ever quiet down." Greg complained holding his hands on his ears.

"Probably not." Spader assured, "My mom snores quieter than this."

"Your mom snores." Greg laughed.

"It's not that funny." Spader growled.

"Actually it is." Greg replied before the two started laughing.

"Grubble." Patrice muttered in his sleep.

"Great he talks in his sleep too." Greg grumbled.

"My mom sleep eats." Spader stated causing Greg to laugh again.

"Wow what doesn't your mom do in her sleep?" Greg asked still laughing.

"I once found her vacuuming in her sleep and I also saw her making food in her sleep as well." Spader replied.

"That's hilarious." Greg said laughing.

"What are your parents like?" Spader asked.

"My dad is a complete traditional Scotsman so he always wears kilts and is a pro at playing the bagpipes." Greg explained, "My mom died when I was really little."

"Sorry to hear that." Spader apologized.

"You don't have to apologize, you didn't drive that bus!" Greg replied waving his hand like it was nothing.

"She died from getting hit by a bus!" Spader exclaimed with a shocked expression.

"Nah she had a heart attack when she saw a poster promoting child abuse on the side of a bus, that's why my dad had us move to Canada." Greg explained.

"My mom cleans my ears with a tiny vacuum cleaner." Spader said to lighten the mood.

"Seriously?" Greg asked laughing a little bit.

"Yes." Spader replied.

"Ugly!" Patrice yelled in his sleep waving his hand.

"He was really rude to Winter this morning." Spader complained.

"You like her." Greg mocked.

"No I just think she's really cool, it's not like I lay awake at night thinking about her." Spader replied nervously.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Spader:** What? You seriously think I'd do that?

**Greg:** I was just a wee lad when it happened... Of course the bus driver was an escaped murderer anyways.

* * *

**Frosty falcons: Girls cabin**

* * *

The Girls were sitting on their beds recounting the day's events while Jill searched for her sword.

"Jill you didn't say much today, some of the fans might miss you." Summer stated swinging her legs while sitting on her bed.

"I'll just talk a lot tomorrow." Jill responded.

"Jill I think your sword was taken." Kai explained, "People have been losing things all day."

"I'll just run whoever it was over with my awesome tank!" Summer laughed looking out the window at her vehicle, "I wonder if it's street legal?"

"Probably not." Kai replied pulling the covers over herself and grabbing her book.

"Only in Newfoundland and Nunavut." Jill joked while the other two chuckled.

"Newfies are awesome." Kai said smiling, "Especially after a few drinks."

"I have one in my class named Chuck, he's hilarious." Summer giggled remembering her classmates.

"My helmet is not helping with this bruise." Jill muttered removing her helmet and beginning to unstrap her armour.

"You have nice hair." Summer commented.

"Thanks." Jill thanked removing the top half of her armour and fanning her shirt, "Wow I am warm today."

"You mean hot." Summer said giggling.

"My chest is basically flat by girl standards Summer." Jill responded.

"You act like that matters." Summer responded standing up, "What do you think Kai?"

"Boobs don't matter in the long haul." Kai replied completely engrossed in her book.

"Boys don't seem to agree." Jill argued.

"If I ever find a boy who doesn't care about looks, I will never let him go." Summer replied, "It's like how most guys want a girl who likes star wars and Video games."

"What's your opinion on those?" Kai asked.

"It's my favorite movie." Summer replied, "Besides Dream Boy High. Where love is on your permanent record."

"Chick flicks." Kai muttered rolling her eyes.

"Chick flicks." Jill agreed, "I'd much rather watch Star trek or Lord of the Rings."

"We have a geek in here." Summer giggled poking Jill in the stomach.

"And this is coming from the girl who likes Star Wars." Jill replied poking Summer back.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** I hate it when people see me as the stereotypical, makeup obsessed text message loving ditz that most girls my age are, plus I'd much prefer playing Lego Star Wars than text in some stupid language made up of abbreviations and symbols.

**Kai:** Sensei told me that picking up boys is like fishing. There are very few good catches.

**Jill:** I play World of Warcraft a lot.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Guys cabin**

* * *

The guys were savoring the fact that Theodore was finally eliminated.

"It's quiet now." Pete stated.

"Maybe Theodore was an important part to our cabin." Clyde sighed.

"Nope!" Everyone (Including Clyde) yelled in unison.

"The way he hated Jill really annoyed me." Terrance complained, "She had a legit head injury and Theodore thought she was faking it!"

"Theodore was just plain mean!" John growled shaking his head.

"He seemed to get meaner the longer we knew him." Billy nodded.

"Does anyone know who might have taken my flute?" Luke asked digging through his bags.

"When did you last have it?" Terrance asked.

"I was playing it before the elimination ceremony, it helps calm me down." Luke explained.

"Well it was stolen sometime between when you voted and when I found that pen." Billy summed up.

"It'll turn up eventually." Pete assured, "Things always do."

"How would you know?" Luke growled scratchily.

"It's like when you lose that one video game and it turns up randomly." Pete explained.

"Unless you're a neat freak like me." Terrance argued, "All my games are coded on a shelf back home."

"What's your favorite game?" Clyde asked.

"Pokémon Black 2." Terrance replied, "Best storyline ever!"

"I still don't know what team plasma was trying to do in the first place." John muttered.

"They were quite stupid in the first game." Terrance said nodding, "But they still did more than team rocket in red, blue, green, gold, silver, yellow, crystal, firered, leafgreen..."

"Ok just be quiet." Cole ordered, "This nerd talk makes me want to beat someone."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Cole:**

**John:**

**Clyde:** I can't wait until breakfast.

**Billy:**

**Pete:**

**Luke:** I'm going to find whoever stole my flute and they will pay!

**Terrance:** I love video games.

* * *

Chris stood on the dock of shame smiling.

"And another exciting day goes by! With Theodore gone will the Falcons think straight? Probably. And we all have to wonder who's stealing everyone's stuff. Until next time I'm Chris Maclean!" Chris began waving his hair back, "Tune in next time for TOTAL! DRAMA! Return to the island!"

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Boys cabin**

* * *

The moon shone brightly over the Weasels cabin but not everyone was asleep. Inside Spader was laying awake staring at the ceiling pondering something.

"Uh-oh." Spader said realizing why he was still awake.

* * *

**Frosty falcons:** Jill, Terrance, Luke, Summer, Cole, Pete, Billy, Kai, Clyde, John

**Wicked Weasels:** Teresa, Vanessa, Emily, Julia, Patrice, Spader, Greg, Helga, Winter, Alexa

**Eliminated:** Mona, Theodore

* * *

**Votes:**

**Jill:** Theodore

**Terrance:** Theodore

**Luke:** Theodore

**Summer:** Theodore

**Cole:** Theodore

**Pete:** Theodore

**Billy:** Theodore

**Kai:** Theodore

**Clyde:** Theodore

**John:** Theodore

**Theodore:** Jill

* * *

**How did you guys like this chapter? Was it good, was it bad? Comment even if you aren't a member of Fanfiction.**

**I hated writing this chapter. It just seemed so stupid and there were giant gaps in the story that I didn't fill and the amount of Filler in this chapter was just too much, but that's me writers are never happy with their own work most of the time.**

**Anyway so Theodore is gone and with him goes that obnoxious swearing that I really hated, Theodore just got ruder the more I wrote about him, plus he was originally supposed to make it passed the merge but he was far too hateable of a Character ton actually like him. So good riddance Theodore, I don't think anyone will like your interview.**

**So in this chapter I created Oatis so I could make Julia act more serious, sorry if you missed her personality... its back though, I wasn't expecting Summer to become the leader of the Frosty Falcons, It was actually supposed to be Jill (Who I made the butt monkey of jokes for the first part of the chapter), I guess the whole girly girl taking the complete leader role was just more comedic to me. I do realize that this challenge was a repeat of chapter one's but I actually made fun of myself for doing that with the whole whiny Patrice thing. Anyway so next time I'm doing a completely different theme for the challenge so rest assured more comedy to come. Luke has a split personality so he basically is based off Golem from lord of the rings.**

**Thanks for reading! Until next time, I'm the Firebending Frog!**

* * *

**If you have any fan (Hate in the two most recently eliminated contestant's cases) mail you want to send to the two eliminated characters I might put them in their interviews. So comment or PM me any mail. Good, bad, Just abnormal, whatever comes to mind.**

* * *

**Next time: It's time to shine with Wawanakwa's got talent!**


	3. Chapter 3: The Singing Banana

**Chapter 3: The Singing Banana**

**Just to let you guys know this chapter contains a bunch of songs that are spoofs of real ones such as inner Ninja and Mirror and are quiet funny, so please read them just to get a cheap laugh, plus if you know the song it's funny as the underworld.**

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own Total Drama or any of its characters or seasons, I do however own all the 22 characters that appear in this story.**

**Warning:**

**This chapter of Total Drama Return to the Island contains scenes of extreme stunts, a burglar, several missing items, a gigantic stage, terrible singing, spoof songs, bad jokes, bagpipes, someone stepping outside their comfort zone, a creepy puppet hosting a person's second personality, and a banana suit, nothing M rated though, it's T just in case.**

** You have been warned... **

* * *

Chris Maclean stood on the dock of shame with Chef about to begin the intro.

"We start in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1." The director counted down.

"We're live!" the cameraman yelled.

"Last time on Total Drama return to the Island we were planning on just judging vehicles and making them BATTLE TO THE DEATH!" Chris began.

"That would have been fun." Chef laughed nodding his head.

"But then a bunch of mutated wasps attacked camp and began tying people up for their queen to eat." Chris explained, "So we sent the campers in there with the revolutionary new product: Not Raid!"

"It kills bugs and leaves a light citrus scent behind." Chef marketed holding a can up so the audience could see.

"Anyway so the Wicked Weasels won due to Helga and we took the Falcons out for their first elimination ceremony." Chris explained.

"They lost their elimination-ginity." Chef laughed.

"Just be quiet Chef." Chris muttered shaking his head in disappointment.

"Fine." Chef mumbled hanging his head.

"So we said good riddance to Theodore who was starting to make us lose younger viewers for some reason." Chris said shrugging, "Who can sing? Who can Dance? And who can impress a panel of inter-island-al judges? Find out right here, right now, on Total! Drama! Return to the Island!"

* * *

**Theme song: **I wanna be famous

* * *

The sun was just coming up over camp as the girls of the Wicked Weasels were awoken by someone outside their cabin screaming.

"LET ME IN! THERE'S A DIRTY MONSTER OUT HERE!" Alexa screamed as a blurry eyed Teresa staggered to the door and opened it to see Alexa running from a moth.

"And she continues to get more and more pathetic." Teresa sighed as Alexa dashed in and locked the door.

Now Alexa looked just plain terrible, she had an ugly swelling under her eye, several leaves in her hair and quite a bit of spider web on her arms. Alexa normally wore beautiful designer clothing but right now she only appeared to be wearing clothes fit for a homeless woman.

"What happened to you?" Vanessa asked looking Alexa up and down before giggling a little.

"Last night an owl tried to eat my tongue." Alexa replied a wild look in her eyes and curling into a ball on her lower bunk, "And a wolf showed up and began chewing on my leg like a dog does to a chew toy. "

"You had a rough night." Emily said, "Maybe next time you'll find some better shelter."

"No! I beg you to please let me stay in the cabin! I'm begging you!" Alexa screamed grabbing Emily and shaking her wildly.

"I will if you can do one thing." Emily said smiling, "You just have to be nice for the entire day."

"I can..." Alexa began before Teresa interrupted her.

"That means you can't complain, be lazy, make everyone do your share of the work, bully Winter, call Helga ugly, or Julia a retard." Teresa explained while Alexa cringed at every word she said, "Three strikes and you're out."

"I'm not retarded! I'm adorable!" Julia yelled popping out from her ball of bed sheets.

"No you're..." Alexa began before noticing Emily and Teresa glaring at her, "... Super adorable."

"Wanna make out." Julia asked pointing at Alexa with a huge grin.

"NO..." Alexa began before catching herself, "I mean no thanks."

"But hippo's like it when girls make out." Julia whined falling back into her covers.

"Ok that I would have allowed." Teresa explained putting her hands on her hips.

"Seriously!" Alexa yelled, "I was just nice to Julia! Why didn't you tell me I could have yelled at her?!"

"Because no one else does." Helga explained walking out the door with a towel, "Helga will see teammates at breakfast!"

"We will see our Helga there as well." Winter said pointing finger guns at Helga.

"So what does everyone want for breakfast after we pretend to eat what Chef Calls food?" Teresa asked opening one of her suitcases, "That's weird."

"What's weird?" Emily asked stretching.

"My cooking kit is gone." Teresa responded.

"Does that mean..." Vanessa stammered.

"... We don't get elephant bacon!" Julia shrieked falling to her knees.

"I've never cooked elephant bacon." Teresa responded confused.

"Says you." Julia growled biting one of her socks and beginning to chew, "Mmmmm tastes like feet."

"So we either eat socks like Julia or we find Teresa's cooking kit, because let's face it, Helga's the only one that eats Chef's food at our table." Emily observed.

"Let's look after breakfast." Teresa said, "We have a challenge to win so we can't worry about my personal items going missing."

"But my favorite elf eggs." Julia whined.

"What are you even talking about?" Teresa asked giving Julia a strange look.

"Let's just go and follow Helga's wisdom and shower then we can think about these things." Winter said backing out the door with a towel hanging on her neck.

"Maybe we should." Emily suggested following Winter out.

"Is this really worth it?" Vanessa asked pulling clothes out of her suitcase after all the other girls had walked out.

"If I can sleep in this cabin rather than outside on this mutated island I'd even sell my prized earrings studded with actual rubies and sapphires." Alexa responded walking out with a towel around her shoulders.

"The outdoors changed you." Vanessa laughed following her.

Just as the girls left a figure snuck into the room and began digging in Alexa's bags.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Alexa:** If not staying in that cabin takes me being nice to everyone then you're going to hate my confessionals today.

**Winter:** I never found Frosty last night so I didn't sleep too well.

**Julia:** I want butterfly pancakes with rainbow sprinkles covered in tree sap for breakfast. (Julia proceeds to eat a moth that was fluttering around the confessional)

**Helga:** Helga can't wait to have a well cooked hearty meal for breakfast, Helga used to eat bricks for breakfast when she was three so Chef's cooking is fabulous.

**Teresa:** Torturing Alexa back will be so much fun.

**Emily:** Who knows maybe Alexa's behavior from today will stick.

**Vanessa:** although she made me mad last night me and Alexa are still good friends.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Boys cabin**

* * *

Spader and Greg had been woken early by an owl smacking into their window so the two were playing cards when Patrice woke up.

"What are you losers doing?" Patrice asked rubbing his head from tiredness.

"We're playing..." Greg began before Patrice cut him off.

"Don't care!" Patrice yelled standing up buck naked.

"Dude put some clothes on!" Spader ordered shielding his eyes.

"What? Are you embarrassed that mine is bigger than yours?" Patrice asked grabbing boxers from one of his suitcases.

"No." Spader said disgusted, "Not at all."

"Well I'm off to go pee off the deck." Patrice stated walking to the door in just his underwear.

"That was disturbing." Spader commented.

"You think!" Greg growled, "His is..."

"Just stop! This show is rated T for god's sake! Keep it clean!" Spader interrupted.

"Yeah and that wasn't M rated at all!" Greg yelled throwing two aces on the floor, "I WIN!"

"I win." Patrice said walking back in, "Yeah just had a crowd of ladies out there watching."

"No they all left for the mess hall twenty minutes ago." Spader replied checking his watch while Greg shuffled the cards.

"Were the ladies squirrels?" Greg asked leaning towards Patrice with a smirk plastered on his face.

"Shut up!" Patrice denied blushing a little which confirmed what Greg had just said while grabbing the shirt he had been wearing the day before.

"Don't you wear a fresh shirt every day?" Spader asked.

"Nah, washing clothes is a waste of time." Patrice laughed like Spader had just told a funny joke.

"How many squirrels did you traumatize?" Greg asked raising his hand like he was in class.

"You're hilarious!" Patrice yelled while faking a Ha Ha.

"I know." Greg said looking at the cards he had just dealt himself.

"Hey Patrice? Did you see my sand from the seafloor yesterday?" Spader asked looking up at Patrice while Greg swapped an ace for one of his cards secretly.

"Nope, why do you have sand?" Patrice asked.

"Its fifteen million years old and has a different sediment value... You know I'll just stop right there, but you get what I mean. The thief was here last night." Spader explained making Patrice face him.

"It was funny last night when you went to pee while wearing a hat." Greg laughed pointing at Patrice.

"I didn't go pee last night." Patrice growled before looking a Greg with a bewildered look, "The Thief! What did he look like?"

"I didn't see him that well." Greg replied putting his cards down.

"Two aces again!" Spader yelled, "That's the fifth time in a row!"

"Maybe he left a clue." Patrice said beginning to rummage around the cabin.

"You mean like that red screwdriver that was sitting on the floor this morning." Spader said pulling a red screwdriver from his pocket.

"I found a clue!" Patrice yelled triumphantly taking credit for what Spader had done.

"He has an ego bigger than his head." Greg muttered smacking his head on the floor.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Patrice:** I'm so smart!

**Greg:** With a little luck we can find the thief and bring justice to him or her.

**Spader:** I don't trust anyone with hair bigger than their head, and I guess Patrice's ego is about ten times the size of this island so I don't trust him either.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Girls cabin**

* * *

The girls of the frosty falcons had all moved to their top bunks after the events with head injuries from the day before, Jill was still sleeping while Summer and Kai were tidying up the cabin a little bit.

"According to Emily Helga keeps smashing things and she constantly has to fix them." Kai explained while Summer folded some clothes and packed them in her laundry suitcase.

"Well Helga is a big girl." Summer agreed nodding, "She's a sweetheart though, she was telling people not to pick flowers yesterday because they would kill them and they'd cease to be flowers."

"That's actually cute." Summer giggled.

"Should we wake up Jill maybe?" Kai asked.

"Probably." Summer replied picking up her suitcase and pushing it under the bed.

"I'll do it." Kai offered walking over to Jill and tapping her.

"YAAAAAH!" Jill screamed whipping out her flail and almost giving Kai a concussion.

"Why do you always sleep with weapons?" Kai asked her heart racing from the near death experience.

"My Sword's gone, so you never know who might try to steal something else." Jill responded, "Plus I won't fall back asleep now."

"That's true." Summer said nodding her head, "That short adrenaline rush will keep you from falling back to sleep again."

"I hate falling back asleep. I once slept till 2:00 PM on a Saturday." Jill said shuddering.

"When did you go to bed?" Kai asked.

"10:00." Jill replied giving Kai a look that said: I sleep far too long.

"That's fifteen hours of sleep!" Summer exclaimed.

"And I woke up tired." Jill whined.

"I hate waking up tired it just ruins your entire day." Summer muttered.

"I agree with that statement." Kai agreed.

"What torture or environmental cover up do you girls think Chris have planned for today?" Summer asked, "Because yesterday was defiantly both."

"It shall be referred to as The Challenge That Shall Not Be Named." Jill said naming day two.

"Or Voldemort for short." Kai said as the other girls started laughing.

"You two are awesome! I expected to be surrounded by jerks and people like Mona but instead I got to stay with you two." Summer complimented, "That's a complement by the way."

"Awww thanks Summer! Although I would have preferred a team filled with Theodore's and Mona's." Kai explained before Jill threw a pillow at her while yelling "BOO!"

"You kid right?" Summer asked.

"Of course." Kai responded giggling.

"Giggling is too girly girl for my tastes." Jill sighed, "Why can't we just laugh and be found attractive?"

"Three words: Testosterone Filled Males. Like Patrice." Summer replied sitting down on her bed.

"That is true." Kai replied glancing at Summer.

"I wonder if guys ever complain about estrogen filled females." Jill pondered putting her forefinger to her chin.

"Probably not most guys." Kai sighed.

"Why the long face Kai?" Jill asked.

"It's nothing." Kai replied.

"It's something." Summer argued, "Tell me!"

"No." Kai growled suddenly defensive.

"Tell me!" Summer repeated.

"No!" Kai yelled waving her arms in the air.

"Tell me! Tell me! TELL ME! TELLMETELLMETELLMETELLMETELL..." Summer repeated in an annoying manner.

"OK FINE!" Kai yelled over the noise, "My boyfriend cheated on me just before I left because I wasn't pretty enough."

"He was a jack***!" Summer yelled.

"Summer you potty mouth!" Jill joked, "You're going to leave like Theodore if you keep speaking like that!"

"He had a bad influence on me!" Summer argued before jokingly saying, "Now leave me alone so I can go party and get drunk mom!"

"You've been smoking haven't you young lady!" Jill responded playing her part.

"I kid, I haven't even tried drinking in my life, heck I don't even go to that many parties." Summer explained.

"What's it like not having the title of nerd on your head?" Jill asked.

"Pretty lame actually." Summer replied remembering school, "I have like no real friends, they're just fake basically because we never hang out or do anything."

"I hate popularity." Kai muttered.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Kai:** Tyrell is a jerk and I only realized that after he cheated on me with Becky Gillonsberg!

**Jill:** My home life is quite boring, my parents are extremely boring and hate my weird obsessions and they've probably sold everything I own that's out of place already.

**Summer:** I usually spend my weekends alone at home watching movies and exercising, yes girls can lift weights as well especially when they have to compete with five brothers and a dad who's a professional wrestler.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Boys cabin**

* * *

The boys were sitting around the cabin doing random things: John was jumping on his bed, Terrance and Luke were in the middle of a game of chess, Cole was stuffing ice in Clyde's underwear, and Billy was glaring at Pete from across the room.

"Checkmate." Terrance exclaimed cornering Luke's king with every major piece still intact.

"When you say gamer, you literally mean it." Luke complemented beginning to clean up the game.

"There's only one type of game I hate." Terrance replied holding his fist in the air.

"And what is that?" Luke asked.

"Those platform games on the internet that piss everyone off." Terrance replied.

"Yeah but who actually likes those?" Luke asked picking up the board and folding it.

"My sister does." Cole growled shoving another bag of ice down Clyde's pants, "She's a little bit weird though."

"How weird exactly?" John asked still bouncing on his bed.

"She's a mathlete." Cole replied.

"Oooh." Almost everyone said in a disgusted voice.

"What's a mathlete?" Pete asked.

"Only a member of the nerdiest group of people in any school." Cole replied pushing Clyde onto his butt who started panicking because of the cold.

"They're called the math team at my school." Pete replied.

"Really?" Luke asked, "They seem to be called Mathletes a lot nowadays."

"It's the nerdiest athletic sport in any school." Billy said digging in his pocket for something, "Has anyone seen my red screwdriver? I can't work on my blender without it."

"No but maybe Pete HAS!" Cole growled glaring at Pete who had been fiddling with Chris's air horn.

"What do you mean?" Pete asked looking directly at Cole with a shocked expression.

"My favorite Shirt has gone missing and you have a record of stealing things!" Cole yelled marching over to Pete and picking him up.

"I didn't take anything!" Pete yelled denying the accusation.

"The fruit scent blast soap I've been using is missing as well!" Clyde yelled.

"Clyde you ate it in front of everyone in here last night and had to go to the medical tent." Pete replied with an annoyed look on his face, "Everyone saw it!"

"Oh yeah..." Clyde trailed trying to remember.

"Pete stole my Shirt and I have proof!" Cole yelled.

"Proof?" Pete asked looking at Cole intently.

"Uhhh its right..." Cole began but was cut off by Patrice bursting into the cabin.

"WHO'S SCREWDRIVER IS THIS?!" Patrice yelled the veins on his neck showing while he held a screwdriver out for the Falcons to see while Spader and Greg walked in behind him.

"Hey I was looking for that!" Billy stated taking the screwdriver from Patrice, "Where did you find it?"

"The thief left it in our cabin last night when they stole my seafloor sand." Spader answered.

"Well whoever stole from you guys was here as well." Billy summed up, "Cole is missing his favorite shirt."

"It was a signed shirt that I got at a three heads concert." Cole growled crossing his arms.

"I've got reason to believe Pete has been stealing things from people." Greg explained, "Pete owns a fedora and the thief was wearing one."

"I don't own a fedora." Pete denied looking at Greg like he was crazy, "Check my bags if you want."

"I can see it under your mattress Pete." Greg explained pointing at a fedora sticking out of Pete's mattress.

"I've never seen that before!" Pete yelled as Cole punched him.

"WHERE IS EVERYTHING?!" Cole screamed picking Pete up.

"Attention all campers." The PA system announced in the bored voice of an Intern, "Please head to the mess hall for breakfast, anyone not present without a head injury on tape will be immediately eliminated. That is all."

"We'll deal with you later." Cole growled throwing Pete into a pile of luggage.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Pete:** I didn't steal anything! Honest!

**Cole:** I hope he cries when he's eliminated next time we lose.

**Terrance:** Normally I would believe Pete but the evidence is irrefutable.

**Luke:** Did Pete really steal my flute yesterday? That's cold man, cold!

**Clyde:** I can't believe I don't remember eating soap.

**John:** I don't believe Pete stole everything, he's far too honest and a terrible liar when he's under pressure.

**Billy:** Glad to have my screwdriver back, looks like Pete's going tonight so I'll be cheerful all day.

* * *

**Mess hall**

* * *

The Wicked Weasels were watching Alexa suffer from trying to be nice to Julia, so far Julia had asked her to Lick her toes, eat a spider, dye her hair with mud, and was currently trying to make her talk to her sock.

"Hello!" Julia said hiding below the table while sticking a sock puppet on the top, "What's your name pretty lady?"

"My names Alexa Julia, you know that!" Alexa sighed putting her face between her hands.

"I'm not Julia, I'm Mr. Sock face!" Julia responded, "Wanna make out?"

"No thanks!" Alexa growled as Julia began showing her sock in Alexa's face.

"Ok Julia can you stop bugging Alexa?" Emily asked.

"Fine." Julia sighed grabbing the sock puppet and putting it back on her foot.

"You wear sock puppets for socks?" Spader asked pointing at Julia's foot.

"Yeah! I can also sing very well!" Julia giggled grabbing a burnt banana off her plate and using it as a microphone, "I learned the spells before..."

"Just save it for later." Teresa said cutting her off.

"I'm keeping the banana though." Julia said pocketing the food, "It can sing."

"That's... cute." Teresa said awkwardly.

"So it looks like Theodore's gone." Greg observed looking at the Falcons table which was pretty much just glaring at Pete.

"I didn't know him at all but he seemed like a bit of a one way street." Teresa stated.

"What does that mean?" Patrice asked looking at Teresa like she was stupid.

"His way or the highway." Teresa replied lowering the intellect of her statement.

"That's stupid." Patrice growled.

"Sometimes I wonder if I just shouldn't talk at all." Teresa muttered sinking her head.

"Who cares, it's one more Falcon we don't have to worry about." Greg summed up, "Who wants my Fruit?"

"Why did Chef cook it anyway?" Winter asked looking at several apples that looked like they had been sitting in the bottom of a deep fryer, "Sometimes fruit is better raw."

"But some apples are gross uncooked and some aren't." Teresa explained, "A granny smith apple is supposed to be eaten raw because it tastes better that way, meanwhile a red apple is bland and tastes good in pies."

"Helga likes the food!" Helga grunted in between every orange off her plate which she was eating one at a time.

"Of course Helga likes eating this garbage!" Alexa yelled throwing a chunk of pineapple back onto her table.

"Strike 1." Emily and Teresa said in unison.

"Oh no!" Alexa squeaked covering her mouth.

"We told you." Emily laughed, "Two more and you are out-side."

"That's punny." Teresa giggled.

"These are terrible jokes girls." Greg complained smacking his head on the table.

"Apples are poisonous!" Julia yelled pointing at Winters fruit.

"WHAT!" Alexa shrieked falling off the bench.

"They contain a low amount of poison that is beneficial to humans because it builds up poison resistance which means you live longer if poisoned when you eat lots of apples." Teresa explained passing her plate of scrambled mangoes to Helga, "They're fascinating fruit actually."

"Apples are my favorite fruit." Winter stated picking her book back up, "But these ones are just plain disgusting."

"That's what she said." Patrice smiled winking at Winter.

"You were lonely as a child weren't you?" Winter guessed not even glancing at Patrice.

"It wasn't my fault my teeth were out of place." Patrice whined hitting the table with his fist and beginning to cry.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Patrice:** ... and then grandma died and grandpa disowned me...

**Winter:** (She made a finger gun) taken down, kabam!

**Alexa:** Julia is a ******* **** faced **** with no**** and a *** *** *** **** **** **** the ******* **** ****!

**Helga:** Helga likes camp food better than food Helga's father brings home from the home country.

**Emily:** Me and Teresa placed bets, Alexa makes it, I win, Alexa fails, and Teresa wins.

* * *

"Is it me or is emotional Patrice more annoying than flirty Patrice." Vanessa stated while rubbing Patrice's back.

"Why is he even ashamed of wearing braces, back when I started grade 7 I had headgear and my hair was always braided so I looked completely freaky." Winter stated continuing to read her book.

"Headgear?" Spader asked.

"I had an overbite okay!" Winter growled hiding behind her book.

"Look on the Brightside Patrice, when we win today Pete will leave." Greg explained.

"You're right!" Patrice yelled standing up, "That little troll is gone for good now!"

"What did he do?" Alexa asked.

"He's been stealing things from everyone over the last two days." Patrice growled glaring at the other table like they were all responsible for his missing phone numbers.

"That explains why my screwdriver has gone missing." Emily said with a hint of anger and resentment in her voice.

"Can I burn him?" Julia asked raising her hand.

"NO!" Everyone answered.

"Julia we don't burn people in civilized society." Emily explained.

"Please!" Julia begged, "I'll only burn him a little."

"No Julia! That's final." Emily ordered while Julia began to sulk.

"So one of the showers in the girls change room is broken." Teresa stated changing the subject.

"How did that happen?" Spader asked looking at Teresa like she was crazy.

"It happened like this..." Teresa explained:

The camera swaps to a video from earlier.

* * *

**Girls change room**

* * *

"Helga likes singing in water! It makes Helga CLEAN!" Helga sang from one of the shower stalls as Teresa, Emily, and Julia entered the shower room.

"Can you believe they installed a camera in the change room?" Emily asked as she walked inside and glared at the camera.

"We should cover it." Teresa suggested.

"That's a great idea Teresa!" Emily said smiling walking towards the camera.

"Helga dropped the bar of soap." Helga yelled not realizing other people were there, "WHOOPS!"

A gigantic Imprint of Helga's face was suddenly visible on the wall.

"Helga broke something!" Helga yelled.

* * *

"Of course that ended with some interns coming in and closing off the stall." Teresa explained while her team listened.

"Maybe the challenge is to fix that!" Greg said laughing, "You get it?"

"No." Vanessa responded.

"That's okay, I didn't get it either." Greg mumbled.

"Speaking of the challenge, what are we doing today?" Patrice asked.

"NO ONE..." Alexa began before she caught herself, "We won't know until Chris gets here."

"Good catch Alexa you almost had two strikes there." Emily complemented.

"Thanks, I guess..." Alexa trailed giving Emily an angry look when her back was turned.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Spader:** Headgear? You had to ask the girl you like about her headgear? Silly!

**Greg:** I have to come up with far better jokes if I ever want to become a stand up comedian.

**Julia:** I worship the element of fire!

**Teresa:** its win-win today, Alexa pisses everyone off and she stays outside, if she manages to be nice we have a mean Alexa free day.

**Vanessa:** I wonder when I should show everyone my scrapbook of Chris?

* * *

**Frosty Falcons**

* * *

"I can't believe you'd steal everyone's possessions like that!" Summer scolded wagging her finger at Pete, "You should know that it's wrong."

"I didn't steal anything!" Pete argued cringing at everyone's glares.

"Where's my black belt!" Kai demanded slamming her fist on the table, "I worked for eight years to achieve that!"

"And taking my shampoo is just plain creepy." Summer growled.

"What about my lock pick huh? I suppose it just grew legs and walked away!" Pete responded angrily.

"Or you're just hiding it!" Cole yelled.

"What if the cliché thing happens and it wasn't me but someone else?" Pete replied.

"Or the even more cliché thing happens and it turns out to be you!" Billy yelled.

"We all agree that you're probably the most obvious person to have stolen everything!" Cole yelled smacking the table so hard that it rattled.

"Actually I believe him." Jill stated raising her hand.

"Why would you believe a scoundrel like him?" Cole asked giving a you're dead to me glare to Jill.

"He shows no signs of lying." Jill responded shrugging.

"And how do you know that?" Clyde asked crossing his arms.

"I'm a junior police officer so you better keep your mouths shut little man!" Jill shouted in a voice that would probably make Duncan behave.

"You were a cop." John said his jaw dropping.

"Junior police officer! Get it right." Jill muttered rolling her eyes, "My parents were getting annoyed with my obsessions with 'weird' things so they sent me to a police training regiment for an entire year hoping it would give me a real career to look forward to."

"Ok are you lying?" Summer asked, "Because I don't believe this one bit."

"Trust me. I hated that place for everything it had to offer. It didn't change me of course, just gave me skills no one else has." Jill sighed remembering the camp.

"So how can you tell if Pete's lying?" Cole asked.

"Hey Pete! Have you ever fallen asleep while eating ribs?" Jill asked staring at Pete.

"No." Pete said while giggling.

"He giggles when he lies." Jill summed up, returning to cutting her frozen solid grapefruit with a dagger.

"So we just ask him questions and if he giggles he lies." Cole said amazed, "You are good."

"I passed interrogation with a 100% average." Jill replied, "That got me ready for the academy."

"What academy?" Luke asked.

"I attend an all Girls school and only return home every summer and Christmas." Jill replied, "They're all rich snobs and academic over achievers."

"I didn't expect that." Terrance said with a look of wonder on his face.

"I hate snobs." Jill muttered making a disgusted face before returning to her grapefruit.

"Pete did you steal anything?" Cole demanded.

"No."

"Did you 'borrow' anything?"

"No."

"What colour is my underwear?" Clyde asked.

"I don't know or care." Pete replied looking at other people in confusion.

"Stay out of this!" Cole yelled pushing Clyde over.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Pete:** I hate my team right now.

**Cole:** I'm going to find a way to make Pete tell the truth

**Jill:** If it weren't for my grandma my life would suck and I'd probably be in summer school right now.

**Clyde:** What I wanted him to giggle again.

**Billy:** day four here I come.

* * *

"What are we eating exactly?" Summer asked poking a freezer burnt chunk of watermelon with her fork.

"I don't really care." Cole growled sitting down and glaring at Pete.

"Can we just pretend to be a fully functioning unit until the challenge is over?" Terrance asked getting everyone's attention.

"Why?" Cole asked laughing a little, "That sounds girly and stupid!"

"I will hit you." Summer growled.

"Fine." Cole sighed, "But only because you're rooming with a weapons specialist."

"You know it." Jill mumbled chewing on some frozen grapefruit.

"Let's continue from where Summer left off." Terrance suggested, "I dislike this food because it seems like Chef just pulled it out of the freezer and smacked it on a plate and yelled: FOOD!"

"It's not that bad." Jill commented picking more grapefruit off with her knife, "We are the Frosty Falcons anyway so he must have felt that we like our food frozen rather than normal."

"It's barely edible!" Billy yelled.

"Oh it's edible." Jill continued pointing at the Weasels table where they were all pushing burnt fruit to Helga, "Chef managed to burn fruit."

"You're hilarious." Billy commented sarcastically.

"I know." Jill smirked putting another piece of her breakfast in her mouth.

"My question is how old these grapes are." Luke commented holding bag full of grapes frozen in a block of ice in the air, "How do you manage to do this accidentally?"

"Aliens." John said using his hands, "What? No one else reads meme's?"

"Nope." Jill commented chewing.

"If you suck on the lemons long enough you can actually lose the ability to taste temporarily." Clyde commented picking up his lemon sticking it in his mouth again.

"Please don't kill yourself." Luke suggested dropping his breakfast on the ground.

"At the police camp we ate bread with coleslaw for every meal." Jill said but no one was listening.

"I believe Chris should be here any minute now." Billy guessed checking his watch.

"Can we throw frozen fruit at him?" Pete asked before going quiet under the hard stares everyone was giving him.

"I'd be quiet right now Mr. Thief!" Cole growled glaring at Pete.

"I love you too." Pete replied sarcastically.

"I would strangle you if the cop wasn't here." Cole growled.

"I'm not a cop!" Jill yelled, "Why does everyone keep confusing this? It's Jr. Police officer!"

"Did you ever kill someone?" Clyde asked.

"No but I got to electrocute someone with a..." Jill began but was cut off by Clyde.

"Did you ever have to arrest someone?" Clyde asked.

"No I was in a camp..." Jill began but was cut off by Clyde again.

"Can I see your gun?" Clyde asked.

"I don't have a permit!" Jill replied chucking a frozen grapefruit peel at Clyde.

"Good morning the second most hated thing on the planet!" Chris exclaimed walking into the mess hall.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Terrance:** Chris: Exactly what we needed today.

**Luke:** Second most hated thing on the planet?

**Kai:** Don't think that I'm letting Pete off the hook that easy.

**Clyde:** Jill was a cop! I wonder if she was ever in a police chase.

**John:** I would have said something in Pete's defense but I think I'd get beaten to pulp by Cole.

* * *

"What do you mean second most hated thing on the planet?" Jill asked looking at Chris like he was crazy.

"Well the word moist takes first place and teenagers take second." Chris explained looking at the group evilly, "But of course you won't be doing anything remotely close to water today because we are having a talent show!"

"All right!" Greg cheered high fiving Spader.

"You will each perform a talent for us and you will be judged by a panel of international judges." Chris announced watching everyone's faces light up, "Who declined our invitation so you'll be judged by Me, Chef, and of course one of our interns."

"Aww man! Pete stole my flute!" Luke sighed facepalming.

"You'll find something else." Summer assured.

"The fist presenter will need to be there in half an hour." Chris explained before leaving, "You lose five points for every minute you're late."

"Talent show! WHOOOO!" Clyde cheered.

"We have half an hour and we better make it count!" Summer yelled leading her team back to their cabin.

"Helga thinks we should leave as well!" Helga yelled walking out of the mess hall smashing her imprint into the doorway while she walked.

"Oh Helga." Emily sighed while smiling, "You never fail to break things."

* * *

**Frosty Falcons**

* * *

The Frosty Falcons were sitting outside their cabin either holding, wearing, or practicing their talent while Summer and Kai sat at a small table trying to decide the order they'd appear in.

"...Cole says he knows that ballet routine by heart but I know I can make a cheer in about 20 seconds." Summer said pondering who should go first.

"I say Cole because Chris will then look forward to you cheering and the longer he waits the better it is for us." Kai argued.

"Who would we put as third though?" Summer asked looking at where Clyde had amassed a lot of 2 litre sodas.

"I can play the flute or do a presentation of my martial arts." Kai offered.

"We'll go with flute because Pete stole Luke's." Summer said writing that down on her paper.

"Hey girls! I think I have something I can do for the show now." Luke mumbled walking up to the table and placing a small suitcase on it.

"It better not be magic tricks." Kai stated, "Chris said he hates those when I applied for the show.

"No." Luke mumbled nervously opening the case to reveal a miniature Luke ventriloquist dummy.

"Wow." Summer said amazed.

"I was going to play the flute but mine was stolen, so I have to use this embarrassing thing." Luke mumbled bushing slightly.

"This is awesome! When did you learn to do this?" Kai asked picking up the miniature Luke and making it talk, "Hello! I'm Luke, I like potatoes!"

"It goes more like this." Luke explained picking up the dummy and sticking hand down its back, "I will refer to him as Sly."

"Shuddup! I thought we agreed I was to never be touched again." Sly responded in a very different voice.

"No you told me you quit and I put you away until now." Luke argued before the dummy slapped him with its limp arm when Luke waved it, "Stop it!"

"How long will it take you to practice?" Summer asked.

"I can go third or fourth." Luke answered holding the dummy's arm away from slapping him.

"Ok I'm going to go and tell Cole that he's up first so he can get ready for the show in fifteen minutes." Summer told Kai, "You find out what John's going to do."

"Deal." Kai agreed walking towards John while Luke began smacking his dummy in the face.

John was pulling ramps, jumps, and several rings that would set on fire out of the cabin and placing them next to his bicycle.

"What are you going to do John?" Kai asked walking over.

"I'm going to amaze those judges by falling down a ramp flying off this jump and do a triple flip through five rings that will be on fire." John explained with a fire in his eyes dropping the ring he was carrying.

"Are you okay with going last?" Kai asked, "You can amaze the judges and watch the show from your seat rather than the medical tent."

"Great idea!" John yelled laughing, "We'll set up my jump behind a curtain!"

"Sure, just save the fire for later." Kai suggested turning around to come face to face with Billy.

"Can I demonstrate fake rare animals to the judges?" Billy pleaded.

"You're going second last so you can stun them with your Cornicorns and Sascrotches." Kai answered.

"Nah I was thinking more along the lines of Weregoldfish and a stuffed Frosty Falcon." Billy corrected.

"You do that." Kai agreed with a slightly amused voice.

"Cole agreed to go first." Summer yelled running over to Kai, "I'm going to go change and practice a routine."

"I'll find out what Jill, Clyde, Pete, and Terrance are doing." Kai replied agreeing with what Summer had explained to her.

"Maybe you should take that soda away from Clyde first." Summer suggested pointing at Clyde who was chugging a soda surrounded by a bunch of empty bottles.

"CLYDE NO!" Kai yelled panicking before running over to Clyde and taking the remaining twelve bottles from him.

"Gimmie!" Clyde whined reaching for the bottles.

"Clyde's a nice guy but when someone gets between him and food he gets kind of whiney." Jill analyzed looking at the two arguing campers.

"What are you planning to do?" Summer asked looking at Jill.

"I was planning on poetry but Chris would get bored of that." Jill explained pulling a crossbow out from behind her, "Instead I'm going to shoot targets while blindfolded."

"Isn't that dangerous?" Summer asked.

"Yes." Jill replied before walking away.

"She's either going to get good scores or kill someone." Summer remarked with a stunned look on her face.

"Hey Summer we're on soon!" Cole yelled wearing pink tights, "Chris wants the first two performances there as soon as possible!"

"I'm coming!" Summer replied dashing off to the amphitheatre.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** I'm starting to wonder if rooming with Jill is a good idea, She's nice and all, but she seems to have a new weapon from medieval times every day.

**Kai:** The only talent we don't know anything about is Terrance's...

**Clyde:** My talent is drinking a lot of soda without stopping.

**Jill:** Crossbows are like medieval guns, if Minecraft had them it'd be like playing a first person shooter.

**John:** I can't wait to land the triple X fire blast super jump extreme!

* * *

**Wicked Weasels**

* * *

"How many times do I have to say it Helga? Smashing things is not a talent." Vanessa sighed while Helga looked like she was about to cry.

The Weasels were gathered outside their cabin trying to decide who would be going first and who was going last. Currently Helga and Vanessa were arguing, Julia was mumbling to herself in the corner, Spader was fiddling with several song sheets and Emily was pulling different coloured balls of yarn out of a bag.

"But Helga is awesome at smashing things!" Helga whined picking up a dead tree and breaking it in half with her pinkies.

"It is impressive Helga, but Chris won't like someone smashing things." Vanessa replied.

* * *

**Meanwhile in the Amphitheatre**

* * *

"It would be awesome if someone just broke random objects over and over." Chris smiled imagining something.

"I agree." Chef replied shuffling scorecards.

* * *

"Says you." Helga grunted walking away from Vanessa angrily.

"When you make our team lose Helga, you'll see it my way!" Vanessa yelled at Helga's back while she began searching for things she could break.

"What are you doing Vanessa?" Alexa asked approaching her angry friend.

"I'm going to show my scrapbook of Chris!" Vanessa squealed pulling a pink scrapbook out of her bag and opening it to a random page with several pictures of Chris, "This is Chris with his brother, oh and this is Chris when he was in my favorite sports movie about badminton, and this is Chris catapulting Zoey, and I love this one of Chris when he was in the cockpit of the jumbo jet with Chef."

"Chris has a brother?" Alexa asked taking a closer look at the photo.

"Yeah but he's completely ugly!" Vanessa responded closing the scrapbook and hugging it to her chest.

"They almost look exactly alike!" Alexa yelled waving her arms in the air.

"Strike two." Teresa yelled from where she was practising her tuba, "This will be easier than we thought."

"If I could yell right now I'd be screaming about how unfair you're being." Alexa growled walking away.

"Does anyone want to see baby pictures of Chris?" Vanessa asked holding her scrapbook in the air.

"Only if you agree to go on a date with me." Patrice responded slicking his hair back.

"Where would we go?" Vanessa asked giving Patrice a strange look.

"To restaurant a la Teresa." Patrice responded giving a quick bow.

"Yeah Pete stole my cooking supplies." Teresa answered in between playing a few notes on her tuba.

"How could he!" Patrice yelled faking a grab for his heart, "Your wonderful cooking is dwindling without cooking supplies!"

"She can't make grass burgers." Julia commented from where she was sitting in the mud.

"Please tell me this has angered other people!" Patrice yelled ignoring what Julia had just said.

"Julia just answered..." Spader began before he was interrupted.

"Save questions for after my display of perfect acting." Patrice yelled.

"It sucks." Greg said bluntly.

"No one asked you." Patrice growled looking at Greg from between his arms which he had covered his face with in dramatic pause.

"My bagpipes are sure to be a real showstopper." Greg boasted as he began playing his bagpipes while almost everyone covered their ears.

"Literally!" Patrice yelled still covering his ears.

"It shows the true beauty of the anthem of my house." Julia laughed referring to the mental institute in downtown Toronto that she lived in.

"Greg you're going first so go see Chris while everyone else practises!" Teresa yelled over Greg's loud bagpipes.

"Ok." Greg replied running off to the amphitheatre.

"Maybe we should send Julia next." Vanessa suggested looking at where Julia was wallowing in the mud like a pig.

"Good idea." Emily agreed looking at Julia with concern, "Hey Julia what were you planning on doing?"

"I was going to start by repeating the word moist, and then I was going to... you know what? I'm not going to tell you! You'll see tonight because I'm not changing it for anything." Julia replied sitting up.

"Julia how do you feel about being the closing act?" Emily asked giving Vanessa a worried look.

"It's my dream come true!" Julia yelled her eyes sparkling with joy, "You have made me the happiest girl alive! Well unless Patrice kisses me then I'll be the happiest girl alive!"

"Great now she's overly excited." Vanessa complained while a muddy Julia chased Patrice around trying to get him to kiss her.

"Well at least Chris will be happy until the final or second final act." Winter stated putting her arms around both girls' shoulders, "That's a bright side."

"What should I do?" Spader asked the three girls, "I was planning on reading the names and abilities of interesting fish to the judges."

"No, no, no you have to sing a song." Vanessa responded dragging Spader away from the group and handing him a paper, "I have one that I wrote myself."

"This looks terrible." Spader complained reading the first line.

"Chris will love it!" Vanessa explained, "I did my research."

"Where at .ca?" Winter asked.

"No." Vanessa laughed nervously, "I would never get info from a website that I own."

"Are you sure?" Spader asked giving Vanessa a questionable look.

"You'll get like 3 points with your facts, you'll get at least 15 with this song." Vanessa assured.

"I guess I should trust a teammate." Spader replied still unsure.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Spader:** If I get low points I'm never taking advice from Vanessa ever again.

**Winter:** Why does Chris hate the word moist? Actually now that I think about it, it's kind of a weird sounding word.

**Vanessa:** Although me and Emily rarely see eye to eye we can both agree that Julia's going to screw this up for us.

**Teresa:** My tuba playing skills should help with the show, according to Chef's blog, which I read so I could guess what I was up against for food, Tuba playing should get me lots of points from him.

**Patrice:** (He's covered in mud and has muddy kisses all over himself) I hate Julia now more than ever!

**Julia:** I can't wait to show off my imaginary Airbending skills in act five of the first part of my play.

* * *

**Amphitheatre**

* * *

"Ok, so you just have to introduce yourself and then perform your talent in this non judgemental environment." Chris explained from the judges table where Chef and the fat intern were seated as well.

"We'll just be over here judging you on a scale that can go up to ten." Chef explained picking up a scorecard with the number pi drawn on it, "It a be a decimal as well."

"That's simple." Cole grunted wearing pink ballet tights, "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing." The fat intern mumbled fiddling his fingers nervously.

"Good answer." Cole replied giving the intern an evil eye.

"So which team is going first?" Summer asked raising her hand.

"Chef was supposed to think up that one." Chris responded pointing his thumb back at Chef.

"I said no." Chef responded giving Chris a dirty glare.

"So we decided that we'd let you guys handle it." Chris finished looking at where Emily and Greg were holding yarn and bagpipes.

"Let's do a coin flip!" Greg suggested pulling a penny out of his pocket.

"Didn't they stop producing those?" Summer asked.

"That doesn't mean they don't exist anymore." Greg replied, "I dibs heads."

"Fine, We wanted tails anyway." Cole growled as Greg flipped the coin.

...

...

...

"You guys win." Greg sighed as the coin landed on tails.

"Well let's go people!" Chris yelled motioning for the show to start.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Greg:** fifty-fifty chance and we lose. Just my luck!

**Summer:** I'm hoping Chris likes my Cheerleading routine...

**Cole:** Chris had better give me a good score or I'll just smash his pretty face in!

**Emily:** I'm hoping my knitting skills are up to the judges high standards.

* * *

Cole was the first up so he was currently standing on the stage looking at the judges like he would murder them if they didn't cooperate with him.

"I'm Cole and I'll be demonstrating a ballet routine tonight." Cole explained.

"So Cole, when did you start ballet?" Chris asked leaning on the judges table.

"When I was three my mom signed me up for it." Cole growled in response, "This dance will demonstrate sadness so none of you guys should laugh during this!"

"We understand!" The intern yelled while repeatedly nodding his head.

"Good." Cole growled as he began dancing some sort of girly sadness dance that apparently demonstrated the evil in humans while some serene and calm music began playing.

"It's just like my life." Chef cried as he watched it, "In a way."

"This is boring, needs more excitement!" Chris smirked pressing a remote that made the music change to Murder Train.

"Who did this?!" Cole yelled continuing to dance as the metal music played in the background.

"This is awesome!" Chris yelled but Chef grabbed the remote and changed it back to the serene and calm music.

"It should be Murder Train!" Chris yelled snatching the remote back and changing the music back to a song about murder and fire.

"You're ruining the performance!" Chef yelled accidentally pressing the smoke machine and light show buttons while he made a grab for the remote.

"Bravo!" The Intern yelled holding a scorecard with 10 written on it into the air.

"We missed it." Chris whispered to Chef turning everything off, "I'm giving it a 7.5 because you were a bit sloppy on your landings."

"I can agree with that score." Cole said nodding before looking at Chef intently.

"I'm giving you a 9." Chef stated holding his scorecard up.

"My team is so winning this challenge." Cole laughed stepping off the stage.

"Go sit in the bleachers Cole, if you leave to go anywhere else but the confessional we dock your score from your teams total." Chris explained pointing behind him.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Cole:** The random music changes and laser show were what made me lose 3.5 points, plus the fog made me screw up on at least five landings.

* * *

Greg was now standing on the stage holding his bagpipes smiling.

"So what is that thing?" Chris asked pointing at Greg's bagpipes.

"These are bagpipes, a wonderful instrument from my homeland of Scotland!" Greg explained his accent really popping up when he said Scotland.

"Well let's get this show on the road I guess." Chris sighed looking at the other two judges who were covering their ears as good as possible.

"What are you two doing?" Chris asked giving the two strange looks.

"Cover your..." Chef began but was cut off by Greg beginning to play the bagpipes, now don't get me wrong here, bagpipes are awesome but Greg is just plain terrible at playing them.

"MAKE IT STOP!" The Intern whined covering his ears while Greg continued to blast terrible music made by the bagpipes.

"I can't!" Chris cried falling off his chair.

"Not half bad." Chef commented raising a 6 for Greg's score.

"I hate it!" Chris yelled holding a 0.1 into the air from where he was on the ground.

"Ditto." The intern agreed holding a 0.9 into the air.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Greg:** (He's beaming)I think they liked it.

* * *

Summer walked onto the stage wearing a blue cheerleading outfit with **Beavers** printed on it.

"So I'm going to be demonstrating a cheerleading routine that I made for my team The Frosty Falcons." Summer explained to the three judges while Greg and Cole watched from the bleachers.

"Are you doing back flips?" Chris asked in a perverted way.

"I'm wearing shorts underneath my skirt Chris." Summer explained with a touch of anger in her voice.

"I like your outfit." The intern commented gazing at the blue lining the white body of the outfit.

"Let the dance begin!" Chris exclaimed.

"It's a cheer actually." Summer corrected before starting her routine.

She began by jumping up and down waving her pom-poms.

"We're cool! We're Bright! We're dynamite! We have the power! The Speed! To get in the lead! Go Falcons!" Summer cheered doing a quadruple back flip and landing it perfectly.

"We're the Frosty Falcons! Stay Frosty!" Summer cheered before bowing and getting a loud applause.

"That was wonderful Summer." Chef applauded holding a scorecard with 9.5 in the air.

"You looked good, where did you learn to cheer like that?" Chris asked still clapping.

"My school." Summer replied striking a pose.

"Well you earned this 10 then!" Chris exclaimed holding the perfect score into the air.

"I'm giving it a 7.7 because it was very short." The intern explained.

"That puts the Frosty Falcons 46.7 points ahead." Chris announced as Summer walked down the stage and high fived Cole.

"We are so going to win." Cole laughed.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** I have to be the least ditzy cheerleader on the planet!

* * *

Emily was setting balls of yarn on the stage floor in a line while the judges watched with bored expressions plastered on their faces.

"Ok so I'm going to demonstrate my ultimate knitting skills that I learned from my grandma." Emily explained as Chris yawned and the intern fell asleep.

"This is going to be lame." Chef muttered.

But it wasn't because Emily kicked a ball of yarn into her hands and almost instantly made a yarn model of the Eiffel tower.

"Wow!" Chris exclaimed suddenly awake.

"Anyone want me to make anything?" Emily asked looking at the judges.

"Do me!" Chris yelled raising his hand like he was in the classroom.

"On the double." Emily replied kicking a red ball of yarn into the air and making a life sized model of Chris with his signature smile. But Emily wasn't done because she knit a yellow jetpack and helmet and attached them to the Chris model.

"Wake up sleepy here." Chef demanded as Emily knit a green spider and threw it at the intern.

"SPIDER!" The Inter screamed tossing it off himself and falling back on his chair.

"This is fun!" Chris laughed holding a perfect 10 in the air for everyone to see.

"Nice spider." The intern complimented holding another 10 in the air.

"You nailed it." Chef announced holding another 10 in his hands.

"Hey Falcons!" Emily announced looking at the other team smugly, "Eat your hearts out."

"Way to get us back in the game!" Greg complimented while the Falcons hoped their next act put them ahead again.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Emily:** My knitting skills sure made that crowd go wild.

* * *

Kai was sitting on stage playing her flute while the judges watched with mild attention, but since it would be boring and basically impossible to write a music sheet without people scrolling past it so let's concentrate on backstage. Backstage was getting clustered as the campers tried to cram some last minute practise in.

"I hate all of these people!" Luke's dummy Sly yelled, "They are completely ugly and have no reason being here!"

"It's kind of funny how you make that puppet hate everyone." Teresa giggled from where she stood ahead of Luke.

"Well it takes lots of practise and dedication." Luke explained while Sly's head continually kept looking back and forth between Teresa and Patrice.

"Your doll's lame." Patrice stated bluntly before returning to his terrible acting.

"You're lame!" Sly yelled back.

"I'd teach that doll to talk properly if I were you." Patrice growled.

"I hate you too." Sly yelled in response.

"Ok you hold him, I'll punch." Patrice explained jumping up and taking a fighting position.

"I can make him shut up." Luke laughed removing Sly from his hand, "See."

"That Creepy doll is possessed." Patrice hissed backing a little ways away.

"He's a few wires short of an alarm clock." Teresa commented.

"I was expecting a cooking reference." Luke stated putting Sly back on his hand.

"KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!" Patrice screamed as he hit Luke's doll with a broom.

"It's not possessed." Luke yelled.

"Yeah I'm just cursed." Sly stated.

"Whew I was worried for a second there little buddy, BT dubs you might want to stop hanging out with that loser." Patrice whispered referring to the doll.

"In yo face!" Sly yelled looking directly at Luke.

"Now I remember why I stopped doing this." Luke recalled thinking about when he quit ventriloquism.

"Yeah when your dummy is more popular than you, you basically have no choice but to stop." Teresa giggled.

"I scored 19 points!" Kai exclaimed walking backstage and high fiving Luke's dummy.

"I rest my case." Teresa smirked.

"I hate you." Luke growled beginning to strangle his dummy.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Kai:** Chef liked my performance, so did the intern, but Chris hated it.

**Teresa:**

**Patrice:** That cursed little dude is the coolest person I've met here so far, too bad he was hanging out with the underweight kid

**Luke:** Ventriloquism caused my split personality. I'm like Sméagol from lord of the rings and Sly is Golem.

* * *

While Teresa played the Tuba for the judges Winter, Clyde and Alexa were sitting about halfway through the line talking about the challenge and the smell Clyde was apparently emitting.

"You smell nice." Alexa commented under the watchful eye of Winter who was reading a book and somehow keeping an eye on Alexa at the same time.

"Nah I smell like garlic which doesn't smell good unless you've been eating garlic or really like garlic." Clyde replied.

"You two are so cute together." Billy laughed from behind Alexa.

"If she doesn't like me then I'm happy with her opinion." Clyde replied as a huge growling noise sounded from the stage.

"Please tell me that was your stomach." Alexa stated looking at Clyde.

"Nah my stomach usually sounds like whale noises." Clyde replied as Julia approached.

"WOW THAT'S SO COOL!" Julia yelled pressing her head against Clyde's belly which indeed did emit whale noises, "So majestic."

"GET IT OFF!" Someone screamed from the stage.

"Something is defiantly wrong out there." Winter commented closing her book and setting it down beside her.

"Maybe I should go change before I perform." Alexa pondered before dashing off to her cabin.

"I like Alexa when she's not being a complete snob." Billy commented looking at where Winter's book had been, "Hey where'd your book go?"

"What it's gone?" Winter asked looking around herself, "Hmmm that's weird."

"You're not angry?" Billy asked, "Because Pete's just over there, we can go ask him."

"Billy let me tell you something, if someone had approached me from behind someone would have seen it." Winter explained pulling another book out of her pocket, "I have other books it's not like it's the end of the world.

"Tigerbats!" Teresa muttered staggering past the others with her clothing ripped and her tuba bent, "They have to like tubas don't they."

"What happened?" Clyde asked.

"TELL ME!" Julia yelled.

"Some mutated bats with viscous claws attacked me because they're attracted by loud noises, on the bright side I got 30 points." Teresa explained before falling over.

"TELL ME!" Julia yelled.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Teresa:** (She's physically shaking) they tasted my blood, they'll be back! You'll see, they'll all see.

**Julia:** Whales are like the bubblegum of the sea, they fat!

**Alexa:** okay I'm starting to panic because my expensive one of a kind earrings are missing.

**Winter:** I'm not going to suddenly accuse Pete of stealing, I need proof first.

**Billy:** I need to get Pete out before he steals more stuff... My wares are in serious danger.

* * *

Luke sat on a stool holding Sly and waiting for Chris to tell him he could start his act.

"So you'll be playing with a doll?" Chris asked while the intern and Chris laughed their butts off.

"It's a ventriloquism dummy actually." Luke responded blushing a little bit.

"So basically it's a girl's toy." Chris laughed.

"Who you calling a girl's toy!" Sly yelled looking at Chris.

"Wow! Luke leave the stage and let this genius perform." Chris ordered waving Luke off.

"It doesn't work that way sir." Luke mumbled nervously.

"You heard the man, get lost!" Sly yelled looking Luke in the eye.

"You're a PUPPET!" Luke yelled in response slapping Sly across the face.

"This is good." The intern whispered to Chef.

"I know." Chef responded while Luke continued to slap his dummy.

"Quit... That... Now..." Sly yelled between slaps.

"Stop beating the puppet and get on with the show!" Cole yelled from the audience.

"You heard the fat kid let's continue." Sly yelled as Luke stopped.

"He's not fat." Luke responded.

"Oh so this guy's your best friend now huh?" Sly growled glaring at Luke.

"Can we make this interesting?" Chris asked yawning.

"You heard the handsome man, let's go stupid!" Sly yelled.

"I hate you!" Luke growled grabbing Sly off his hand and chucking him backstage.

"Well that ended terribly." Chris stated holding a scorecard with 5 drawn on it, "That puppet guy was awesome."

"Ditto." The intern agreed holding a 5 in the air as well.

"I give it a six because he called Cole fat." Chef laughed holding his score up.

"You total at 16 Luke." Chris explained before shooing him offstage, "Freakshow."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Luke:** I better go and get Sly back before someone destroys him.

* * *

"This is awesome." Chris said sarcastically as Patrice was acting out a scene from some terrible play that no one apparently liked because no one even knew what it was.

"Datello I must decline the invite to this beast car rally." Patrice said mimicking a terrible female voice.

"Can someone just smash things." Chris whined slumping his head onto the desk and mumbling something no one understood.

"The lawburgers will find us but we have to see this rally because our unborn pets won't exist if we don't." Patrice replied to himself in a man's voice.

"Can we bring back the heavy metal ballet?" Chef asked the intern.

"Enough is not enough for our hats." Patrice yelled in the fake ladies voice.

"Can we stop please?" Summer begged from the crowd.

"Patrice." Chris said.

"We must dye our feet purple for love!" Patrice acted dramatically falling over.

"Patrice!" Chris yelled.

"We mustn't do it for my father will kill you." Patrice acted completely ignoring Chris.

"PATRICE!" Chris hollered standing up and getting Patrice's attention, "We'll give you thirty points if you shut up!"

"Deal." Patrice agreed hopping offstage and sitting beside Summer, "Yeah I made that all up and plan to make it a play someday.

"Please don't." Summer suggested moving further away.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Patrice:** I'm awesome... so awesome.

* * *

The Judges were collecting themselves together as Jill walked onto that stage.

"So you guys are probably sick of the terrible acts that randomly dot this show." Jill assumed putting her hands behind her back.

"Your point?" Chef asked looking up at Jill.

"Well how would you like to see me shoot targets blindfolded?" Jill asked pulling a blindfold and her crossbow from behind her back.

"Finally some quality entertainment." Chris exclaimed watching intently as Jill attached the blindfold and John and Clyde pushed three targets onto the stage.

"We're set!" Clyde yelled giving a thumbs up to Jill although she couldn't see it.

"So what's been the worst act so far?" Jill asked as she shot a dart at the first target getting a bullseye.

"Probably the last one." The intern answered while Patrice was busy checking his nails for flaws.

"I concur." Chef agreed looking at Patrice, "The guy has jerk nails."

"Whose act was the best?" Jill asked shooting another bullseye without even trying.

"Probably Emily's to be honest." Chris replied pulling the knit version of himself from under the judges table and seating it next to himself.

"What did Emily do?" Jill asked loading the last dart.

"She knit a life size model of me with my jetpack which I can take off." Chris explained.

"I'm totally playing with dolls and you're not." Luke muttered sarcastically.

"Well I'm guessing I get full points." Jill assumed nailing the target again perfectly and taking off her blindfold.

"You just earned yourself a perfect score." Chris explained while the three judges held their scorecards in the air.

"My team's in the lead again!" Jill cheered jumping off the stage and sitting next to Kai.

"Congrats." Greg grumbled.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Jill:** that was a cakewalk! I'm a pro at using a crossbow now.

* * *

Spader walked onto the stage and looked at the crowd nervously.

"What are you doing?" Chris asked with a bored expression, "It can't beat Jill, That's a fact."

"I'm going to sing a song." Spader said swallowing nervously.

"Sing then." Chef hurried rotating his hand.

* * *

**Spader's song is a spoof of the song Mirror which I don't own at all, so do not think I made it.**

**By the way this song is supposed to be terrible.**

* * *

**TV by Spader:**

**I feel like I'm in the shire  
Because you look like you think I'm on TV  
And I can't help but think  
You reflect in this life of mine  
If you ever feel bored and  
Hungry make me a sandwich  
Just know that I'm always  
On Channel 516...**

* * *

"BOO!" Chris booed showing the thumbs down.

"Can I finish?" Spader asked.

"Dude your song isn't even that good and makes little sense at all, I get you have to change it due to legal rights but you have some pretty random words in there." The intern commented.

"I guess we can listen to one more verse." Chef sighed.

* * *

**Because with your hand on my remote and a pocket full of cheese dip  
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go besides the couch  
Just put your hand on the screen  
I'll be tryin' not to cry  
You just gotta be lazy**

* * *

"I'm giving it a 0." Chris yelled.

"I'll give it a 1 for effort." The intern explained, "By the way what does Cheese dip have anything to do with this song?"**  
**

"I don't know." Spader replied.

"It sucked, don't pursue a music career just go with naming fish which I would have given a 1 at least." Chef explained, "You get 0 from me."

"Jeez maybe I shouldn't listen to Vanessa." Spader grumbled walking off stage.

"Vanessa told you to sing that (Stuff! She said stuff)?" Kai asked.

"Yeah." Spader replied, "I don't know the first thing about impressing people."

"Maybe I can help you with that." Kai offered, "That is if we both survive the day."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Spader:** Everyone reading this was just like: WTF Spader you're supposed to do decent in the challenge not screw up so bad that you earn the lowest score yet.

* * *

Terrance walked onto the stage just as Spader was leaving. He had prepared something that would probably win the challenge for his team.

"Ok I've prepared a poem that's so deep it made my strict English teacher cry." Terrance explained, "I will begin. The ground ran wet with a deep crimson hue..."

A sandbag suddenly dropped on his head knocking him unconscious.

"Oops." Vanessa cringed from backstage where she had tripped on the rope suspending the sandbag.

"Aw man we just lost points for that." John complained as Cole and Summer picked Terrance up and carried him to the medical tent, "Thanks a ton Vanessa!"

"Not my fault." Vanessa argued.

"Yes it is... he got fives for being knocked out? Impressive." John commented nodding his head.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Terrance:** (His head is bandaged) What happened?

* * *

Vanessa walked onto the stage carrying her scrapbook of Chris while the judges recovered from Spader's terrible song.

"I'm going to show you many photos of Chris!" Vanessa exclaimed opening her scrapbook to the first page which had a photo of her and Chris where Vanessa had obviously photo shopped herself in.

"That's a little creepy." Chris responded obviously flatter by the fact that this was all about him.

"On the first page we have Baby Chris Crying because a bird just pooped on him." Vanessa explained pointing at a photo.

"Where did you get these pictures?" Chris asked sounding slightly scared.

"I'm friends with your mom." Vanessa replied nodding her head obsessively while Chef and the intern laughed at Chris.

"He got pooped on!" The intern laughed falling out of his chair.

"It's not that funny!" Chris whined.

"This one of Chris being pummelled by his super popular and ten times less handsome brother." Vanessa explained pointing at a photo where a blond kid was beating a five year old Chris up.

"You have a brother?" Chef asked looking at Chris.

"Yes, now stop talking about it or you're fired!" Chris yelled standing up and slamming his fist on the table.

"This one is when Chris accidentally thought poop was peanut butter." Vanessa explained pointing to a photo where Chris was gagging on the ground.

"AHAHAHAHAHA!" The intern laughed so hard he was literally peeing himself and fell off his chair.

"How smart were you before school?" Chef asked while laughing.

"Shut up!" Chris yelled giving Vanessa the score of 3.

"HE GAVE ME 3!" Vanessa screamed with joy.

"I give it a 10." Chef scored while the intern crawled back onto his chair and scored Vanessa with a 10 as well.

"23 points!" Emily cheered as Vanessa walked off stage and high fived Greg.

"You made me earn 1 point!" Spader growled walking up to Vanessa.

"Oops does that put a target on your back? My bad." Vanessa responded walking away.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Vanessa:** Yeah I put a target on Spader's back, what's your point? We all have to survive so I'm willing to take someone gullible out.

* * *

While Clyde was onstage chugging sodas nonstop while Chris waited for him to get sick backstage was still waiting nervously for their turn.

"Helga is going to smash things!" Helga yelled placing another stump onto her pile of metal bars, logs, boards, and boulders.

"Helga are you sure the judges will like that?" Pete asked from where he was sitting next to her pile.

"Helga may as well try to convince the judges, even if they don't like Helga's performance at least Helga can walk off stage knowing she tried her best." Helga replied placing another boulder on the pile.

"That's it!" Pete exclaimed dashing off to where the other contestants were, "Thanks Helga!"

"Helga isn't sure what she did." Helga said confused.

"Guys!" Pete yelled dashing over beside Billy who took a fighting stance and punched him in the nose.

"He's after my wares!" Billy screamed as he began kicking Pete.

"Stop it Billy!" Winter exclaimed pulling Billy away from Pete.

"I think my nose is bleeding now." Pete stated nasally while he held his hands over his nose.

"Thief." Billy hissed backing away slowly.

"And I bring the Falcon's score up nine points!" Clyde exclaimed walking backstage carrying quite a few empty soda bottles, "What's going on here?"

"Billy just beat Pete up for no reason!" Winter explained grabbing a microphone and walking onto the stage.

"Why would you do that?" Clyde asked looking at Billy curiously.

"Sorry I'm scared for my wares." Billy replied as Clyde walked away.

"That doesn't mean you can beat Pete up." John replied glaring at Billy.

"You can't be mad at me for just being cautious." Billy shrugged, "Heck he stole Winter's book."

"Winter had a book?" Pete asked standing up.

"You stole it" Billy yelled waving his arms in the air angrily, "So of course she had a book!"

"I didn't steal her book." Pete growled, "Or anything else for that matter."

"Stop lying." Billy yelled.

"Jill explained how I giggle when I lie." Pete said confused.

"And how would she know that?" Billy asked.

* * *

**This is a video from on the plane heading to Toronto**

* * *

Jill was sitting on the plane reading Weapons weekly while she waited for the plane to take off when Pete sat down next to her.

"Hi I'm Pete." Pete said introducing himself while holding his hand out.

"I'm Jill." Jill responded shaking his hand.

"Have you ever been on a plane before?" Pete asked looking around the plane.

"Yes I have to fly to my private school twice a year." Jill replied.

"Well I get nervous whenever I'm in a moving vehicle so I brought lots of food because I eat when I'm nervous." Pete explained pulling his backpack from under the seat.

"Well I hope you don't freak out too much." Jill said returning to her magazine.

* * *

**Four hours later**

* * *

Jill looked over to see Pete asleep holding a half eaten rib.

"That's embarrassing." Jill giggled reaching for her magazine, "Hey where'd my magazine go?"

* * *

"Maybe she was lying." Pete answered looking at the ceiling nervously.

"I do believe Jill is full of **** but she's a big asset to this team." Billy replied while everyone else watched.

At that moment Winter walked backstage with her clothes charred and her eye twitching.

"What happened to you?" Alexa asked.

"Tigerbats breathe fire!" Winter screamed continuing to walk out the backdoor.

"PETE YOU HAD BETTER BEAT WINTER'S 25.5 POINTS!" Chris yelled from the judge's podium.

"I'm next." Pete gulped walking onto the stage carrying his guitar.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Clyde:** I thought my soda chugging would get me at least 25 points.

**Winter:** THEY BREATHE FIRE!

* * *

"I hope he does just terrible." Billy growled while Pete disappeared onto the stage.

"He's on our team!" John yelled getting in Billy's face, "We should be cheering for him!"

"He's a thief! Maybe we should just throw the challenge and get rid of him!" Billy yelled in reply.

"When you guys are ready to be quiet please notify us." Alexa explained while Helga and Julia exchanged looks of worry because of the two fighting campers.

"Helga doesn't like it when guys fight." Helga said loudly, "She thinks it's what causes stereotypes about boys."

"I like butter!" Julia laughed popping up in between the two arguing Falcons, "I'm the ham in this sandwich!"

"What?" John asked confused.

"Aren't you cute." Julia giggled hugging John's arm, "Let's get married tonight!"

"This is funny." Alexa giggled as Julia dashed up to Billy and grabbed his shirt.

"Can you marry us?" Julia asked dragging John up to her face, "This is my hubby!"

"Hubby?" John asked giving Julia a freaked out look.

"Of course." Billy smirked giving John the evil eye, "By the power the creepy Turkish guy on 108th gave me I announce you husband and insane person!"

"We have to bite each other's toes now because onions decree it." Julia explained in a whisper.

"Help me please." John begged as Pete walked in covered in splattered tomatoes.

"What happened to you?" Alexa asked as Julia began tackling John and biting his feet.

"I walked out there and began singing my song and playing my guitar when I was pelted by rotten tomatoes that Chef had handed out on Chris's order." Pete explained with a depressed look.

"By the way do you know..." Alexa began but Pete cut her off.

"I DIDN'T TAKE IT!" Pete screamed, "Why does everyone think I'm taking everything with no proof."

"I wasn't going to ask anything like that." Alexa growled crossing her arms in an upset manner.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Pete:** In hope whoever framed me can sleep at night!

* * *

Alexa walked onto the stage with a brand new blue low cut dress that made Chris's jaw drop and the other two judges gasp because they're what I'd call testosterone filled males that have very little brainpower when girls are around.

"Her makeup is perfect." Chef commented pointing at Alexa's face.

"Her shoes match that dress like nothing else." The intern commented nodding his head repetitively.

"She has a nice butt." Chris said smiling while the other two judges gave him looks that said **** off.

"Aww thanks you guys." Alexa said airily and giving a small giggle.

"This is terrible." Teresa commented from the crowd.

"Unfortunately unless she suddenly gets rude we have to put up with regular Alexa back at the cabin." Emily replied so Alexa couldn't hear her.

"Her hair is amazing." The intern commented with a nice smile.

"She has amazing nails tonight." Chef said smiling.

"I like her boobs." Chris commented without care, "I'd so hit that if it wasn't illegal."

"I give it a 8!" The intern yelled raising his score and glaring at Chris.

"I give it a 9!" Chef rated holding his scorecard above the interns.

"I give it a 5, she's not showing enough boob." Chris rated holding his sign up lazily.

"I get 22 points!" Alexa squealed running off stage.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Alexa:** All guys are the same, you dress up pretty and they go crazy. My team is like that but I had to dress up my personality in order to trick those idiots into

thinking that I can be nice.

* * *

"Ok Billy show us these awesome attractions." Chris sighed as Billy walked over to one of his covered sheets.

"It almost killed me but I managed to stuff it and bring it to you guys." Billy said dramatically as he unveiled the first of his three covered objects which contained a goldfish cracker with hair and teeth attached to it, "Behold the marvellous Weregoldfish which resides in the sewers of New York."

"If it lived in the sewers then how did it see sunlight?" The intern asked.

"It just happened ok!" Billy whined walking to the second covered sheet.

"What do you have there? A sparkly vampire!" Chef laughed banging his fist on the table while Chris glared at him.

"I happen to like twilight." Chris growled tackling Chef.

"Behold the Frosty Falcon!" Billy exclaimed unveiling a terribly built fake chicken with blue spray paint covering it.

"This sucks." The Intern complained.

"SHUT YOUR TIME MOUTH!" Billy screamed stomping his foot on the ground like a toddler.

"It sucks." Chris commented sitting back in his chair.

"We can agree on that." Chef laughed fist bumping Chris.

"Well this one will certainly make this episode." Billy began dramatically, "I found it dead outside the mess hall."

Billy uncovered the sheet to reveal a Tigerbat.

"Are you sure it's dead?" Teresa asked shivering.

"I can assure you that it is." Billy nodded as the Tigerbat stood up and flew over to Teresa whom it began mauling.

"Security!" Chris yelled.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Billy:** That went well. Even though I got 0 points total...

* * *

Helga had dumped her massive pile of random objects onto the stage and turned to face the crowd.

"That's the worst art I've ever seen." Chris commented.

"Helga will begin smashing things now!" Helga yelled picking a boulder up and smashing it into rubble with her head.

"Now this is what we've been waiting for!" Chris laughed as Helga smashed a log into splinters with her pinky fingers.

"Helga is good at breaking thins!" Helga screamed smashing an entire tree into timber with her elbow.

"I'm giving it a 10 halfway through!" Chris rated while smiling as Helga broke a sump into little pieces.

"I agree." The intern agreed giving Helga the score of 10 also.

"Helga will bend metal bar as finale!" Helga yelled putting the metal bar in her mouth and biting it in half before eating the part she bit off.

"10 points!" Chef exclaimed giving his score to Helga.

"HELGA DID IT!" Helga screamed running backstage.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Helga:** Helga's boyfriend thinks it's awesome how powerful Helga is!

* * *

The curtains opened to reveal what John had set up: A large ramp and a huge jump and three flaming rings of fire.

"I John the daredevil of camp wawanakwa will land a triple X fire blast super jump extreme!" John announced putting his goggles on, "No one has ever survived it!"

"This is going to be good." Chris laughed as the fat intern fell off his chair in shock.

"Maybe we should stop this." Chef suggested giving John a worried look.

"He'll be fine." Chris replied waving Chef off.

Of course as we all know, John doesn't have the best of luck so we can all guess what happened next.

"I'm going!" John yelled pushing his bike down the ramp so he picked up so much speed that his tires blew sending him flying off the bike and sliding off the ramp where he landed on a burning post and began screaming before he fell on his head and passed out.

"Somehow I knew that was going to happen." Summer commented as a burning post fell onto John.

"I give it a 10!" Chris laughed completely ignoring the smell of John's jumpsuit burning.

"I'll give it an 8 because he caused serious harm to his body." Chef rated as two Interns began uncovering John and took him to the medical tent.

"I hated it so I give it a 3." The intern sighed holding his scorecard up.

* * *

**Confessional:**

* * *

**John:** The other guys said I was lucky to have missed Julia's four hour play.

* * *

"We have one more act then we can all leave." Chris explained standing up and turning around as Julia walked onto stage in a Banana costume, "I can't wait for this to be over."

"I'M A BANANA! I'M A BANANA! I'M A BANANA! LOOK AT ME CHRIS!" Julia sang as Chris screamed and fell to the ground.

"What was that?" Chef asked.

"Part one." Julia trailed backing off stage.

* * *

Ten minutes later Julia was doing this:

"... Moist... Moist... Moist... Moist... Moist... Moist..." Julia repeated as Chris's eye twitched with annoyance.

"She's been doing this for five minutes." Chef whispered into Chris's ear.

"Don't talk to me." Chris hissed, "I will not hesitate to kill you and throw her in a river with a safe attached to her feet."

"Okay." Chef said defensively raising his hands.

"... Moist... Moist... Moist..." Julia continued to repeat.

* * *

Forty minutes later.

* * *

"...Moist. And that ends part two of my play." Julia explained to a half asleep crowd that had mostly peed itself due to hypnosis.

"Finally." Chris sighed standing up but was shot with a water pistol.

"SIT DOWN!" Julia screamed continuing to shoot Chris with the water pistol until it was empty, "I'll be right back I have to fill this up."

"What the **** is this?" Chris asked looking around.

"No clue." Chef replied.

"And now to continue!" Julia yelled sitting down on the stage and shooting Chris more.

* * *

1 hour later

* * *

... I learned the spells before I cast them, I cast them, I had enemies but now they're frogs!" Julia sang as everyone stared at her in hatred.

"I miss my mom." Spader cried while Greg stroked Kai's hair for some reason.

"I miss my cat." Kai cried.

"I miss act two!" Julia yelled, "Moist... Moist... Moist..."

"NOOOOOO!" Chris screamed as Chef pretended to hang himself with an invisible rope.

* * *

Two hours later.

* * *

"I know what will make you sad sacks happy!" Julia exclaimed, "Magic!"

Julia then shot a firework onto the ground and set the stage on fire.

"Ok Julia does this really have to be this long?" The fat intern asked.

"Yes!" Julia answered quickly, "We're only in part eighteen of the first act of my talent."

"How much longer will this take?" Chris asked.

"Fourteen years." Julia replied, "Give or take a century."

"Knock yourself out." Chef sighed.

"I don't see how that will help but ok." Julia replied picking up a piece of wood and hitting herself so hard she passed out.

The audience burst into cheering so quickly it put a soundtrack to shame.

"Ok even though Julia gets 0 points the Weasels still win and are safe for the second night in a row." Chris explained as most of the Falcons looked at Pete evilly, "One of you will not receive a marshmallow, will not proceed to the next round and will not win a million dollars."

"Pete!" Cole yelled.

"Or another Falcon." Chris said.

"Trust me, it will be Pete." Cole argued walking away.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Julia:** I apparently finished my play and won the round for my team.

**Cole:** It will take a miracle for Pete to stay after what he's done to everyone.

**Pete:** I'm kind of upset that I'm going tonight, I wish people trusted me more but I guess I dug my own grave...

* * *

Most of the Frosty Falcons sat on the porch of their cabin discussing elimination.

"Where are Pete, Jill, Billy and John?" Terrance asked holding an ice pack to his head.

"Well I'm guessing Pete tricked them into believing that he's innocent, and who's to say they won't believe the competition after the merge." Cole growled in response from where he was leaning against a post.

"But doesn't Billy absolutely despise Pete right now?" Summer asked.

"I don't trust Billy at all so I don't care." Cole responded.

"So if we all vote for Pete that's at least six votes which means Pete will be going home." Clyde tallied on his fingers.

"And if Billy votes Pete that's seven." Luke summed up.

"Goodbye Pete." Cole laughed slamming his fist into his hand.

"I'm hoping I he actually stole those things or we're all going to feel pretty guilty afterwards." Summer said, "We don't really have any proof."

"He stole Billy's screwdriver." Cole replied.

"Isn't it strange that Emily is missing hers as well but we only found Billy's?" Kai asked looking at the group, "Billy did steal from Pete on the first day."

"Yes but Pete dug his own grave by robbing people on the first day." Clyde responded looking at Kai suspiciously.

"So no second thoughts we all just vote for Pete." Cole ordered while everyone else responded with agreed.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Pete:** I vote Cole because he's a jerk and won't leave me alone or stop blaming me.

**Cole:** Pete your time has run out. Goodbye you little thief.

**Billy:** Pete goes, I keep the wares I've collected safe, and I move to round four.

**Summer:** I seriously doubt Pete stole everything but Cole is basically in charge of elimination on our team.

**Clyde:** I vote Pete because Cole told me to.

**Jill:** I'm guessing most of my team is voting for Pete but I'm going to vote for who really stole everything...

* * *

**Bonfire pit**

* * *

Chris watched the Falcons intently while they sat on random pieces of stuff waiting for Chris to announce who was going home.

"Who can you trust?" Cole asked as the Falcons looked at one another suspiciously, "Someone may promise you their vote but really be plotting to vote you out."

"But we all know whose going." Cole stated laughing a little bit.

"You may tonight or maybe tomorrow but what happens after they leave and you're on the chopping block?" Chris asked picking the first marshmallow, "I present the first Marshmallow to Jill."

"Round three here I come." Jill cheered standing up and collecting her immunity.

"Good job Jill." Terrance congratulated as Chris picked up the second marshmallow.

"Terrance you happen to be safe tonight." Chris said as Terrance fist pumped and collected his immunity and held it in the air like when you find an item in paper Mario and the thousand year old door.

"I love paper Mario." Terrance said to himself as he sat down next to Jill and waited for the next person to be called up.

"Luke you survive to the next round." Chris stated handing Luke his marshmallow.

"My day was just made." Luke responded.

"No votes again Summer." Chris congratulated handing the treat to Summer who struck a mocking pose before sitting down again.

"We're halfway there and Kai is immune." Chris explained as Pete got a worried look on his face, "Clyde you make it to round three as well you deadweight."

"YAY!" Clyde cheered eating his immunity the moment he got it.

"John would get his immunity but he's recovering in the medical tent so I must burn it." Chris explained tossing the marshmallow into the fire, "That kid has terrible luck!"

"Tell the team that lost points because of it that." Summer growled.

"Cole you are also safe." Chris said tossing the marshmallow into Cole's hands while he smirked at the last two remaining campers: Billy and Pete, "Billy, Pete, only one of you will be moving to the next round and that person is...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

... Billy you're safe." Chris finished as Pete slowly stood and began walking to the dock of shame sadly.

"Hey Pete before you go would you like to buy a lock pick?" Billy asked opening his coat to reveal lots of lock picks.

"WHAT'S MY LOCK PICK DOING IN YOUR COAT?!" Pete screamed tackling Billy causing several items to come out of his coat.

"What's my shirt doing there?" Cole asked giving Pete a strange look.

"And my underwear?" Summer asked glaring at Billy, "WHY YOU LITTLE SCOUNDREL!"

"I can explain. I think Pete planted them there." Billy said before Jill's sword fell out of the back.

"I never lie." Jill stated grabbing a loose chunk of driftwood and beaning Billy over the head with it.

"So Pete was innocent..." Summer muttered guiltily.

"I have to... RUN!" Billy yelled dashing back to the camp as quickly as possible.

"I told you guys." Pete growled glaring at them all before walking down the dock as quickly as possible but turned around at the last minute and tossing his lock pick to Luke, "Throw a few punches from me at that little traitor and I might forgive you."

"Now I feel like a big jerk." Clyde muttered.

"Who wants to get revenge now?" Cole asked.

"Heck yes the guy stole my underwear!" Summer yelled as the Falcons ran back to camp.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Girls cabin**

* * *

The girls were all getting ready for bed when Emily approached Alexa.

"You're done. we can't kick you out now." Emily congratulated while Alexa grew a smile on her face.

"I didn't expect you to make the entire day." Teresa agreed.

"Can I release built up screaming and insults?" Alexa asked.

"Save that for the confessional." Winter answered while she put folded laundry into her suitcase.

"I wonder if the Falcons found out where Pete was hiding everything." Vanessa pondered.

A knock suddenly sounded on the door and Emily opened it to see Kai.

"Yeah we found Billy's stash after we eliminated Pete so here's your team's stuff." Kai explained placing a bunch of objects on Vanessa's bed, "I got to go! We're taping Billy to the bear!"

Kai dashed off as the Weasels approached the pile of stuff.

"Hey my earrings!" Alexa exclaimed snatching her earrings from Julia who had been trying to eat them.

Where did Billy find my cooking kit and take it away quietly?" Teresa asked looking at her entire cooking kit strangely.

"So Pete was innocent but still left." Winter muttered picking her penguin plush up from Vanessa's bed.

"Well he wasn't on our team." Vanessa argued putting her hands on her hips, "So it doesn't matter anyway."

"I feel bad for the guy though." Winter sighed, "It annoys me when people get punished for doing nothing wrong."

"Well maybe you shouldn't care so much ugly." Alexa snarled checking her nails for flaws.

"She's back!" Julia sang.

"Great." Emily muttered, "I was hoping it would stick with her."

"I kept my promise so you can't complain." Alexa laughed tossing Teresa's stuff off her top bunk and claiming it again.

"She did, so she wins this round." Teresa sighed picking her stuff off of the floor.

"Can one of you idiots take the boys their stuff?" Alexa asked snootily.

"I will." Winter grumbled grabbing the deep sea sand, the little black book, and a red golf ball.

"Okay so you act all nice then the moment the challenge ends you're suddenly mean again!" Emily complained.

"Well I'm not being mean, I just have to act like a stupid person with no good looks for a little while." Alexa responded with a dominant tone.

"You sicken me." Teresa growled.

"Helga doesn't like this." Helga stated from her bed.

"No one asked you!" Alexa retorted angrily as she threw a shoe at Helga's head which just bounced off harmlessly.

"Helga doesn't like mean Alexa!" Helga grunted.

"I hate how she talks in third person!" Alexa complained while everyone else just ignored her because well she's annoying.

"Hey I have a question for you." Emily stated.

"What?" Alexa asked.

"WILL YOU EVER SHUT UP?!" Emily yelled causing Julia to fall off of her bunk and land on Vanessa.

"Roomies." Julia whispered creepily.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Julia:** I live with the dolphins on the sun.

**Vanessa:** The angrier Alexa makes my team the better chance I have of staying, so it's all good.

**Winter:** So now we're back to calling me ugly... (Sigh)

**Emily:** I was hoping the good attitude would stick but instead we get an even worse Alexa!

**Alexa:** My team would lose every challenge without me there to make sure we win!

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Boys cabin**

* * *

Spader and Greg watched Patrice kiss his little black book with freaked out expressions.

"I'll never lose you again." Patrice told his book while Spader and Greg edged to the other side of the room as slowly as humanly possible, "How did Pete manage to steal you?"

"Winter told us Billy was really the one stealing things though." Greg commented.

"I knew that!" Patrice yelled giving Greg the you're dead to me glare.

"Well at least you have your book back." Spader said.

"Yeah twenty of the hottest girls I've ever met all have the same number." Patrice explained, "1-800-Go away!"

"They must all be roommates!" Spader replied quickly.

"Or they could be fake phone numbers." Greg stated.

"No they are obviously real!" Spader yelled covering Greg's mouth, "I bet they sit around the phone all day waiting for you to call!"

"Why did you cover my mouth?" Greg asked as Patrice opened a can of pop by squeezing it.

"This guy can bend golf clubs and open cans with his fists so I think he's capable of breaking our bones as well so I'd try not to piss him off if I were you." Spader explained as Greg realized that was true.

"What are we going to do?" Greg asked slightly scared, "He has a major temper and hates us both."

"We eliminate him next time we go to the bonfire ceremony." Spader planned.

"LIGHTS OUT!" Patrice ordered turning the lights off.

"Maybe we should just throw the challenge." Greg whispered.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Patrice:** With weaklings like Spader and Greg around our team doesn't stand a chance.

**Spader:** I should have voted Patrice out in the first episode.

**Greg:** As much as he's an asset to the team, he's a huge jerk deep down.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Girls cabin**

* * *

The girls were preparing for bed while loud noises and crashes were coming from the other side of the cabin.

"Will they just put Billy down already?" Kai complained as a loud thunk echoed through their side of the cabin.

"Well he deserves it! He stole my underwear!" Summer growled as she placed her shampoo in her suitcase.

"Well that doesn't give them the rights to toss him around and be rude." Kai responded angrily.

"Maybe we should drop the subject of Billy because it's causing you two to argue." Jill suggested.

"I have a question, how did you know Pete fell asleep while eating ribs?" Summer asked.

"I sat next to him on the plane leaving Edmonton." Jill replied, "I also lost my June copy of weapons weekly on that flight."

"Did Pete take it?" Summer asked.

"No some flight attendant took it from me because it was too "Dangerous" and she thought I was some sort of terrorist." Jill replied, "I also had to take my armour and sword off and pack them in a suitcase which was almost taken by security until I showed them my junior police licence."

"So you aren't lying about going to that camp." Kai exclaimed.

"Of course not." Jill replied giving Kai a suspicious look.

"Do you girls think we should tell the guys to shut up?" Summer asked as something smacked into the wall.

"I agree with you." Kai nodded.

"Let me grab my mace." Jill stated as she began digging in her bags.

"A mace? Really?" Summer asked.

"Hey Cole's scared of medieval weapons according to Terrance." Jill giggled pulling it out of her bag.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** Despite how much I despise Billy I feel sorry for the guy.

**Kai:** I own a katana but Jill owns a mace, a sword, a boomerang, a knife, a crossbow...

**Jill:** Terrance told me that when we were backstage today before he was knocked out by a random falling sandbag.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Boys cabin**

* * *

The boys were sitting in their side of the cabin watching Cole smash all of Billy's products. Terrance and John cringed every time something was broken because they thought the others were being cruel. Luke had put headphones in and was ignoring what was happening. Clyde was cheering while eating a bag of chips.

"This is for Luke's flute." Cole laughed hurling a terracotta vase at the wall that Billy had taken from an old lady in Calgary.

"STOP!" Billy screamed from where he was tied to a chair as the shrapnel hit his jetpack pieces causing them to break and spark, "I was going to sell that!"

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" Summer yelled from the doorway flanked by Jill and Kai.

"We're punishing Billy for his crimes by breaking all of his overpriced useless products." Cole explained eying Jill's mace nervously.

"Can you stop?" Summer asked, "It's keeping us up."

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Billy screamed wobbling his chair so much that it fell over.

"Billy we're handling it." Jill growled pointing her mace at him.

"Ok, Ok I get the message." Billy yelped.

"Cole it isn't nice to break things." Kai explained.

"It isn't nice to steal things." Cole argued turning around and chucking a rusty tape measure at the wall where it smashed to pieces.

"Cole we need our sleep." Terrance growled from the top bunk.

"I concur." John agreed.

"No one asked you shrimp." Cole growled as John cowered and put his helmet on for safety.

"They have a right to their opinions." Jill growled raising her mace.

"OK I'LL LISTEN JUST PUT THAT DAMN THING AWAY!" Cole yelled.

"No more noises." Summer ordered shutting the lights off on her way out.

"Who invited those *******?" Cole asked.

"NO NOISES!" Summer screamed so loud from the other side that the cabin shook and Clyde's bed broke through the floor again causing Luke to hit his head.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Cole:** I'm scared of blunt and brutal weapons, I'd rather die by getting blown up then slashed by a sword or beaten with a club.

**Billy:** (He's stuffing all the toilet paper in a sack) I'm going to get Cole out as soon as possible for that.

**Luke:** (He's rubbing his head) Why did that have to happen?

**Terrance:** I wonder if Jill would want to play dungeons and dragons with me tomorrow...

**John:** I have to admit that Billy blaming Pete was mean, but Cole smashing all of Billy's products was just plain cruel.

**Clyde:** Summer scares me...

* * *

**Dock of shame**

* * *

"And this concludes a very long, annoying, and slightly exciting day on our little island." Chris announced with a smile, "I'm happy that everyone's mad at Billy now and are probably going to eliminate him next episode if they lose, but you'll have to figure that out next time, right here on Total! Drama! Return to the Island!"

* * *

**Frosty falcons:** Jill, Terrance, Luke, Summer, Cole, Billy, Kai, Clyde, John

**Wicked Weasels:** Teresa, Vanessa, Emily, Julia, Patrice, Spader, Greg, Helga, Winter, Alexa

**Eliminated:** Mona, Theodore, Pete

**Votes:**

**Jill:** Billy

**Terrance:** Pete

**Luke:** Pete

**Summer:** Pete

**Cole:** Pete

**Pete:** Cole

**Billy:** Pete

**Kai:** Pete

**Clyde:** Pete

**John:** Billy

* * *

**This chapter really showed how much my writing has improved, it's long, has great plot, funny jokes, and a few action scenes mixed in there. So I'm hoping the next chapter is up to the high standards you guys have after this. I had a review state that Vanessa sometimes acts good, bad, or something in between. Well the answer to that is that she can hide her snootiness better than people like Alexa. I know the ending was really obvious but I don't think the plot was terrible at all but perhaps that's my opinion.**

**So I thought I'd mention some running gags to you guys that you maybe didn't know about: For starters Helga smashes something in every episode whether it be Doorways, floors, tree trunks, she just smashes something, secondly Jill has a new medieval weapon every chapter from her mace in chapter 1, to her knife in chapter 2, and her crossbow this chapter, third Kai mentions a family member who either told, taught, or gave her something. There are more but these ones are the most prominent ones.**

**Did you like it? Did you hate it? Leave a comment even if you aren't a member because my stories are open to you and always will be.**

**Do you have any fan mail to send to Pete, Theodore, or Mona? If you do leave a comment or PM me telling me your fan mail it should appear in the interview chapters unless the question makes zero sense or are graphic. So leave mail if you want good or bad.**

* * *

**Next time: let's spice it up in Chef's kitchen with an eating competition!**


	4. Chapter 4: Picky Picnic

**Total Drama Return to the Island**

**Chapter 4: Picky Picnic**

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own or pretend to own Total Drama or any of its seasons and Characters. I do however own all 22 contestants and the five less notable interns so please don't steal them.**

**Anyway so my story has over 125 viewers and over 60,000 words as of this chapter so I'm giving a shout out to the people who've commented and told me how I'm doing.**

**Thank you FrostPrince for your reviews that tell me exactly who you like and what you think about characters, you made me realize just how fun writing for Helga is.**

**Secondly I must thank a visitor named Marco who stated the obvious fact that Julia is what makes this story so much more enjoyable.**

**And then some visitor named AWSOME who thinks my story is awesome. His or her words exact.**

**In other news I decided it's time to name one of my interns because we're one elimination away from interviewing our first four contestants. I've also decided to add a few extra scenes where the guys and girls from both cabins are interacting with each other before breakfast unlike the last three chapters where they never conversed at all.**

* * *

**Warning:**

**This Chapter of Total Drama Return to the Island contains scenes of extreme stunts, dragonfly larva, barfing, disgusting smells, dungeons and dragons, a slap bet, about twenty references to **_**How I Met Your Mother**_**, disgusting food, mutated wildlife, food that's not fit for human consumption, and a girl who should be in an asylum. Nothing M rated per the norm, it's just rated T for safety precautions.**

**You have been warned...**

* * *

Chris Maclean stood on the dock of shame while a female intern with black hair done up in a ponytail and was wearing glasses was using a screwdriver to fix up the dock.

"Last time on Total Drama Return to the Island we had the teams demonstrate their mostly terrible talents." Chris announced with a smile, "Some were good like Jill's, Helga's, and Emily's."

"Some were weird like Cole dancing Ballet to heavy metal music." The intern commented placing another board on the dock and beginning to screw it into place.

"Jesslyn do I pay you to talk during the recap?" Chris asked looking at her.

"Actually you don't pay me at all, Mr. Benson our producer does." Jesslyn replied beginning to bang the screw into the dock with the screwdriver, "Next time you want me to fix something can I please have tools meant for the job?"

"We spared no expense." Chris replied motioning to the screwdriver, "Now let me do my job and finish the recap!"

"Fine." Jesslyn muttered returning to banging the screw into the dock.

"Anyway we saw some pretty terrible performances including Billy's, Pete's and Julia's." Chris continued as Jesslyn stuck her tongue out at Chris while his back was turned, "When push came to shove the Falcons lost by quite a few points."

"If Julia hadn't tortured us like that it would have been more." Jesslyn grumbled.

"You weren't even there!" Chris exclaimed turning to face his intern.

"Actually I have to edit out scenes in the camera room and send the good footage to our producers who just happen to pay us!" Jesslyn explained narrowing her eyes, "I work more hours then you!"

"We're rolling!" Chris mumbled keeping his smile for the camera.

"Right." Jesslyn realized returning to her task.

"In the end Pete left under false suspicion when Billy actually stole everything and the Falcons felt guilty and beat Billy up in response." Chris announced.

"Actually Cole was doing all the punching." Jesslyn corrected.

"ONE MORE WORD AND I FEED YOU TO LARRY!" Chris threatened glaring at Jesslyn, "Who has a cast iron stomach? Who can eat strange foods? Who is picky beyond comprehension? Find out right here, right now on Total! Drama! Return to the..."

"Island swim party!" Summer cheered running out of nowhere and jumping in the lake splashing water all over the camera making it short circuit and black out.

* * *

**Theme song: I wanna be famous**

* * *

The sun filtered through the shutters of the boy's side of the Frosty Falcons cabin as most of them snored lightly or in Clyde and Cole's cases snoring heavily. The only ones awake were Luke and Terrance who were making their way to the door as quickly as possible.

"I'm glad I'm an early riser." Terrance whispered to Luke as he skirted around Billy who was still tied to a chair and was snoring in a very uncomfortable position.

"Well I may as well come, its better than sitting here with a bunch of snoring guys." Luke shrugged in response.

"Well I just had to come back for my character book." Terrance replied opening the door and walking out.

The two boys had just closed the door when the alarm system went off over the speakers which consisted of a high pitched version of Julia's banana song from last night played over and over again very loudly.

"MAKE IT STOP!" Cole yelled smashing his end table in two.

"It's on the speaker system." John muttered sleepily before checking his watch, "HOLY CROW! CHRIS LET US SLEEP UNTIL 9:45!"

"Really?" Clyde asked looking around, "Where did Terrance and Luke go."

"They're morning people." Cole grunted walking to Billy's coffee maker which was still hooked up despite the fact that almost everyone hated Billy now.

"I forbid you from taking my coffee!" Billy yelled shaking his chair.

"So you want to increase your chances of leaving?" Cole asked making Billy shut up, "I thought so."

"How can you live with yourself?" Billy muttered angrily, "You can't respect that I don't care about your personal space!"

"I think he's a few spoons short of a silverware drawer." John commented making Clyde spit Coffee all over the floor.

"It's not funny!" Billy yelled wobbling his chair more, "And can someone untie me?"

"Nah we'll just take you to breakfast tied up like that." Cole answered pulling some clothes from his sleeping bag.

"What do you guys think we'll eat for breakfast?" Clyde asked imagining plates piled with frozen lemons and burnt roast beef.

"Probably penguin barf knowing how Chef cooks." Cole growled in response.

"I bet could eat more of Chef's food then you." Clyde stated.

"I could eat quite a bit if I tried." Cole growled in response.

"I don't have any money on me." Clyde sighed checking his pocket.

"Me neither." Cole grumbled sitting down on his bed and thinking.

"Why not have a slap bet?" John suggested.

"What's that?" Clyde asked giving John a questioning look.

"Back home some of the bigger guys bet on something and the winner gets to slap the loser as hard as they can." John explained.

"That sounds awesome!" Billy laughed from his chair, "I wanna see Cole get slapped by Clyde's meaty hands!"

"My hands are not... oh wait they are." Clyde said interrupting himself while examining his chubby hands, "These would really hurt whoever I slapped with them."

"Do we agree on this?" Cole asked looking at Clyde intently.

"I do." Clyde agreed, "Whoever can eat more of Chef's food wins."

"This game just got really interesting." John laughed as Cole flexed his right hand.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**John:** When Oliver Simpson smacked George Kewston we all had to cringe because he had a red mark on his face for a solid week.

**Billy:** I love it when people fight pointlessly.

**Cole:** My hand will be imprinted on Clyde's face for the remainder of the competition.

**Clyde:** I hope I can eat more food than Cole... Imagine if today was an eating competition!

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Girls cabin**

* * *

Teresa had cooked the girls on her team some eggs and bacon on a bagel so they'd at least have eaten something before the challenge besides something related to what you'd find under the fridge after a week of searching for that one strawberry.

"Helga likes bagel sandwich!" Helga announced tossing the entire thing in her mouth and swallowing it without chewing.

"Thanks Helga." Teresa thanked while watching Julia rub her food on the wall before eating it.

"Helga thinks Spanish lady can cook very good!" Helga yelled tossing another bagel into her mouth and swallowing it.

"I love how she doesn't get accents." Vanessa giggled.

"I have an Antarctican accent!" Julia yelled tossing her bacon at the window and screaming, "Fly away bacon! Be free!"

"Does anyone know where Winter is this morning?" Emily asked from where she was attaching something to Helga's bed.

"Who cares?" Alexa responded from where she was brushing her hair by the vanity.

"We do." Teresa responded crossing her arms.

"Well it just so happens that people who eat those horridly greasy messes you call food have lower IQ than anyone else." Alexa explained continuing to brush her hair.

"Actually it's a blend of twenty different types of cheese shredded and melted into a block where it's sliced and paired with gourmet meats straight from France and put onto bargain bagels from the Toronto airport." Teresa explained while she held a bagel sandwich in the air which Julia snatched away and chucked at the window.

"Bargain bagels? Eeew!" Alexa gagged pointing her finger down her throat and sticking her tongue out.

"Wow you have to be the pickiest person I've ever had the displeasure to meet." Teresa commented glaring at Alexa.

"It's a little hard to believe that you're the same Alexa that wasn't such a snob from yesterday." Emily complained as she began bolting the leg of Helga's bed to the floor so it wouldn't smash through it again.

"Snob? Please, I'm just more superior to you so you're jealous." Alexa scoffed as she returned to brushing her hair.

"Helga thinks team should get along better." Helga said gruffly.

"Helga please get your head out of your ***." Alexa laughed, "You're stupid and the way you talk and look proves it. Plus you can't spell team without me."

"Actually due to the fact that the E and M are apart means that you can't do that." Emily replied.

"SHUT UP!" Alexa yelled as Greg poked his head in the door.

"You girls are still getting ready?" Greg asked.

"Yeah we just woke up." Vanessa responded looking around on the floor, "OH MY GOD A CHRIS HAIR!"

"What?" Teresa asked giving Vanessa a strange look.

"I better add this to the collection." Vanessa giggled pulling a realistic Chris doll out of one of her bags and attaching the hair to it, "DANCE FOR ME CHRIS!"

"Well I was just going to say that some of the campers are at the lake." Greg said pointing back towards the lake.

"Is Patrice there without a shirt?" Vanessa asked as she packed the Chris doll away.

"Yeah, why?" Greg asked but Vanessa and Alexa had changed so fast and ran out the door he never got his answer.

"Greg some girls like guys with more muscle than brains so just ignore them." Emily replied.

"Helga's boyfriend is brainy and has lots of muscles." Helga yelled raising her arms and breaking the light bulb, "Helga is sorry about that."

"Helga you don't have to pretend you have a boyfriend for us to like you." Emily explained while she grabbed a step ladder and a light bulb and began fixing the light.

"Yeah we like you a lot better than Vanessa and Alexa." Teresa agreed while packing up her cooking kit.

"But Helga's boyfriend is real!" Helga argued.

"If you say so." Emily shrugged as the new light bulb blinked to life, "I light up your life!"

"ON SUNDAY!" Julia sang as she dashed out the door giggling.

"I will never understand that girl." Emily laughed.

"Well I'm going to go get some food, see you guys at breakfast." Greg said walking towards the mess hall.

"What do you think Chef cooked for us today?" Teresa asked as she packed the last of her kit away.

"Probably a seven course meal made with real tree bark grown in the Yukon." Emily replied.

* * *

**Vanessa:** Patrice has to be the hottest and smartest guy here. Besides Chris of course but Patrice doesn't have billions of girls wanting his phone number.

**Greg:** When I got to the mess hall Chef was cooking some sort of stew and told me I couldn't leave.

**Alexa:** My only competition against Patrice is Vanessa but she's is much stupider than me.

**Emily:** It's a good thing I ended up on Helga's team or else she would've been eliminated for causing severe irreversible damage to camp.

**Julia:** (She's singing) Bacon flies like a fry and blows up in the sky where we eat it after it dies by making BACON PANCAKES!

**Helga:** Why doesn't Helga's team believe her about her boyfriend? Emily and Teresa are fun and all but Helga thinks they don't think she's capable of scoring a boyfriend.

**Teresa:** Helga ate all those bagels and it worries me if she'll be able to eat breakfast or dinner, or even lunch.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Porch**

* * *

Jill, Terrance, and Luke were sitting around a board on the porch of the Falcons cabin playing Dungeons and Dragons, no lie.

"So you have to use your imagination for the game?" Luke asked looking longingly at the beach where lots of the other campers were playing in the water.

"No you use a dice, several game pieces, a book stating all of your character's stats, pen and paper, a dungeon master, and then you add your imagination." Jill replied from where she sat holding a small female knight figure wearing blue and silver armour, "I had my character piece made specially and my book has one hundred and ninety seven and a half pages full."

"Obsessive much." Luke muttered under his breath.

"We shall use my custom adventure." Terrance announced dramatically, "I will be an awesome dungeon master!"

"Custom adventure?" Luke asked giving Terrance a strange look, "I thought there was only one adventure."

"Please, there's over one million different known adventures." Jill laughed putting her figure on the board and beginning to write in her book.

"Well that's surprising." Luke stated slightly impressed.

"I've never died." Jill laughed, "Except that one time when Harold had to use a resurrection spell on me."

"I haven't actually had to fight a monster head on since I was level one and didn't have the summon skeleton spell." Terrance said nodding in Jill's direction.

"That is helpful." Jill nodded, "How big is your Mana pool?"

"Big enough to resurrect all the monsters and players from DungeonCon 2012." Terrance replied.

"Ok I don't understand this geek talk." Luke grumbled.

"Well you may as well start a character." Terrance sighed tossing a five hundred page journal to Luke, "Record everything you do like it's a manual memory disk from Tron."

"Why?" Luke asked puzzled.

"Because think of how useful that character will be in any future books, video games, movies, cartoons, plays, ect, That you may make in the future." Jill responded pointing at the book, "Start with the name and category."

"Name and category?" Luke asked giving Jill a confused look.

"For example mine is Serena Icywind and she's an Ice Knight!" Jill explained showing Luke the first page of her book.

"Fine." Luke sighed, "But don't think I'll enjoy this..."

* * *

**Twenty minutes later**

* * *

"And Luke kills the Spiderwasp!" Terrance announced cheering.

"I Killed the Spiderwasp!" Luke cheered in response writing it down in his book.

"Level three!" Jill cheered high fiving Luke.

"Level three!" Luke cheered.

Just then the other four male members of the Falcons emerged from the cabin Cole and Clyde holding Billy who was still tied to a chair.

"Aww are you three nerds playing monopoly?" Cole asked in a mocking voice.

"Actually we're playing an awesome game of Dungeons and Dragons, what are you doing?" Terrance asked in response.

"Taking the thief to the mess hall to see if Chef has anything we can dunk his head in." Cole responded, "And what's dummies and Druggies?"

"It's called Dungeons and Dragons." Jill growled in response while drawing her sword, "And you had better think it's awesome!"

"Pfft like I care." Cole shrugged continuing his walk to the mess hall.

"Maybe we should clean this up and continue after the challenge." Terrance suggested.

"I agree." Jill responded sheathing her sword, picking up her game pieces, tossing Terrance the ones Luke had borrowed and walked into the cabin her stuff in hand.

"And you said you wouldn't enjoy it!" Terrance laughed packing his stuff in a black box marked Dungeons and Dragons.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Jill:** I have more respect for girls who have at least tried play Dungeons and Dragons then those who don't even know what it's about and think it's stupid.

**Luke:** I will admit I had my doubts but if you actually think about it and enjoy the game you'll surely get engrossed extremely quickly.

**Terrance:** I based the monsters in that Dungeon after the mutated ones on this island, wait till they battle Tigerbats at Mt. Timber!

* * *

**Beach**

* * *

Seven of the campers were either Swimming in the water or sitting on the rock on the shore. Summer was wearing her red one piece swimsuit while she waded in the water happily while Spader who was wearing blue Bahaman swim trunks dived for shells, fish, or in one case a Goldfish with a scorpion tail and claws. Patrice was Flexing in the shallow part of the water wearing a Speedo (I just won't go into detail) while Alexa and Vanessa who were both wearing designer bikini's watched with gigantic smiles plastered on their faces. Kai was leaning against a rock onshore wearing a pink bikini while Winter sat on the rocks fully clothed while reading a book quietly.

"I love water." Summer sighed as she lay back and floated without any floatation devices.

"Well you seem to be extremely adapted to it." Spader commented while he examined a blue shell that he had collected from the bottom of the lake.

"Well I do live on the coast of British Columbia in a small town right near the water." Summer explained thinking about her hometown.

"I suppose you were born on a surfboard then." Spader joked looking at Summer.

"How'd you know that?" Summer asked looking at Spader's shocked face.

"Wouldn't that attract predators?" Spader asked giving Summer a confused look.

"It did." Summer nodded, "My dad killed a shark and ate it for dinner that night."

"Ok you're lying now." Spader said returning back to his shell.

"No I'm not! My dad is a professional wrestler and not that fake wrestling you see on TV." Summer replied glaring at Spader.

"Do you mean the wrestler Alberta Beef?" Spader asked giving Summer a shocked look, "I watch his matches whenever my mom's not looking!"

"Yeah he's 6'7 and is built with four hundred pounds of muscle and he's never taken drugs to help him get it either. He once made the flu go away by sheer force. Then the youngest of my five brothers is 18 and is 6'4 and weighs two hundred and fifty seven pounds and is referred as the runt of the litter." Summer replied shrugging not noticing that Spader's face looked like Shocked Patrick's, "I'm mostly like my mom genetically."

"My gods! How did your mom do that?" Spader asked wide eyed.

"She told me by the time I came along it was like whoosh and I just flew out of there." Summer replied before Kai interrupted.

"The show's rated T Summer! Keep it clean!" Kai yelled from where she was leaning on a rock.

"I will." Summer replied before returning to her conversation.

"Your family sound awesome!" Spader exclaimed raising his arms out of the water in excitement.

"Yeah I can beat up my brothers when they make me mad." Summer bragged while Spader thought about how most guys pretend that their little sister can beat them in a fight.

"You probably make them cry." Spader replied nervously not wanting to burst Summer's bubble.

Over where Patrice was showing off, Vanessa and Alexa had taken to sitting in the water and were currently chatting about random things.

"You have to admit that if a guy has abs he's smarter than a guy with man boobs." Alexa commented as Patrice glared at where Spader was absorbing the attention of Summer.

"True but his butt matters as well." Vanessa replied, "Chris apparently has a cute butt according to his mom."

"All mom's think their babies butts are cute." Alexa argued while Patrice sat down in the water next to the two girls.

"What are you girls talking about?" Patrice asked while he glared at Spader.

"About girl stuff, hey do you think Teresa's food is greasy?" Alexa asked giving Patrice the cute eyes.

"I've never eaten it but I'm sure it's disgusting by just hearing about it." Patrice replied flashing Alexa a quick smile.

"Will you go throw her cheeses into the bush for me please?" Alexa asked throwing a quick giggle in afterwards.

"Sure thing hot stuff." Patrice agreed walking towards the cabin.

"Princess Powers are awesome." Alexa smiled leaning back against a rock.

"Now we just work on our tans and make Patrice do everything we want." Vanessa sighed leaning back as well, "Being hot is awesome."

"Agreed." Alexa replied high fiving Vanessa.

Over near the boulder Winter was sitting on and Kai was leaning against things had been quiet until Kai asked Winter why she wasn't swimming.

"Why aren't you swimming today?" Kai asked randomly as Winter placed her book in her lap and sighed.

"I just don't feel like swimming today." Winter replied looking down at Kai.

"Actually I haven't seen you swim at all during the competition." Kai realized, "It's already day four."

"Well I don't like to swim at all." Winter replied giving the water a nervous look.

"Heck you take something like two minute showers and barely drink any water." Kai continued thinking about all the times Winter had strictly avoided water.

"I'm scared of water ok!" Winter yelled before covering her mouth and looking around to see if anyone heard but only Kai seemed to have heard her.

"If you hate water so much then why do you like snow?" Kai asked, "You wouldn't be quiet about how much you liked it last night at the show."

"I don't know, I like ice but hate rain, I'm inside when it rains but I won't come in when it snows, I'm weird okay!" Winter explained picking her book up quickly and hiding behind it.

"Hey it's nothing to be ashamed of, I'm scared of bugs." Kai explained, "But then again you are kind of obsessive about your fear."

"I can't help it." Winter stammered, "I'm scared of a glass of water for Pete's sake!"

"How about as of tonight I help you get over your fear." Kai suggested looking up at Winter.

"I guess we could try." Winter agreed timidly before the intercom scared her so bad that she dropped her book.

"Attention all campers not already in the mess hall! You will be eating soon so you better change and get here within half an hour or you'll be walking down the dock of shame and have to swim away!" An intern announced over the intercom, "In other news that annoying bird above the Falcons cabin just spawned more annoying babies. That is all."

"SWIM!" Winter screamed dashing to the mess hall as fast as humanly possible.

"He said half an hour not fifteen seconds!" Kai yelled after Winter.

"Did that intern just say spawned?" Summer asked from the water.

"You know you've played too much Minecraft when..." Spader trailed.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Spader:** I didn't want to tell Summer that her brothers probably let her win, it might aggravate her.

**Alexa:** I have Princess Powers that work on anyone with the intellect to notice them respects me because of them.

**Summer:** I remember when I hit my brother josh so hard he fell over and had a knee injury for a week!

**Patrice:** girls are so easy to manipulate, you do what they bid and get *** in return.

**Kai:** It will take time, it will take effort but I will cure Winter of her fear of water.

**Vanessa:** So hanging out with Alexa makes her seem like a bigger brat then me so I seem like a smaller target.

**Winter:** I sometimes pass out from dehydration back home because of my fear...

* * *

**Mess Hall**

* * *

When the remaining Campers walked into the Mess Hall they were surprised by the fact that the tables have been pushed together and were lined with nineteen chairs.

"What's going on here?" Spader asked sitting between Helga and Greg.

"Helga thinks it has something to do with the challenge!" Helga guessed looking across the table at Cole.

"Maybe it's the merge!" Alexa suggested looking at the other campers.

"Alexa we've eliminated three campers." Jill stated from where she sat sharpening a battleaxe.

"So?" Alexa asked giving Jill's axe a despising look.

"We should at least eliminate ten before we begin doing individual challenges." Jill stated returning to her axe.

"Well I think it's probably another survival challenge, we've had two of those already!" Emily guessed shrugging her shoulders.

"Let's hope not." Luke groaned thinking about days one and two.

"Maybe we have to eat burning tires covered in hot sauce that can't fit on one table!" Julia yelled from beside John.

"What is with your obsession with fire?" Teresa asked giving Julia a hard stare.

"I worship it." Julia yelled scratchily raising her hands and grabbing John's shirt, "Tell me where I can find my people!"

"Downtown Toronto." John replied in a scared voice while pointing east.

"Really I didn't know Mexico was in Toronto." Julia said looking around at everyone like they were attempting to steal things.

"Do you even know where Mexico is?" John asked as Julia dropped him on the floor.

"In Toronto silly, everyone knows that." Julia laughed banging her fist on the table like john had just told the funniest joke on the planet.

"So where are you from?" Summer asked getting a crazy look from Julia.

"NORWAY SILLY!" Julia screamed, "That's in Japan!"

"Is she making any sense to you?" Terrance asked Summer.

"None at all." Summer replied.

"So does anyone have anything to say to Billy?" Cole asked pointing at the criminal.

"Really?" Billy asked from where he was still tied up.

"He stole my underwear!" Summer yelled glaring at Billy while she shook her head, "You're a sick jerk."

"He stole your underwear!" Teresa said in disbelief, "And I thought him stealing my cooking kit was bad!"

"Well he stole my purple imaginary friend named Jeffery who just happens to be a purple dragon frog and is currently sitting on Brian's head!" Julia exclaimed while pointing at Spader.

"My name's Spader actually." Spader replied giving Julia a strange look.

"Says you." Julia grunted before she was distracted by a butterfly that had flown into the mess hall.

"Well he stole my flute and made me bring my puppet Sly out." Luke complained from where he sat.

"Speaking of that guy, he's so cool you should bring him out more often." Vanessa suggested pointing at Luke.

"He's around more than you think." Luke stated leaning on the table.

"Well I had my Screwdriver stolen and Billy said it was his." Emily complained glaring at Billy.

"In my self-defence you guys are idiots." Billy argued wobbling his chair rapidly, "LET ME OUT!"

"And who's the one tied up?" Clyde asked making Billy shut up.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Billy:** These imbeciles can't hold me forever!

**Julia:** MAKING BACON PANCAKES!

**Luke:** I really hate how much Sly has been surfacing recently, if only I hadn't used that doll so much.

**Spader:** Why did Julia think my name was Brian? Like I mean it's not even close.

**Alexa:** I bet it's the merge, these idiots don't understand how my great mind works.

* * *

"... So Pete tossed us his lock pick so we could get into the cabin and afterwards Cole beat Billy up and tied him to a chair and made him watch as he smashed all of his merchandise." Terrance explained as the Weasels listened intently.

"So I'm guessing if you guys lose you're going to vote Billy out." Vanessa guessed.

"It'll be a clean sweep." Terrance nodded, "Who's going next on your team?"

"We prefer to see if we win or lose before we choose someone to eliminate." Emily explained but was looking at Alexa evilly.

"Oh I see, so everyone has a different opinion on whose going." Terrance summed up while looking at who was glaring at who on the opposing team.

"Yeah we don't get along as well as it seems." Emily sighed.

Terrance and Emily then turned their heads to see Patrice smack Spader and turn to Alexa and Vanessa smiling.

"Basically you can separate the jerks from the people who aren't jerks and you'll get the elimination order." Emily explained, "Teresa, Emily, Winter, Spader, Greg, Helga, Julia, and I are basically surviving at least three more rounds."

"Well I wish you good luck with that." Terrance nodded before turning to see Luke looking into the distance longingly, "Miss D & D bud?"

"I can't believe I didn't want to play it!" Luke exclaimed smiling.

"It's a perfect example of the saying don't judge a book by its cover." Terrance stated looking across the table at where Jill had smacked her axe into the floor and was nodding happily about how sharp it was now.

"So how long have you been playing?" Luke asked giving Terrance a questioning look.

"I was ten when I first played, of course I'm the only one in my class who isn't into drugs or alcohol now so I'm pretty sure my obsession isn't all that bad..." Terrance trailed as Cole gave him a dirty look.

"Trust me when I say just because you don't drink doesn't mean that it's stupid." Cole growled.

"I never said it was stupid, it's a personal choice, you have yours and I have mine." Terrance shrugged turning back to Luke.

"Well it sounded like you're opinionated against drugs and alcohol." Cole growled, "Not that I've ever done drugs but you seem a bit too much against alcohol for my tastes."

"I won't drink till I'm eighteen Cole because that's the legal age where I'm from." Terrance replied giving Cole a look of disgust.

"Suit yourself." Cole shrugged returning to force feeding Billy dead bugs.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Cole:** Terrence may have the right to express his own opinion but does he have to have an opinion about everything?

**Terrance:** I was having a side conversation with Luke about the people where I live and Cole just flips out on me and calls me opinionated, the last time I expressed my opinion he taped Theodore outside and we voted him off the next night.

**Vanessa:** when Terrance told us about what happened last night I must say the Falcons are really a divided group of people.

**Jill:** My Battleaxe is as sharp as a sword, I'd use the term Sharp as an axe but that's just plain weird.

**Emily:** Well I'm glad Billy's going next if the Falcons lose, but if we lose...

* * *

"Did anyone see where my gourmet cheeses went?" Teresa asked looking at her fellow contestants questionably.

"You have gourmet cheeses?"Clyde asked in disbelief, "Where are they?!"

"You tell me." Teresa sighed, "They're missing."

"Where were they last?" Patrice asked hiding a grin.

"In my refrigerated suitcase between the pickles and meat." Teresa answered.

"Where can I buy one of those?" Clyde asked.

"You can't get them until next summer, mine's a prototype." Teresa explained.

"Who made them?" Clyde asked.

"A Japanese company known as HUNGRY DOG." Teresa answered.

"Hungry dog." Patrice repeated confused.

Yeah, Hungarian Utility Nutrition Generator R..." Teresa began before Patrice cut her off.

"You said it was Japanese." Patrice stated.

"It's made in Hungry." Teresa responded giving Patrice a look of boredom.

"It sounds stupid in my opinion." Patrice growled in response.

"It sounds awesome in mine!" Clyde exclaimed, "A fridge you could take everywhere!"

"Not everywhere..." Teresa began but Clyde just continued talking.

"Like to camping trips, on a plane, underwater, just think of the possibilities!" Clyde laughed daydreaming about eating a sandwich underwater.

"Too bad your face will be too sore to eat after I slap you." Cole laughed from beside Clyde.

"Too bad you won't be able to because after I eat more you'll be slapped so hard the fabric of the universe will tear!" Clyde responded, "I was practising on a tree trunk."

"I'm so scared." Cole replied sarcastically growling at Clyde.

"What's going on here?" Teresa asked giving both guys a confused look.

"They have a slap bet." John answered from beside Jill, "I'm slap bet commissioner."

"Slap bet commissioner?" Teresa asked confused.

"If one of them breaks the rules I put in place the one who didn't break a rule gets two free slaps." John answered.

"That's cool... and violent." Teresa responded giving John an awkward look.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Teresa:** A slap bet? Really? As if male stereotypes couldn't get played out more.

**Clyde:** I can't wait until my hand makes the blood rush to Cole's face.

**John:** A slap bet commissioner has the most awesome powers ever.

**Patrice:** Anything made outside of North America is obviously stupid, unlike cell phones with names you can't understand for some reason.

* * *

"So what do you think the challenge will be?" Kai asked from where she sat between John and Winter.

"Probably something Chris has cooked up in order to torture us." Greg guessed shrugging his shoulders.

"Speaking of cooking, where's the food? I mean it's almost eleven o'clock." Summer complained looking around to see if Chef was sneaking up with food. He wasn't of course but only we know what's really going on.

"Is it better to eat Chef's food or ignore it?" Winter asked looking at everyone over her book.

"Helga likes Chef's cooking." Helga grunted in third person.

"I spent an unhealthy half an hour in the bathroom yesterday from that meatloaf he made for dinner." Greg muttered in annoyance, "He could at least try to cook nicely."

"He does it on purpose." Kai explained, "You should see what the interns are eating!"

"What are they eating? What are they eating?" Summer asked excitably.

"I poked my head into the mess hall and saw the interns, camera crew, staff and whatnot eating parmesan chicken served with bacon wrapped asparagus and cheese garlic toast." Kai explained as Helga and Greg began drooling, "He actually cooked what I call a five star class meal."

"When do we sneak in?" Greg asked shaking his head to get rid of his daydream about food.

"If Chris caught you, you'd be eliminated before you could say..." Winter began.

"GOOD MORNING CAMPERS!" Chris yelled through his megaphone as he was carried in on a chair lifted by four interns, "I hope everyone had a good and TV worthy morning that I can make a couple thousand bucks off!"

"Do you have to yell?" Summer asked giving Chris an annoyed look.

"YES!" Chris yelled making everyone cringe and put their hands over their ears.

"Why are the tables pushed together today?" Luke asked raising his hand.

"Yeah and why do we have ergonomically standard chairs?" Emily asked.

"There's a very logical explanation for that." Chris answered eagerly, "Do you remember when there were five boys and five girls in season one?"

"How could we forget all that barfing?" Teresa muttered rolling her eyes.

"Well guess what today's challenge is?" Chris asked with a snicker.

"You don't mean..." Spader began his eyes growing wide in shock.

"We're having a PICKY PICNIC!" Chris announced as an intern threw some confetti in the air and the rest began clapping with bored expressions plastered on their faces.

"My stomach isn't built for this." Alexa whined.

"Helga shouldn't have eaten all those bagels, now she's 38.567% full." Helga estimated while Clyde gave her a strange look.

"Yes you guys have to untie me for this one!" Billy laughed but Cole only untied his arms, "AWW COME ON!"

"That's funny." Chris laughed pointing at Billy.

"So what are the rules?" Summer sighed.

"You will be served dishes prepared by Chef and you have to eat all of what's on the plate, if you puke or quit, you don't proceed to the next round, last one standing or last few people on one team will win the challenge for their team." Chris explained while an intern handed him flashcards with his lines written on them.

"That sounds a bit too simple." Winter analyzed.

"Chef will also prepare a mystery dish that will be placed in the center of the table, it can be delicious or really nasty, and you decide if you take the risk, anyone who manages to eat the mystery dish proceeds past the next round without even having to try the food of that round and will continue after that." Chris continued throwing the flashcards in the air, "Pick up those flashcards you imbecile!"

"Right away sir." The intern whimpered in an Indian accent.

"So if we eat this mystery dish we skip a round!" Terrance said smirking.

"I'm not taking it because I'm going to beat Cole fair and square." Clyde laughed moving so he was sitting beside Cole with only Billy between them.

"My hand feels like it's going to hurt really bad when I slap the living daylights out of your face." Cole replied flexing his hand really hard.

"You also have to finish the dish within fifteen minutes of the first contestant finishing theirs." Chris explained, "I also just made that up because this could get boring."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Helga:** Helga feels ready for anything!

**Greg:** This is going to be messy.

**Summer:** I'm just going to take the mystery dish as a last resort if I know I won't eat anything off the plates Chef puts in front of us.

**Kai:** I just hope we don't eat bugs like last season, that was just disgusting and made me throw up. (Kai shudders)

**Winter:** Please let there be no watery drinks, please let there be no watery drinks...

* * *

"So who's ready?" Chris asked as everyone groaned in response, "Good! Because here comes Chef with the first dish!"

Chef walked out of the kitchen holding a tray of glasses filled with a watery green and yellow coloured mixture and placed on in front of every camper.

"Enjoy your watery mustard and pickle juice." Chef laughed as he placed a covered tray in the center of the table and walked back to the kitchen laughing at what he had just told the campers.

"I'm taking the mystery dish!" Winter yelled panicking as she snatched the covered plate and uncovered it to reveal a sandwich with green meat.

"Two week old roast beef, yum." Chris sniggered as Winter bit into the sandwich and gagged.

"Bottoms up." Spader toasted downing his entire glass and cringing at the flavor, "I like pickles and mustard but I propose we keep them on the opposite sides o the sandwich."

"I agree." Jill gagged as she swallowed half her glass.

"I refuse to put my stomach through this kind of torture." Alexa growled pushing the glass away.

"And Alexa is out of the contest." Chris laughed as Jill began gagging as she finished her glass.

"Helga will try it!" Helga yelled tossing the entire glass in her mouth and eating it, "Helga thinks it tastes like plastic!"

"And Helga proceeds to round two." Chris announced giving Helga a weird look because she had just eaten a cup.

"It can't be that bad." Summer commented taking a swing and almost spitting it out, "Actually it can be that bad."

"Keep drinking if you want to win." Clyde ordered drinking his entire cup and placing it on the table where Billy proceeded to pour his into Clyde's.

"You didn't get it all." Billy stated pointing at Clyde's cup.

"I guess I didn't." Clyde muttered a little confused but downed the entire cup anyway.

"And Billy and Clyde also proceed." Chris explained from his seat, "Where's Jesslyn with my popcorn!"

"She's editing the show, it's her job sir." An intern explained nervously.

"Then someone else get me some popcorn!" Chris yelled throwing a small tantrum and throwing a comb at the wall.

"Right away sir!" The Fat intern yelled dashing into the kitchen.

"DON'T FORGET TO PICK THE UNPOPPED KERNALS OUT!" Chris yelled through his megaphone, "I DON'T WANT TO INJURE MY TEETH!"

"Oh so he gets popcorn and we get a strange concoction of several condiments." Vanessa growled swallowing her entire glass and breaking the plastic cup on the table in rage.

"Vanessa proceeds." Chris announced waving his hand like he didn't care.

"I wanna proceed!" Julia whined downed her entire glass and throwing it at Billy's head, "Be free little pumpkin!"

"Does this contain alcohol?" Terrance asked pointing at Julia.

"Nah she's just mentally deranged." Chris responded, "Plus she's ahead of you so you'd better finish in the next ten minutes or you're out!"

"I better get a move on then!" Terrance panicked drinking half his glass while Winter finished her sandwich and was looking a little green.

"Are you going to puke Winter?" John asked giving Winter a worried look.

"No I'll be fine." Winter mumbled swallowing and sitting back a little.

"So Winter proceeds along with Kai." Chris announced as Kai placed her cup upside down on the table, "And where is my popcorn god damnit!"

"Better hurry up Cole." Clyde laughed smacking his hand threateningly.

"Trust me! I'm going to slap you not the other way around." Cole laughed drinking the entire glass without stopping, "We tied."

"Looks like Alexa is the only one who failed round one." John commented as Terrance, Summer, Teresa, Patrice, Luke, and Emily finished just leaving John and Greg with half full glasses.

"Well I think this stuff tastes good." Greg smiled swallowing the last of his juice.

"Make that two of us." John laughed downing his entire glass in one gulp.

"And so ends round one and it looks to me like only Alexa failed to pass." Chris laughed looking at everyone, "You can go sit on those benches you picky little loser."

"What next?" Greg asked eagerly as he rubbed his hands together.

"You'll see." Chris laughed evilly.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Alexa:** How could anyone drink that unholy ****? It's degrading to the human race, just like homeless people.

**Winter:** That sandwich will probably come back to haunt me in the outhouse later.

**Spader:** I'm never going to look at sandwiches the same way again after experiencing that.

**Luke:** How could Alexa not even try? It's a wonder that everyone on her team doesn't hate her right now.

* * *

"For the second course we have a beautiful dish made of cooked beetle salad." Chris explained as Chef passed dishes to everyone and put an especially big plate in front of Kai, "Of course they're spiced with Chef's favorite blend of ground barf flavored plant seeds."

"What's the mystery dish?" Kai asked quickly.

"Uncover it and you either have to quit or eat the entire thing." Chris explained as Kai reached for the plate and uncovered it to find live raw beetles in poison ivy.

"I'm out!" Kai panicked throwing the plate against the wall and dashing out of the hall as quickly as possible.

"Well I don't hate anything I haven't tried." Clyde shrugged taking a bite and smiled as he began eating more and Billy kept piling his own food onto Clyde's plate until he had eaten both players food.

"Billy and Clyde pass." Chris announced as Billy smiled at his success.

"What kind of beetle are they?" Emily asked as Teresa chewed on her own beside her.

"Poisonous ones." Chris joked as Teresa spat hers on the floor quickly.

"And Teresa's out for disposing of her food." Chris laughed.

"But they're toxic!" Teresa argued looking at Chris like he was stupid.

"I was kidding." Chris laughed, "Nice reaction though."

"I hate you." Teresa growled as she stood up and stormed over to where Alexa was sitting.

"I have a slap bet to win." Cole laughed as he swallowed the last of his food while gagging a little bit.

"So Cole passes to round three along with Winter, Clyde, and Billy." Chris announced as Spader gagged from the taste of the beetles.

"Is it really necessary for us to eat bugs?" Summer asked as she poked her obviously still alive beetles.

"Of course, what's the fun in making you eat things that you'd actually enjoy?" Chris asked snapping his fingers for an intern to bring him a soda.

"I'm done." Jill gagged punching her stomach to stop the gurgling.

"And Jill proceeds to round three as well." Chris announced as the fat intern brought him a bowl of popcorn which Chris flung to the ground while yelling, "I can't eat popcorn out of a bowl! It has to be out of a bag! Make me more and make it snappy!"

"Yes sir." The intern replied dashing back into the kitchen on the verge of tears.

"Well let's get this over with." Spader muttered shoveling the food into his mouth.

"Helga thinks this looks tasty!" Helga yelled throwing the plate and beetles in her mouth and chewing it with the sound of breaking china coming from her mouth.

"How do you do that?" Julia asked dumping her food in her mouth and swallowing it without chewing, "I can only eat rocks like that!"

"You eat rocks?" Summer exclaimed while giving Julia a look of complete and utter shock.

"Yeah they're everywhere." Julia explained giving Summer a weird look, "Don't you ever feel the need to just eat one?"

"No I do not." Summer replied eating the last of her Beetles.

"And Summer advances!" Chris announced as he watched the last eight campers struggle to finish before time ran out.

"DONE!" Terrance yelled standing up and sticking his arms in the air while Greg shot him a look of disbelief.

"I'M DONE AS WELL!" Spader announced mimicking Terrance.

"And then there were six." Chris laughed taking a sip of his soda and spitting it out, "WHY IS THIS DIET? DO I LOOK FAT TO YOU?!"

"No sir." An intern muttered as Chris threw the can in his face in his fit of rage.

"GET ME ANOTHER ONE THAT ISN'T MEANT FOR FAT PEOPLE!" Chris screamed as the intern ran crying into the kitchen.

"Wasn't that a little harsh?" Emily asked looking at Chris like he had just sprouted a second head.

"Nope." Chris replied leaning back, "I wonder how long it will take him to realize that wasn't a diet soda... whatever."

"You're cruel." Emily hissed as Greg finished his beetles.

"Well since you only have four minutes and there are five of you, I'd get eating." Chris suggested putting his hands behind his head.

"C'mon Patrice do this for the ladies." Vanessa urged Patrice as she and Luke finished their food.

"FOR THE HOT LADIES THAT ALL LOVE ME!" Patrice yelled finishing the food and screaming, "Come and get me!"

John and Emily exchanged looks before beginning to eat at full speed while the last thirty seconds counted down on the clock.

"And John and Emily..." Chris began dramatically.

...

...

...

"... Proceed to round three!" Chris exclaimed as the timer buzzed on them, "Let's see who can eat what Chef has made for round three!"

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Kai:** Those Spiderwasps didn't bug me as much because they were half arachnid, but beetles... (Kai shudders as if she's remembering something terrible)

**Teresa:** So Chris is just making rules up as we proceed! Great!

**Alexa:** Teresa should have tried harder, spitting your food out? Please.

* * *

"For round three we have cooked stink ousters, a delicacy that emits a putrid scent even after death that will make people pass out if not consumed within a half hour period." Chris laughed as Chef who was wearing a gasmask placed a plate of retched smelling seafood in front of the remaining sixteen contestants, "Oh and they taste like squirrel piss!"

"Of course you'd know what that tastes like!" Patrice mocked while everyone including Chef and the interns began laughing.

"SHUT UP!" Chris screamed on the verge of tears, "It was only because the damn things think my mouth is a toilet!"

"You sleep outside?" Summer giggled.

"No those crafty demons seem to find a way into my trailer every night just to pee in my mouth!" Chris hissed glaring at everyone, "They came in through the ventilation system this morning."

"Stop bugging Chrissy-poo." Vanessa ordered glaring at everyone besides Chris, "You ought to be ashamed of your... What is that retched smell?"

"That Vanessa is the food you're about to eat." Chef explained through his gasmask, "And you'd better eat it quickly or you'll begin vomiting before the round ends."

"Helga will finish it now!" Helga yelled throwing the five ousters in her mouth still in the shells and swallowing them whole, "Helga doesn't have to put up with smell now."

"Helga you genius!" Clyde yelled prying open the shells and removing the meat while Billy repeated what Clyde had done and placed his ousters in Clyde's open mouth while Clyde's eyes were closed.

"You aren't beating me that easy!" Cole growled shelling his ousters and eating all five in one bite.

"I'm going to take this round's mystery dish." Vanessa explained removing the cover to reveal a single shot glass of over date milk, "O M G! That is gross!"

"But it's easy." Winter replied as she chewed on her third ouster, "You can take one gulp and be done with it."

"I guess you're right for once." Vanessa agreed drinking the shot and choking it down before burping loudly, "That was really unladylike."

"And Vanessa skips to round five!" Chris announced happily.

"Good, I don't know how much longer I can keep this up." Vanessa gagged covering her mouth.

"This smells like that time the cops found a frozen guy behind city hall." Luke shuddered before throwing the juice and beetles up on the floor.

"And Luke is out of the eating contest." Chris laughed as the fat intern approached with a bag of popcorn and handed it to Chris who threw it on the ground, "I want it in a bowl now."

"But..." The intern began before slumping under Chris's angry gaze and walking back to the kitchen.

"I see Julia is almost done." Chris sighed as almost everyone looked at where Julia was playing with the ouster shells completely oblivious to the smell before she ate the last piece of edible meat and finished round three.

"How is she not bothered by the smell?" John asked while he plugged his nose and ate his fourth ouster.

"Who knows." Greg shrugged finishing his food and lying down on the table, "I'm just going to lie here and groan pitifully."

"You earned it." Emily replied as she finished her ousters as well, "Wake me when round four shows up."

"Will do." Jill replied before her eyes rolled back and she passed out from the smell.

"Why does Jill's smell worse than ours?" Terrance asked giving Chef a worried look.

"A rat vomited on hers and died so she got one that would defiantly knock someone out quicker." Chef explained clearing the plates of those who were out or had finished from the table.

"Well I'm done." Terrance gagged handing his plate to Chef and lying Jill on the floor so she wouldn't kill herself by puking.

"So we're two players ahead." Patrice smirked high fiving Vanessa.

"We have Clyde." John argued as he tried to pull the meat out of his last ouster which clamped shut on his fingers, "IT'S STILL ALIVE!"

"Hold still." Cole growled slamming his fist down onto the ouster and smashing its shell in two, "Now eat it or I'll clobber you!"

"OK!" John yelled panicking as he ate the last ouster and gagged at its taste, "It's not even cooked!"

"Sorry." Chef shrugged picking John's plate up, "At least you didn't get poisoned by it."

"Poisoned?!" John screamed.

"They are mutated." Chef replied walking back into the kitchen.

"Well I'm done now." Patrice announced as Winter finished behind him and put her hands in the air before Spader hit her in the face by accident with his.

"I'm sorry Winter!" Spader gasped putting Winter's glasses back in place.

"It's okay Spader." Winter replied grabbing his hands by the wrists and pushing them away, "I'll be fine."

BUZZZZZZ!

"And Summer is eliminated by default due to not being able to finish in time." Chris announced as Summer walked away unhappily.

"I hope we survive the next dish." Emily prayed as Chef walked out of the kitchen.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Luke:** I couldn't take the smell anymore, it was just so putrid!

**Summer:** It sucks that I'm a slow eater. If only we had one more minute!

**Kai:** So it's up to the guys now... great. Two involved in a slap bet, one with terrible luck, and one that's been cheating. Let's all pray Terrance has a strong stomach.

**Jill:** My head hurts and my breath just smells horrible! What was in those ousters?

* * *

Chris watched happily as the contestants cringed at what Chef had placed in front of them.

"There is no way in the world I am eating Dragonfly larva!" Patrice growled looking at the three squirming water bugs in front of him.

"Then you're forfeiting?" Chris asked excitably as everyone on the Weasels glared at Patrice.

"I mean, I can't wait to eat these!" Patrice announced through gritted teeth.

"Good because I think Chef would have killed you if you had said no." Chris replied laughing while placing his soda on an intern's back like it was an end table, "Where's my popcorn?"

"I'll take the mystery dish then!" Patrice announced uncovering the mystery dish to reveal a can of apple juice dated best before June 5th 1989 when cans weren't that safe when left alone for long periods of time.

"That was pure apple juice squeezed straight from the fruit so it does go bad." Chef explained laughing.

"I REFUSE TO DRINK THAT!" Patrice screamed walking over to where the other eliminated campers were.

"Low life!" Julia yelled shaking her fist at Patrice before beginning to mulch the larva up and eat it.

"Julia eats all her food in her own little way." Spader laughed biting one of his bugs in half and gagging, "These taste disgusting!"

"What did you expect?" Terrance asked as he began smashing his food like Julia had, "You have to mulch them first so they're easier to eat."

"You mean Julia knows how to eat these?!" Spader exclaimed looking where Julia was using a cup as an airplane.

"I EAT EM ALL THE TIME BACK HOME!" Julia yelled before she began whacking her cup on the table and singing the Adventure Time theme backwards.

"I'm not going to respond to that." John commented giving Julia a strange look while Terrance finished his dish gagged a little and held it in the air.

"Helga thinks little bugs look tasty!" Helga yelled while her dragonfly larva shivered in fear before she grabbed all three and ate them whole, "Helga knows little bugs are not tasty now!"

"Oh Helga." Greg laughed as he finished off his food.

"I don't think I'll be able to finish this round." Winter muttered before she ducked her head under the table and began vomiting.

"Yeah I think the ousters smell is still lingering." Spader analyzed while he rubbed Winter's back in order to calm her stomach.

"Well we did have three of our interns pass out after fishing for them." Chris answered while three of the interns hung their heads.

"Well I'm done." Cole laughed leaning over Billy who had just shoveled all his mulched food onto Clyde's plate and smirked at Clyde.

"So am I!" Clyde responded with a smirk after swallowing all his and Billy's food and looking back at Cole, "Nice try though."

"Hey Chris Billy is..." Jesslyn who had just walked into the mess hall wearing an ear mike and carrying a clipboard began before Chris cut her off.

"Finally! Where's my popcorn?!" Chris asked waving his arms around, "I hate waiting!"

"Yeah I'm not here with popcorn." Jesslyn argued, "I'm here to tell you that one of the contestants is violating rule fourteen of the challenge rulebook."

"Don't care!" Chris replied returning his attention to the three remaining campers.

"Fine I'll go back to the part of our job that actually makes money." Jesslyn growled storming out of the mess hall.

"All I hear is blah blah blah! Will she ever shut up about her job?" Chris asked one of the interns who shook his head in response nervously.

"I'm finished." John gagged holding his hand over his mouth as bile rose in his throat but he swallowed it, "And I'll never eat another dragonfly larva again.

"That's nice." Chris replied checking his nails for flaws, "Who would eat them in the first place anyway?"

"Have you even been watching?" Emily asked as she picked up the last bit of Larva off her plate.

"Mostly." Chris replied glaring at the two contestants who were choking the last bits of bug down their throats, "And that means only Winter and Patrice are eliminated for this round."

"I feel very ashamed." Winter sighed standing up and sitting down next to Patrice.

"Look on the bright side, if we lose you get eliminated!" Patrice comforted with a huge smile.

"That helps a freaking lot." Winter muttered clutching her pained stomach.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Teresa:** Well we're still ahead and if Helga keeps eating this so called food whole we'll have no problem winning!

**Patrice:** Well due to Winter's terrible and pathetic performance she's defiantly going home tonight if we lose.

**Winter:** Right now my sinuses are really plugged up, maybe something those water bugs were sitting in was in contact with some sort of plant. I'm allergic to almost every plant, crop or weed known to man, the exceptions being fruit bearing trees, coniferous trees, canola, wheat, rye, vegetables, seaweed, and flowering trees.

**Alexa:** Winter didn't even do that well in the challenge, like I mean she barely even touched the bugs, almost puked because of the ousters, and of course was at the back of the pack with a sandwich! Now that's just sad.

* * *

The eleven remaining campers cringed every time Chef placed a covered plate in front of someone and was wondering what horrible thing Chef had created for their torture.

"Bon appetite." Chef grinned as he placed the mystery dish in the center of the table.

"What is it?" Spader asked himself as he uncovered the plate to reveal two ordinary cookies, "Well this is weird."

"I agree." Greg nodded picking a cookie up and smelling it, "They smell normal."

"I wonder how they taste." John pondered taking a bite before his face turned red, "HOT! THEY'RE VERY HOT!"

"I don't know if we should eat these." Clyde said poking the cookie.

"You can't lose your bet!" Billy growled grabbing Clyde's face, "I will feed these cookies to you if I have to!"

"You're going to have to..." Clyde began before Billy shoved four whole cookies in his mouth.

"Who can't finish now?!" Billy yelled pushing his and Clyde's plates into the center of the table.

"Clyde and Billy are safe!" Chris exclaimed as the fat intern walked out of the kitchen and held the bowl up for Chris to see.

"Here's the popcorn sir." The intern mumbled nervously.

"Good." Chris remarked smacking the bowl out of the intern's hand, "That was a muscle spasm."

The intern muttered something inaudible and walked back into the kitchen angrily.

"Ugh freakshow." Chris complained picking his soda up and dumping it on an interns back, "That was also a muscle spasm."

"Helga will eat all of her cookies!" Helga yelled eating both the cookies like they weren't even spicy.

"HOW?" Greg asked his jaw hanging from his mouth.

"Helga thinks that cookies aren't that spicy." Helga shrugged.

"How?" Greg asked turning to Spader with his mouth still gaping.

"I don't know Greg just finish the challenge." Spader sighed in response.

"We may as well finish this." John suggested biting into his cookie and revealing a bandage.

"That's where that went." Chef pointed out as Vanessa dropped her food and barfed on the floor from disgust.

"I'm also done." John said holding his hands in the air in defeat.

"Is anyone else quitting?" Emily asked as everyone else shook their head no, "Well we might as well finish the round."

"But Chef." Spader whined pointing at Chef who was picking a scab.

"It wasn't used. I just dropped it in the batter and couldn't find it." Chef shrugged as Vanessa and John smacked their heads with their hands.

"Seven minutes!" Chris yelled at the remaining six campers.

"I will defeat Clyde!" Cole roared eating both of the death pepper laced cookies on his plate.

"That was fast." Clyde commented pointing at Cole.

"I like internet cookies!" Julia yelled stuffing both cookies in her mouth and swallowing them, "Tastes like virus!"

"That was a little on the strange side." Spader commented picking up both of Greg's cookies and shoving them in his gaping mouth and forcing him to chew before slapping him and forcing him to swallow.

"How?" Greg asked pointing at Helga.

"Maybe I didn't slap him hard enough." Spader growled glaring at Greg.

"FOUR MINUTES!"Chris yelled pointing at the timer.

"May as well finish this." Terrance shrugged stuffing his face full of food and chewing it, "My taste buds are on fire!"

"Well I'm going to round six!" Emily Cheered waving her arms in the air while Spader swallowed the last of his food.

"And that means we have nine campers moving on to round six, which is good because we had ten of what you drink for round six but one melted through the can." Chris explained as almost everyone's eyes grew wide.

"You don't mean..." Terrance trailed.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**John:** So we quit because Chef had planted a bandage that had never been used in my cookie... (John begins shaking before the camera changes to static)

**Vanessa:** So I let my team down because of a fake heath risk! This is so unfair!

**Luke:** I hope he doesn't mean what I think he means... if he does I hope we keep it away from Julia because we'd have that scene off _Over the Hedge_ when Hammy drinks coffee but worse.

**Teresa:** What are these people talking about? I don't know what could melt through a can.

* * *

Julia shuddered in anticipation as Chef placed a green can of soda marked Tantrum in front of her.

"This is tantrum, a discontinued American soda with the highest legal amount of caffeine in it possible." Chris explained while everyone shot Julia a worried look.

"Why was it discontinued?" Billy asked looking at the can suspiciously.

"Well the American government did a test on mice and discontinued it after the mice started exploding when they consumed so much of it." Chris answered smirking at the worried faces all the remaining contestants had on their faces.

"What's the mystery dish for this round?" Terrance asked giving Chef a worried look.

"Sorry but the tantrum that melted through the can destroyed the mystery dish." Chef replied picking up a mangled burger on a plate that looked like it was sitting in a pool of acid.

"Yeesh." Terrance shuddered moving away from it.

"You better drink it or I'll beat you to pulp!" Cole snarled giving Terrance the evil eye.

"You don't want me to do that." Terrance argued before Cole whipped a plate at him, "OK, OK I'll try!"

Terrance shouldn't have tried because he took a sip, spit it out where it began melting through the table, stiffened and fell over shuddering.

"Maybe you should have listened to him." Billy suggested before Cole began strangling him.

"Maybe it's good." Clyde shrugged taking a drink before his eyes widened and he ripped a chunk of the table out while yelling, "TANTRUM!"

"And that's why tantrum was so popular." Chris laughed grabbing grape soda from an intern and pouring it all over the intern's shirt, "My muscle spasms fault."

"You don't even suffer from them." The intern growled before Chris glared at him making him shut up.

"This is one round I'm trying!" Billy laughed drinking his can and shuddering with energy before bouncing up and down while yelling, "I'm going to hit such a bad caffeine crash later!"

"Helga wonders if it will make her stronger!" Helga yelled chucking the can in her mouth and eating it, "AWW Helga's stomach acid is too strong to absorb the energy boost."

"Helga I don't think it would have any effect anyway." Spader replied drinking half his can before roaring: "TANTRUM!"

"TANTRUM!" Billy yelled in response.

"Helga feels left out." Helga muttered sadly.

"That much caffeine can't be good for you." Emily muttered sipping hers before growing wide eyed and chugging the rest, "TANTRUM!"

"My gods it's freaking crazy." Greg muttered as Spader began doing push ups for no apparent reason.

"I can see why it's banned!" Emily yelled grabbing a wrench off her tool belt and bending it in half, "Aww why did I do that?"

"Well I may as well pass." Cole shrugged drinking the soda before he crushed the can with his fist.

"Wow that soda does you wonders!" Spader commented as he finished his own can.

"I can do that normally." Cole growled in response as he put his feet on the table, "I can also usually rip a phonebook in half but we don't have any here."

"He's correct about that." Chris nodded snapping his fingers for an intern to give him a foot massage.

"I'm not going to..." Greg began before his can began hissing and melted through the table.

"... Be eliminated." Chris finished, "The food destroyed itself therefore getting you to the next round."

"I LIKE TANTRUM!" Julia screamed reaching for the can.

"NOOOO!" Teresa screamed punching the can away where it exploded on the far wall, "You don't want her drinking this stuff!"

"They say it left permanent damage!" Julia agreed referencing the reason why she's in a mental hospital, "It's apparently attached to my DNA!"

"Good save Teresa." Chris complimented, "We almost made Julia worse!"

"Worse at what?" Julia asked innocently.

"TANTRUM!" Spader screamed picking up a chair and smashing it on the ground.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Terrance:** Why don't I drink pop they ask, I'd rather not show you I say, and then they force me to drink Tantrum!

**Jill:** I don't think I'm ever drinking anything caffeinated again.

**Luke:** Good thing Chris didn't let Julia drink any tantrum, but unfortunately he let her remain in the game.

* * *

"So there are eight remaining contestants and we're only at round seven. Three from the Falcons and five from the Weasels." Chris announced while the Falcons groaned because the odds weren't in their favor.

"What's next?" Greg asked with a sigh.

"Glad you asked." Chris laughed as Chef put a plate with a piece of pizza on it in front of each camper, "This is a pizza with wild forest mushrooms, cow liver, platypus milk cheese, seasoned with dirt, and with a hint of wild garlic."

"One of my mushrooms just crawled away." Spader pointed out.

"That happens sometimes." Chef replied smashing the mushroom with a spatula and placing it back on Spader's pizza, "Better?"

"Not at all." Spader replied shaking his head no.

"It looks good!" Julia laughed eating her pizza by shoving the entire thing in her mouth and chewing on it.

"How can you like this?" Greg asked as Julia swallowed.

"IT TASTES LIKE BANANA'S!" Julia replied screaming.

"I won't ask." Greg replied.

"My pizza appears to have latched onto Clyde's." Billy pointed out while everyone looked at where Billy's slice appeared to be strangling the life out of Clyde's piece.

"Its okay bud, I'll eat it." Clyde replied eating both pieces in one bite.

"That's the nicest thing anyone's done to me all day." Billy said patting Clyde's back and stealing his wallet in the process, "You're a good friend."

"Plus I'm totally going to win this bet because I'm one slice ahead of Cole!" Clyde laughed while Cole glared at him.

"I could kill you but I wouldn't be able to slap you." Cole replied swiping Greg's piece and eating it as well as his own.

"So the game continues." Clyde smirked narrowing his eyes.

"Of course." Cole agreed smiling.

"I can't take this anymore." Emily groaned as her stomach gurgled, "I'm sorry guys."

"You did your best." Spader congratulated as Emily sat on the bench near Winter.

"Helga is hungry!" Helga yelled picking her plate up and eating it.

"NOT AGAIN!" Chef whined while the air was filled with the sound of smashing china.

"How can she eat this stuff?" Spader asked before he realized he was the only one with food left, "Chef I'm going to take the mystery dish."

"It's probably because she drank TANTRUM!" Billy screamed in response as Spader uncovered the dish to reveal what looked like an oversized grub with tentacles and millions of blinking eyes.

"What colour is it?" Spader asked looking around, "That tantrum made me temporarily colour blind."

"It's sewage green." Greg replied, "I think regularly drinking that stuff probably shortens your life by a lot."

"I'm out." Spader sighed pushing his chair back and walking to where the eliminated campers were sitting.

"That leaves us with six contestants left to torture with puree rejects and stuff we found on the ground." Chris laughed, "BT dubs your eating leaves for round twenty seven, seventeen year old leaves."

"I think I might hurl." Greg gulped as Chef walked out of the kitchen carrying round eight out of the kitchen.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Emily:** My stomach hurts like someone poured melted lead into me! Cut the Tantrum out! Cut it out of me!

**Spader:** TANTRUM! (Spader smashes a hole in the confessional wall before rubbing his hand)

**Vanessa:** So our lead just suddenly vanishes and they have two really committed guys on their team and one cheater.

**Winter:** Yeah I think I'm not going to eat anything that Teresa doesn't cook for the next few days because of this.

* * *

"Okay everyone round eight will be feeding you something you've all ran into before." Chris explained as Chef placed several dishes on the table, each containing a large almost as big as the plate cooked piece of Spiderwasp flesh that had flies buzzing around it and in Greg's case was squirming a little bit.

"I hate you." Greg muttered reaching for the mystery dish and uncovering the head of a Spiderwasp, "I defiantly hate you both."

"We're used to it." Chris replied leaning back a little ways in his chair, "Now begin eating!"

"I like this!" Julia laughed as she began eating the bug's flesh like it was nothing.

"I don't know how much more I can take." Clyde gagged as he finished off Billy's piece without noticing.

"You're almost done." Billy replied pushing his plate to the center of the table and gesturing to Clyde's real piece.

"How are you done already?" Clyde groaned clutching his stomach.

"I'm a fast eater by habit." Billy lied as Clyde picked his piece up and bit into it, "There you go."

"I can't." Clyde moaned dropping the food.

"Hah hah!" Cole laughed finishing his food off and slapping Clyde so hard that he fell of his chair.

"I'm in pain!" Clyde yelled.

"So am I." Cole groaned before puking all over the table.

"Uh oh." Billy panicked as Greg poked his Spiderwasp head in the eye.

"This is physically raw." Greg complained as he poked the forehead and the mouth spat sticky web all over him, "And still loaded."

"Not my problem." Chris replied as the fat intern walked up to Chris with yet another bowl of popcorn which Chris smacked right into the intern's face, "I don't want popcorn anymore! The challenge is almost over!"

"I hate working for you!" the intern screamed before storming out the door.

"Bring me some juice while you're out there!" Chris called after him, "AND MAKE SURE IT'S THE KIND THAT STAINS CLOTHES!"

"Helga thinks punching ugly bugs is more fun than eating them." Helga stated as she chomped the flesh in half and swallowed it, "Eating bugs is boring."

"Well it seems that only freaks eat them." Chris replied motioning to where Julia was using her food as an airplane.

"Helga could smash you if she wanted." Helga pointed out making Chris shut up.

"I quit." Greg sighed pushing the Spiderwasp head away as he tried to untangle himself from the web.

"And unless Julia finishes in the next two minutes Helga will be competing alone against Billy." Helga explained as she finished her food off and gave an enormous belch that shook the table.

"TANTRUM!" Spader yelled from the bench while he ripped the web off Greg like it was silly string.

"I like this." Julia laughed before the timer rang zero.

"And Julia is..." Chris began dramatically.

...

...

...

"... Eliminated from the challenge with half her Spiderwasp steak left!" Chris finished while Julia picked her food up and threw it on Patrice's head.

"WHAT IN GODS NAME IS IN MY HAIR!?" Patrice panicked grabbing the steak and passing out from realization.

"So the final two are Helga and Billy, one has been eating Chef's plates and one has been cheating the entire time." Chris explained as the two remaining campers glared at each other.

"Helga will win this." Helga growled with a smirk.

"The Wicked Weasels win the challenge!" Chris announced as everyone looked at him confused.

"But Billy's still in." Summer argued.

"Yes but Billy cheated therefore making your team lose by default." Chris explained, "He fed all his food to Clyde."

"I ate more!" Clyde laughed turning to Cole with a smirk

"Plus since a slap occurred without the guidelines being met Clyde can either slap Cole five times right now or he can have three slaps that can be used from now until the end of the competition." John explained, "It's your choice Cole."

"I choose three slaps." Cole gulped looking at Clyde's meaty hands nervously.

"No you should have gotten it over with!" Billy yelled before Cole slapped him out of anger.

"Him you can slap as much as you want." John explained pointing at Billy.

"We win!" Teresa cheered throwing her hands in the air.

"NOOOOOO!" Billy yelled knowing he was going tonight.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Helga:** Helga wins for her team! Helga's team must be proud of her because of that!

**Greg:** Billy is obviously going tonight because he made his team lose by feeding Clyde all that food.

**Cole:** I'm going to guess Clyde will slap me before the tantrum wears off.

**Clyde:** TANTRUM SLAP! (Clyde smacks the toilet paper so hard that it breaks off the wall of the confessional)

**Julia:** Jimmy Jimmy coco-bot, Jimmy Jimmy Rye!

**Billy:** I have to come up with a plan in order to survive. But that's hard when you're tied to a chair.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons**

* * *

The Falcons sat on the porch of their cabin glaring at Billy while they unanimously decided he was going.

"So it's decided then, we all vote Billy, and he votes for whomever he wants." Summer explained while Billy rocked back and forth in his chair in an attempt to loosen himself.

"That I can agree with you on." Clyde nodded, "So most of the Weasels are down by the beach, anyone want to go swimming?"

"Of course." Summer nodded dashing inside.

"I think we should all go." Jill agreed.

"What about me?" Billy asked.

"Well you'd probably steal the water or something so I'd keep you here if it were my choice." Cole laughed, "Oh yeah it is my choice."

"I hate you!" Billy screamed before Cole st6uck duct tape over his mouth.

"Now you can't talk." Cole smirked walking into the guy's side of the cabin.

"Weren't we going to play dungeons and dragons?" Luke asked looking at Terrance.

"We can't play it all the time." Terrance replied putting his hand on Luke's shoulder, "Otherwise it consumes you and you become overly obsessed."

"I think you just want to go swimming." Luke laughed taking Terrance's hand off his shoulder.

"Of course! Who wants to be a lazy gamer?" Terrance asked walking into the cabin.

"Ninety percent of lazy people." Luke answered as Jill and Summer walked out of the cabin, "Jill why do you have a spear?"

"It's for fishing." Jill replied holding the sharp weapon in the air, "I learned how to do it by reading articles on the internet."

"She had it under her bed." Summer explained giving the spear a worried look, "We think she has a cannon somewhere."

"No but I'm building a siege tower for the vehicle derby that we might have sometime soon." Jill exclaimed, "It's awesome!"

"I would bet." Luke replied before walking into the cabin to change.

"Maybe we should vote before we're soaked." Summer suggested as Jill nodded in agreement.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** Well I believe in second chances and Billy blew that today by screwing our team over by cheating.

**Jill:** He stole my sword and framed Pete, so I'm voting Billy.

**Cole:** ... And Billy was eliminated. End of story.

**Terrance:** Pete didn't deserve to go, goodbye Billy. It hasn't been a pleasure.

**Billy:** Well I think I'm going to rid the game of a major nuisance by voting for... (Static cuts him off, as if we need to do that)

* * *

**Four hours later at the Bonfire Pit**

* * *

Moonlight caused creepy shadows to lurk outside the comforting warmth of the bonfire pit as the nine Falcons sat around it waiting for Chris to announce who was going (Like that's a surprise). Luke and Terrance were sitting on a log while Summer sat on a barrel behind them. John was sitting uncomfortably on a rock beside Cole who was trying to stay as far away as possible from Clyde. Kai sat patiently beside Billy who was glaring at his teammates from his chair which he had just spent an entire day in.

"For the third time in a row the Falcons visit me at elimination." Chris announced shaking his head, "Soon your numbers will be at eight while the Weasels celebrate with ten members."

"It's all Billy's fault." Clyde growled glaring at Billy, "I would have lasted longer if he hadn't secretly been feeding me his own food."

"Yet you failed to notice that he did." John muttered receiving an angry look from Clyde.

"Maybe Kai should leave because she was the first one out in the challenge." Chris suggested leaning on his podium.

"But Kai is a helpful asset to the team." Summer argued, "Billy however is terrible at survival challenges, has no talent, and can't even eat without cheating."

"So you voted for Billy?" Chris asked.

"Certainly." Summer nodded.

"How many other people did?" Chris asked as everyone but Billy raised their hands.

"That's strange because all the votes including Kai's were cast against Kai." Chris explained with a smile, "We thought that was strange so we actually watched the votes and found that everyone had said Billy except Billy who swapped them all out."

"So Cole goes home." Billy laughed.

"Nope, you broke an important rule so you leave tonight Billy." Chris laughed tossing marshmallows to the other eight campers and motioning for two interns to carry Billy to the boat of losers.

"WAIT LUKE HELPED ME!" Billy yelled as he was dragged away.

"Okay now your lies are just getting sad." Kai growled shaking her head.

"Stop throwing people under the bus." Cole growled shaking his head as well.

"You have to believe me!" Billy yelled before he was tossed into the boat of losers which drove away carrying the conniving, cheating little jerk off the island without his stolen wares.

"TANTRUM!" Clyde screamed slapping Cole so hard he flew into a nearby tree, "That's one!"

"When's that stuff going to wear off." Terrance sighed before the Falcons made their way back to camp while Billy screamed about his revenge from the now distant boat of losers.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Girls cabin**

* * *

"I don't ever want to eat or do anything again." Winter moaned from her sleeping bag on the floor while the rest of the girls got ready for bed.

"After drinking that tantrum I know what my uncle meant by breaking my knee won't be the worst thing that will happen to me." Emily groaned from her sleeping bag.

"Helga thought most of that stuff was pretty good!" Helga explained from her bed that still had a huge dent in it.

"Helga you were eating dishes so I'm not surprised there." Vanessa replied while she removed her eye shadow.

"I thought it was a pretty pathetic challenge." Alexa stated, "Who would want to even watch someone eat gross food?"

"Eighty three percent of boys under the age of eighteen and any sociopaths." Teresa replied as she put her burger print pajamas on.

"I agree with that statement." Vanessa nodded.

"Well I think that Billy's cheating won us the challenge today so maybe we should thank him for that." Emily suggested before everyone replied with, "NAH." Including Emily.

"Do you think they eliminated him?" Teresa asked as Winter groaned again.

"Well of course he stole Summer's underwear, so that makes him a dirty pervert." Alexa exclaimed as she undid her earrings and placed them in a suitcase dedicated to accessories.

"That's true." Vanessa nodded.

"Can I haz Cheezbrgr?" Julia asked internet style as Vanessa panicked by her sudden appearance.

"Stop doing that!" Vanessa ordered glaring at Julia.

"Stop doing what?" Julia asked giving Vanessa the innocent eyes.

"Stop acting silly!" Vanessa yelled waving her arms around.

"Oh I know what you want." Julia muttered as she pulled a stick out of her covers, "WHO'S READY TO BE POKED WITH THE FUN STICK?"

"Not me." Vanessa muttered as Julia poked her in the cheek.

"SMILE!" Julia ordered poking Vanessa in the eye, "Smile because George is poking you!"

"You named your stick." Emily muttered.

"Who wouldn't?" Julia asked poking Vanessa again.

"ARGH!" Vanessa roared grabbing the stick and breaking it in two, "That's what I think of your fun stick!"

"Oh my god." Julia gasped picking up her two sticks, "I HAVE TWO FUN STICKS NOW."

"Great." Alexa growled smacking her forehead.

"George this is your brother... er... George!" Julia exclaimed while almost everyone groaned.

"Helga thinks Julia might have drunk some tantrum." Helga said pointing to where Julia was having a swords battle with herself.

"Kill me now." Vanessa muttered to herself as she was poked by two sticks.

"Smile!" Julia ordered.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Julia:** (She's singing) Two beavers are better than one!

**Vanessa:** So I break a stick named George and Julia names both the sticks George, insanity!

**Helga:** Helga is missing her family, and her boyfriend, and her pet bear.

**Winter:** I feel like I ate a lot of croutons and they expanded in my stomach.

**Teresa:** Tomorrow I'm going to cook eggs because my cheeses disappeared.

**Emily:** I'm probably going to keep waking up tonight and throwing up outside, I feel so sick.

**Alexa:** So I survive and move to day five and it's obvious that Winter is the weakest link, I mean she had a pathetic performance in today's challenge!

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Boys cabin**

* * *

Greg and Spader were playing cards in their cabin while Patrice constantly walked around looking for a cell signal.

"BRIDGE!" Greg yelled throwing all his cards on the ground.

"I'm not sure if you even know how this game works." Spader stated before Patrice walked right up to them.

"What are you nerds playing? Go fish? Hahahaha!" Patrice mocked while pointing at their cards.

"This is bridge actually." Spader corrected as he began shuffling the cards.

"I'm pro at cards." Patrice replied smirking.

"Then beat us at cheat." Spader replied shuffling the cards from one hand to the other like a magician before they spilled all over the floor, "TADA!"

"That's awesome!" Greg cheered while clapping.

"Not impressed." Patrice growled crossing his arms.

"Lighten up." Greg complained as Spader collected the cards and dealt them.

"Okay so Patrice can start." Spader announced.

"Three..." Patrice began.

"Nope." Greg replied showing him four aces.

"Damn it!" Patrice yelled.

"Four aces." Greg announced putting six cards down without the other two noticing.

"Two twos." Spader stated putting his cards on the pile.

"Three...' Patrice began.

"CHEAT!" The other two said in unison holding up two threes each.

"You guys are no fun." Patrice growled gathering the cards.

"I'm the best at this game though." Greg bragged as he placed eight cards on the pile without anyone noticing.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Greg:** I found a way to cheat at the game cheat! I created a paradox.

**Patrice:** These guys are stupid. They always play cards on the cabin floor! I mean I haven't seen either of them flirting with any girls!

**Spader:** I suck at shuffling... and magic tricks, especially those involving fire.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Girls cabin**

* * *

The three girls were currently sorting through their luggage to find fresh unused clothes.

"Is there anywhere we could wash our clothes here?" Kai asked as she held a T-shirt with a green stain on it in the air.

"Probably not." Jill replied, "That's why I packed enough clothes to last me thirty days."

"Try hard." Summer joked as she folded her cheerleading outfit.

"It's better to be a try hard then a try not." Jill replied as she moved her latest dirty clothes to a neat and compact laundry suitcase.

"Question how do you keep that armour from smelling like gym socks?" Kai asked.

"I use multipurpose peach scented material cleaner." Jill replied holding up an orange bottle filled with what looked like orange Windex.

"So now you're advertising it." Summer smirked as she hung her wet swimsuit on the railing of her bed.

"I never mentioned what it's called." Jill argued hiding the label from the camera, "I refuse to market it!"

"What brand is your armour?" Summer asked smiling.

"Red Brick armoury located in Vancouver British Columbia, why do you ask?" Jill answered before realizing what she had done, "Tartar sauce!"

"And now you're quoting nickelodeon." Kai giggled as Jill smacked her forehead.

"I only watch SpongeBob when I have to babysit our neighbors the Jefferson's grandkids." Jill replied thinking back to when she was at home, "The youngest one has this strange obsession with eating tubes of lipstick."

"Is that why you don't wear makeup." Summer guessed.

"Nah I don't wear makeup because I don't want to carry around one of those enormous purses." Jill replied, "Congratulations your wallet evolved into a purse with the volume of a small wheelbarrow."

"I will admit that I do carry around some weird stuff in mine." Summer stated, "I once fit three watering cans into it."

"My friend Michelle carries an electric turkey cutter in case she gets mugged." Kai explained as the other two began laughing.

"Last Christmas an old lady pulled a machine gun out of her purse when I bumped into her and began screaming for security, she was arrested by carrying an illegal weapon and pointing it at a civilian." Summer stated while the other two laughed.

"I got a rock last year." Jill sighed remembering her last Christmas, "My parents believe too much joy leads to violence."

"Are your parents mentally deranged?" Kai asked looking at Jill with a worried expression.

"They play Klondike and watch soap operas all day, it's like they're old people from the fifties that lost the will to live." Jill replied with a sigh, "I was once grounded for thinking there were monsters under my bed."

"That's harsh." Kai replied.

"I know! I had to kill those rats with a toothpick!" Jill replied as Kai and Summer exchanged worried looks, "It was then that they decided to get the house condemned and we moved to the old folks retirement village! My parents are thirty, have never been on vacation, and they're already retired!"

"Your life must suck!" Summer exclaimed imagining what Jill's life was like.

"You don't know the half of it." Jill muttered.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** My purse isn't that big... okay maybe my boyfriend had to get a pickaxe and miner's helmet to find my phone in it, but it's not that bad... right?

**Kai:** My great uncle Arthur invented those huge purses, every women in my family besides, me, my grandma, and my aunt Tessie.

**Jill:** Old people like me, I even got a job waiting tables in one of the cafes! My neighbor Mrs. Benson is really rich and married to some big shot movie director and TV corporation owner that has cameos in all his movies. She buys me stuff and plays Mario kart every Tuesday with me and her coffee buddies, I wonder if they're watching...

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Boys cabin**

* * *

"So Billy had an antique model of a mud hut in northern Italy that he was selling for half a million dollars." Terrance explained while he held a terribly formed lump with the price tag of a million dollars on sale for half price, "That is defiantly garbage."

The guys were sorting through Billy's products and determining what was actually usable, so far they had twenty bags of garbage and one usable object: The coffee maker.

"Well we only have a few bags left." Cole announced as he picked up another bag.

"What was in that locked one?" Luke asked looking up at John.

"Nothing but two year old power bars that were best before last Christmas." John replied dumping the entire content of the bag into a garbage bag.

"Imagine when Billy watches this." Cole laughed imagining what would happen.

* * *

**What would happen**

* * *

"STOP!" Billy screamed smacking his chair wildly, "You can't do that to my products."

"Apparently they can." Theodore replied smirking at Billy.

"I hate your guts!" Billy yelled knocking Theodore over by tackling him.

"Revenge is sweet." Pete laughed taking a photo with his phone.

* * *

"That would be awesome." Cole smiled.

"You're daydreaming again." Terrance sighed attempting to snap his fingers, "I forgot I can't snap!"

"I can." Clyde stated as he moved pieces of a jetpack from a suitcase and into a garbage bag.

"Why did Billy even collect this junk in the first place?" John asked looking at all the garbage.

"He's a hoarder." Terrance replied while Luke, Cole, and Clyde gave him weird looks, "You know people who just keep garbage."

"Oh." Cole replied rolling his eyes.

"It appears that Billy keeps used smoothie cups." Clyde observed as he picked up a stack of paper cups with black splotches on them.

"And according to his records, he sells empty burger containers to homeless people." John read in disgust, "How low can this guy get?"

"Pretty low apparently." Cole muttered as he picked up Billy's last suitcase and opened it to reveal rocks that were painted gold.

"And he sells fake gold to other countries." John read, "He made two thousand dollars after selling it to a Mexican drug gang, hey it appears he's wanted in several parts of Mexico by the same guys."

"That's going to come back and bite him in the butt later in life." Terrance muttered shaking his head in annoyance, "Some people just can't earn things legally."

"Like my uncle Fernando!" Cole exclaimed, "He smuggled alcohol into the states for sixteen years before he realized they had legalized it years ago."

"How could you not realize it?" Terrance asked giving Cole a questioning look.

"I don't even know." Cole replied shrugging, "All we know is that he gave up with illegal stuff after that and became a cop in New York."

"Is he married?" Luke asked.

"Yes, to a bartender." Cole replied, "They live in a penthouse suite on the upper east side."

"How do you know so much about him?" Clyde asked skeptically.

"Oh my dad's the emergency contact so we get a call once a month about Uncle Fernando shooting himself in the foot or crashing a police cruiser." Cole replied as he pulled a model of the statue of David with a derp face out of a bag.

"Your family sounds kind of interesting." Terrance analyzed.

"True dat!" Clyde yelled.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Cole:** Yeah Uncle Fernando is a pretty messed up dude.

**Luke:** Half the stuff we pulled out of Billy's bags had either mold growing on it or something living in it.

**Terrance:** I wonder who has the weirdest family here...

**John:** (He's holding Billy's logbook) So Billy sold a woman once. And he got a Mercedes in trade! Holy potato Billy's a bad dude!

**Clyde:** I didn't mention this but my handprint is still on Cole's face. It's been an hour!

* * *

**Dock of shame**

* * *

Chris stood on the dock of shame with Chef while several interns hammered the dock back into place.

"And so ends another exciting episode of Total Drama." Chris began, "We saw puking."

"Barfing." Chef continued.

"Regurgitating." Chris added.

"Puking." Chef stated.

"I already said puking." Chris informed Chef.

"Sorry." Chef apologized.

"Anyway, who will survive? What secrets will be revealed? Can I get any hotter?" Chris asked the camera, "Find out next time on Total Drama Return to the Island!"

* * *

**Frosty falcons:** Jill, Terrance, Luke, Summer, Cole, Kai, Clyde, John

**Wicked Weasels:** Teresa, Vanessa, Emily, Julia, Patrice, Spader, Greg, Helga, Winter, Alexa

**Eliminated:** Mona, Theodore, Pete, Billy

**Votes:**

**Jill:** Billy

**Terrance:** Billy

**Luke:** Billy

**Summer:** Billy

**Cole:** Billy

**Kai:** Billy

**Clyde:** Billy

**John:** Billy

**Billy:** Kai

* * *

**We've hit a milestone with 100 views to chapter one!**

**So Billy is quite obviously eliminated (Goodbye forever!) who didn't see that coming? I even embarrassed him at the end! Truth be told I was originally going to boot Helga here during the planning stage but she's just so freaking fun to write about, and you guys seem to like her a lot, her and Julia (COMIC RELIEF!). So we say goodbye to our cheapo and will continue to see him in a studio in downtown Toronto. But on the bright side, everyone hates him (Except that tall Asian guy with a English accent wearing a suit and drinking scotch in his penthouse apartment in Russia while he signs a deal for a major banking company to destroy the rainforest) and we probably won't see him competing again.**

**Anyway did you enjoy this chapter, or hate it with a passion so hot that you'd drink tantrum and destroy your computer? (Please don't do the second thing) either way please leave a review, I love reviews! If you're criticizing me or just complimenting me I'll read it anyway! If you're sending me fan mail so I can read it out for the campers to answer I'll defiantly try to squeeze it into the interview chapters. (Please send me fan mail, I don't care if you ask them if their hair is naturally that colour or if you're asking why they're a jerk I'll post it!) so I'm currently working on my first interview which will be hosted by two of my OC's named James and Nova. They'll read three pieces of fan mail from me no matter what as well as any fan made mail for the contestant. At the beginning of every show after the first one they'll read any mail I didn't get before I was finished and embarrass the contestants you hate, we'll have guests, video chats, and a whole bunch of other stuff that increases in amount as we go on, so until next time (SEND ME YOUR FAN MAIL!) I'm The Firebending Frog!**

* * *

**Next time: its reviewing time, come on grab your friends, we'll go to a very nice studio in downtown Toronto! With James the Spy (I mean pen salesman) and Nova the astronomer, the comedy never ends.**

**It's interview time!**


	5. Chapter 5: Interviewing Time

**Chapter Five: Interviewing Time!**

**By: The Firebending Frog**

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own or know anyone who owns Total Drama or any of its consecutive seasons or characters. I do however own the twenty two contestants, five interns, and two interviewers that appear in this story. I also don't own any of the mail sent in by Frostprince that belongs to him but I own all the other fan mail**

**This chapter is much shorter than my usual chapters mostly because only about seven characters have more than one line.**

**I got a review from a guest and I will respond to that here: No matter how many times you send an OC into those other stories they'll never turn out how you wanted. That's why I stuffed all of mine into one story and put those other stories to shame! But I will remind you that just because one person doesn't like your OC doesn't mean that someone else will. Just keep trying, that's how my character Whitney landed in Hardcorecountry's fanfic Total Drama Island: Season 2.**

**Warning:**

**This chapter of total Drama Return to the Island contains scenes of extreme stunts performed by imaginary teens, several angry letters, a professional kick boxer beating Theodore up, several suggestive letters, several rude letters, two interviewers, an audience full of Canadians, an angry rant, and a letter from an Mexican gang leader looking for revenge. Do not attempt anything referenced or explained in this chapter at home, seriously you could get really messed up.**

**You have been warned...**

* * *

Bright lights shone on a stage with two teenaged kids sitting on armchairs on it, a green recliner facing them, a three leveled couch, and an end table between the two interviewers. The audience was sitting down loaded with popcorn, snacks, several soft drinks, and in the case of some severely drunk people from Manitoba sitting near the back: Beer and Tim Horton's doughnuts.

The first of the two kids was a boy that went by the name James, he was wearing a black business suit and a gold wristwatch, he had short spiked up brown hair and suspicious green eyes that seemed to scan the audience for any signs of danger despite the intense amount of security. He was currently sitting in a red armchair that had those arms that open to reveal a TV remote and phone inside.

The girl sitting next to him was a professor of astrology at a nearby university, she was only sixteen and had Bleach Blonde hair done up in a bun with two strands hanging over her ears, warm blue eyes that instantly told you she was friendly, a warm smile, and very pale skin. She was wearing a sleeveless silver dress with a blue ribbon and was currently sitting on a blue armchair with a glass of water in her hand.

"We Start in Five... Four... Three... Two... One..." The cameraman counted down as the two adjusted their postures and smiled for the camera.

"Hi I'm James." James announced with a huge grin.

"And I'm Nova!" Nova announced drowning James out.

"And this is Interviewing Time!" The two said in unison while making finger guns and leaning back to back.

"We have a great lineup for you tonight!" Nova yelled with a huge smile.

"HEY IT'S iCARLY!" One of the drunken guys from the back slurred loudly before falling over.

"But before we can introduce our spoiled brat, know it all, thief, and Cheapo we might as well tell all of you guys sitting on your couches back home a little bit about ourselves." James explained adjusting his tie.

"They said aboot!" Another drunk guy laughed before he stuffed a doughnut in his mouth and got distracted by another guy puking.

"Canadians don't say that unless we're referring to boots people." James joked but was greeted by silence.

"I'll start." Nova smiled rolling her eyes at her co-host's bad humor, "My names Nova moonbeam and I'm a professor of astrology here in Toronto, and I'm only sixteen by the way."

"That's BTW for all of you insane texting addicts out there." James interrupted before Nova shot him a don't run in the halls look making him shut up.

"So as I was saying..." Nova continued before James interrupted her.

"What's with the fake last name?" James asked with a smile.

"Fake last name?" Nova replied slightly offended, "I got to choose my last name dummy! Maybe if you weren't so busy blogging you'd have read about me in the letters our bosses sent us!"

"You read my blog!" James asked excitably.

"No." Nova replied, "It said you spend too much time blogging in the letter I got about you!"

"What did you say?" James asked looking up from his phone, "I was just blogging about my new job as co-host on the Total Drama interview show."

"You're impossible." Nova groaned rolling her eyes.

"And now we finally get to me." James announced, "I'm a sp... er pen salesman and I really like blogging."

"That's the understatement of the century." Nova grumbled as James explained the properties of running a successful blog to the audience.

"Get on topic!" The producer barked from left stage.

"Right away sir." Nova nodded sitting down in her chair.

"We should date." James announced looking at Nova expectantly.

"I'll pass on that offer." Nova replied giving the camera a quick nervous smile.

"We now welcome our first guest of the night. She was eliminated first, has a billionaire father, and only made one friend in her entire time on the island. GIVE IT UP FOR MONA!" James announced as Mona walked onto stage wearing a red expensive looking dress that hugged her form and showed off a lot of assets. She greeted by silence and a forced cough that sounded remarkably like the word... beach, yeah that's it! Beach!

"Thank you remarkably hot guy sitting next to some (Skink! She said Skink!) Wearing a dress that doesn't even show of much of her bust." Mona thanked while glaring at Nova like she was a major threat.

"He's all yours princess." Nova sighed grabbing her glass and drinking some water.

"At least you recognize me as the superior girl." Mona replied before batting her eyelashes at James who was too engrossed in his blog to notice.

"Since James is occupied I'll ask the first question." Nova explained while Mona waved her hand to tell her to proceed, "What did you think of the other competitors?"

"Where do I start?" Mona asked, "Jill was a little too old fashioned for my tastes, Helga was just plain ugly and brutish, Pete was a dirty rotten thief..."

"I heard that!" Someone yelled from backstage.

"******* GET BACK IN THE LINE YOU LITTLE *******!" A voice that belonged to Theodore screamed in response before the sound of someone hitting another person over the head with a board sounded.

"... Theodore was a little opinionated, Billy was a complete ***, Cole was just plain stupid..." Mona continued after backstage had quieted down.

"Okay!" Winter exclaimed while James lifted his phone up and took a self portrait, "Was there anyone you liked on the island?"

"Of course!" Mona exclaimed, "Patrice, Alexa, and Vanessa!"

"The three most hated campers remaining in the game." Nova muttered under her breath before she asked, "Why did you like those three more?"

"Vanessa accepted me as the superior woman and respected me for it." Mona explained airily, "I like you for the same reason."

"I'm honored." Nova replied sarcastically.

"You should be!" Mona replied not catching the sarcasm.

"What about Patrice?" Nova asked already guessing why.

"Patrice is a really smart and handsome guy." Mona replied flicking her hair in an attempt to flirt with James.

"So you like guys like that." Nova guessed rolling her eyes.

"I mean, some guys are extremely smart or loving, but where's the fun in that?" Mona asked in return.

"Have you ever met a pure person?" Nova asked.

"Pure?" Mona replied confused, "Does that mean they bottle water?"

"So why did you like Alexa?" Nova asked completely ignoring the question that Mona had thrown at her.

"She really understood my problems!" Mona exclaimed.

"You have problems!" Nova exclaimed faking a gasp.

"As hard to believe it is, it's true... Daddy cut my monthly spending down to half a million!" Mona cried, "How could he do that!?"

"To save money." Nova guessed.

"He is kind of cheap." Mona replied stopping her tears almost instantly, "Can you believe he actually wants me to get a job! I plan on becoming a trophy wife to some old guy and when he dies I'll inherit all his money."

"That is such a great plan." Nova nodded in disgust, "You will live a long and productive life."

"Yeah and I'll fund those hot Mexican guys in brazil that are cutting trees down to make paper, trees can grow in like two minutes so it's a good investment." Mona agreed as she began checking her nails for flaws.

"How did it feel to be the first one eliminated?" Nova asked looking at Mona seriously.

"Absolutely terrible!" Mona yelled flinging her arms in the air, "Those cheating conniving little cheaters deserve to all be eliminated!"

"Do you want to see who voted for you and why?" Nova asked giving Mona a serious look.

"Of course!" Mona replied, "I bet they're all ugly too!"

A large screen lowered onto the stage from the roof and played static for two seconds before showing the votes from the first night.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Spader:** I don't know. Greg's plan is brilliant but I don't want to be involved in something no one else is onboard with. I guess I vote for Mona, she is a terrible competitor and I think our team will get stronger with her gone.

**Winter:** I'm voting for Mona, You've caused nothing but trouble!

**Emily:** I'm voting for Mona, She's really causing a rift in our team.

**Teresa:** Goodbye Mona, I hope you enjoyed unpacking!

* * *

"I was right." Mona sneered, "The three ugliest girls on my team besides Helga and a wimpy loser who thinks he'll actually make it far in the world!"

"Spader's a fan favorite by the way." Nova explained.

"Yeah the ugly people of the world just love him." Mona replied glaring at the audience.

"Okay so I must ask who out of the remaining eighteen campers do you want to win?" Nova asked already guessing the answer.

"Alexa of course!" Mona exclaimed, "But if she's unfairly eliminated by the others I have to go with Patrice!"

"Okay so now that that's out of the way, we can read your fan mail!" Nova announced dramatically as an intern carried a stack consisting of four letters to Nova and handing them to her.

""I can't wait to hear what my millions of fans have sent me!" Mona said excitably not realizing that she had only received four letters in total.

"Okay so the first letter is from someone called HappyTrigger239, and he says: You're fat." Nova read as Mona got a shocked expression on her face and looked at her stomach just to make sure she wasn't really obese.

"I AM NOT FAT!" Mona screamed as her face turned red and she began throwing a tantrum.

"He's probably jealous of your frame." Nova said quickly in an attempt to calm down Mona.

"You're right." Mona replied settling down, "What do the other three say?"

"Okay so this one's from a guy named Lemongrab." Nova read before she opened the letter, "Dear Mona: YOUR LIFE, IS IN UNACCEPTABLE CONDITION! HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."

"What the ****?" Mona yelled pointing her arms at the letter.

"It's just five pages of the letter A and then an H on page five." Nova read, "This guy's weird."

"Agreed." Mona nodded, "If they're all bad then we must have some pretty bad luck."

"So what's my third letter say?" Mona asked rubbing her hands together eagerly.

"This one is from a girl named Valorie, She writes: Dear Mona, I think you're awesome and we should go out and pick up hawt guys one night B4 we're old and wrinkly in like seventy five years. Because hawt girls live forever!" Nova read while Mona clapped.

"I like her! she's totally coming to my dad's next yacht party in Wales." Mona explained taking the letter from Nova and copying the return address into her phone.

"She seems a lot like you." Nova replied with a nod, "I bet you two could become buddies."

"We'd call each other girlfriend, are you stupid? All hot girls call other hot girls girlfriend!" Mona explained while Nova smacked herself in the face.

"Only one more piece of fan mail and then you can go and sit on the couch over there and watch Theodore, Pete, and Billy get interviewed." Nova explained as she reached for the last piece of fan mail but had James snatch it from her.

"I wanna read the mail!" James whined.

"So you actually want to do something now." Nova stated slightly surprised, "Knock yourself out."

"Okay so this letter's from someone that goes by the codename FrostPrince." James explained opening the letter, "Dear Mona, Are you the bratty, stuck-up ***** you are because your parents neglect you due to being too busy with work or going places without really bothering to remember they have a daughter?"

"That's cute." Mona replied checking her fingernails, "Daddy always buys me things and asks for nothing in return besides me becoming an employee of his company or whatever, my mom is always at home and we get manicures together and fire employees that look ugly."

"So you're saying that you're the bratty stuck-up ***** you are because your parents spoil you?" Nova asked.

"My parents don't spoil me!" Mona exclaimed, "As I said earlier my dad cut my spending down to half a million!"

"SPOILED BRAT!" Someone in the audience yelled before they all began chanting: "Spoiled Brat, Spoiled Brat..."

"You guys are just jealous that I'm the most perfect and beautiful person in this room." Mona bragged while the audience continued to chant.

"Well I think that wraps up our interview and shows us that Mona is exactly what we perceived her as." Nova explained before looking at Mona, "take a seat on that couch over there."

"With pleasure." Mona replied walking over to the couch and sitting on the left side of the lowest row.

"Our next guest is a jerk that thinks he knows everything." James began.

"He swore a lot and was eliminated second. GIVE IT UP FOR THEODORE TYRELL GARDERS!" Nova announced as Theodore walked onto stage wearing his usual attire and had a sneer plastered on his face.

"You guys are terrible liars." Theodore grumbled crossing his arms and pouting childishly.

"It's true though." James argued shooting a smile at the audience, "Summer voted for you, Jill voted for you, Cole voted for you, and everyone else on your team voted for you because you're an annoying control freak with bad language in your everyday speech."

"The words ****, ****, ***, *****, and **** are all English words actually and I see no problem with using them all the time." Theodore explained while several audience members covered their children's ears.

"A sophisticated human being doesn't curse." Mona yelled from where she was sitting.

"Shut up Mona!" Theodore yelled over his shoulder before turning to Nova and James, "Can you believe the first one eliminated is actually talking to someone who made it as far as I did?"

"You made it really far." Nova replied sarcastically.

"I know right." Theodore replied leaning back in the chair, "Just look at how well my team's doing without me. They suck!"

"What did you think of your team for that matter?" Nova asked.

"I hated them all! Especially Terrance and Cole!" Theodore hissed picturing his teammates.

"But you wanted Jill gone first. Why didn't you vote Terrance or Cole instead?" James asked.

"Terrance is somewhat smart and Cole is pure strength, eliminating the two would have been bad for the team." Theodore replied, "But I'd have eliminated that weirdo Terrance the moment he became useless to our team."

"Why did you believe that Terrance is weird again?" Nova asked.

"Simple, he doesn't drink pop, he pees sitting down, not to mention that he wears man panties instead of boxers." Theodore ranted, "He's a good example of a guy who will never get laid!"

"Says you." An audience member replied gruffly before a bunch of them began throwing rotten fruit at Theodore.

"I demand respect!" Theodore yelled before someone nailed him in the face with a pineapple.

"SETTLE DOWN!" James yelled as the crowd quieted down and glared at Theodore.

"Thank you James." Nova thanked politely.

"No problem." James shrugged.

"Ok so you hated Terrance because of his personal choices and habits?" Nova asked.

"Yeah, he was a weirdo." Theodore answered nodding his head.

"So you have no flaws?" James asked slightly shocked.

"Nope." Terrance replied, "I like bacon, soda, peeing while standing up, and I wear boxers."

"AND HE HATES ANYONE WHO DOESN'T EAT PORK!" Someone from the crowd yelled chucking a watermelon at Theodore.

"HINDU!" Theodore yelled at the crowd shaking his fist.

"My seven foot tall marine husband pees sitting down and I never have to clean up after him." A woman in the front row commented.

"Then he's gay." Theodore responded snidely.

"NO I'M NOT!" A hulk of a man with a distorted face and prosthetic leg sitting next to her yelled while spittle flew from his mouth.

"Who's the ugly guy?" Theodore asked pointing to the man's distorted face, "And what's up with the prosthetic leg? Trying to imitate that loser Terry Fox?"

"Roadside bombs hitting soldiers don't matter to you boy?" the man asked cracking his knuckles, "And putting down a national hero doesn't help your case."

"Maybe if you weren't stupid enough to not notice them then you wouldn't have a ****** up face." Theodore replied while everyone's glares got even angrier.

"I'LL KILL HIM!" The man screamed before his wife put her hand in front of him.

"I'll deal with this one." The woman explained handing her purse to her angry husband who pulled a stress ball out of it and crushed it with his bare hands while his wife climbed onto stage.

"What are you going to do? Clean dishes?" Theodore laughed pointing at the woman who had just taken her high heels off and taken a fighting stance.

"Oh my god! That's the five time gold medalist in kickboxing, Yvonne Sanders!" Nova exclaimed as the colour literally drained from Theodore's face.

"Oh gods." Theodore panicked.

"HYAAAAH!" Yvonne screamed before delivering a roundhouse kick that knocked three of Theodore's teeth out and dislocated his nose.

"It burns!" Theodore screamed falling out of his chair.

"Five time gold medalist in kickboxing, Yvonne Sanders!" James announced as everyone cheered and laughed at Theodore's distorted face.

"Why did that ***** do that?" Theodore asked before Yvonne turned around and gave Theo a black eye with her foot.

"Shall we continue?" James asked Nova while Yvonne climbed offstage.

"Why not." Nova shrugged, "Like this can get any more humiliating for this jerk.

"We'd go through your votes but it was a clean sweep for your elimination." James explained to a groaning Theodore, "So let's skip to who you want to win."

"NO ONE!" Theodore screamed, "I hate all of them!"

"You have to pick someone." Nova explained.

"NO I DON'T!" Theodore whined.

"Need any help?" Yvonne asked from her seat while cracking her toe knuckles.

"JOHN! I CHOOSE JOHN!" Theodore yelled quickly in fear while Yvonne high fived her husband.

"Why John?" James asked.

"I hated him the least!" Theodore explained quickly with a fearful look in his eyes.

"Okay! So we may as well move on to fan mail." Nova explained while an intern walked from backstage with three pieces of fan mail.

"These were the best three I bet." Theodore bragged smugly.

"Actually these are the only three." James replied taking two of the letters from the intern and handing the third to Nova, "Mona got more fan mail than you."

"How the **** did that ***** get more fan mail than me? ME!" Theodore yelled while Mona fist pumped behind him on the couch.

"So which piece do you want first?" Nova asked as the two interviewers held the letters in the air.

"I choose that big one in James' hand!" Theodore pointed out while James began opening his letter.

"This one's from someone that calls them self The King." James read before opening the letter, "Dear Theodore, I was so upset when you were eliminated by those imbeciles, your intellect should have won you the million. But as my father says: You can't fix stupid."

"IQ doesn't determine if you're stupid or not." Nova explained motioning to Yvonne and then to Theodore with her head explaining how despite Theodore's brainpower he was prone to insulting people who could beat the crud out of him.

"That is so true." Theodore smiled completely ignoring Nova`s comment, "I do admit that I was the only one in camp with enough brainpower to actually run a functioning team."

"Terrance, Jill, Luke, Emily, Teresa, Spader, Summer, I can keep going." James listed, "Almost everyone shows signs of high intellect in one way or another."

"Not true." Theodore replied shaking his head, "My fellow campers are like idiots who believe in higher beings and gods. They're all too stupid to realize that there is no gods or afterlife. Like I mean what's the point?"

"They mostly have good morals and have something to believe in." Nova responded, "I'm catholic, some people are Hindu, some are Jewish, we all believe in higher beings and that we aren't the most important things in the universe."

"Please, you're all just hopeless imbeciles who spend every free moment making sacrifices to your "Gods" you're all stupid as ****!" Theodore ranted as almost everyone glared at him, "If I ever meet aliens, they had better bow down before my superior intelligence."

"So you think women are useless." James stated.

"Of course." Theodore nodded.

"You think of religion and anyone who follows it as inferior." James stated.

"Check." Theodore nodded.

"And you believe anyone who is handicapped or disabled to be inferior." James explained.

"They don't deserve to live." Theodore explained.

"At least he's not racist people." James told the crowd.

"Did I mention that Black people are all poor and Asians are like slaves?" Theodore asked.

"Correction, he's racist." James sighed.

"So what piece of fan mail do you want now?" Nova asked changing the subject so Theodore didn't get hunted down by mobs.

"I'll take the other one in James's hand." Theodore replied pointing at the thin one in his hand.

"This one's from someone named Sonya." James read, "Dear Theodore, you don't have much respect for people with different views on things. The way you treated Jill was completely unneeded and makes you look like an even bigger jerk than you really are. P.S. When a guy sits down to pee and doesn't get it all over the seat they tend to be much less testosterone filled, and respects the rules of a bathroom shared by both genders. But then again you're a dirty sexist idiot and maybe you should go to **** for being so. With much hate – Sonya."

"She probably has a total IQ of three." Theodore stated rolling his eyes, "Jill just faked being knocked out so she didn't have to compete."

"Actually she was pretty injured for about fourteen hours." Nova replied.

"I don't believe you." Theodore growled crossing his arms, "I guess I will accept your lower IQ Because you're a woman."

"I'm graduated from university with degrees in astrophysics and astrology at the age of sixteen." Nova replied.

"Well I'm... uh... SHUT UP!" Theodore yelled.

"Thought so." Nova smirked.

"I GOT IT! Show me proof you little liar!" Theodore yelled triumphantly.

"Professor Moonbeam is my astrology teacher." An audience member that looked the right age to be in university stated, "Her lectures are actually interesting."

"Paying someone to call you professor. Bravo Ms. Moonbeam." Theodore laughed while he slow clapped.

"As headmaster of that same university I can confirm that." Someone yelled from the back.

"Hello Mr. Baxter." Nova waved, "I'm bringing my brownies to next week's staff party."

"Nice set up." Theodore laughed, "But please, woman can't teach."

"And this letter is from, oh my god, it's someone named Pete." Nova said smiling, "Dear Theodore, I hated you the entire time I was competing against you..."

"Pete WROTE THAT!" Theodore exclaimed while Pete laughed from where he had poked his head out from backstage.

"... I was eliminated by accusation while you left because everyone hated you, heck after you left the room we all made a pact to eliminate you..."

"That's a lie!" Theodore said drowning Nova out.

"... And the best part is that I wrote this when I saw you only had two pieces of fan mail sent to you. P.S. the one that congratulated you was written by that creepy towel girl that keeps stalking you at the playa." Nova finished with a smile, "From Pete."

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Theodore screamed tackling a laughing Pete and beginning to punch him in the face.

"I'm sorry about Theodore." James apologized, "Who just happens to be punching you in the face... repetitively."

"I'm not sure if this is a joke or not, but Theodore can't punch... at all." Pete replied as Theodore weakly punched him in the face causing no damage or harm whatsoever.

"Theodore your interview has ended." James announced.

"Fine this was a waste of my ******* time anyway!" Theodore yelled in response.

"He has major problems." Nova sighed shaking her head.

"At least he wasn't punching you in the face," Pete replied standing up and walking over to the interview chair.

"Please give a warm welcome to Pete!" Nova announced as several people clapped and someone coughed.

"I deserved that." Pete pointed out before sitting in the chair and crossing his legs.

"I think that despite how much you were hated because of what Billy did you will be the most liked interview tonight." James stated pointing at Pete.

"What makes you say that?" Pete asked cocking his head to the side.

"Four words." Nova replied, "Mona, Theodore, and Billy."

"The other three interviewees are not so well liked." James replied pointing towards where Mona was checking her nails and Theodore was making rude hand signals to the audience.

"I see." Pete nodded looking back at his interviewers.

"So we have a few questions." James explained while folding his hands on his lap.

"Fire away... Figuratively." Pete replied.

"Have you gotten over your urges to steal things completely?" Nova asked.

"Not entirely. The other day I was drawn towards a waitress's ring but decided it was better if I didn't take it." Pete replied, "It's really hard when the Playa is filled with many valuable objects."

"What do you mean?" James asked cocking his head.

"The exact worth of the vase on the reception desk is eight hundred and ninety nine dollars and thirty five cents." Pete explained shuddering, "I have problems."

"No **** Sherlock." Theodore commented from his seat.

"No one asked you Theodore!" James yelled in response.

"So anyway, what did you think of your fellow competitors?" Nova asked.

"I didn't really know anyone from the other team, but I did like Terrance, Summer, John, and Jill the best. Kai, Luke, and Clyde were kinda iffy, while Cole, Theodore, and Billy were just complete jerks to me!" Pete explained, "I mean, Cole is really into accusing other people for missing items and was really violent towards almost everyone. Theodore was a bossy know it all with no respect for his teammates. And finally Billy... He got me eliminated for something he did! How low can you get?"

"Pretty low." Nova responded while Theodore glared at Pete.

"So Pete, why did you like Terrance, Summer, Jill, and John?" James asked.

"Well Terrance was a pretty cool guy, he actually respected me despite how suspicious I may have seemed." Pete replied motioning with his hands as he spoke, "Summer was also pretty cool, plus she's kind of cute. But the reason I like Jill and John is because they believed I was innocent and even tried to prove it to my teammates."

"Well Jill was a cop." James replied.

"Actually she's a junior police officer, we don't call them cops here they're Mounties." Nova argued.

"I guess you're right." James agreed, "Anyway, so which of the three challenges that you competed in did you like the most?"

"Defiantly the Talent show." Pete replied, "It was the only one I didn't get hunted down and pained in."

"Chris does seem to like survival challenges." Nova stated.

"The more painfully amusing the better." Pete agreed.

"Speaking of the staff on the island, who did you like the most?" Nova asked.

"Probably that fat intern, that guy is really funny when he's not following Chris's orders." Pete replied.

"Well I guess we can ask right now, who do you want to win?" James asked intensely.

"Either John or Jill, either winning is fine." Pete replied, "Although John has terrible luck and Is constantly mauled by animals."

"We're showing all that footage when we interview him." James replied.

"My favorite one is the one with the opossum and beaver." Pete laughed, "Especially when the trout start beating him up."

"Don't spoil it." Nova growled, "The audience hasn't seen any of that footage!"

"Show at least one." Pete ordered.

"We can't." Nova argued before the crowd and James began chanting "Show us!"

"Listen to your fans Nova." Pete explained holding his hands outward dramatically.

"I guess we can show the moth one." Nova shrugged.

"STEVEN! Roll the clip!" James ordered.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**John: **(John is sitting in the confessional while a moth flutters around his head.) So I guess Chris didn't clean this island as good as he said, today we fought Spiderwasps for god's sake! (John smacks the moth out of his face) I think all these poor animals are a hazard to our safety. (The moth John had swatted suddenly smacks into John's face sending him crashing through the confessional wall before diving down onto him and beginning to beat the custard out of the daredevil)

* * *

"We have about thirty like that already." James snickered.

"Unfortunately the poor guy's been beaten up by more squirrels because he's near them than someone trying to steal their acorns." Nova stated.

"Those things are extremely territorial." Pete explained with a shudder.

"I can guess that they are." Nova nodded.

"Okay, I think we can move on to your fan mail now." James explained taking a Ziploc bag from an intern that was filled with about twenty pieces of fan mail.

"How many should we read?" Nova asked as she took one of them out of the bag.

"How about we read four, exactly the same amount as Mona." Pete suggested as James and Nova grabbed several letters and tossed the rest of the bag to Pete.

"That's yours." James explained.

"Why didn't I get to keep the rest of my fan mail?" Mona complained shooting Pete an angry glare.

"People didn't see much of you and probably will send you more later." Nova lied.

"Send me fan mail guys!" Mona exclaimed winking at the camera.

"Only if you send me nudes." A drunk guy slurred before falling over due to his drunken state.

"Mona can you please stop using up all our time." James asked politely.

"Fine." Mona grumbled crossing her arms and pouting.

"So this letter was sent in by a viewer that goes by the name FatPigPoliceman, wow this guy has no respect for law enforcement." Nova read slightly taken aback by the name, "He writes: Dear Pete, how does it feel to have your sorry little butt voted off of total drama?"

"He said the A word didn't he?" Pete asked.

"Yes." Nova replied hanging her head.

"My response is: did you even watch the show? I didn't steal any of that stuff, why you hated me is beyond what I can guess. And your username! Don't you have any respect? I know the police can sometimes be jerks but that's only because they have to teach you a lesson about breaking laws." Pete ranted while Nova and James exchanged confused looks.

"But didn't you break laws for years?" James asked pointing at Pete.

"Yes but I never called them pigs." Pete replied, "And I never broke the rules of the road, both as a pedestrian and a driver."

"We call them bacon bits where I'm from." Theodore growled from where he sat.

"Well your response was still unexpected." James nodded completely ignoring Pete.

"I TALKED YOU KNOW!" Theodore yelled but was still ignored.

"Our next letter is from FrostPrince again." James read, "Dear Pete, what's the weirdest thing you've ever stolen?"

"That's a tough one, I've stolen some pretty weird stuff over the years... I could answer with that mascot head from Broling Jr. High school but then again I once stole a bowling ball from a bowling alley before I realized I couldn't do anything with it..." Pete explained while putting his forefinger to his chin, "I guess I'll answer with the time I stole a kid's Pokémon from his game, I didn't take the game, just the Pokémon."

"What did you do with them?" Nova asked.

"I sold them on Ebay for two hundred bucks each." Pete explained while James did a spit take.

"Who bought them for that outrageous price?!" Nova exclaimed looking at Pete like he was crazy while James wiped water from around his mouth.

"You wouldn't believe how far some people go to get a lv. 100 shiny EV Trained Dragonite with a good nature." Pete replied.

"People are crazy." James nodded.

"Ok so this next piece is from someone named The Pacfodder." Nova explained, "They write: This question is for the audience, is Pete a good guy or a bad guy?"

"That is a really good question." James nodded, "What does the audience think? Clap if you think Pete's a good guy!"

About half the audience clapped and cheered in an attempt to make Pete seem like a good guy.

"Now clap if you think Pete's a bad guy." Nova announced while just about the same amount of people clapped and cheered.

"We have a tie... this has never happened before." James stated while he held his hands up to keep score.

"Then the two halves of the audience will have to FIGHT TO THE DEATH!" Theodore announced and got a lot of booing and tomatoes thrown at him in response.

"Nah we'll just post a poll on the website in order to keep track." James replied waving his hand in dismissal.

"Sounds good." Pete nodded.

"You're final letter is from someone named TheGiantOrange." James read while he opened the letter, "Dear Pete, you seemed really different in the second and third episodes compared to the first one. Why did you suddenly go from almost as bad as Billy to being a nice guy?"

"That I can answer." Pete responded rubbing his hands together eagerly, "I think that the threat of people getting rid of me if I stole things was what caused me to change. Plus I don't think anyone besides Theodore is as mean as Billy."

"I have ears." Theodore growled from his seat.

"We know." Pete replied looking back at Theodore with an evil smirk.

"We know." Theodore mimicked in a high pitched voice.

"Well I don't think we have any more questions for you tonight." Nova stated.

"It's been a pleasure." Pete replied holding his hands up in thanks before walking over to the couch and sitting on the right of Theodore who glared at him angrily.

"Our final guest tried to change the votes." James stated.

"He got Pete eliminated." Nova continued.

"And he's wanted by a Mexican gang that he sold fake gold to." James finished.

"Give it up for... BILLY!" Nova announced (She said Billy like it was a word that described everything wrong with the world.).

"Can I interest you in some gum for 15.99?" Billy asked as he walked from backstage, "I'd sell you something better but all my possessions are still at camp."

"Billy just got off the island a mere three hours ago." James explained as Billy sat in the armchair and began pulling loose threads out of it and sticking them in his pocket.

"So Billy how did it feel being the fourth one eliminated?" Nova asked.

"I don't think I deserved to leave! I cheated fair and square!" Billy yelled in response while waving his arms around.

"What part of cheat don't you understand?" Pete asked from his seat.

"No one asked you." Billy hissed giving Pete an evil glare.

"Technically all three of us are allowed to talk and ask questions during the interview." Theodore explained.

"Sometimes I wonder if you're a snobby human version of Brainy Smurf." Pete stated while shaking his head.

"I still think my cheating was fair." Billy argued crossing his arms.

"Okay eliminated campers, let's have a show of hands to tell Billy if his cheating was fair." James explained.

"Not fair." Pete answered raising his hand.

"It was against the rules, Chris made a sticky note." Theodore agreed.

"You cheated." Mona said bluntly/

"Three, zero." Nova counted, "You cheated."

"Whatever." Billy growled rolling his eyes.

"So Billy, what was your favorite part of the competition?" James asked changing the subject.

"I have to go with the Talent show." Billy explained, "I amazed the judges so much that they forgot to give me scores... and I also watched Teresa get mauled by a Tigerbat."

"Nice to know you like watching people in pain." Nova replied through gritted teeth.

"Who doesn't?" Billy asked while his interviewers rubbed the backs of their heads nervously.

"Let's change the subject." Nova suggested.

"I concur." James agreed, "What did you think of your fellow competitors Billy?"

"My gods." Billy sighed, "I have never met a more stupid, ignorant, cheap, and violent group of people in my entire life!"

"We're sitting right here." Mona growled from Theodore's left.

"So?" Billy asked.

"You don't have my vote if you return to the game." Mona replied.

"Who said people are returning?" Billy argued.

"Dude people return every season." Pete explained, "It's likely it will at least be two."

"Says you." Billy replied.

"Okay so you hate everyone else, but who out of all those people did you get along with the best?" James asked.

"That's easy. It's Luke." Billy replied.

"Why Luke?" Nova asked.

"Luke and I had some pretty great times together, especially during the second challenge!" Billy explained remembering when a Spiderwasp sting made him hallucinate.

"That was actually pretty funny." Nova giggled, "I especially liked the part when you wandered off and got captured."

"Don't mention that." Billy hissed.

"But..." Nova began.

"CHANGE THE SUBJECT!" Billy ordered like he was in charge of everyone.

"Okay who did you hate the most?" James asked.

"Cole." Billy hissed, "That demon broke a lot of my stuff."

"Speaking of your stuff..." Nova began.

"STEVEN! Roll the video from camp!" James ordered.

"Who's Steven?" Nova asked as a screen lowered and changed to a video of the boy's side of the Frosty Falcons cabin.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Boys cabin**

* * *

"So Billy had an antique model of a mud hut in northern Italy that he was selling for half a million dollars." Terrance explained while he held a terribly formed lump with the price tag of a million dollars on sale for half price, "That is defiantly garbage."

The guys were sorting through Billy's products and determining what was actually usable, so far they had twenty bags of garbage and one usable object: The coffee maker.

"Well we only have a few bags left." Cole announced as he picked up another bag.

"What was in that locked one?" Luke asked looking up at John.

"Nothing but two year old power bars that were best before last Christmas." John replied dumping the entire content of the bag into a garbage bag.

"Imagine when Billy watches this." Cole laughed imagining what would happen.

* * *

"I HATE THEM ALL!" Billy screamed as he began smashing random pieces of furniture and recording equipment.

"You deserved that." Nova explained.

"NO I DIDN'T!" Billy yelled as he bent a boom mike in half.

"Billy settle down, we still have to read your fan mail." James explained.

"My fans will agree with me." Billy laughed mockingly.

"Just one more questions and we'll see what they really think." James replied.

"Fine." Billy growled sitting down and crossing his arms.

"Who do you want to win out of the remaining campers?" James asked.

"Luke! Now give me my fan mail!" Billy whined while an intern handed James a small sack of letters.

"We'll read four and then we can go home." Nova explained as she grabbed to envelopes.

"Fine." Billy agreed while James tossed him the remainder of the sack.

"This first letter is from FrostPrince... we all know him." James read, "Billy, Do you collect things to sell them, or are you just a hoarder? Or are you both?"

I collect things for profit, and profit only. But I do keep old yogurt containers because I might sell them one day." Billy explained.

"HOARDER!" Theodore yelled from his seat.

"I'm a salesman!" Billy argued

"We shall take it to the vote!" James announced looking at the other three eliminated campers, "So is Billy a hoarder, a salesman, or both?"

"Salesman." Mona replied almost instantly.

"No he's definitely a Hoarder." Theodore replied.

"SALESMAN!"

"HOARDER!"

"He's both! Trust me!" Pete exclaimed, "Since your two votes add up into a both, he's definitely a hoarder and salesman at the same time!"

"So you're both." James explained looking at Billy.

"I get it." Billy growled in response.

"So this next piece is from someone named Bertha." Nova read, "Dear Billy, you're a conniving little jerk! How dare you accuse Pete of stealing things! That's wrong not to mention illegal! I'm glad you've been eliminated and hope your greasy face gets pummelled by that gang that you screwed over, Sincerely: Bertha."

"She's stupid." Billy explained, "Plus who names their kid Bertha anyways? It's like you want your kid to turn out to be 7'5 and weigh 400 pounds."

"Wow you do not take criticism very well." James analyzed.

"What's it matter to you?" Billy asked.

"It doesn't matter." James shrugged before opening the next piece of fan mail and reading it aloud, "Dear Billy, my name is Hozaia machorita chincolta the third..."

"No." Billy yelled in a shocked voice.

"...You screwed me and my friends out of our money and got us sent to a prison in Columbia..." James continued.

"STOP READING!" Billy begged.

"...So when we get out we will find you and seriously injure you." James finished.

"Hide me!" Billy begged looking around desperately.

"We only have one more letter and then you can hide in the broom closet in the playa." Nova explained.

"Sounds good!" Billy replied quickly.

"Dear Billy..." Nova began, "I used the word seriously injure in my threatening letter earlier, what I meant to say was KILL!"

"I'm gone!" Billy screamed running backstage and knocking something over.

"And that concludes this Episode of Interviewing Time!" James announced as the audience began standing up and leaving.

"We'll see you again in five elimination ceremonies." Nova announced.

"Oh and don't forget to vote for whether Pete's a good guy..." Nova started.

"Or a bad guy!" James finished.

"Until next time I'm Nova Moonbeam!" Nova announced.

"And I'm James letterman." James finished.

"And we'll see you right here." The two finished in unison.

* * *

**And that concludes a chapter of Total Drama that is a disappointing 7,000 words long. (If only I had written 3,000 more.). I think that was pretty good for my first interview and I will do at least six of them. Did my interviewers seem like good characters or not? I'm really curios to your guy's opinions about this kind of stuff.**

**Did you like it? Did you hate it? Leave a review and tell me how I did. Anyone without an account will be able to review and always will be so even if you don't have an account just leave a review.**

**I also have two polls running so check out my profile.**

* * *

**Next time: Capture the flag with a mutated twist.**


	6. Chapter 6: Capture and Brag part 1

**Total Drama Return to the Island**

**By: The Firebending Frog**

**Chapter 6 Day 5: Capture and Brag part 1**

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own or think that I own Total Drama, it`s characters, and it's seasons. I do however own the Twenty two contestants, five interns, and two interviewers that appear in this story so please don`t steal them (For they are my property...)**

**Special thanks to all the people who took some of their time and reviewed my story, you people show me that my writing is not terrible and that I should continue.**

**The conversation flows much more smoothly in this chapter for some reason... hmmm maybe I'm getting better.**

**Warning:**

**This chapter of Total Drama Return to the Island contains scenes of extreme stunts, Mutated bees, a braggart, Patrice receiving a bunch of nude pictures, several scenes where Helga breaks things, letters from home, a shopping list in another language, Avatar vs. Avatar, major fear of water, and a sociopathic host who enjoys ordering interns around. Nothing M rated per the norm but it`s T just in case. BTW if you thought Julia was funny and just plain ridiculous before, you are going to love this chapter.**

**You have been warned... (Reaches for doorknob and knocks lamp off table while backing out of the room dramatically)**

* * *

Chris Maclean stood on the dock of shame with Chef waiting for the queue to start his intro.

"We begin in three, two, one!" The director announced before Chris turned his head and flashed a smile at the camera.

"Previously on Total Drama Return to the Island." Chris MacLean announced, "Twenty two campers set foot on Wawanakwa island and began a brutal battle to win a million big ones."

"It's Bigger, Badder, and Brutaller!" Chef laughed.

"Chef Can you please stop mentioning the time you got to name an episode back in season four." Chris sighed face palming, "Half those words aren't even real."

"At least they're interesting." Chef moped crossing his arms in the process.

"The twenty two soon became twenty one with the elimination of Mona, Whom I don't think any of the fan base even came close to liking." Chris announced.

"0.000001% of them actually thought she was a decent character." Chef agreed shaking his head like Mona was a disgusting bug he should be ashamed of.

"Next we got rid of a potty mouthed Theodore who thought he knew everything." Chris continued.

"Everything except he'd be the number going that brought us down to twenty campers." Chef agreed.

"Soon we had Pete leaving under false accusation." Chris continued looking at Chef expectantly.

"I got nothing." Chef shrugged.

"Seriously!" Chris whined, "Well we eliminated Billy the one who accused Pete of robbery in the first place and that's just about all that's happened... oh except for the part where the wildlife is extremely mutated and wants to kill everyone."

"Especially bees and wasps." Chef explained, "They mutate the most for some reason."

"We should use them in a challenge!" Chris exclaimed looking at Chef.

"We should totally use those killer bees!" Chef exclaimed, "I mean some form of killer bee that enjoys the taste of honey so much that it'll literally attack you just because you smell like it."

"STEVEN! Scrap the hunger games challenge for now and lace some water guns with honey!" Chris ordered looking off screen before turning back to the camera, "Who will survive? Who will win? And who will... yeah we're playing capture the flag."

"I got nothing." Chef shrugged.

"Wanna go back to the mansion and watch Predator again?" Chris asked.

"Can we edit out the normal voices and replace them with past Total Drama contestants?" Chef asked pointing at Chris.

"This is why you're my co host." Chris replied putting his hand on Chef's shoulder.

* * *

**Theme song: I wanna be famous**

* * *

"Welcome to my state of the art tank with a newly furnished inside!" Summer welcomed as Kai and John looked around in amazement at what Summer had turned the inside of her vehicle into.

Due to the fact that the majority of the Falcon's vehicles had been destroyed in the second challenge they were spending a lot of their recent free time remodeling and rebuilding them. Summer on the other hand had spent a lot more time and effort with her vehicle. She had rigged the inside with six revolving chairs, a TV she had gotten Emily to help her fix, a working order mini fridge, and of course an awesome refurnishing and painting of the walls and floor.

"This carpet is amazing!" John exclaimed as he poked the fuzzy carpet that lined the floor with an ungloved hand.

"It's more fun when you make a snow angel on it." Summer explained as she opened the mini fridge to reveal a ton of Soda's and several packs of beef jerky.

"WOW!" Kai exclaimed as her jaw dropped, "Where did you get that stuff?"

"Jesslyn has been sneaking snacks out of the mess hall and bringing them to me, she prefers using this tank to sleep rather that deal with four snoring boys in her cabin." Summer explained while Kai took a seat in one of the chairs.

"We can't deny that Summer's tank is wicked but I have to admit that Jill's siege tower is just as cool." John explained as he looked out the window at the wheeled tower made of metal and wood.

"She crushed a tree with it yesterday." Kai explained, "And John will not drop it."

"You think that's cool! Watch this!" Summer exclaimed as she opened a door that revealed the driver and passenger's seat that just happened to be half of an old speedboat with the nose cut off. Emily and Summer had wielded the front shut and put a windshield on that made the vehicle look more like an armoured car with the top of a tank on it then half a speedboat.

"Eternal dibs on shotgun!" Kai claimed before anyone could speak.

"What am I watching?" John asked as Summer sat down and pressed a few buttons.

"We can either control the gun manually in the turret or automatically from the cockpit." Summer explained as the gun moved and shot an old torpedo at a tree demolishing it within seconds.

"We are so winning that vehicle derby!" John announced fist pumping.

"Maybe it'll be this round." Summer guessed, "We've finally got rid of all our dead weight."

"That is true." Kai agreed, "Although Pete would have been helpful if he were still here."

"I agree." Summer nodded, "I feel really bad that I voted for him even though he was innocent."

"Look on the bright side." John suggested, "We got Billy eliminated last night."

"True, but was it really all just a lot of greed that fueled his own eventual demise?" Kai replied while she walked back into the roomy main area of the tank.

"I guess." Summer shrugged while she shut the door leading to the cockpit.

"Anyway I have to go." Kai explained opening the main door.

"Why?" John asked giving Kai a questioning look.

"I promised someone something." Kai replied.

"What are you doing?!" John asked.

"It's personal between me and someone else." Kai replied climbing out of the vehicle and walking towards the cabin.

"What do you think she's doing?" Summer asked looking in the direction Kai had walked off in.

"Dunno." John replied with a shrug.

"Wanna go to the beach?" Summer asked looking at John.

"DO I!" John agreed before dashing off to camp to grab his surfboard, "I'm gunna shred some gnarly waves!"

"Daredevils and their extreme sports." Summer smiled as she climbed down off her tank and walked back to the cabin.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** I wonder what it was that Kai had promised someone, I haven't seen her hang out with anyone but me and Jill outside the cabin.

**Kai:** I couldn't reveal that I'm going to get Winter over her over the top fear of water today, that might get spread around by the great vine of Total Drama.

**John:** I've never surfed before in my life, but the thrill I could have might be just as awesome as skydiving.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Girls cabin**

* * *

"Our plan will continue as we have rehearsed." Vanessa explained while the other six girls watched from where they sat, "We will make a strategy during the challenge, kidnap Chris and keep him locked in one of my suitcases, win the challenge, and Chef will become host."

"I like it." Julia agreed in a deep voice, "We should eat Chris after he dies from lack of food."

"Julia how many times do I have to explain that we aren't cannibals?" Vanessa sighed while holding her forehead.

"Says you." Julia replied before biting Emily's hand really hard.

"OUCH!" Emily screamed ripping her hand from Julia's mouth and rubbing it, "Julia why did you do that?"

"I'm a zombie, RAWR!" Julia answered putting her arms out like she was a member of the undead, "Feed me cat brains!"

"Only Julia could get away with saying that." Teresa summed up while Julia began biting her own leg.

"We aren't capturing Chris." Winter explained to Vanessa.

"Why not." Vanessa whined.

"Do you recall every time that Chris put Chef in charge of the challenge?" Winter asked giving Vanessa a questioning look.

"You mean like when he left the contestants in the wild or when he forced them to do boot camp?" Vanessa asked looking at Winter.

"And when he made them eat food they cooked with things they found in the woods." Winter added, "So do you really think Chef as a host is a good idea?"

"Operation capture Chris has been moved to the finale!" Vanessa announced as everyone gave a sigh of relief.

"And it's not like we have any chance of losing." Alexa stated with a shrug, "We've won the last three challenges."

"How could you jinx us like that?" Teresa exclaimed standing up, "Now we're definitely going to the bonfire pit tonight!"

"You're just one of those people who believe in bad luck." Alexa replied, "Plus there has to be a way to ward off bad luck."

"No there isn't!" Teresa replied angrily before a long pause where no one talked caused her to stand up, knock on the wooden doorframe three times, throw salt over her shoulder, and run in a circle three times before turning to Alexa and saying: "I hate you."

"I know." Alexa replied before standing up and walking over to the vanity.

"Helga doesn't think luck is more important than skill." Helga stated from where she sat, "Luck is important but skill is required so you can make up for bad luck."

"You're so optimistic it makes me want to throw up." Alexa grumbled in response.

"CAT BRAINS!" Julia screamed before biting Emily's shoulder.

"STOP BITING ME!" Emily yelled throwing Julia off her shoulder with a quick shove.

"But you taste like dirt and earwax." Julia responded creepily before backing into a wall and beginning to beat it with the two sticks she had named George and George, "I didn't eat your doughnuts!"

"Whatever it was that got her sent to a mental hospital must have been bad." Emily stated as everyone watched what Julia was doing.

"Well this has been fun but I got a thing." Winter stated as she backed out the door.

"Going to make a purple are we?" Alexa asked with a smile.

"Purple?" Everyone asked in unison.

"A girl is a red and a boy is a blue, together they make a purple." Alexa explained with a sigh, "Sometimes I wonder if you guys are stupider then you let on."

"I'm not dating anyone." Winter explained.

"You don't need to be." Alexa replied before everyone shot her a rude look, "Too far?"

"Definitely too far." Teresa agreed.

"Yeah I'm just going to leave." Winter stated walking out the door before Alexa made another dirty comment.

"Tell your **** buddy that I like it dirty!" Alexa called after her before Emily shut the door.

"If we're going to be staying in a cabin together then we have to stop bugging each other like that." Teresa explained while Alexa glared at her.

"Whatever do you mean?" Alexa asked faking a stupid giggle.

"I mean that you never stop harassing Winter, You constantly call Helga ugly, You will not shut up about how dumb Julia is apparently, and finally you are complimenting yourself so much that it makes you seem like a braggart." Emily explained counting all of the things Alexa had done wrong on her fingers.

"I don't believe you." Alexa growled poking her hairbrush into Emily's chest, "Listen here girly, I don't like your attitude, it makes you seem like a complete *****! I bet none of the fans even like you."

"How dare you say that to Emily you little *****!" Teresa yelled in response.

"Helga has to side with Emily and Spanish lady on this one, she doesn't find Alexa very nice." Helga stated.

"NO ONE ASKED YOU UGLY!" Alexa screamed in response.

"Helga is leaving now." Helga growled as she smashed through the wall and walked off towards the mess hall with Julia following close behind like some sort of animal that is stalking its prey.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Helga:** Helga is tired of being called ugly.

**Alexa:** I don't brag about myself that much... Ooh my hair is absolutely perfect today... (Static cuts her off)

**Vanessa:** My plan to kidnap Chris will come into full effect as soon as we're done challenges.

**Winter:** I wonder if the other team would treat me better than my own team. (Winter sighs)

**Julia:** Water is just a codeword for lava...

**Emily:** So I'm just about done with that ***** Alexa, unless someone screws up really bad today she's going home.

**Teresa:** I tried offering Alexa food but she denied it and called me fat, nice deeds don't work on the greedy.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Porch**

* * *

Jill, Luke, and Terrance were sitting on the Falcon's porch playing Dungeons and Dragons again, currently Terrance was acting as dungeon master and the other two were actually playing again.

"I guess my archer will open the strange talking chest." Luke stated as he rolled a seven on the dice.

"And when you open the chest you are struck by a curse!" Terrance announced while Jill watched him intensely, "This curse will make you fly whenever you reach a golden floor tile."

"How is that bad?" Luke asked as he wrote what had happened down in his book.

"You'll never get the dragon's armour in the vault of a hundred secrets." Terrance hissed.

"Is it me or does that name sound familiar?" Jill pondered while looking up into the sky, "Hey don't I get thirty percent extra hit damage because of the clouds today?"

"I've been adding that myself, that's why you killed that troll in one hit." Terrance explained while Jill breathed a sigh of relief.

"Yeah but why is she claiming at least sixty percent of all the gold and experience?" Luke asked crossing his arms in an upset manner.

"I am killing sixty percent of all the monsters, so it's only fair." Jill replied.

"I'm a lower level than you!" Luke argued throwing his arms in the air, "I should be at least getting seventy percent of it!"

"Now you're just being outrageous!" Jill growled in response.

"Guys it's just a game, you both get fifty percent from now on." Terrance sighed resolving the problem as quickly as possible.

"Fine!" Luke replied crossing his arms angrily, "but don't think I'll be happy about it.

"Okay I think we're done for today." Terrance stated as he began cleaning his stuff up.

"We can't be done! We just started!" Jill exclaimed giving Terrance a look of disbelief.

"So you two fighting doesn't mean that the game is causing a problem and that I shouldn't remove the cause of the problem?" Terrance asked with a hint of annoyance, "Because I can leave it here and you two will fight so much that you will hate each other and try to get the other eliminated."

"No we won't." Luke replied.

"XP." Terrance stated.

"I want more of it!" Luke yelled at Jill.

"No I want eighty percent now!" Jill yelled in response.

"I'm just going to go and play Pokémon alone until the challenge starts." Terrance muttered to himself while he walked back into the cabin, "Alone like normal."

"Terrance..." Jill started but he had already walked into the cabin.

"I just realized we were fighting over imaginary things in a game." Luke stated with a blank expression, "And now it's no fun for anybody."

"Maybe if we make up Terrance will at least respond to us." Jill suggested.

"I don't think he really enjoyed our little outburst, we should give him some space for a little while." Luke suggested.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Luke:** I guess I did kind of overreact about imaginary XP and maybe I did get kind of greedy.

**Jill:** Well I screwed up a game of D & D, made Terrance angry, and probably made myself a place on Luke's hit list of people he wants out of the game.

**Terrance:** My brothers fight about stupid things all the time back home. But Jill and Luke aren't ten years old anymore and should know better.

* * *

**Beach**

* * *

Almost all of the campers were hanging out at the beach. John sat on a surfboard without realizing waves aren't very big in lakes while Spader swam in the shallows watching schools of mutated fish eat live crabs that were still in their shells with a look of disgust on his face. Summer was sitting in the lifeguards chair on the dock while Cole continuously dunked a screaming Greg in the water.

"All I hear is blah blah blah Patrice." Emily sighed while Patrice continuously blabbered about how he was captain of the football team.

"Come on babe you know I'm sexy..." Patrice began before a life preserver fell on Patrice making it so his arms couldn't move, "What the!"

"That's two hundred points for Summer!" Summer exclaimed as Patrice removed the preserver from his body.

"Very funny princess, now come down here so I can teach you a lesson!" Patrice threatened as Summer reached behind herself.

"No thanks, Cuz I make the rules sucker!" Summer exclaimed throwing a water balloon at Patrice.

"OH NO SHE'S ATTACKING ME WITH WATER!" Patrice screamed while he ran for the cover of several large rocks.

"So he comes to a beach and is afraid of getting wet there." Summer analyzed, "He must be afraid of water."

"Probably." Emily replied smiling now that Patrice was gone, "At least I can work on my tan now."

"Tans are overrated and lead to sunburn." Summer replied waving her hand in dismissal, "I prefer a look that doesn't involve a darkening of my skin."

"Well we don't get much tanning weather where I'm from." Emily replied, "New Brunswick is constantly racked with storms at this time of year."

"Well I come from an area where quite a lot of hippies live." Summer argued, "If you try tanning anywhere all you smell is drugs."

"I hear BC has some pretty nice rainforests." Emily stated looking up at Summer.

"Well they are a huge target for the forestry industry." Summer growled as if remembering something bad, "I hate seeing fallen redwoods."

"I apologize in advance for this, but I like timber." Emily explained with a nervous look.

"As long as it's reforested wood I'm okay with it." Summer replied gazing towards where Cole had been holding Greg underwater, "BEACH JAIL FOR YOU Cole!"

"Never!" Cole yelled dropping Greg and running off with Summer in hot pursuit.

"I'm glad he's not on my team." Greg growled while Emily moved to the edge of the dock.

"I wonder how the Falcons put up with him..." Emily trailed.

* * *

**Recorded scene from the Frosty Falcons: Boys cabin**

* * *

"...And anyone who doesn't agree gets duct taped outside." Cole explained while his team shivered.

"I am never being taped outside." Theodore laughed while nudging Luke with his elbow.

* * *

"I can't see how." Greg replied while Summer continued to chase Cole around while blowing her whistle.

"Now that Summer is occupied why don't we get to know each other a little better." Patrice flirted while Emily rolled her eyes in response.

"Patrice, do you not know how to approach women?" Greg asked from where he floated in the water.

"Of course! How do you think I got three hundred girl's numbers?" Patrice asked in response.

"If they don't say 1-800-go away, then they say 835-Not a chance." Greg replied with a bored expression.

"Maybe they all room together and have sleepovers but just end up wrestling..." Patrice began before Emily stopped him.

"We don't need this to turn into a porno Patrice." Emily explained, "Now go sit on the timeout post."

"Fine!" Patrice replied walking over to a dock post and sitting on it, "But don't think I'll enjoy it!"

"He likes it." Greg laughed as Patrice sat happily.

"And now he won't leave." Emily smirked lying back down, "I am so good at manipulation."

"I hate this!" Patrice yelled while sitting with an extremely comfortable expression, "And after an hour is up I will flirt with you again!"

"Good luck with that bucko!" Emily yelled in response.

"Hey Greg have you seen these carnivorous fish? They're amazing!" Spader exclaimed swimming up to Greg, "And we should probably get out of the water, they've tasted blood."

"What do you mean?" Greg asked before Spader pointed at where John was removing several from his arm on the beach.

"Animals just hate the kid." Emily shrugged removing her feet from the water and grabbing her towel.

"We should tell him about that enormous leech attached to his back." Greg suggested.

"I agree." Spader nodded before the two guys ran towards John.

"I wonder where Winter wondered off to." Emily muttered while shaking her head.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** I wonder how often Cole gets arrested, he may be a bully but he sometimes goes a little too far.

**Emily:** Patrice suddenly finds girls very interesting when they wear bikini's.

**Patrice:** Girls are very interesting when they wear bikini's, I hate one piece swimsuits.

**Cole:** I outran Summer eventually but I fear she may still be on my trail. (Cole looks around nervously)

**Spader:** Yeah when you see a school of carnivorous fish taste human flesh you get out of the water as quickly as possible.

**John:** (He's very pale and looks like he lost a lot of blood) Waves none of are there.

**Greg:** So mutated leeches suck blood ninety times as fast as normal leeches apparently.

* * *

**Forest stream**

* * *

"This is a calm relaxing Watery environment." Kai explained while she sat in the river.

Winter was not calm at all, she had clung to a tree so hard when she saw the river that she had snapped it in half while Kai attempted to drag her towards water.

"NO IT'S AN EVIL STORMY LAKE INTHE MIDDLE OF A DEADLY WET FOREST!" Winter shrieked still clutching half a dead sapling.

"It barely goes up past my ankles." Kai replied with a bored expression, "I tried the surprise approach but that didn't work."

"You tried to kill me by throwing me in a river." Winter hissed.

"Actually the only thing killed by me trying to do that was a sapling and several mutated birds that exploded on contact with water." Kai replied stepping out of the water.

"You'll never take me alive!" Winter yelled backing away from Kai.

"Winter this fear is kind of obsessive." Kai stated sitting on the stream bank, "Why are you so afraid of water anyway?"

"I don't want to bring that memory back into play." Winter hissed in reply throwing the sapling on the ground, "Let's just say it involved water."

"Never would have guessed." Kai replied rolling her eyes.

"I hate water now because of the incident... that involved water." Winter continued.

"Maybe we should start with something smaller." Kai suggested, "We should surround you with snow..."

"I like snow." Winter nodded, "You can't drown in it."

"... And let it melt leaving you in a pool of water." Kai finished thinking her plan would work.

"I hate snowmelt." Winter growled narrowing her eyes, "That's why I want to move to Nunavut where the snow never melts."

"If we have a fear challenge you're screwed." Kai stated while shaking her head.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Kai:** I'll try a glass of water on her tomorrow.

**Winter:** I like outhouses because they lack water, washing my hands is one of the only times I will touch water, and I take two minute showers in order to avoid it.

* * *

**Mess hall**

* * *

**Wicked Weasels**

* * *

"What are we eating exactly?" Teresa asked picking some sort of goop off her plate with her spoon.

"Helga thinks its pudding." Helga grunted while shoveling it into her mouth, "Grass flavored pudding."

"Yeah." Spader agreed sarcastically before a frog eye popped out of the bottom of his bowl, "And I'm out."

"Ditto." Winter agreed holding her hand over her mouth and gagging before sliding her bowl in Helga's direction.

"MORE FOR HELGA!" Helga exclaimed with a clap before downing the entire bowl and swallowing.

"She didn't even notice the frog eyes." Spader shuddered while Winter gagged again.

"My rich diet doesn't include pieces of frog in my food." Alexa complained pushing her plate on the floor with a crash.

"WHO'S BREAKING MY FINE CHINA?!" Chef roared sticking his head out of the kitchen.

"Winter did!" Alexa yelled pointing at Winter.

"No I didn't!" Winter exclaimed looking at Chef nervously.

"Thank you Winter, I can now ask the producers for better dishes." Chef thanked holding one of the cracked and chipped dishes that the contestants ate off, "Now these are just pitiful."

"Alexa jinxed herself, Alexa jinxed herself!" Emily and Teresa chanted with huge grins.

"I did not!" Alexa scoffed waving it off, "Bad luck isn't real."

The part of the bench where Alexa was sitting suddenly gave way under her weight.

"Three, two, one..." Emily counted down before a dead bird fell on Alexa's face.

"Don't mock luck little lady." Teresa giggled high fiving Emily.

"Luck doesn't exist." Alexa growled in response, "That was a complete coincidence."

"Just like how every time you say something rude about luck something unlucky happens to you." Emily responded.

"Luck isn't as relevant as hotness." Patrice laughed, "I am absolutely gorgeous today."

"You're always gorgeous babe." Alexa replied suddenly zipping right next to Patrice.

"Hey there's enough of me for at least two more." Patrice answered wiggling his eyebrows at Emily and Teresa.

"Not even in your dreams." Emily replied.

"Then explain my dream last night." Patrice argued with a smirk.

"He kept yelling don't punch me again all night." Greg whispered into Emily's ear.

"I wonder how much my fist would hurt your face." Emily asked herself while Patrice visibly cringed just by seeing her fist.

"You dreamed about Emily beating the pulp out of you." Teresa laughed pointing at Patrice.

"Of course not." Patrice replied nervously, "That'd be stupid."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Patrice:** the only thing holding me back from punching Emily was the fact she has boobs.

**Winter:** I'm so glad no one brings up water that much, otherwise my secret would have been discovered and I would have been booted already.

**Alexa:** Luck is just something very skilled people say so they don't make others feel bad. (The toilet suddenly sprays sewage into the confessional and the camera goes to static)

**Teresa:** One thing I don't understand about people my age is why they're so self absorbed...

**Emily:** I agreed to help Chef repair his bench after Alexa broke it.

* * *

"... So you're saying you're not afraid of girls." Emily summed up after twenty five minutes of interrogating Patrice.

"Emily I think you can stop now." Greg sighed leaning back in his chair like he was bored.

"One more." Emily assured.

"NO!" Julia screamed chucking her food at Emily's face, "I will not let you torture that ugly scarecrow anymore!"

"Hey." Patrice complained, "I can hear you!"

"Quiet underling!" Julia ordered pointing at Patrice stressfully.

"Underling?" Patrice asked himself while looking at everyone.

"Whenever you say one word a green squiggly line appears under your sentence, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!" Julia yelled.

"I don't think anyone did." Patrice replied giving Julia a weird look.

"My words consistently eat fish liver." Julia stated before sitting down and bowing to her confused team, "I work for tips."

"I don't even know how to respond to half the things you say Julia." Greg stated while Julia just smiled at him.

"Wanna make out?" Julia flirted while Greg shot her a scared look in response.

"Why does she constantly ask that?" Teresa asked Spader while Julia jumped over the table and tackled Greg.

"Who knows?" Spader shrugged looking back at Teresa.

"It'd be a running gag lassie." Julia stated standing up from where she had tackled Greg to the ground.

"It's not really that funny." Spader argued, "You say it so much that it just gets annoying and repetitive."

"Actually I find it more like the cabbage guy joke from avatar, it grows on you and you start laughing at it." Emily replied.

"I don't recall a cabbage guy being on Pandora." Vanessa explained giving Spader and Emily strange looks.

"Shut your mouth you uncultured ****." Emily hissed glaring at Vanessa.

"Is she making any sense to you guys?" Vanessa asked motioning towards Emily while looking at her teammates for a sign that they didn't understand either.

"Avatar is a movie about blue cats that live on a different planet, Avatar the last Airbender is a kids' TV show that aired three seasons and is regarded as one of the greatest television shows in history." Spader explained while holding his forehead.

"That sounds stupid." Vanessa growled, "Airbending? What the **** is that supposed to be?"

"Four nations, each symbolized by a different basic element have the abilities to control and use the power of bending as tools or weapons, of course we have a hundred year..." Spader began but Vanessa cut him off.

"This sounds really dumb." Vanessa stated, "Iron, Helium, Hydrogen, and oxygen benders."

"Did you not pay attention in the history of elements?" Spader asked, "The basic elements are Water, earth, fire, and air. Think about that! The bad guys shoot fireballs from their fists, the waterbenders have control of the powers and life that water brings..."

"Still sounds stupid." Vanessa interrupted.

"She's hopeless." Emily sighed while Vanessa began chatting with Patrice about the CGI animated Movie known as avatar.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Vanessa:** Sometimes I wonder how people come up with ideas as dumb as whatever Spader and Emily were talking about... oh wait! Drugs!

**Spader:** How can Vanessa mock something as freaking awesome as avatar?

**Helga:** While Helga's team was arguing Helga was enjoying lots of Pudding.

**Julia:** Sushi is the food for curing bruises, the healing properties of a frog filled with whale organs is awesome in sushi.

**Greg:** No offense to Vanessa, but yeah I think you should at least watch a TV show before you decide it's dumb.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons**

* * *

"... I have to disagree with Cole here." Terrance stated, "His best review may be the Ponyo review but the moment he reviews the last Airbender movie that will change."

"And why do you say this?" Cole argued crossing his arms.

"Have you watched any of the Vlogs? He loves the show and will completely destroy the movie." Terrance explained.

"I still think the top eleven review that's the best is dumb***** in distress." Kai explained holding her arms up.

"Can we talk about something else besides the Nostalgia Critic?" Clyde asked letting his head hit the table.

"The conversation got to this point Clyde." Terrance argued, "It'll change eventually."

"It's been half an hour Terrance." Clyde grumbled from between his hands.

"Well you can either listen to the conversation or eat the slop Chef served us." Terrance explained while holding a spoon with green goop on it that seemed to be dissolving the spoon, "If you eat this I bet your stomach will dissolve."

"Damn it." John sighed smacking his forehead before burping a green liquid out that melted through the table.

"Water! Drink a lot of water!" Summer responded not noticing the fearful look Winter had shot her.

"Why?" John groaned smacking his head on the table.

"So you lower the obviously bad acidic levels in this food." Summer replied, "Either that or you drink drain cleaner which isn't helpful at all."

"It'll just turn your stomach into salt." Kai agreed.

"Water it is!" John stated downing a glass of water quickly before swiping Jill's and drinking that as well.

"Dude I was using that to wash my sword." Jill stated in disgust.

"I'd rather drink it then die." John replied gagging at the metallic taste.

"You wouldn't die." Terrance replied, "You'd just live a shortened life with a intense pain in your stomach."

"I NEED WATER!" John screamed dashing outside the mess hall and running towards the beach.

"Better hurry!" Summer called after him, "THAT ACID WON'T WAIT FOREVER!"

"Wasn't it a little harsh to lie to John like that?" Luke asked giving Summer and Jill odd looks.

"Hey he hasn't drunk anything since yesterday's challenge." Terrance replied with a shrug, "I would have tied him to a chair and force fed him water if he went any longer without it."

"Well we can't have him walking around all day thinking he's going to die." Luke growled, "We need all eight members of our team."

"Dude it's not like we're going to spend the entire day being hunted by something." Terrance laughed before looking at the camera worriedly, "Jesslyn you better not suggest that to Chris."

"He probably wants us to play the hunger games now that we have an even number of contestants again." Luke laughed in response, "He's going to make us do that now."

"I believe the producers choose the challenges." Kai stated from where she sat.

"Who else saw the How The Hunger Games should have ended episode on YouTube?" Cole asked while five of his fellow contestants raised their hands.

"I loved the part where the reference the movie district nine." Jill laughed thinking back to the video.

"I still think the MAD short the blunder games was funnier." Terrance argued.

"What made it funny?" Cole asked raising his eyebrow.

"They included things like district Hogwarts, the characters from twilight, and a pretty funny speech about killing each other for the president's amusement." Terrance explained moving his hands as he spoke.

"Do you really have to move like that guy off ancient aliens when you talk?" Cole asked while he began picking at his fingernails.

"I just don't like sitting still." Terrance replied with a shrug.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Terrance:** So we spent forty five minutes discussing TV shows, web shows, and movies... I blame technology and the many catchy theme songs hidden within it.

**John:** So estimating by how much water I drank and how long ago ii ate that evil acidic food, I have until elimination and then I die.

**Clyde:** Although Terrance and Summer devised a brilliant strategy to get John hydrated again, it's undeniably flawed and will send John into panic... which will in turn create comedy... WHY AM I AGREEING WITH THEM!

**Cole:** No matter how much people argue with me they're always wrong in the end.

**Summer:** I love the internet. True it's a time devouring hole of internet trolls and memes but its still fun.

**Jill:** I wonder if I should use the grappling hook or wooden mallet today...

* * *

"Good morning Campers!" Chris announced walking into the mess hall followed by an Intern who dumped a pile of letters on the ground.

"Let me guess, we're sorting through your fan mail." Kai guessed while someone coughed in the background.

"Actually we asked your parents, legal guardians, friends, and whatever other monkeys you may know to send a letter to each of you." Chris explained while everyone's faces brightened.

"So there's a letter for everyone!" Winter exclaimed excited.

"One for everyone except Jill." Chris replied with a nod, "Jill's parents said it was far too exciting or something like that."

"Figures." Jill growled sinking in her seat.

"So is there a catch?" Spader asked giving Chris a quizzical look.

"There was supposed to be but now I can make Jill suffer because she's the only one who didn't get one." Chris replied.

"I don't want any contact with my parents this summer so the longer they keep out of contact the better." Jill growled in response.

"Suit yourself." Chris shrugged tossing a letter at Patrice who it nailed right in the eye.

"MY EYE! MY BEAUTIFUL EYE!" Patrice screamed falling to the ground.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Jill:** My parents are cruel dark hearted jerks that don't care and haven't ever cared about me or my feelings, so they don't care enough to write to me then fine I don't need them.

**Patrice:** Why does Chris always throw things directly in my eyes?

**Kai:** I wonder who wrote to me. Maybe it was my Mom, no wait! Uncle Jerry, on second thought he's in prison...

**Winter:** Despite the fact that it's only been four days I already miss my family, so it's great to hear from them.

* * *

"I'll just hand them out one at a time and listen to what embarrassing things your families wrote." Chris laughed while several campers hit their foreheads.

"Well I'm just not going to speak about mine." Patrice shrugged opening the letter, "AWESOME! Cassidy sent me nudes!"

"Not going to talk about them at all." Kai muttered rolling her eyes.

"What self respecting girl would send nudes to someone?" Teresa asked getting a lot of shrugs in response.

"If you don't send nudes to your boyfriend what kind of girlfriend are you?" Patrice asked giving Teresa a mocking look.

"Well any girl who has an actual good boyfriend that doesn't require nudes in order for the relationship to continue is pretty smart and will most likely turn out successful in a field besides porn." Teresa replied while Spader grew embarrassed at just the mention of nudes.

"What's up with Spader's face?" Patrice asked giving Spader a mocking grin.

"I just don't find this kind of stuff that interesting." Spader replied, "It's embarrassing just being around people who talk about it."

"You're lame." Patrice replied returning to his photos.

"Well since the drama caused by that is over, let's give Julia her letter." Chris announced passing the letter to the intern who handed it to Julia.

"I'm actually curious about Julia's family." Summer explained looking at Julia, "I wonder how they reacted to her being sent to a mental hospital."

"LETTER!" Julia yelled before picking up the envelope and beginning to eat it.

"What are you doing Julia?" Teresa asked while Julia tore a piece off with her mouth and swallowed it.

"Eating mail." Julia replied spitting the paper at Alexa's head where it got stuck to her forehead.

"Don't you want to hear what your family has to say?" Summer asked while Alexa wiped the spitball off her forehead and made a grossed out face.

"I haven't heard from my family since I received my third restraining order from the taco guy last fall." Julia explained like she was proud about something.

"Harsh." Emily stated giving Julia a sorry look.

"The taco guy's my dad!" Julia laughed spitting a piece of paper out that had a quarter of a fifteen million dollar deal that would sell turkey to Antarctica for penguins.

"What the heck did they send you?" Winter asked reading the paper, "Because this is definitely not a letter from someone you know."

"It's tasty." Julia stated shoving the remainder of her letter in her mouth and swallowing.

"Awkward!" Greg said in an extremely high pitched voice.

"Okay I guess we now continue with Kai." Chris stated tossing a letter marked _Kai _in green ink.

"Who's it from?" Summer asked while Kai opened the letter."

"Let me read it first!" Kai exclaimed looking at the paper.

* * *

_Dear Kai_

_We've been watching the last few episodes and currently have the forth one taped on PVR and we have to say (This is Shirou writing since I know the best English [I am a powerful wizard!] and I'm speaking on behalf of Mom, Dad, Grandpa, great grandpa, Great Great grandpa, Great, great, great grandpa, Tina, your best friend kali, several homeless guys, that drunk lady from down the street, an escaped criminal, that weirdo that thinks he's Spiderman, and great uncle Toven) We can't wait to see you do more awesome challenges! These people you're competing against will be easy opposition if you take them to the finals and the only threat standing in your way is the sword girl with parental issues and several other medieval weapons that should have been taken the moment she showed up in that devilish pink armour. ELIMINATE HER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! SHE IS YOUR GREATEST ENEMY AND DOESN'T SEEM ALL THAT KNOWING OF ASIAN CULTURE OR THE FACT THAT YOU STUDIED SELF DEFENSE FOR TWELVE YEARS! (I'm going to stop with the capitals because it hurts my hand just writing them.)..._

* * *

"I swear that if Jill's family is from Japan I'll totally start asking her about a million questions" Jill explained while Kai was engrossed with her letter, "Japan is a country that I plan on visiting because of the culture, views, video games, manga..."

* * *

_...Remember what Grandpa Told you about entering this game, TRUST NO ONE! (Ow.)_

_From your biggest fans: Your family and friends, and a few drunken guys on Fridays._

* * *

"So what did they say?" Summer asked giving Kai a beaming look, "I bet that they already told you who you should take to the finals and all that stuff."

"Are you from Japan?" Jill asked while Kai got a worried look on her face.

"My family basically wrote about how Patrice is completely untrustworthy." Kai lied rubbing the back of her head nervously, "It's not like they told me I couldn't trust one of my roommates."

"Of course! We get along so well." Jill smiled looking at Kai with a longing look, "How good do you get along with them?"

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Kai:** I wonder if Jill has been smack talking me in the confessional and my family's trying to warn me about it.

**Patrice:** Ah porn, the third best thing a woman can do with her life.

**Julia:** I'm a professional spitball dealer, so I know how to eat paper like a pro.

* * *

"I wonder what was sent to you Vanessa." Emily stated while Vanessa opened an oddly bulged letter that was coloured pink.

"EEEE!" Vanessa squealed taking a folded poster with a blue background out of the envelope, "MY SISTER SENT ME A POSTER FROM THE WRONG DIRECTION CONCERT!"

"Do you have to scream?" Greg asked rubbing his ear.

"HOW COULD I NOT!" Vanessa yelled in response, "It's my second favorite thing besides Chris."

"All aboard the crazy train." Greg muttered before Julia jumped on his back and began biting his head.

"I've never heard of this band before." Emily stated looking at the poster where five almost identical guys were smiling like they had just won the lottery.

"You do realize most boy bands are fake don't you." Spader stated while Vanessa glared at him.

"Spader's right, they're just objects in the bloated corporate music industry." Teresa agreed.

"I don't care what you guys think, I'm going to go hang this up on the wall in the cabin!" Vanessa yelled running out of the mess hall.

"Ugh girls." Greg growled.

"I know right." Teresa agreed.

"Terrance here's a letter from your great aunt." Chris stated while the intern handed Terrance a letter.

"I wonder what she wrote." Pondered Terrance before opening the letter and beginning to read it.

* * *

_Dear Terrance_

_I've been watching you during the competition and have noticed that you seem to be getting along with that Jill girl very well. How long before you start dating?_

_From: Your great aunt Marina_

* * *

"That's embarrassing." Luke stated after Terrance had told them what she had written.

"I should have guessed my great aunt would write something like that." Terrance muttered obviously embarrassed, "Last Christmas she asked me when me and my tutor were getting married."

"So she wasn't serious." An even more embarrassed Jill said giving a sigh of relief.

"No she's serious." Terrance replied, "She thought I should have been married at the age of ten."

"You guys have messed up families." Cole laughed while pointing at Terrance.

"At least mine raised me to not be a bully." Terrance retorted with a smirk.

"Well mine's... SHUT UP!" Cole roared in response while his team began laughing.

"I will hit John if you don't shut up!" Cole yelled as John staggered into the mess hall and slumped into his seat.

"I heard my name." John stated before Chris tossed a letter at him that just flew out the window and landed in the well right near the mess hall.

"So John's letter was destroyed so now we can move on." Chris smiled while John looked around confused.

"What letter?" John asked before noticing Kai and Terrance's letters.

"We got letters from home and Chris destroyed yours." Summer replied.

"The wind caught it." Chris explained before everyone looked at where the intern was holding a fan up so it would blow letters out the window, "Okay maybe it was artificial but at least it's cool and refreshing."

"Great now I'm the only one who misses any remaining contact with my family." John sighed.

"Actually Jill never got one." Summer explained.

"And Julia ate hers." Clyde added.

"Well it's good to know they care at least." John sighed with relief.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**John:** Well at least I know someone wanted to write me a letter and that I have at least one fan.

**Terrance:** My family can be very embarrassing but I think this happening on live television is just the worst. And I thought dad waving goodbye to me on the first day of school in a bathrobe was bad.

**Vanessa:** Wrong Direction is one of the best boy bands on the entire planet. I wonder if Chris was ever in a band... TO THE INTERNET! (The screen shows Vanessa's face zoom in and out like a classic batman show)

* * *

"Who wrote to you Helga?" Spader asked looking at Helga who was opening a letter.

"Helga's father did." Helga replied as she began reading.

* * *

_Helgas Vater __Einkaufsliste_

_Bagels_

_harten __Gummi_

_sechshundert __Töpfe_

_Die ovale__Steine__ neuen Album_

_Papier __Helgas __Brief mit __schreiben_

_Haftnotizen __Helgas __Vater__daran erinnern, nicht__zu senden __Merkliste __anstelle der tatsächlichen __Brief_

_Bohnen_

* * *

"What the heck does this **** even say?" Patrice asked confused.

"THAT IS HELGA'S DAD WRITING AND YOU SHOULDN'T JUDGE HIM!" Helga roared in response while holding her letter close.

"I was just saying that he could at least learn some damn English because when he speaks stupid it shows how primitive he is." Patrice shrugged before Helga picked him up and tossed him across the mess hall.

"HELGA SMASH!" Helga screamed bashing the Weasels table in half with her fists.

"Helga please settle down!" Greg yelled in a panic.

"Helga will obey." Helga agreed sitting back down but making the I'm watching you hand signal to Patrice.

"Okay so now I'll give Winter this letter from her mom." Chris exclaimed handing the letter to the intern who in turn passed it to Winter.

"What did she write?" Teresa asked eagerly.

"I just want to read it first and then I'll tell you about it." Winter replied politely before tearing the left side of her letter and beginning to read it.

* * *

_Dear Winter_

_Your father and I been watching the last few episodes and have to say, some of your teammates are just completely rude people! Half of them think you're ugly and stupid but those people are really big jerks and will probably end up being hated by society. Although you didn't see the interview episode I will tell you that Mona, Theodore, and Billy got exactly what they deserved and I think Theodore is on several terrorist's hit lists now just because he's an opinionated jerk. But we're getting off track now. I hope that one girl helps you with your little problem and I'm also hoping you can make some new friends in the process._

_Love: Your Mother._

_P.S: This is your dad. I just had to read what your mom wrote so that's why this envelope has another envelope in it. Love you._

* * *

"Okay is it weird if I can't picture Winter's mom without an English accent?" Greg asked looking at everyone, "Thumbs up? Thumbs down? ... You know what I'm just going to picture it."

"You do that." Spader replied nodding.

"So we get interviewed." Teresa stated slightly shocked, "Oh god I hate large crowds."

"Who cares about that?" Alexa asked in response, "Let's concentrate on what's really important here... Winter's problem."

"She has AIDS doesn't she?" Patrice stated as he sat back down at the table.

Greg had knocked Patrice out with his fist faster than someone can blink.

"Holy crow! When did you learn to punch like that?" Emily asked in a slightly shocked voice.

"Just now." Greg replied with a shrug.

"He'll be out for another few minutes." Teresa stated looking at Patrice like he was piece of living (Bad word).

"Hey let's embarrass him." Vanessa suggested dumping a glass of water on Patrice.

"WHA!?" Patrice exclaimed looking around, "The last thing I remember was us making fun of Winter because she has AIDS."

Greg had punched him cold faster than a speeding bullet train.

"God you have a deadly left hook." Spader stated giving Greg a worried glance.

"I Play golf and am a left handed person." Greg explained pulling a golf club out from under the table and hitting Patrice in the face with it.

"Anyone else getting bored of this?" Chris asked, "Because I'm just going to hope that this next letter screws someone's life on Wawanakwa up."

"Who's next in this extremely painful ordeal?" Summer asked mockingly.

"INTERN!" Chris yelled whilst raising his hand in the air.

"This letter is addressed to Summer Trinity Porsley." The intern read while adjusting his glasses so he could read better.

"Yay!" Summer cheered snatching the letter from the intern's hands and tearing it open.

* * *

_Dear Summer_

_I can't believe you've had such a dramatic time at camp already! When you built a tank I was like "That's my little sister" And then Wes tackled me claiming he was your older brother. Mom eventually told us that we're both related to you and shouldn't fight over completely stupid things. She also told me to get a job, can you believe it? Anyway we miss you already and I'm writing this letter before Wes or Grant get a chance (Pierce is too busy with his son that was born yesterday) Anyway Grant is still twenty two and has no social life and still lives at home, Wes is still the annoying collage kid he always was and I'm avoiding getting a job. Thought I'd give you a little home update there. Dad says hi and Mom is busy destroying our high scores on Mario kart... Again. Anyway if you win I still get ninety percent of the money by default._

_From: Your older brother Aaron._

* * *

"You have four brothers!" Luke exclaimed giving Summer a look of shock.

"Yeah but most of them are idiots but two of them passed that stage already." Summer replied with a shrug.

"Summer how old are all of your brothers?" John asked.

"Aaron is seventeen, Wes is nineteen and is in college studying to become teacher, grant is twenty two and lives at home, and Pierce is twenty four and is the only one of them that's married." Summer replied.

"Wait did you say one of your extremely muscular and tall brothers is trying to become a teacher?" Jill asked in shock.

"Yeah he's going to teach kindergarten." Summer replied.

"Those kids won't ever misbehave." Kai shuddered imagining a six foot behemoth standing in front of a bunch of toddlers.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** My brothers are perfect examples of stupid kids can become smart adults.

**Helga:** Helga's father doesn't speak much English so Helga is bilingual so she can translate.

**Winter:** I can't believe Patrice thought my fear of water was actually AIDS! What a freaking idiot! Sorry I cursed...

* * *

"My parents love me." Alexa giggled as she tore open an envelope, "Unlike Jill's parents who just hate her because she's ugly."

"Do you literally have to be that cruel?" Greg asked while glaring at Alexa.

"I'm not being cruel." Alexa replied slightly offended.

"Jill didn't receive a letter at all and is probably emotionally unstable at the moment." Greg explained looking over to where Jill was arm wrestling with Cole and winning.

"She doesn't seem upset to me." Alexa replied giving Greg a shrug.

"Still just be nice." Greg growled.

"I'm just going to read my letter now." Alexa stated looking at the paper.

* * *

_Dear Alexa_

_I must notify you that I will be getting married again at the end of summer to another trophy wife (She's twenty two and is really dumb and hot.) Unlike your real mom this girl is incapable of anything besides you know what and I will need you to stop her gigantic boobs from breaking precious million dollar vases when you get back (She's broken three already but I don't care because she's hot and that's all that matters.) I've watched the show and have to admit that the Winter girl is really ugly and far to know it allish it actually make a good wife or girlfriend. Kill her._

_Sincerely: Your father._

* * *

"What the **** was that last part!" Teresa exclaimed looking at Alexa like she was a monster.

"Daddy thinks the ugly girl should die. So what?" Alexa asked with a shrug.

"Why do you think I'm ugly?" Winter asked looking at Alexa angrily.

"You wear too much makeup dear." Alexa stated.

"I don't wear makeup." Winter replied.

"My god you're beautiful!" Spader exclaimed before noticing Winter's reaction, "I mean I think girls that don't wear makeup are pretty."

"Spader you're acting kind of weird." Winter replied while giving Spader an odd look.

"Weird? I'm not acting Weird! What makes you think that?" Spader panicked, "Why's this table wet."

"Yeah we all know Spader's crazy." Chris muttered passing another letter to the intern.

"Cole!" The intern read off the letter.

"Yes." Cole fist pumped taking the letter from the intern.

"Who's it from?" Kai asked looking at the letter that someone had sent Cole.

"My buddy George." Cole replied tearing the letter open and a bunch of twenty's fell out with a letter.

* * *

_Cole_

_This is ten percent of the money we took from losers at the mall over the last month. You helped every day besides the last week so this is your share._

_George_

* * *

"Isn't that a little cruel?" Luke asked.

"It's money taken from kids trying to buy toys." Cole replied with a shrug, "We use it to buy important stuff like weed, cigarettes, and beer."

"Important things!" Jill exclaimed, "You can be arrested for just holding those things underage and you can be arrested anywhere at any age when caught with drugs in your possession."

"What are you gunna do about it?" Cole asked sticking out his tongue.

"Report you." Jill stated pulling out a piece of paper, "You're being charged for assault, stealing, underage drinking, possession of illegal goods, and having cigarettes under the legal buying age."

"I forgot she's a cop." Cole groaned smacking his forehead.

"This is funny." Chris laughed while the intern handed Spader a letter from his mom.

"Great now I get to be embarrassed." Spader groaned smacking his forehead.

* * *

_Dear Spader_

_How much fun are you having at Happy Turtle Bay Fishing Summer Camp? Oh I'll just put words in your mouth dear. Despite that you're the only camper over the age of seven you're having a blast with activities that include sitting on a boat for ten hours and learning to tie knots and string worms with your camp councillors that just happen to all be eighty. I bet you made lots of friends unlike last year when that one kid kept stealing your money..._

* * *

What? He was really scary." Spader stated while everyone imagined an eight year old beating Spader up, "Plus he was five foot nine at the age of eight."

"Pathetic!" Vanessa teased.

* * *

_... and the fact that the councillors kept leaving you guys in a room full of rusty nails and old sharp fish hooks while they went to go nap. Anyway I hope to hear from you soon._

_Love: Your mommy._

* * *

"Mommy? Ahahahaha!" Cole laughed from the other table and banged his fist on it, "What kind of wimp still refers to his parents as anything but their name?"

"Ninety percent of kids that respect their parents." Jill growled in response.

"No one asked you... or your sword." Cole argued nervously.

"I never even mentioned it." Jill stated slightly confused.

"Well, just keep that thing away from people's eyes." Cole explained.

"It's in the scabbard." Jill replied showing it to Cole.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Cole:** Medieval weapons creep me out so I obviously hate Jill because she's never without one.

**Spader:** My mom sends an embarrassing letter and my team makes me read it aloud. Ugh she can be so obsessive and embarrassing at times.

**Alexa:** I think the first person I'm getting rid of when we make the merge will be Jill if her team doesn't sack her before that.

* * *

"The latest copy of cooks monthly!" Teresa exclaimed as a magazine fell out of her package, "My parents always know what to send!"

"Aww isn't that cute." Alexa scoffed, "My dad notified me about his new busty wife and I'll probably be paid just to help with her stupidity."

"My parents got married because they loved each other." Emily replied.

"My parents got married because it was 'logical'." Jill stated, "They even sleep in separate beds."

"Why did they have a kid then?" Vanessa asked.

"So they could have someone take care of them and do all the jobs they didn't want to do." Jill responded, "I cook at my house, Do all the laundry, clean the floors, and a whole bunch of other stuff."

"Harsh." Luke stated while giving Jill a sorry look.

"When I turn eighteen I'm going to college and learning to be a professional archeologist." Jill replied shaking her fist, "And then I'll live in Great Britain near some old buildings."

"You have this all planned out Jill." Greg agreed nodding.

"The sooner they're out of my life the better." Jill nodded.

"Emily this one's for you." Chris stated handing the letter to the intern.

"Who's it from?" Teresa asked as Emily opened it and slid a wrench out of it.

"This is exactly what I needed!" Emily laughed holding the brand new tool into the air.

"Why do you need it?" Greg asked admiring the shiny object that Emily was holding.

"When I drank Tantrum I destroyed my old one." Emily replied.

* * *

**Recorded scene**

* * *

"That much caffeine can't be good for you." Emily muttered sipping hers before growing wide eyed and chugging the rest, "TANTRUM!"

"My gods it's freaking crazy." Greg muttered as Spader began doing push ups for no apparent reason.

"I can see why it's banned!" Emily yelled grabbing a wrench off her tool belt and bending it in half, "Aww why did I do that?"

* * *

"Oh yeah the tantrum from yesterday." Greg recalled, "Spader wouldn't stop doing push ups for three hours."

"I think that's the reason I keep falling asleep whenever I hear someone sawing wood." Spader guessed.

"Sorry I had to fix a gaping hole in the wall." Emily apologized.

"Helga?" Spader asked.

"Helga." Emily agreed.

"Okay so fatso gets his letter now." Chris explained while tossing a letter at Clyde but it flew out the window like John's and fell down the well, "WHO EVEN USES WELLS IN TODAY'S WORLD?"

"You I guess." Chef shrugged from the kitchen window.

"Well it was too small to be food." Clyde stated putting his hands on his hips.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Clyde:** I don't care about just a letter even if it was from someone I know... I WANT THAT LETTER! (He then dashes out of the confessional and the camera on the door captures him jumping into the well.)

**Emily:** So I've officially decided to not drink coffee. Ever. You see Tantrum made me bend metal so what does normal amounts of caffeine do to me?

**Teresa:** (She's reading the magazine) I can't believe how many restaurants Chef Ramsey owns.

* * *

"So here's a meaningless letter from someone Luke knows." Chris announced tossing a letter onto the Falcon's table.

"Thanks for that very friendly intro." Luke thanked sarcastically before tearing his letter open.

* * *

_Dear Luke_

_Me and Mom have been watching the episodes lately and I have to admit that you're an even bigger dork than usual. I mean playing Dungeons and Dragons, hanging out with nerds, and using that silly puppet again? That is so nerdy and stupid big bro (Or should I say big doofus) even for you. Jack and me have been using you room for our little play dates (If you know what I mean...) and Mom doesn't even know about it. As if she'd notice her perfect daughter doing adult things._

_P.S. I took the money you were saving for that new game system and spent it on vodka._

_From: ME YOU BIG DUMMY!_

* * *

"That should have started with Mom and Me, not Me and Mom." Terrance corrected bringing a little smile to Luke's face.

"Your sister doesn't seem too nice." Summer agreed with a nod.

"How old is she?" Kai asked curiously.

"She's fourteen but acts like a jerky twenty two year old women addicted to cocaine." Luke replied with a sigh, "She was talking about her "Boyfriend" Jack when she mentioned him, he's nineteen by the way."

"But you're so nice! What did your mom do differently with her?" Clyde asked.

"Nothing, popularity and thinking like a stereotypical girl caused that." Luke replied, "But she didn't realize she basically got caught because my mom will see this letter when the show airs."

"Being mean never pays off!" Jill laughed high fiving Summer.

"This girl sounds hot." Patrice stated slithering over to where the Falcons were sitting.

"She a drug addicted, Rude, Alcoholic, thieving little drama queen and you think she's hot!" Luke exclaimed, "I find her the opposite of hot!"

"Ditto." Terrance agreed high fiving Luke.

"Whate..." Patrice began before a golf club whacked him over the head again.

"Muscle spasm." Greg smirked putting the club away and winking at the other team.

"Greg this letter's for you!" Chris explained tossing the final letter to Greg.

"I wonder what it could be..." Greg pondered opening the package as Vanessa entered the mess hall again.

"Is it relevant to wrong direction?" Vanessa asked as Greg opened the letter from his dad.

"No it's a letter from my dad." Greg replied before Vanessa snatched it out of his hand.

"Boring!" Vanessa exclaimed tossing the letter towards the garbage can but missed and the letter sailed through the kitchen window and landed on the stove where it caught fire and disintegrated.

"What did you do?!" Greg asked fuming.

"I didn't..." Vanessa began before she was clubbed like Patrice and fell to the ground unconscious.

"THAT'S FOR BURNING MY LETTER!" Greg screamed hitting Vanessa again, "AND THAT'S FOR INSULTING MY LETTER!"

"What's going on?" Patrice asked rubbing his head.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER TO YOU!" Greg shrieked clubbing Patrice again.

"Now this is drama." Chris laughed snapping his fingers for the intern to hand him peanuts.

"Aren't you supposed to start the challenge?" The intern asked.

"Oh yeah." Chris replied tossing the peanuts at the intern and standing up.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Luke:** I can't believe my sister spent all my money like that! I mean why would you feel the need to steal someone else's possessions? Sorry to you Pete.

**Greg:** Vanessa has my vote if we lose tonight, it's not all about her and she doesn't seem to have a set personality like the rest of us.

* * *

"So you get to play capture the flag today." Chris explained to the campers while Chef and Jesslyn removed water guns from the equipment shed behind him.

"So we just capture a flag? That'll be easy because we have more people." An extremely bandaged Patrice laughed, "Laughing makes my brain hurt."

"No you'll be capturing three flags." Chris replied with a smile as Chef threw a water gun into Luke's hands.

"Still that'll be easy." Alexa argued.

"There's another aspect to the game." Kai sighed as Jesslyn began distributing water guns to the Weasels.

"Yes! One flag is in a set location." Chris explained as the fat intern rolled a large blackboard with a crudely drawn version of the island on it, "the Weasel's flag is on top of the cliff and the Falcon's is on the dock over there."

Everyone looked at the dock where a large banner with the Falcon's symbol sat on the lifeguards chair.

"There is also a second flag that you can place in one of five locations marked on this map." Chris continued as Jesslyn handed Kai and Teresa each a slightly smaller flag marked with the two teams symbols one of each.

"And what's the third one for?" Summer asked as Chef handed Winter and John backpacks with a flag like those you'd see flag bearers wearing on their backs attached to them.

"These two are huge targets for being sprayed by water guns." Chris explained as Winter lost the little colour she had in her skin, "These flags must be hunted down and taken by force."

"What will stop us from just running with the flags after we're sprayed?" Cole asked looking at Chris like he'd won an argument.

"This." Chris laughed shooting a nearby intern with the water.

Twenty seconds later a bunch of bees had swarmed down and stung him unconscious.

"These bees won't kill you." Chris explained as the intern was picked up and carried to the medical tent, "They'll only send you into a comatose state for six hours and leave you with painful itchy stings for three days."

"I don't wanna be shot!" Winter whined dropping to her knees.

"Then run." Chris laughed, "Because once you touch your main flag you can start hunting."

"That doesn't seem very fair." Teresa complained referencing the fact that the Falcon's flag was right nearby.

"You know where their flag is exactly and you have to walk longer, it evens out." Chris explained holding his air horn into the air and pressing the button, "Let the games begin!"

"And may the odds never be in your favor." Chef added, "They're not anyway."

"We might want to get out of the crossfire." Jesslyn suggested.

"Good idea." Chris agreed before the three ran towards the main building.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Winter:** (She's hyperventilating) Water and extremely painful bees... (She pulls a paper bag out and starts breathing in and out of it)

**Kai:** Winter will be running like the roadrunner in this challenge so it'll be nigh impossible to find her.

**John:** I think an extremist like myself will be able to elude my trackers like nothing else, unless they're as skilled as the predator and know a lot about man tracking. So I'm pretty safe.

**Teresa:** I'm just going to surrender if I'm about to be shot because unless it's Cole aiming at me they'll let me go and probably take my gun in the process.

* * *

**To be continued...**

* * *

**And thus ends part one of two for this chapter. I decided to post them separately because I've written 20, 000 words without even finishing! So this might be one of those rare ones that are two parts. Sorry about the delay I was distracted by work, a camping trip, getting a 3DS and a very long summer's end festival (Which was last weekend).**

**Anyway I should have the end of this chapter up by the end of this week.**

**Was it good? was it bad? leave a review and tell me what you think about this chapter, I love reviews.**

**Until next time I'm The Firebending Frog!**

**I'm off to work!**


	7. Bonus material 1

**Filler #1: what I think of the first four eliminated contestants**

* * *

I apologize for the update not being posted today. And I swear on my cat that I have a good reason. My Microsoft word suddenly decides that I wasn't going to let me type anything because it's "locked" my god was I angry! plus I can't even upload out as a file or copy and paste it! So I've nene rewriting its all in fan fiction's copy-N-paset thing (I owe you one guys) and with over 13,00 words part two will be delayed until I get this problem fixed (if anyone knows what's going on please PM me or leave a comment) so I have this backup material known as Filler (Cause this is filler! Filler!...) and because Fanfiction doesn't approve of just authors notes I have keep add the filler to this authors note. (I apologize for the mistakes but this document is jumpy.)

on with the stuff...

* * *

So the first one eliminated was Mona. She was kind of just elimination fodder to begin with. I based her appearance off of any girl who's ever thought she's too good for me. (Yeah I live in the friendzone) I can't get many dates because I'm a bit strange compared to most people. I don't drink pop, or alcohol, I play games like pokemon, I look girls in the face not the boobs (they ask me if I'm gay), and their makeup scares me a little. Like I mean seriously I'm a nice guy and when I'm friends with a girl I'm that guy who they say will make a girl happy some day but if I ask them out they say no. :(

Mona was meant to be cruel and spoiled so she was a one note character with barely any screentime... I really disliked her.

* * *

I hate Theodore. He was annoying, cruel, and spewed more useless knowledge then a faulty computer with parental lock. Theodore was originally supposed to be nice and hook up with Kai, but that was in the planning stage. I physically couldn't see a know it all being nice and before I knew it he was eliminated boot being a weak jerk with bad attitude problems. I know what you're thinking about that last sentence, say what? But I assure you that things change, like how Pete was supposed to last longer and Helga would've been eliminated already. I based the character off my brother and some of the jerks I know. (By the time I was writing it was mostly the jerks.) his smarts from my brother and his jerkiness from everyone I hate.

so yeah, this guy was short lived but was far more complex theme Mona. A lot more.

* * *

Thank god Pete got a somewhat good reception. I was really hoping you guys would like him after he left and the reaction was unanimous, Meh. But Frostprince seemed to like him during the interview so brownie points for Pete. This character was a pain to write for, I liked him but hated writing about him. Trust me I sometimes sat at my computer for half an hour (I hate you Microsoft word!) thinking about a line before making Luke say something (he always has something to say.). Pete was supposed to leave how he did and I think he left on a positive note. Even when he was a jerk you could tell he was at least trying. So all around Pete was a pretty good character.

* * *

The moment this guy set foot on the dock of Shame you knew he was going to go early.

I think everyone loathes billy and because of that I embarrassed him at his elimination. I kind of based him off of used car salesmen that try to sell you other things (Buy the stanvac it sucks more then anything.) he was also based off a character named figgis from a book called pendragon. I recommend reading it. I just made Billy embarrass himself most of the time and he got beat up a lot but besides that he was a fun character to write about but he had to go storywise.

* * *

**so those are where they came from and all that stuff.**

**if anyone knows what's up with my Microsoft word then please notify me. Otherwise I'll just be delayed in chapters and I won't have much filler left (cause this is filler!...).**

**anyway until I update again. I'm the Firebending frog Writing to you from the fanfiction word thingy.**


	8. Chapter 6: Capture and Brag part 2

**Chapter 6 part 2: Capture and brag**

**by The Firebending Frog**

**Disclaimer: I don't own TDI but I do own everyone I made and blah blah blah.**

**Warning:**

**This chapter of Total Drama Return to the Island contains scenes of extreme stunts, Predator references, mutated bees, shipping, love, talking, Patrice, swollen stings, temporary comas, and several lies. oh and John gets stalked.**

**you have been warned...**

* * *

**Frosty Falcons**

* * *

"Okay we need to devise a brilliant strategy in order to keep all three of our flags." Summer explained while her team listened.

"I think we should leave Cole here at this flag because he's intimidating." Luke suggested raising his hand.

"I like it." Cole agreed with a nod.

"I think John should run around in the forest alone and avoid his opponents." Terrance explained, "He'll be hard to find, impossible to catch, and I think he's good at climbing trees.

"You got me." John agreed, "John out!"

John then dashed into the woods running towards the center of the island.

"I think someone should stay here with Cole." Kai suggested.

"Good idea." Summer agreed, "Jill are you prepared?"

"Ready." Jill nodded raising her shield, "And it'll take two hits to knock me down."

"Is there someone else I can be paired with?" Cole asked looking at his team, "Because... uhhh... Jill seems more like she belongs on offense."

"Would you rather stand for a long period of time with the guy who still has two slaps left?" Summer asked giving Cole a bored expression.

"Nope Jill sounds fine." Cole agreed nervously giving Jill's crossbow, Sword, and Shield nervous looks.

"Okay who should guard the second flag?" Luke asked.

"I think Terrance and Kai." Summer replied, "Terrance is good at strategy and Kai is awesome at fighting off opponents."

"So where do we hide the flag?" Terrance asked taking it from Luke.

"I suggest the bear cave." Summer replied, "It seems like a much more dangerous location than anywhere else and I doubt the Weasels will have thought about it."

"Yeah who knows what the toxic waste has done to that poor deadly animal." Kai replied running into the woods with Terrance close behind.

"And I'm guessing we're offensive." Clyde sighed droping his arms.

"Yep, we go after all three flags, if any of us get shot it's up to whoever's left to gather one of the guards from each station." Summer explained receiving nods in response, "Jill, Cole, I wish luck to you two and please keep our flag from being captured."

"Will do." Jill saluted watching the other three campers disappear into the woods.

"So..." Cole spoke nervously, "Your armour is pink..."

"Yeah..." Jill replied looking around, "This is awkward."

"Very." Cole agreed.

"This is also boring." Jill added.

"I have Uno cards in my suitcase." Cole stated.

"Well I see no point in not playing Uno until someone shows." Jill shrugged as Cole walked to the cabin to grab them.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Cole:** I've never been alone with Jill before, She's kind of creepy.

**Jill:** I have never been alone with a bully before, it's kinda weird.

**Summer:** Offense!

**Kai:** So Terrance got all itchy from walking through the woods and looks like he got attacked already.

**John:** Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to go alone, I feel like something's following me and I keep hearing this clicking noise...

* * *

**Wicked Weasels**

* * *

The Weasels were on top of the cliff discussing their plan near their flag that was in plain sight.

"So who's going to guard Winter?" Greg asked from within the huddle.

"Helga thinks either Emily or Teresa." Helga replied pointing at Emily.

"Any volunteers?" Greg asked looking around.

"Fine I'll do it." Teresa replied raising her hand.

"Okay who should we leave here?" Vanessa asked giving her group a long look.

"Helga thinks she should stay here." Helga replied raising her hand, "Helga is as stealthy as a bulldozer."

"Coming from Helga... it's believable." Vanessa agreed, "Helga stays here with Emily and protects the main flag."

"So we don't get to pick where we stay!" Emily exclaimed, "That's hardly fair!"

"I didn't receive the memo that said life's fair." Vanessa replied, "As team captain I decide what we do."

"Who made you captain?" Alexa yelled, "I want to be captain!"

"Do you like doing your own dirty work?" Vanessa asked giving Alexa a hard stare.

"No." Alexa sighed hanging her head.

"Can I be Co-Captain?" Julia asked.

"There's no such thing as Co-captain." Vanessa replied.

"Oops." Julia said spraying water at Vanessa's feet but missing her.

"Okay you can be Co-captain!" Vanessa exclaimed as the huddle moved before bees swarmed the area.

"Can I be associate co-captain?" Greg asked.

"As Co-captain I authorize that request." Julia replied pointing at Greg.

"Okay as first Co-captain I say Patrice and me will be guarding the second flag." Vanessa stated.

"Where will you hide it?" Alexa asked.

"As captain I grant permission to place the flag at the bear cave!" Vanessa replied.

"Permission co-granted." Julia stated receiving a glare from Vanessa.

"Permission associate co-granted." Greg agreed raising his hand like he was voting for something.

"Okay so that leaves Spader, Greg, Julia, and Alexa on offense." Vanessa summed up while Spader and Greg slapped their foreheads.

"I will hunt John down." Julia giggled running into the woods and climbing a tree in the matter of thirty seconds.

"No Julia! WAIT!" Vanessa yelled but it was too late to catch her.

"So do we go after the Falcon's main flag?" Greg asked.

"Yes I authorize your request." Vanessa nodded.

"I associate Co-au..." Greg began.

"ENOUGH WITH THE ASSOCIATE CO-GRANTING THINGS!" Vanessa screamed while Greg held his hands up defensively.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Greg:** It seems to me that Summer earned the respect of her team and became leader, Vanessa on the other hand dibs the position and calls us stupid for arguing.

**Vanessa:** My team can be really stupid when we're put in survival situations. So it's a good thing I'm a natural leader.

**Winter:** I'm glad I have a bodyguard. I'm not glad that I have a huge target on my back and a water gun that started leaking the moment we separated from the main group, I'm basically defenceless without Teresa.

**Emily:** I stay on top of a cliff with Helga, I'm in plain sight of enemies and I'm not camouflaged. Great... (Static cuts her off)

**Helga:** Helga gets to stand on top of hill in plain sight with Emily... YAY!

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Flag #2**

* * *

Terrance and Kai had arrived outside the old bear cave and had planted the flag in the entryway.

"Terrance your plan is genius!" Kai exclaimed to Terrance who was covered in a rash.

"I should thank you for giving me that mulch that made the itching stop." Terrance thanked, "Yeah we may as well put this itchy rash to good use."

"Okay so you lie down near the flag and look like you're in a comatose state, I'll hide in a nearby tree and shoot people that approach you." Kai explained while Terrance took a seat on the ground before lying on the ground next to the flag with his water gun in his right hand.

"This will be awesome." Kai giggled climbing a tree.

* * *

**Twenty minutes later**

* * *

"I spy with my little eye... something that is green." Terrance called from the ground while a bored Kai sat in the tree hanging her feet down.

"Is it a tree?" Kai asked keeping her bored expression.

"No it's a bush actually." Terrance replied pointing at a nearby bush, "Your turn."

"Okay I spy with my little eye... A WEASEL!" Kai exclaimed.

"You can't tell me what you see." Terrance replied, "Are you sure you even know how to play this game?"

"No it's Patrice and Vanessa from the other team!" Kai replied, "And they have their flag!"

"This must be our lucky day!" Terrance cheered lying back down and playing dead.

"So you're sure that this is the best hiding spot?" Patrice asked as the two entered the clearing and saw Terrance and The Frosty Falcons flag.

"I think he shot himself." Vanessa giggled approaching the flag with her arm outstretched.

Suddenly a spray of water shot out of a nearby tree and missed Vanessa by a millimetre (Which is much smaller than an inch for those of you that use the imperial measurement system).

"It's a trap!" Patrice screamed running straight into Vanessa and saving her from another shot of water.

"No **** Sherlock!" Vanessa growled in response shaking Patrice off herself and running deeper into the woods.

"Come back any time folks!" Kai laughed as the two Weasels ran into the woods at full speed with their flag in tow.

"Now we must devise a new plan." Terrance stated plucking the flag out of the ground.

"I suggest we move location." Kai suggested.

"Will Chris allow that?" Terrance asked.

"Anything that draws viewers will be allowed by Chris." Kai replied.

"She's right!" A intercom attached to a tree nearby agreed in Chris's voice, "I suggest the beach because Vanessa and Patrice haven't put their flag there... Hey that sounds dirty! HA HA!"

"Let's go to the bottom of the cliffs." Kai suggested as the two began walking in that direction.

"Are you guys still there?" Chris asked through the intercom system, "HELLO?"

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Terrance:** I think we'll move constantly this challenge, just to confuse the other team.

**Vanessa:** Unfortunately the Falcons caught us at a time where we were distracted and not paying attention, we should have shot Terrance again for good measure.

**Kai:** We will have to devise a brilliant strategy that doesn't involve the bear cave because it's swarming with bees right now.

**Patrice:** The good news is that those two falcons won't escape... The bad news is that we're not going to get that flag until much, much, much, much, much later.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Flag #1**

* * *

"Hah one card!" Cole laughed throwing his arms in the air in triumph.

"You didn't say Uno! So in your face!" Jill laughed as Cole collected two more cards and glared at his opponent.

"They're not even paying attention." Greg complained from the bush, "We could charge right at them and they wouldn't even notice."

"Well we should wait until they're really intent on their game." Spader suggested.

"HEY IDIOTS PAY ATTENTION!" Alexa yelled from where she was suddenly standing in the open.

Cole didn't even look up as he raised his gun and shot Alexa directly where she stood.

"Uh oh." Alexa stammered before she was attacked and stung into a comatose state.

"Damn it! She had to make a jump cut!" Greg swore as he begun pacing from where he and Spader were hiding behind the tree line, "Now our cover's blown!"

"Well it could be worse." Spader shrugged raising his shoulders.

"How?" Greg asked.

'You could have a water gun pointed at you." Cole replied.

"That's true... WHA?" Greg exclaimed looking at a grinning Cole.

"RUN FOR IT!" Spader screamed dashing out of the clearing with Greg in hot pursuit.

"So now that we got rid of loud and louder do you want to have a rematch?" Jill asked not noticing Greg and Spader watching them from not far away.

"I'll defeat you this time." Cole growled, "I know all your fair playing secrets."

"Bring it on." Jill giggled in response pulling the cards out a chink in her armour and shuffling them so they fell on the ground creating a big mess, "TADA!"

"Ugh." Cole rolled his eyes collecting all of the cards and walking back to the dock.

"Hey wait up!" Jill called after him.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Jill:** Yeah I can't shuffle... at all.

**Cole:** So Greg and Spader fled like the bunch of pussies they are and I get another chance at winning at Uno.

**Spader:** So Alexa performs a life risking pointless use of a number in the game. But it was still pretty funny.

**Greg:** As associate co-captain I have to make tough decisions like cutting Alexa out of our thoughts and attempting to obtain the Falcons flag again.

**Alexa:** (She has ugly swollen sores covering her skin) Turns out I'm allergic to bee stings... I still don't believe this bad luck **** that Teresa and Emily keep feeding me though.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Flag #3**

* * *

"So we can't go to any locations where the secondary flags might be because the other team might be there." Teresa explained while Winter watched the nearby woods nervously.

"As long as I'm not shot I'm good." Winter agreed nervously.

"Well we may as well find a hiding spot that has multiple exits." Teresa suggested looking around in the nearby trees.

"Good idea." Winter agreed jumping behind a bush and cowering under its leaves.

"Winter they'll find you behind a random bush that they'll probably not check." Teresa realized ducking behind the bush with her teammate.

"This plan is foolproof." Winter explained, "Now we just sit back and..."

"SCREECH!" Something behind the two girls screamed before pushing them out into the clearing.

"What in the heck is that?" Winter screamed as a two foot tall, eight legged beast crawled out of the bush. It's body was covered in a tough layer of rock that it had obviously built onto itself and its gigantic pinchers snapped at the two girls.

"What the **** is that thing?" Teresa screamed as the thing spat a spool of web from the top of its back and swung towards them its legs flailing.

"I don't want to find out!" Winter yelled in response suddenly on a high branch in a tree.

"Now how'd you get up there?" Teresa asked ducking under the spider thing as it swung back at her.

"Is that really relevant to the situation?" Winter asked clutching the branch.

"No it seems more like filler." Teresa replied as the spider clocked her in the head knocking her out cold.

"Teresa?" Winter asked while the spider landed and slowly approached its prey.

"UGHUGHUG." Teresa muttered dizzily before passing out.

"What do I do? What do I do?" Winter repeated before noticing Teresa's water gun sitting at the base of the tree.

Of course Winter jumped down and attempted to grab the gun but was knocked over by another monster. Apparently they hunt in pairs.

"Oh god!" Winter shrieked as the spider attempted to wrap her up but was having a hard time due to her struggling.

"REET!" The spider hissed spitting web onto Winter's face before wrapping her legs up.

"MPFFF!" Winter yelled as the spider continued its work.

After about thirty seconds something darted into the clearing and picked the spider off Winter. And that thing made Winter struggle even harder because standing over her was what appeared to be a living pile of leaves and twigs.

"Click-Click-Click-Click-Click." The monster hissed.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels flag #2**

* * *

"I'm so bored!" Patrice whined as the two sat on rocks right near the beach.

"Would you rather be in a comatose state?" Vanessa asked glaring at her teammate.

"That would be much more fun than sitting her being bored." Patrice replied with a sigh.

"Why don't you sing about it then?" Vanessa replied sarcastically.

"Good idea!" Patrice smirked, "Sitting on a rock with nothing to do..."

"Stop!" Vanessa ordered.

"...I'm don't have TV and I don't have good food..." Patrice continued to sing.

"You can stop any time." Vanessa growled.

"So I went outside looking for fun, but all I found were some rocks and the sun..." Patrice continued.

"Shut up." Vanessa interrupted.

"... So you might think, hey it's the sun, looks like fun! But it's not. It burns. Now I feel overdone..." Patrice continued.

"SHUT UP!" Vanessa yelled shooting Patrice with a spray of water.

"WHY THE **** DID YOU DO THAT!" Patrice screamed before a bunch of bees flew out of the woods and stung him.

"Patrice? Are you okay?" Vanessa asked.

"Muphloop!" Patrice yelled falling over with his tongue hanging out.

"What have I done." Vanessa shrieked looking around nervously.

"PLOO GRAW EVEMIHATER!" Patrice mumbled before passing out.

"I Gotta hide the evidence." Vanessa told herself before dragging a swollen Patrice into the bushes and hiding him in there, "No one will find him there."

"I found him." A voice answered from the bush.

"Eek!" Vanessa screamed shooting into the bush.

"Bees won't harm the camera's and PA system Vanessa." The voice replied.

"I hate you!" Vanessa yelled shooting the camera and short circuiting it.

"Okay now you're just acting crazy." The PA system replied.

"Just go away." Vanessa yelled grabbing the flag and running towards the middle of the forest.

"Perhaps she doesn't realize that there are cameras everywhere." The system stated.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Patrice:** (He's swollen and covered in sores) Vanessa has my vote tonight if we lose, I was planning on eliminating Julia, Winter, or Helga but Vanessa doesn't care about my looks.

**Vanessa:** I hope Patrice doesn't remember our little incident.

**Jesslyn:** So we had to send medical staff to remove two Weasels from the game already, and we can't seem to find Julia on camera.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Flag #1**

* * *

"So apparently our team hasn't captured any flags yet." Emily sighed as she picked at the ground right next to the flag.

"Helga doesn't think this water gun is Helga friendly." Helga grunted holding her water gun into the air.

"I mean maybe they all got shot already." Emily continued while Helga examined the water gun for any holes.

"Helga will break this if she pulls trigger." Helga summed up.

"Maybe I should go check on Spader, Greg, and Alexa." Emily pondered.

"Does Helga seem too big to use this tiny water pistol?" Helga asked Emily looking at her teammate.

"I have to go see if they're alright!" Emily stated standing up and running into the woods, "Thanks Helga!"

"Helga isn't sure what she did to motivate Emily to leave." Helga stated slightly confused.

"Well it's a good thing she left!" Summer laughed making a jump cut out into the open.

"We've been waiting for one of you to leave for an hour." Clyde complained rubbing his butt.

"Helga isn't afraid of three tiny Falcons!" Helga laughed pulling the trigger on her gun so hard that it broke, "Okay Helga is afraid now."

"If you let us take the flag we'll let you not get shot!" Luke explained.

"HELGA DOESN'T AGREE!" Helga screamed dumping all the water from her gun onto Luke's head.

"NOOOOOO!" Luke screamed as he was swarmed by bees.

"What is in this water?" Summer asked giving her water gun a hard stare.

"Helga thinks pouring the entire gun on Luke's head was a terrible and cruel idea now." Helga agreed.

"I GOT THE FLAG!" Clyde yelled dashing into the woods giggling.

"Audios." Summer saluted dashing after Clyde.

"HELGA DOESN'T THINK YOU'LL GET AWAY THAT EASY!" Helga screamed trampling over Luke and pursuing his team into the woods.

"Remember me." Luke stammered weakly before passing out.

* * *

**Confessional: Score 1-0**

* * *

**Summer:** So we lost a soldier which means we stand less of a chance of winning this challenge. Why can't things ever go as planned for me?

**Luke:** I don't think me getting trampled was really that necessary.

**Clyde:** I now am the only camper to ever out skill Helga at guarding something. Now we just have to evade Helga until we can get the flag back to the dock.

**Helga:** Helga will pursue the other team until elimination if she has to.

**Emily:** I'm glad that Helga understood why I had to check up on out team.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Flag #3**

* * *

"I hate animals." A black eyed John muttered.

John had just stepped on an anthill inhabited by Wawanakwa's famous ninja ants which hadn't even hesitated to beat the living crud out of John.

"Curse nuclear waste! Curse mutated animals! Curse..." John yelled walking in a circle before Summer and Clyde plowed into him at full speed.

"John?" Summer asked.

"Summer?" John asked in reply.

"We might want to run!" Clyde screamed picking the Weasels first flag up and running away.

"Why are we running?" John asked looking at Summer.

"Helga." Summer replied running after Clyde.

"I will not be plowed down by..." John began before Helga ran out of a nearby bush and plowed John to the ground in her pursuit of her team's flag.

"HELGA WILL FIND YOU FLAG STEALERS!" Helga screamed disappearing into the bushes.

"I'm glad nothing's tracking me." John laughed continuing on his way the same as before but now he was limping.

And as we all know by John's luck something was obviously tracking him and that thing was watching from a nearby tree and the worst part about it was that it emitted a clicking noise before jumping from tree to tree in pursuit.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**John:** I just can't shake the feeling that I'm being watched... maybe I'm just paranoid because of the challenge.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Flag #3**

* * *

"Ugh what happened?" Teresa groaned rubbing her head as she sat up.

"I don't know." Winter growled from somewhere nearby.

Teresa then got a good look at where the two of them were. And that just happened to be a cave.

"The good news is that we lost those spiders." Winter explained, "But..."

"There's always a but." Teresa sighed.

"We lost your water gun." Winter sighed.

"That's no big deal." Teresa replied, "We can always just outsmart our hunters.

"Yeah but we can't run forever." Winter moped.

"They can't hunt forever." Teresa argued, "We will evade them even if I have to bury you underground!"

"I don't like the underground!" Winter yelped.

"You're right we should stick you underwater." Teresa suggested.

"NEVER!" Winter screamed running out of the cave at full speed.

"I was joking Winter." Teresa explained as Winter poked her head back into the cave.

"Are you sure?" Winter asked giving Teresa the evil eye.

"Well I can make my own decisions so yeah I do think I'm sure." Teresa replied.

"So what are we going to do now?" Winter asked walking into the cave cautiously.

"We need a hiding spot with multiple exits." Teresa replied, "Although this cave is hidden we're screwed if they find us."

"Maybe the base of the cliffs." Winter suggested, "It has about a thousand good hiding spots and many ways to run away."

"I think we hide at the cliffs!" Teresa exclaimed running out of the cave with Winter in close pursuit.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Winter:** I decided to not tell Teresa about the thing that saved us, I have no idea what it is. It didn't attack us after it saw we had no weapons for some reason.

**Teresa:** Why does Winter freak out at the slightest mention of water?

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Flag #1**

* * *

"Look at how they sit there." Greg growled, "They act like enemies are no big deal."

"Maybe because Cole and Jill both have the reflexes of jungle cats." Spader replied, "So yeah enemies aren't that big of a deal."

"Well that changes when we attack!" Greg stated.

"What's the plan?" Spader asked.

"I'll tell you when I think of one." Greg replied looking at the sky.

"You better hurry though." Spader muttered, "I have a feeling that they'll pinpoint our location at any time..."

"I win for the thirtieth time in a row!" Jill cheered as Cole punched a hole in the floor of the dock.

"... Actually just take your time." Spader changed his mind.

"Whoa check out how trees are falling over there." Greg stated pointing to where trees were falling in the distance but still moving closer.

"Uh Greg..." Spader started.

"Yes Spader?" Greg asked.

"Whatever's knocking trees over is heading right for us." Spader pointed out as Summer and Clyde suddenly burst through the trees in front of them holding the Weasels first flag.

"HEY!" Greg yelled chasing after them, but the chase soon turned into running for their lives as an extremely angry Helga burst out of the trees roaring.

"HELGA WILL RETURN THE FLAG AND SMASH ANYTHING THAT GETS IN HER WAY!" Helga roared as Summer and Clyde ran onto the dock scoring a point for their team.

"SHOOT HER!" Clyde screamed while his three teammates shot Helga with water.

But the bees only slowed her.

"Helga thinks these toothpicks are painful!" Helga growled swatting the bees.

"Shoot her again! AGAIN!" Clyde yelled while Helga was sprayed with more water attracting more bees.

"Helga doesn't like this!" Helga yelled.

"This isn't working!" Summer exclaimed grabbing Clyde's water gun and spraying Helga with both of them.

"Helga bill gleep pog!" Helga slurred before passing out on the ground her swollen tongue hanging out.

"I think we must hide again." Greg stated while him and Spader backed into the bushes slowly.

"We're ahead one point!" Summer exclaimed high fiving Jill.

"Now we only have two more flags to capture." Cole explained, "I suggest we find where their second flag is."

"Good idea Cole." Summer agreed with a nod.

"Let's check the beach!" Clyde exclaimed before falling over, "Right after a quick nap."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Helga:** Helga believes there is good in everything... EXCEPT BUMBLE BEES!

**Greg:** We may as well surrender now. Without Helga we stand no chance of beating the falcons.

**Spader:** You won't believe how painful it is listening to Greg's harebrained schemes. He wanted Emily to knit me a pig costume and use me as a human sacrifice before I reminded him that Emily was busy guarding our flag.

**Summer:** How much can one person take? I mean we had to have shot Helga at least a dozen times!

**Clyde:** I hate running long distances... It really, really sucks.

**Jill:** My armour is waterproof and probably sting proof as well, I also have a sword and Cole brought some water balloons that we filled with water from our guns. The only thing getting past us is some sort of futuristic arm cannon.

**Cole:** Helga showing up wasn't the weirdest thing that's happened during this challenge...

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Flag #2**

* * *

Kai and Terrance had set up their flag in plain sight below the thousand foot cliff. Terrance sat next to the flag pretending to not pay attention while Kai hid in a nearby crevice with her gun pointed at the bushes nearby.

"I think my rash is starting to peel." Terrance muttered to himself while he prodded his arm with the back of his water gun.

"I don't think anyone will show up anytime soon." Kai sighed jumping down from her hiding spot and swatting Terrance's hand away from his arm, "Don't do that."

Can we move the flag now?" Terrance asked with a sigh, "No one has found us in ages."

"You get whiny when you have an allergic reaction." Kai giggled, "And no, if no one's found us yet they probably won't anytime soon."

"I can't believe the guards at their first flag haven't looked down yet." Terrance laughed looking up at the top of the cliff.

"Maybe they have no guards." Kai shrugged, "But we shouldn't concern ourselves with the offensive maneuver Summer came up with."

"I recall you dragged me away before Summer explained that part." Terrance argued.

"You're hopeless." Kai replied, "We can rest assured that we're not being hunt..."

Kai was cut off by Winter slamming into her and holding Kai's arms away from the flag strapped to her back.

"What luck!" Terrance exclaimed before Teresa tackled him.

"Lucky for us that you weren't paying attention." Teresa laughed wrestling Terrance for his gun.

""OUCH! Please mind the sunburnt rash!" Terrance yowled as Teresa brushed her arm against his.

"Sorry about this." Teresa apologized before she slapped Terrance's arm as hard as she could.

"SWEET MOTHER OF... GYAAAAAH!" Terrance screamed rolling around on the sand in an attempt to stop the pain.

"MOVE WINTER!" Teresa ordered while Winter rolled out of Kai's arms.

"You forgot your flag." Kai laughed before she got a spray of water from the gun Teresa had swiped from Terrance.

"I'll take that." Winter replied grabbing the flag from Kai's outstretched hand before she was swarmed by a lot of bees.

"NOOOoooo..." Kai screamed before passing out while the stings began to swell.

"Now that looks painful." Teresa commented.

"AHHHHHHH!" Terrance screamed rolling into the surf and sighing before he began screaming from the feel of sand on his irritated skin.

"Should we shoot him?" Winter asked picking Kai's gun up.

"I think he's in enough pain." Teresa replied before the two grabbed the Falcon's flag and backed slowly into the bushes.

* * *

**Confessional: Score: 1-0 (Pending 1)**

* * *

**Kai:** Ugh I'm kind of glad I wasn't the only one stung, Patrice getting stung was funny to see though, very funny.

**Winter:** I guess we can reclaim flags before they reach the other team's base. If we can't then we're a point behind.

**Teresa:** Well we have water guns again. (She then winks and gives a thumbs up to the camera)

**Terrance:** My body feels like I went bathing in lava, walked onto a fire ant hill wearing nothing but flip flops, and then got stabbed by a porcupine.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Flag #2**

* * *

"Curse trees! Curse rocks! CURSE THIS GOOD FOR NOTHING ISLAND!" Vanessa screamed as she smashed the bushes out of her way with the flag.

Vanessa had been walking away from the beach for about half an hour and was completely lost in the forest.

"Well the good news is that I can't have the flag taken from me unless I'm in one of those locations that Chris told us about." Vanessa argued with herself.

"Keep talking to yourself and you'll end up like Luke." A voice stated from a nearby tree.

"WHO GOES THERE!?" Vanessa screamed shooting the tree.

"You can't kill electrical wiring Vanessa." The PA system replied.

"Says you!" Vanessa growled ripping the speaker from the tree and smashing it on the ground, "Alone at last."

"SMILE FOR THE CAMERA!" Jesslyn's voice yelled as a camera dropped from the branches of the tree.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Vanessa screamed ripping the camera down and smashing it under her foot.

"You're going to have to pay for those." Chris's voice stated from a nearby hole in the ground, "They cost me ten, no a hundred, no, FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS EACH!"

"I thought you bought them in bulk." Jesslyn argued through another camera attached to a rock.

"HOW MANY CAMERAS CAN FIT IN ONE PLACE!" Vanessa screamed clutching her head.

"We have twenty pointed at this very spot." Chef explained from a camera near Vanessa's foot.

Vanessa responded by crushing Chef's camera.

"You're still paying for those." Chris explained as his camera poked out of the hole in the ground.

"And we should make her pay for the lawyer that she'll need to get off the hook with Patrice." Jesslyn agreed.

"I can't take this." Vanessa mumbled ripping some of her hair out, "I'll just kidnap Chris and leave the island and never return!"

"Say whaaaa?" Chris replied but Vanessa had dropped the flag and run laughing towards camp.

"We're going to have to lock the doors." Jesslyn sighed before the sound of walking and an opening door echoed through her camera.

"Well let's hope she makes it back from the camera room faster than Vanessa can run here." Chris sighed.

* * *

**Confessional (Score 1-0 [1 pending])**

* * *

**Vanessa:** My plan will work and my team will have to suffer through Chef! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Chris:** Where is Jesslyn?

**Jesslyn:** Well I'm on my way to save Chris... (The door opens and Jesslyn is shot with a spray of water before being flung from the confessional)

* * *

**Frosty Falcons flag #1**

* * *

"My master plan will take Jill and Cole by surprise!" Greg explained to Emily and Spader.

"Yeah I just got here and I think you've lost it." Emily replied.

"Hey at least I'm trying to get the flag." Greg replied, "You've got to give me credit for that."

"Greg even if we lose you won't be eliminated. No one dislikes you." Emily argued.

"I will prove my worth!" Greg stated standing up and grasping a rope.

"So we just sit here?" Spader asked raising his hand.

"Yes." Greg replied with a nod.

"Works for me." Spader shrugged leaning back against a tree putting his arms behind his back.

"I'm off!" Greg stated swinging on the rope towards the two Falcons.

Before Greg had even made it halfway to the two distracted Uno players Cole had grabbed his gun and shot Greg with it.

"Remember me!" Greg exclaimed before he was swarmed.

"And that's why we don't put ourselves at risk." Emily told Spader.

"I don't ever plan on it." Spader replied leaning back against the tree so it bent backwards making a loud creaking sound.

"And I think we should run." Emily yelped standing up.

"Not on my watch." Jill giggled walking into the clearing.

"Well your watch is off!" Spader laughed shooting Jill with water.

"Nope!" Jill laughed lowing her faceguard making her immune to the countless bees that landed on her.

"WHAT? HOW?" Spader stammered.

"Armour." Jill replied holding her hand up with the perfection symbol, "Making defense easier since ancient times.

"Okay now you're just advertising something!" Spader exclaimed getting a spray of water to the chest as a response.

"Nope I just like my armour!" Jill laughed as all the bees on her body swarmed over to Spader, "Now where did the other one go?"

* * *

**Confessional (Score 1-0 [Pending 1])**

* * *

**Greg:** Cole truly is the champion of champions.

**Spader:** Well played Jill, well played.

**Cole:** Jill handles some I handle others, We surprisingly make a good team.

**Jill:** I couldn't see where Emily ran through my visor, they aren't very practical against multiple foes.

**Emily:** I bolted while Jill was occupied, You know for someone known for paying close attention she has a really short attention span while boasting.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels Flag #3**

* * *

"So we have at least one point and we don't know how many points the Falcons have at this moment but we know they at least have one." Teresa explained as she and Winter walked through the deep part of the woods enjoying the scenery.

"Well we know Vanessa can handle the second flag and Helga probably has the one of the Falcon's at the moment." Winter replied before tripping on something.

"What happened?" Teresa asked helping Winter up.

"I tripped on something." Winter replied looking behind herself, "Hey it's Vanessa's flag!"

"What's it doing alone?" Teresa asked.

"AHHHHHHH!" Something screamed plowing the two girls to the ground.

"What the?" Teresa stared before realizing that it was John that had plowed into them.

"John?" Winter asked.

"Other campers!" John exclaimed, "You've gotta help me!"

"Give us you flag!" Teresa yelled pointing her water gun at John.

"That doesn't matter right now!" John exclaimed, "It's tracking me!"

"Who?" Winter asked before a rustling sounded in the nearby bushes.

"It found me!" John screamed hiding behind the two girls.

"What are you talking about?" Teresa asked flailing her arms.

"THAT!" John screamed as a figure covered with leaves and mud stepped out of the bushes and emitted at clicking noise.

"What is that?" Winter stammered.

"WHO CARES?" John screamed shooting water at the thing.

The thing clicked in response and dodged the spray before climbing a tree and disappearing into the branches.

"Okay it's gone, now give us your flag." Teresa ordered pointing her gun at John.

"Why did you turn your back?" John asked pointing over Teresa's shoulder.

"Is it back?" Teresa asked turning her head and seeing nothing.

"That little slime tricked us." Winter growled feeling behind herself, "And he stole my flag!"

"I stole his." Teresa giggled holding the tiny Frosty Falcons flag into the air.

"And we have one more flag for sure." Winter smiled picking Vanessa's flag up.

"TO THE BEACH!" Teresa exclaimed grabbing the flag and dashing for the beach.

"Wait for me!" Winter exclaimed following Teresa but not noticing the camouflaged figure following them through the trees.

* * *

**Confessional (Score 1-1)**

* * *

**Winter:** one flag lost and another to protect... great.

**John:** We now have two points and still have two flags. I captured a flag while protecting mine!

**Teresa:** Well we made a quick pit stop at the top of the cliff and then went to the beach.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons flag #1**

* * *

"We can't seem to locate them." Summer explained to Jill and Cole.

"The second flag must be somewhere we haven't checked." Jill replied, "Heck it might even be on the beach not far from here."

"We should bring you with us." Summer suggested while Clyde poked around the bushes on the edge of camp.

"Emily's still lurking around here." Jill explained not noticing Emily hiding in the branches of a tree above Clyde, "And she's still a threat without her water gun."

"She is crafty." Summer nodded, "Damn I promised myself not to make bad puns today."

"Well you and Clyde can keep searching..." Cole began but was interrupted by Emily falling from the tree and landing on Clyde.

"THERE SHE IS!" Cole exclaimed jogging up the hill as Clyde pushed Emily off and held her at water gun point.

"I surrender." Emily surrendered holding her hands up.

"Hey Cole we have a prisoner..." Clyde began but Cole shot Emily in the face before anyone could react.

"Cole she was a prisoner!" Summer exclaimed hitting Cole over the head with the butt of her gun.

"It weakens the other team." Cole shrugged before Summer hit him again.

"That doesn't excuse it!" Jill yelled from the dock.

"Cole you get to guard the flag while we claim the Weasels other ones!" Summer ordered as a mopping Cole walked onto the dock and sat pouting.

"Well we have two..." Summer began before John burst from the trees and knocked Clyde off his feet.

"I have Winter's flag!" John exclaimed holding the tiny flag in his hand.

"Where's yours?" Jill asked.

"On my back." John replied.

"Not anymore." Jill pointed out as John pulled his backpack off and gasped from the lack of flag on it.

"Winter and Teresa took it!" John exclaimed, "We have to go to the beach and reclaim it!"

"They're at the beach!" Clyde exclaimed giving John an excited look.

"Let's go hunting." Summer smirked raising her gun and leading everyone but Cole towards the beach.

* * *

**Confessional (Score 2-2)**

* * *

**Emily:** I didn't injure myself because I landed on Clyde, which is a good thing... in a way.

**Cole:** (He's mimicking Summer's voice) Anih nih nih nih nih nih nih (Summer's fist punches through the confessional wall and Cole screams like a little girl)

**Summer:** We're off to capture the flag! The wonder flag on the beach!

**Jill:** Armour at ready.

**John:** I can already feel victory. There's like two Weasels and four of us.

**Clyde:** If we win I hope I get some good food as the prize.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels Flag #2**

* * *

"Well we're probably going to lose this challenge." Teresa sighed as she sat on a rock near the flag.

"For all we know Vanessa might have captured the flag already." Winter replied with a shrug.

"Knowing Vanessa she probably ditched the flag and ran off to hunt down Chris." Teresa grumbled in response.

"I don't expect someone who told us that she's team captain would do that." Winter argued.

"Well we won't be catching up to the Falcons in numbers anytime soon." Teresa shrugged.

"Don't be so negative." Winter replied standing up and walking over to a nearby bush.

"It's kind of hard not to be." Teresa grumbled drawing an unhappy face in the sand with a stick.

"What's Patrice doing in here?" Winter asked after she had parted the bush.

"I don't know... wait WHAT?" Teresa asked swinging her head around and dashing over to the bush.

A swollen and obviously knocked out Patrice lay behind the bush like someone had dragged him there quite some time ago. (But only we know it was Vanessa).

"We'd better keep a closer watch now." Teresa explained walking back to the flag.

"Too late." Summer giggled just as Teresa spun around, "I've already captured your flag."

"But we're two people." Teresa replied with a smirk.

"Oh I don't recall telling you I was alone." Summer explained as Jill, John, and Clyde walked out of the bushes and surrounded the two girls.

"What do we do?" Winter asked pointing her gun at Jill and then to Clyde.

"I surrender, I surrender." Teresa responded putting her water gun on the ground and kicking it towards Summer.

"Oh that's genius." Winter growled sarcastically.

"Drop your gun or we start shooting the both of you." Summer ordered as she plucked the flag from where it sat.

"Oh so she gets good descriptive words." Winter yelled.

"Three..." Summer began counting.

"Nope." Winter replied stubbornly.

"Two..." Summer counted again beginning to wonder if she could just tie the two girls up and not harm them.

"I refuse to let you just take the flag!" Winter growled.

"One..." Summer sighed raising her weapon, "I didn't want to have to do t..."

Summer was interrupted by a spray of water hitting her square in the stomach from a nearby tree.

"Who's up there?" John asked as Jill swiped Winter's gun.

A muddy and camouflaged figure jumped down from the tree and laughed hoarsely.

"What is that?" Clyde asked giving the creature a look of wonder.

"Are you stupid?" Jill asked lowering her visor, "It's Julia."

"I FELL IN A SWAMP!" Julia giggled as Jill sprayed water in her direction.

"Missed me." Julia laughed wiping gunk off her face and dashing over to Jill and knocking the gun out of her hands.

"RUN WITH THE FLAG!" Jill ordered as John scooped the flag out of Summer's hand and ran towards camp.

"Up and away!" Julia laughed climbing a tree and following John and Clyde through the tree tops.

"Not on my watch." Jill growled taking perfect aim and was about to pull the trigger when Teresa put her in a chokehold causing her to miss.

"Go after them!" Teresa ordered Winter before she was shoulder flipped and elbow slammed by her armoured opponent.

"RUN FASTER, RUN FASTER!" Clyde yelled overtaking John and snatching the flag from his hands.

"Why are you going so fast?" John asked before noticing Julia trailing them, "Now I know."

The two boys continued to run while Julia ran through the trees giggling behind them with her water gun strapped to her back.

"I SEE WITH COLD VISION!" Julia laughed falling to the ground and pursuing her prey on foot.

"Wait (Huff) For (Pant) Me (Gasp)." Winter breathed heavily as she slowed down to catch her breath.

"Ouch... Ouch... Ouch... Ouch." Someone behind Winter yelled as they ran.

"Now who could that be?" Winter asked herself before Terrance flew past her at top speed closely pursued by Teresa who was spraying water all over the place, "Maybe I'm more tired than I think."

* * *

**Dock of shame (It all comes down to this)**

* * *

Cole sat on a dock post watching the woods closely with a glare on his face.

"What the **** happened?" Alexa asked sitting up and rubbing the back of her head.

"Looks like six hours is up." Cole sighed shooting Alexa again.

"You as..." Alexa screamed before she was swarmed again.

"Well that was enjoyable." Cole laughed before noticing figures in the distance, "They're back already?"

"JULIA'S COMING, JULIA'S COMING!" Clyde and John screamed closely followed by Julia who had a mischievous look plastered on her face.

"Who covers themselves with mud?" Cole asked himself before Julia tackled Clyde and reclaimed the flag.

"WE WILL WIN!" Julia laughed manically.

"Give it here or I'll shoot you!" Cole ordered pointing his gun at Julia just as Teresa and Terrance arrived.

"You think you can win." Julia laughed pointing her gun at Cole in response.

"I do." Cole replied with a smirk while he pumped the water gun.

"WRONG!" Julia laughed kicking Cole's gun out of his hands and shooting him in the face.

"Tell my story..." Cole muttered before he was swarmed.

"What did Chris do to this water?" Terrance asked looking at the water gun.

"Do we really care?" Teresa asked as Winter approached panting.

"Well we basically win." Julia announced disarming the three Falcons with a swing of her foot.

"What do we do now?" John asked Terrance as Winter and Teresa surrounded them.

"Give up." Clyde suggested.

"Quiet prisoners!" Julia ordered, "RECORD MY SPEECH YOU ALBINO!"

"You don't have to be so harsh." Winter muttered.

"Now we shall shoot one of you every ten minutes until you allow us to tie you up." Julia explained to her three captives.

"Just grab the flag already." Terrance growled, "Then we can all go back to the cabins."

"Yeah we'll just eliminate Terrance tonight." Clyde agreed.

"HEY!" Terrance yelled glaring at Clyde.

"You're the weakest link." Clyde shrugged.

"Truthfully..." Terrance began.

"THIS IS ANNOYING!" Julia yelled shooting Terrance and throwing him out of the circle, "Teresa grab the flag!"

"God if we give you a gun you become a dictator." Teresa growled walking over to the Falcon's flag.

"Uh huh." Julia agreed waving her arms around.

"Hey Julia." Winter stated looking at Julia.

"No questions mc-Strudel!" Julia yelled.

"It's just that Ji..." Winter attempted to explain.

"QUIET!" Julia yelled before she was head butted to the ground by Jill.

"Wait I knocked you out!" Teresa yelled from where she stood.

"Armour." Jill laughed snatching the flag from Julia, knocking Winter's gun out of her hands with it and tossing it to Clyde who ran onto the dock and scored the winning point.

"NOOOOOOO!" Julia screamed falling to her knees.

"We win!" John yelled high fiving Clyde.

"You guys are more agile then you look." Julia pointed out, "Especially the fat one."

"She's talking to you." Clyde told John while elbowing him.

"Wait shouldn't Chris have announced the winner by now?" Jill asked looking around.

"Maybe he's waiting back at camp." Winter suggested wiping mud off her brow.

"It's worth a shot." Clyde shrugged before the six campers began walking back to camp.

* * *

**Confessional (We have a winner!)**

* * *

**Jill:** I basically won that for my team. And flags are really useful weapons, I spent a year learning flag martial arts in Vancouver.

**Julia:** I spent a lot of time rolling in mud and then I think I saw Oatis before I began stalking John and following my team around.

**John:** I just realized I spent the entire episode being stalked by Julia. (John shudders)

**Clyde:** I hope Chef prepared an edible victory meal.

**Winter:** I can't shoot people, it just seems so inhuman.

**Teresa:** We were so damn close and Julia just had to screw it up, unless Vanessa just went bat **** crazy then she has my vote tonight.

* * *

**Camp**

* * *

"What happened here?" Winter asked as the campers walked through a bunch of the camera crew and interns that were obviously in a comatose state.

"Probably a water leak." Clyde shrugged looking at the water tank.

"Well we may as well look for Chris among this pile of people who don't really even have any screen time." Teresa suggested as she gazed at all the bloated set personal in front of her.

"This narrator makes it sound like this show is planned and fake." Winter stated kicking a pebble so it bounced off of the front door of the main building opening it slightly.

"Let's check in there." Teresa suggested sneaking into the building.

"CHRIS?" Jill called while Julia picked up an umbrella and opened it so she hit Winter in the butt.

"EEP!" Winter squeaked rubbing her bottom, "Put that umbrella down Julia!"

"NO!" Julia retorted crossing her arms, "I've bonded with her."

"Her?" Clyde asked shooting a weird look at Julia.

"Don't you know that all trees are girls?" Julia giggled before smacking John on the butt with it.

"Where in the world is Chris?" Teresa asked everyone.

"Actually we should say Where's Chris!" Jill exclaimed holding her hands out but getting blank faces in response and a cough from somewhere in the background, "You know its a pun of where's Wal..."

"We get it." Teresa interrupted while opening a door and checking behind it.

"Opening doors is fun!" Clyde exclaimed opening a door that was filled with brooms and cleaning supplies.

"I can open doors also!" Julia agreed opening another door and pushing John into the room.

"Julia, don't push people." Winter sighed tugging the door opening and gasping in shock at what was inside.

The room John had fallen into was a complete mess and looked like someone had just been kidnapped. Pictures of Chris lined the walls and a gold coloured Jacuzzi was sitting in one corner.

"This is Chris's room." Jill sighed walking inside and pulling the covers off the bed to reveal...

...

...

...

... Nothing!

"Well Chris isn't here." Clyde stated, "Let's leave!"

"Not so fast!" Jill exclaimed, "These clothes on the floor are fresh!"

"What do you mean?" Winter asked cocking her head to the side.

"It means Chris was in the Jacuzzi when he was attacked." Jill explained, "And if I'm correct..."

Jill opened the closet and several KO'd interns fell out all wearing swimming trunks.

"... He was having a party." Jill finished looking at the other contestants, "But someone interrupted and kidnapped Chris."

"But who would do that?" John asked looking at the other five campers.

Three seconds of silence later.

"Vanessa..." Everyone hissed at once.

* * *

**Confessional (And obsession takes over!)**

* * *

**John:** Of course!

**Winter:** How could we have been so stupid? (Winter smacks her forehead)

**Jill:** Yeah I aced Forensic science. I was about to do fingerprint samples too...** Teresa:** Maybe Vanessa should go, she kinda threw the challenge for us.

* * *

**Dock of shame**

* * *

"Stop squirming!" Vanessa ordered as she tossed a gagged and bound Chris onto the boat of losers, "The sooner we leave the sooner I can keep you in my basement!"

"MMMPH!" Chris mumbled through the gag while squirming like a beached fish.

"You'll be happy when we make it back to my place and then I'll have the jewel of my collection!" Vanessa explained stars in her eyes, "And then I'll be famous."

Chris glared at Vanessa in response.

"I even read the rules! There's nothing that says I can't kidnap you!" Vanessa exclaimed.

"Except federal law." Someone behind Vanessa argued causing Vanessa to spin around to see Jill standing on the edge of the dock with her hands on her hips.

"YOU DARE OPPOSE ME!" Vanessa laughed shooting a spray of water from her water gun that hit Jill head on, "Another one bites the dust."

"That's what you think." Jill laughed walking towards Vanessa with a swarm of bees crawling all over her armour.

"HOW?" Vanessa shrieked pointing at Jill fearfully.

"It's called armour." Teresa explained from the shore, "You should listen to your opponents sometimes."

"I'll shoot you!" Vanessa threatened spraying water at Teresa.

It would have worked if the water gun wasn't empty.

"What're you going to do now?" Jill asked reaching for Vanessa.

"This." Vanessa replied kicking Jill into the water and leaping onto the boat of losers, hitting the gas and tearing a chunk of the dock out and dragging it behind her not realizing Jill was hanging onto the chunk of rotten wood.

"How are we going to catch her?" Winter asked before John noticed a speedboat docked nearby.

"We drive." John smirked.

"Lost them." Vanessa smiled as she sped away from shore.

"Not even close." A voice behind her replied.

Vanessa whipped around to see Jill climbing onto the boat.

"Do you just make dramatic entrances all the time?" Vanessa asked putting the boat in full throttle and turning to face Jill.

"Pretty much." Jill shrugged removing a plate from the armour on her forearm and pulling a small wooden rod out of it before extending it to a six foot length.

"Two can play at that game." Vanessa growled crazily before ripping a sharp metal bar from the side of the boat and hitting Jill's staff with it.

"You like to play dangerously?" Jill asked, "I don't play dangerous."

"NEED SOME HELP?" John asked as he pulled the speedboat up next to the boat of losers.

"She will when I'm done with her." Vanessa laughed yanking the steering wheel to the left and hitting John's boat so hard that it sent the boat spinning and flung Jill to the floor.

"I LIKE CARROTS!" Julian screamed as she was flung onto the roof of the boat with a load thud.

"Your time on the island is over." Vanessa laughed flicking Jill's staff overboard and pointing the metal bar at Jill, "Any last words? Oh yeah I DON'T CARE!"

Jill then dodged the pointed tip of the bar and hit the edge of the boat with a thud.

"Oh you like rolling?" Vanessa asked grasping the steering wheel and jerking it from side to side, "Then let's roll!"

"MMMPH!" Chris screamed through his gag as he rolled from one side of the boat to the other.

Jill was faring much worse. Her helmet had flown off her head and rolled to Vanessa's feet and she had smacked her head hard against the side of the boat.

"Whoops." Vanessa laughed flinging the helmet overboard as well, "Looks like I can behead you now."

"You're insane!" Jill exclaimed trying to stand up but falling over again.

"No you are!" Vanessa laughed before Julia jumped on her head.

"I OWN LEGAL RIGHTS TO THAT WORD!" Julia screamed scratching Vanessa's face so hard that she drew blood from the cheek.

"GET OFF!" Vanessa screamed chucking Julia to the ground.

"Chris!" Julia cheered picking the host up and carrying him to the edge of the boat at the same time that the other campers pulled up.

"I'm going to be sick." Winter gagged while Julia jumped into the boat.

"NOOO!" Vanessa yelled trying to grab the wheel but Jill shoved her sword into it and punched Vanessa onto the controls with an armoured fist.

"Looks like you lose." Jill explained throwing the metal bar overboard.

"That's what you think." Vanessa snarled jabbing Jill in the stomach with the brake she had just ripped out.

"Urk." Jill gagged before Vanessa pushed her over the back of the boat but Jill just hung on by her fingertips.

"Time to die!" Vanessa laughed latching an anchor onto Jill's feet before attempting to crush Jill's hand with her foot but Jill moved her hand to the side, "HOLD STILL!"

"Hang in there Jill!" Clyde yelled, "The worst that could happen is dying!"

"That's really encouraging Clyde!" Jill screamed before Vanessa backed up and ripped the steering wheel out of its place while trying to loosen Jill's sword.

"I'll just cut you to pieces!" Vanessa laughed manically and I'm not talking innocent maniacal laughter like Julia's, I'm talking full blown crazy!

"Why are you doing this?" Jill asked gripping the back of the boat tightly as it suddenly swerved towards the island.

"YOU MADE ME LOSE CHRIS!" Vanessa screamed raising the sword, "Do I even need a better explanation?"

"Yes!" Everyone replied in unison.

"Well let's see how well you hold on with no fingers!" Vanessa laughed swinging the sword as Jill cringed waiting for the blow but it never came.

Because the boat crashed into wawanakwa island and exploded.

"I knew filling it with explosives was a good idea!" Chris exclaimed before realizing that everyone was glaring at him, "I mean... what a loss."

"Did they die?" Clyde asked pointing at the boat.

"They could be okay." John said optimistically before the boat exploded again destroying any trace of it.

"Well they're dead." Chris stated, "Frosty Falcons win the challenge!"

"CHRIS!" Vanessa screamed surfacing right next to the boat, "I'm alive and ready to have your babies."

"SHOOT HER!" Chris yelled like the guy on Jurassic park as the five campers took aim and shot Vanessa.

"Is Jill dead?" John asked peering into the water.

"Nah!" Julia brushed off, "She's over there, over there, up there, and over there."

"You sicken me." Clyde hissed before noticing an anchor hanging from a tree, "Oh there she is!"

Jill was suspended on the tree branch by the chain hanging from her feet and the anchor Vanessa had hung onto her.

"I hate this show." Jill sighed.

"Well that was anticlimactic." Clyde commented before Teresa punched him in the face knocking him into the water.

* * *

**Several hours later when mostly everyone had woken up from their comatose state. Besides Vanessa.**

* * *

"Okay since it'll take a few weeks to get the boat of losers fixed we'll be transporting you to the playa via catapult now!" Chris explained to a bunch of groaning and pained campers, "And you can all thank Vanessa!"

"Can I hit her?" Patrice asked raising his hand.

"No." Chris replied, "and because Julia, Winter, and Teresa saved me from her they're safe tonight!"

"Actually Jill did most of the work." Winter replied.

"Okay then you're not safe." Chris shrugged ignoring the shocked looks on the three Weasels faces.

"So Vanessa screwed this up?" Greg asked glaring at his knocked out teammate.

"Yes she ditched the flag, took out our camera crew, and then kidnapped me!" Chris exclaimed, "Oh and she tried to kill Jill, but that doesn't matter as much as me."

"Pity I lost my helmet." Jill grumbled trying to keep her hair out of her face.

"I'm sure Lenscrafters will make you a new one." Chris dismissed while getting strange looks from the contestants.

"So we won a challenge?" Luke asked.

"Yeah and just as I was putting bets on all of you losing." Chris growled.

"Well I think the Weasels have a lot of deciding to do." Greg announced putting his arms around Winter and Julia who bit his arm.

"Yeah a lot of deciding on how many votes Vanessa will get." Alexa growled kicking Vanessa's KO'd body.

"I can't wait to see it." Chris replied, "Falcons, you get a three day break because I can't run an island with a bunch of swollen campers running around, And Weasels! The same thing except one of you won't be enjoying it."

"We all know who that'll be." Patrice growled.

* * *

**Confessional (Not a plot twist!)**

* * *

**Jill:** So I saw my life flash before my eyes... It was really short.

**Winter:** So I was dragged on a boat and almost died... I'M LOSING HAIR DUE TO THE STRESS OF BEING ON AN ISLAND!

**John:** We came, we concurred, we won!

**Julia:** I'm going to sing the shooting song! A bang, bang, bangity bang, I said a bang, bang, bangity bang...

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Porch**

* * *

"Is there even any reason to discuss this?" Spader asked with a sigh.

"I think we all agree on who's leaving." Greg agreed.

"Who?" Vanessa asked looking at her team, "I'm guessing that it's Helga because she's not here right now."

"No it's you." Emily replied bluntly.

"WHAT?" Vanessa exclaimed waving her arms around, "What did I do to deserve this?!"

"Made me sing a terrible song on the third day." Spader replied.

"Screwed our team over." Greg added.

"YOU SHOT ME DURING THE CHALLENGE TODAY!" Patrice roared.

"Called me names." Winter added.

"You wear some pretty ugly clothes." Alexa agreed.

"And now we get to have a peaceful catapult ride off the island." Emily finished dealing the finishing blow to Vanessa's safety.

"AND SHE ALMOST KILLED JILL!" Julia screamed.

"So you're picking me over all these useless people!" Vanessa whined.

"Name someone who doesn't have a role on this team besides Alexa?" Emily asked.

"WHAT?!" Alexa yelled over the noise of a hairdryer she had begun using.

"Helga." Vanessa replied smugly.

"Main strength of the team." Emily replied, "Your move Sherbotski."

"Teresa." Vanessa replied a little less smugly.

"Cooks edible food for us." Emily argued, "Try again."

Spader!" Vanessa replied quickly.

"Friendly, smart, strategic." Emily argued, "I can find a reason for everyone here to stay... except you."

"THIS ISN'T FAIR!" Vanessa cried, "All I wanted was to keep Chris locked in my basement!"

"Check and mate." Emily stated standing up, "Well I'm off to vote, see you hoodlums later."

"WHAT?!" Alexa asked before her hairdryer shorted out and frizzed her hair up.

"Bad luck returns." Teresa stated waving her hands mystically before following Emily.

"Weasel tribe." Spader said following her.

* * *

**Confessional (West side... you get it now? no... Water tribe...)**

* * *

**Teresa:** Vanessa.

**Spader:** I watch a lot of Avatar... but now I'll vote for the Avatar hater herself! Vanessa...

**Greg:** Vanessa or Alexa... which one is less mentally stable...

**Julia:** I vote for this Julia chick, copying my name should be a federal offence.

**Vanessa:** As a last ditch attempt I vote Alexa. I WILL HAVE YOU CHRIS!

**Chris: **I have armed guards at ready. Bring it on!

* * *

**Bonfire pit**

* * *

The moon cast eerie shadows across the bonfire pit as the Weasels waited for Chris with anticipation. With about twenty muscled guys wearing sunglasses and carrying water guns from the challenge.

"Why are they wearing sunglasses at night?" Greg asked his team, "This is some of the most flawed logic I've ever seen."

"Sometimes it's best not to ask." Spader shrugged in response.

"Good evening campers!" Chris announced strolling into the area, "And Vanessa if you try anything funny these bodyguards will beat you up."

"Half of them are cardboard cut outs." Emily argued.

"That leaves ten real guys." Chris replied.

"Yeah I'm a woman." The bodyguard who looked like a muscled guy next to Chris explained in a really deep voice."

"We don't care!" Chris argued.

"Chris we've already wasted enough time today." Jesslyn growled from where she sat next to the catapult.

"She's right, let's get on with it." Chris smiled before chucking a marshmallow right into Patrice's eye.

"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THAT?!" Patrice cried falling to the ground.

"I dunno." Chris shrugged picking the next one up.

"Well it's painful!" Patrice yelled sitting up and removing the sugary treat from his eyeball.

"Do you think I care?" Chris asked leaning on his podium, "Teresa you're safe tonight as well."

"YES!" Teresa fist pumped walking up to Chris and claiming her immunity.

"Wait a minute!" Alexa interrupted holding her hands out, "Why does an ugly person get their marshmallow before me?"

"Because someone voted for you." Chris replied like it was the most obvious thing on the planet.

"Who the **** did that?" Alexa yelled.

"Vanessa!" Chris smirked while Alexa tackled her "Friend" and began punching her in the face.

"Stop it." Greg sighed rolling his eyes before Patrice slapped him.

"NEVER BREAK A FIGHT BETWEEN TWO GIRLS UP!" Patrice roared smacking Greg again.

"Speaking of Greg..." Chris began before flicking another marshmallow into Patrice's eye.

"MY RETINA BURNS!" Patrice screamed falling to the ground.

"That was a very good use of my marshmallow." Greg smiled.

"I know right." Chris replied, "Emily you're safe tonight as well."

"Well I survive another day on this terrible island." Emily shrugged.

"Julia." Chris continued.

"YAY!" Julia screamed leaping over Helga and swiping her marshmallow before tossing it into the fire, "MAY THE GODS FEAST ON MARSHMALLOW!"

Teresa spun her finger near her head making the international symbol for crazy.

"Spader also survives another day." Chris announced tossing the marshmallow to Spader.

"Thank god." Spader sighed as he caught it.

"Greg... Survives." Chris announced tossing Greg his immunity.

"AWWWW YISSS!" Greg cheered jumping into the air and catching the marshmallow.

"You overplayed that." Vanessa remarked crossing her arms.

"Helga stays." Chris continued throwing a marshmallow Helga who just swallowed it without chewing.

"Continue." Alexa ushered rotating her hand.

"You three received votes tonight..." Chris announced dramatically, "But only one of you will leave tonight."

Winter crossed her fingers while Alexa rolled her eyes at this.

"Winter remains safe." Chris announced while a look of relief passed over Winter's face.

Vanessa and Alexa both smirked smugly like neither of them were going home.

"The person who leaves total drama forever is..." Chris began dramatically.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"... Vanessa!" Chris announced tossing Alexa her marshmallow.

"Hah looks like I win!" Alexa laughed smugly.

"ROWL!" Something growled from the bushes before a black blur jumped into the clearing snatched Alexa's marshmallow away and ran off into the bushes again.

"Bad luck, bad luck, bad luck everywhere." Spader, Greg, Emily, and Teresa sang while Alexa turned around and glared at them.

"You can't do this to me Chrissy poo!" Vanessa screamed as a security guard picked her up and bound her hands.

"Yes I can." Chris replied, "So long Vanessa."

"I LOVE Youuuuu..." Vanessa started before Jesslyn pulled the lever and launched her into the distance.

"That was a onetime thing!" Chris announced pointing at Jesslyn, "I just didn't want to catch crazy."

"You were scared." Jesslyn laughed resetting the catapult.

"You may leave." Chris told the Weasels while completely ignoring Jesslyn's comment before walking off towards camp.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Boys cabin**

* * *

"... And then I just dropped it down the storm drain and the cops had no choice but to let me go because they had no evidence whatsoever." Cole finished before he punched his pillow to make it softer.

"Maybe you should talk about your adventures with drugs somewhere where cameras aren't broadcasting it to the entire planet." Terrance suggested from the bunk above Cole.

"Maybe you should shut up!" Cole growled punching the bottom of Terrance's bed so hard that he flew into the air and landed on the ground in a painful heap.

"Point taken." Terrance groaned from the ground while holding his hand in the air and pointing at the roof.

"Anyone else want to comment?" Cole asked with a growl while cracking his knuckles and glaring at his teammates.

Everyone shook their head no in response.

"That's what I thought." Cole smirked lying back down.

"Anyone else got any stories?" Luke asked looking at the other guys, "Preferably ones that won't get us sent to federal prison for interrogation."

"I have one." Clyde answered shining a flashlight under his chin dramatically, "It all started at camp last year..."

"That's only effective in the dark." Luke pointed out making Clyde, Who was shining a flashlight under his chin, look stupid.

"The turn them off." Clyde argued turning the flashlight off.

"Fine. But I'm not turning them on again." Luke replied climbing off the bunk above Clyde and walking over to the light switch somewhere near the door and encasing the room in complete darkness with a flick of the switch.

"You could have waited until I was up again." Terrance complained from somewhere on the floor.

"What about if that bat comes inside and starts eating my hair again?" John asked from the bottom bunk of the third bed.

"That is the only exception!" Luke replied from somewhere near Clyde's bed.

"So I was at camp..." Clyde began turning the flashlight back on but holding it upside down but not noticing it, "I was just settling in after a long day of bus rides when a knock sounded on the door..."

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

Something's at the door! Luke screamed from his bed.

"It's probably just the girls." Terrance replied due to his voice everyone could tell that he'd had sat up again.

"I'll get it!" John yelled jumping out of bed and walking to the door turning the lights on as he passed by.

"It might be the monster." Clyde whimpered drawing the blankets over his mouth.

"Dude you haven't even gotten to that part yet." Terrance pointed out while fiddling with the leg of his pajama pants.

"Like Terrance said earlier, It's probably just the girls." John replied opening the door to reveal a bat fluttering in the doorway, "OH NO IT'S BACK!"

The bat then latched onto John's face making him run around screaming while trying to remove it.

"STAY AWAY FROM THE..." Luke started but John had already smacked into the leg of his bed causing it to break through the floor again and knock Clyde out of it.

"I got the broom." Cole sighed picking a broom up and beginning to hit John in the crotch with it.

"Thee bat's on his face idiot!" Terrance complained before getting a whack in the face with the wooden end of the broom in response.

"GET THIS THING OFF ME!" John screamed as he began smacking into the wall separating the guys and girl's sides of the cabin from each other.

A spear was suddenly shoved through the wall centimeters from John's face.

"I guess Jill was trying to sleep." Luke analyzed as Summer smashed the door open with bloodshot eyes.

"WILL YOU SHUT UP!" Summer screamed before the bat fluttered off John's face and began chewing on Summer's hair.

"IT'S ON HER!" Clyde screamed throwing his pillow at Summer's face.

"OH MY GOD DO I HAVE TO THROW MORE OF JILL'S WEAPONS AT YOU?" Kai asked walking in after Summer.

"We though Jill did that." Terrance pointed out rubbing his forehead which had a purple bruise on it.

"Jill's hanging out at the beach!" Summer growled, "And If you don't stop making so much noise I'll literally break your neck."

"It's okay guys, she's bluffing." Cole shrugged.

"Literally..." Summer emphasized before walking away.

"So what was causing all that noise?" Kai asked entering the cabin.

"That bat on Summer's face attacked me." John replied.

"Go to sleep!" Kai ordered glaring at them, "Unless you want to lose tomorrow's challenge."

"We have tomorrow off though." Luke pointed out.

"And how often does Chris keep his word?" Kai asked before realization hit the guys.

"He does lie a lot." Terrance agreed nodding his head.

"You!" Kai growled pointing at Terrance, "Go convince Jill that she needs to get some sleep."

"Okay." Terrance shrugged walking out the door.

"I swear if we hear one more sound." Kai threatened backing out the door and closing it behind her.

"We can still..." Cole began.

"SHUT UP!" Summer screamed so loud that she rattled the cabin.

"We should shut up." Luke suggested lying down on the crooked bunk.

"What can she possibly do to us?" Cole asked before a thumping was heard and an axe smashed into the wall next to Cole's head, "Point taken."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Cole:** (He has a stunned look on his face) Maybe I should just smoke my weed and forget this ever happened.

**Luke:** So Cole comes back to the cabin and smells just disgusting. What did he do out there? Roll in cow turds?

**Summer:** Don't do anything like that when someone's been shot with water, stung by bees, and deprived of sleep.

**John:** At least the bat's gone... (The bat smacks into the door and begins screeching) ... I'll be here for a while.

**Clyde:** I have to get Emily to fix that floor again, she is not going to be happy about that.

**Kai:** I warned them and what did they do? Cause Summer to almost kill them.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Girls cabin**

* * *

"Julia why are you dragging a speaker the size of the doorway into the cabin?" Teresa asked while Julia dragged the gigantic speaker around Winter.

"I'm going to use it for something." Julia answered as she pushed the enormous speaker to the end of her and Helga's bed.

"And what would that be?" Emily asked from the bed below Teresa.

"I'M GOING TO SLEEP ON IT!" Julia giggled as she climbed on top of the big piece of auditory equipment and began walking around it like a cat preparing for bed.

"You do realize that Winter's the only one sleeping on the floor now that Vanessa's been eliminated." Teresa replied pointing to where Winter was sitting on the floor reading a book.

"Yep!" Julia giggled lying down on the speaker.

"I'd have a bed if Alexa didn't require one for all her luggage." Winter grumbled putting a bookmark into her book and snapping it shut quickly.

"Hey do you think I want creepy crawlies all over my clothes?" Alexa asked looking back at Winter while she hung drapes on her bed, "They're all designer."

"Alexa what are you even doing to your bed?" Teresa asked with a sigh.

"I need my privacy." Alexa shrugged, "That and the less I see of Winter's ugly face the better."

"Okay why do you hate my face so much?" Winter asked pulling a hand mirror from one of Teresa's bags that was sitting nearby and looking at herself in it.

"If you want privacy then you should go outside." Teresa suggested.

"How about you hang out on the floor with ugly mc stupid here." Alexa yelled in response.

"No scars, no acne, and my features seem all around nice." Winter stated putting the mirror down, "Why does she hate my face?"

"I forgot you're afraid of moths." Teresa replied with a smirk.

"Those are evil souled demons that will stop at nothing to eat my flesh!" Alexa argued.

"Then maybe you should bunk with the squirrels!" Teresa suggested.

"Stop fighting!" Helga yelled.

"I'm fine with the floor you two." Winter agreed, "I made a circle of salt this time so I won't wake up covered in slugs again.

"Are you sure you don't want a bed?" Emily asked.

"Do I look like I was stung with a bunch of bees?" Winter asked, "You need them more."

"Back to the first question, what are you really going to do with that speaker?" Teresa asked while Alexa sat on her bed and pulled the drapes closed.

"FINE!" Julia sighed hanging her head, "I was going to blast music and wake everyone up tomorrow."

"I don't think so." Emily growled, "Helga throw it away."

"Helga will obey." Helga agreed shoving the speaker out the door like a puzzle piece where it smashed to pieces on a nearby tree.

"MY MUSIC SYSTEM!" Julia screamed trying to follow it out the door but Helga stopped her.

"Yeah you're not getting that back." Emily replied.

"What are you going to do in order to stop me?" Julia asked crossing her arms.

"Lock you inside." Emily replied indifferently before opening one of her suitcases and pulling several locks, chains, a car alarm, and some boards.

"But I need to go outside and fix my stereo!" Julia yelled struggling in Helga's arms.

"No you aren't." Emily replied and within five minutes she had set up a lock system that would have caused anyone to be trapped.

"We're lucky you aren't a criminal." Winter shuddered.

"I have to pee." Alexa whined.

"You're going to have to hold it then." Emily replied.

"But I really have to go!" Alexa whined.

"Ugh, fine, who else has to go?" Emily asked and everyone else raised their hand in response, "Why do I never think about things like this..."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Alexa:** I just require more space because of my standard of living, poor people take up boxes while rich people take up mansions, I wouldn't be surprised if Winter's parents left her on the streets and she's adopted.

**Emily:** Alexa smacking me didn't make me undo the locks any faster than before.

**Winter:** Yeah slugs invade the cabin every night but I don't mind them.

**Julia:** I. Will. Find. A. Way.

**Helga:** Helga likes Julia but Julia can be obnoxious at times.

**Teresa:** I really dislike Alexa. So much that every day with her takes a week off my natural life.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Boys cabin**

* * *

"Jesus Patrice! How many times do we have to tell you that your bed is the one covered in dirty laundry!" Spader exclaimed while Greg attempted to remove their roommate from his bed.

"Greg's bed is cleaner so I decided I'm going to use it from now on." Patrice replied.

"I pee the bed." Greg stated.

"EEEK!" Patrice shrieked falling off the bed, "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?"

"Because I don't pee the bed." Greg replied jumping on his bed and stretching out his body so he covered as much surface area as possible and closing his eyes.

"Stupid Scotsman." Patrice grumbled.

"What was that laddie? I thought I heard an insult?" Greg said loudly while drawing a golf club from one of his bags and resting it on his chest.

"No I was just walking to my bed." Patrice replied walking to his bed and tripping over a piece of dirty laundry.

"Coordinated much?" Greg asked opening one of his eyes.

"You're just jealous that I get all the chicks!" Patrice growled.

"Do you get the right ones?" Greg asked.

"BURN!" Spader yelled while Greg and Patrice shot him two very different looks, "What?"

"Spader, you're a cool guy but please try to keep the slang to the twenty first century." Greg replied.

"Actually that saying was popular until about the time swag and YOLO got popular." Spader argued, "I really hate those sayings."

"Why would you hate them?" Patrice asked, "I makes girls act more ***** and think they don't have to change their ways."

"Not all of us want a girl like you do Patrice." Greg replied.

"Trust me all that matters with a girl is how hot she is." Patrice explained.

"I want a hot girl I can get along with well and maybe marry one day." Greg shrugged, "But what would I know? I'm still single."

"You need to get laid." Patrice growled.

"I'll wait until I'm dating." Greg replied.

"I want a smart girl that I can get along with really well but isn't afraid to express herself, but I also hope she loves me for what I am and not for what she wants." Spader sighed, "But most girls my age go for the bad boys."

"Suck it." Patrice mocked before getting clubbed in the face with Greg's golf club.

"I think Spader has the best chance at a successful relationship." Greg smiled.

"I'm just afraid to ask someone who I know will say no." Spader sighed.

"Just walk up to them and ask if they want to have ***." Patrice explained, "It works the best with drunk sixteen year old girls who have daddy issues."

"I don't think Spader would do that, he's just being wimpy." Greg argued.

"I'm afraid because every girl I've ever asked out has said no." Spader sighed, "After a while you just give up."

"And this is why nice guys are so rare ladies." Greg said to the camera, "Take ******* notes!"

"Can you hold back on the swearing please?" Spader asked politely.

"Sure can do kiddo." Greg agreed.

"Well I think he's stupid and won't ever get any action." Patrice smirked.

"Small minds think of small things." Spader stated before hopping into his bed and rolling towards the wall.

"What the **** does that mean?" Patrice asked confused.

"You'll find out when you have a child because of your one night stands." Greg replied shutting his eyes.

"You're both confusing idiots." Patrice growled, "I'm going to go take a piss off the deck!"

"Traumatize some squirrels for me!" Greg asked but just received a slamming door in response.

* * *

**Confessional (Patrice can't possibly be that jerk we all know from high school can he?)**

* * *

**Spader:** I'm trying my hardest to get Winter's attention but for all I know she could be just the same as every other girl I've ever had reject me... I hope she isn't.

**Greg:** Spader is totally going to be that guy at the high school reunion that's married to some hot chick that he gets along with. Nice guys always win in the end, me on the other hand, I'm happy with whoever just wants to spend forever with me.

**Patrice:** How can two guys not like girls with huge knockers?! It makes no friggin sense! They'll just be those guys at high school reunions that are bald, divorced, and have three bratty, ugly kids that they never see... Idiots.

* * *

**Beach**

* * *

Jill was sitting on a rock overlooking the lake. She had this unreadable expression on her face and was staring out at the lake without blinking.

"Someone's taking something hard." A voice behind her stated.

Jill whipped around to see Terrance standing behind her.

"Mind if I join you?" Terrance asked.

"Wouldn't you rather be hanging out with the guys?" Jill asked as Terrance sat down next to her.

"Nah they're all either violent, unlucky, strange, or just Clyde." Terrance replied.

"Picking on Clyde are we?" Jill asked.

"He's a unique person isn't he?" Terrance asked with a shrug.

"That still isn't a good reason." Jill argued.

"No it isn't." Terrance agreed, "But do I need a reason to be out here?"

"Actually yes you do." Jill replied.

"Then why are you here?" Terrance asked.

"Are you trying to create one of those overly cheesy moment where people start shipping the two having the conversation?" Jill asked.

"It makes good TV." Terrance shrugged, "Now answer my question."

"I don't have to." Jill argued.

"Answer my question." Terrance repeated.

"Nope." Jill replied.

"Answer my question." Terrance repeated.

"You can't repeat this forever." Jill replied.

"You can't ignore me forever." Terrance argued, "Now answer my question."

"I will if you stop." Jill sighed.

"Go on..." Terrance trailed.

"This is far too cheesy." Jill grumbled.

"BUT cheesy scenes are the best." Terrance whined.

"Fine I'm upset because I didn't get a letter." Jill exclaimed.

"That's what you're upset about?" Terrance asked in disbelief.

"Well my parents don't even care and if I had died today my last words with them would be that whole speech they gave me before I left about how disappointed they were of me." Jill replied hanging her head.

"Last words are overrated." Terrance replied, "My last words with any family member were how me and you should get married despite the fact we barely know each other and are under the age of eighteen."

"Well your parents must be nice?" Jill replied.

"My parents love embarrassing me and we have barely anything in common." Terrance replied, "If I ever have kids I'm going to be the dad that they want to hang out with."

"I'm never going to retire." Jill stated, "I'll be an actor or something so I never have to."

"Well don't be upset over something you can't change Jill." Terrance replied jumping off the rock and walking to the water and picking something out of it, "A knight needs her helmet so her head doesn't get screwed."

Terrance then tossed a sodden pink helmet at Jill.

"How did you?" Jill exclaimed.

"Magic..." Terrance said mysteriously, "Nah blame the moon."

"How can I thank you?!" Jill asked.

"We can go looking for your sword tomorrow." Terrance replied, "And as long as you aren't Patrice that means what it implies.

"It's a date." Jill agreed shaking Terrance's hand.

"I hope you don't mean that literally otherwise my great grandma will go crazy." Terrance replied.

"No that would be really awkward." Jill agreed before backing away slowly, "I'm off to bed."

"Good plan." Terrance agreed.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Terrance:** I hate to see someone as cool as Jill upset so I just had to help, plus you know... she's my friend.

**Jill:** I'll just carry my battle axe around tomorrow, until me and Terrance find my sword.

* * *

**Dock of shame**

* * *

"What an exciting episode!" Chris exclaimed from a lawn chair placed next to the catapult, "We had someone go crazy!"

"And now we get a three day break!" Chef smiled from a second chair next to Chris.

"Good thing too because that shock therapy challenge will take a lot of running from the interns on those hamster wheels." Chris agreed.

"What happens if there's a power out?" Chef asked.

"We make them do a challenge." Chris shrugged, "It'll be cool because it'll be in the dark."

"We're doing that challenge in the dark next time we have a power out!" Chef exclaimed excited.

"Day fifteen my friend, day fifteen." Chris shrugged before turning to the camera, "Who will rise, who will fall? Find out next time on TOTAL! DRAMA! RETURN TO THE ISLAND!"

"Can we order takeout?" Chef asked.

"From that Chinese place?" Chris asked.

"Totally." Chef agreed before the two ran off towards the main building.

* * *

**Earlier that day**

* * *

The camera is slowly zooming in on the well when an arm suddenly reaches out of it.

"I GOT IT!" Clyde exclaimed holding his letter up in the air.

"ROWL!" Something growled before dashing in and stealing the letter.

"Uh-oh." Clyde stammer before falling down the well again.

* * *

**Frosty falcons:** Jill, Terrance, Luke, Summer, Cole, Kai, Clyde, John

**Wicked Weasels:** Teresa, Emily, Julia, Patrice, Spader, Greg, Helga, Winter, Alexa

**Eliminated: **Mona, Theodore, Pete, Billy, Vanessa,

**Interns: **Jesslyn (Black hair in a ponytail and glasses. She's in charge of editing the episode and sending the good parts to the production team.), the fat one, the English one, the Indian one, and the one they all call Steven

* * *

**Votes:**

**Alexa:** Winter

**Greg:** Vanessa

**Spader:** Vanessa

**Patrice:** Vanessa

**Winter:** Vanessa

**Vanessa:** Alexa

**Helga:** Vanessa

**Julia:** Julia

**Emily:** Vanessa

**Teresa:** Vanessa

Total:

Vanessa: 7

Winter: 1

Alexa: 1

* * *

**And Vanessa's gone! Most of you were probably expecting someone else to leave like Alexa but I decided it wasn't her time to go. You see I chose Vanessa because I can't seem to choose the perfect personality. That and she was an insane jerk underneath a pile of makeup and designer clothes. I'm kinda relieved that psycho's gone.**

**In my time reading Total Drama Fanfics I've come to realize that there's always two girls who get along really well, for mine it's Teresa and Emily, those two are similar in many ways but I can't really decide which one I like more... well who cares, they aren't in any danger... yet. In other news if you translate Helga's letter it's a shopping list in another language (Just guess what it is, first person to do so wins a free imaginary cookie and a free pass to read my story when it's released publically on fanfiction.[This basically means you win nothing, It's just for fun.]) where Helga's father refers to himself as Helga's father (Irony) So that's fun! You may have also noticed that the Falcons got a little less screen time then the Weasels and I can explain that, it's so hard to find something enjoyable to write about with them without getting repetitive or ripping something off. It's not a big difference but it's kind of noticeable. Anyway I must notify you that there will be longer waiting times starting now for obvious reasons (School...), but rest assured I will attempt to push chapters out biweekly for the time, if I fail at that it will be monthly with the exceptions of holidays, because well... The story must go on. October shall have one update because I don't want this story being lost in the barrage of Halloween content... that and pokemon X and Y come out October 12th. so yeah...**

**I must also note that we have reached over 300 viewers to the story as of August 22nd. We've hit a milestone! (Not a big one but it's a milestone) plus 150 of those are on Chapter one! Which people seem to hate for some reason and then not read any further (Except you my loyal fans) maybe I should rewrite it...**

**Did you like it? Did you hate it? Leave a comment, even if you don't have a fanfiction account (My stories will be open to guest comments forever) and tell me how I did.**

* * *

**Next time: let's kick off the hilarious 7th day with a black out and a bunch of spoofs of horror movies, yes people we shall experience Scary Chapter!**

* * *

**Bored? Check out the community Total Drama Stories: My Characters. It's full of stories by Cragmiteblaster and a whole lot of other great writers (And that one guy who hasn't even updated is story since last year.) so check it out if you want to read some awesome fanfics about OC's battling it out for the prize.**


	9. Chapter 7: The Not So Scary Chapter

**Total Drama Return to the Island**

**Chapter 7: Scary Chapter**

**By: The Firebending Frog**

**Some ideas added from my brothers (Thanks guys!)**

* * *

**Authors note:**

**FrostPrince pointed out that in the last chapter Jill seemed to have messed points of view about parenting and Greg comes across as a jerk. I'm here to tell you that in every argument I try to have two opposing points of view on a subject. for example when Spader, Greg, and Patrice were talking about... you know what, I made Patrice that idiot who gets all the girls (Not that all guys who get lucky are self centred jerks like Patrice) , Greg the guy who's willing to do that for anyone he's in love with, and Spader who wants to wait for marriage. I try to represent everyone and I apologize if anything a character says offends you (I try to explain why they have that view most of the time). I also hope that answers your question FrostPrince if not send your angry fanmail to my page.**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own Total Drama, Scary Movie, Saw, Lost in Space, IT, Paranormal Activity, Twilight, Spiderman, Psycho, The odd life of timothy green, The nostalgia critic, Jurassic park, or Gravity Falls. I do however own the 29 OC's That appear in this story and their relatives.**

* * *

**Warning:**

**This Chapter of Total Drama Return to the Island contains scenes of extreme stunts, those internet puzzle games that you can never beat, spiderman, The constant use of the term Spiders, Cardboard paper cuts, A knight, Theodore (I'm not kidding), Pokémon, about a billion humorous scenes, fear, and a guy who acts like Gollum. nothing over the top or scary (Trust me, if you think this is scary you need to see professional help. I mean, It's more funny and has no suspenseful scenes.)**

**Wanna play a game?**

* * *

**Dock of Shame**

* * *

"Last time on Total Drama Return to the Island." Chris announced, "The teams were caught in a challenge where they fell victim to swarms of Wawanakwa Killer Bees."

Chris walked down the dock of shame so we could see the cabins in the background.

"The Weasels lost the challenge and their three day winning streak dissolved like sugar in water." Chris explained.

"Or like the local birds in water." The cameraman commented.

"Jeff we don't pay you to talk on the show." Chris growled.

"Oh but Jesslyn's allowed to talk!" Jeff argued.

"Well she just kind of wanders onto set so we have to give her a part." Chris shrugged, "Now shut up so I can do my job!"

"Fine." Jeff grunted.

"At elimination it was obvious who was going." Chris continued, "Vanessa had screwed her team over, tried to kill Jill, and made fun of several of her teammates while on the island."

"Don't forget that she had no set personality." Jeff added.

"Someone wants to get fired." Chris said loudly.

"Fine! I'll be quiet." Jeff stammered before falling quiet.

"Vanessa also destroyed the boat of losers do we had to pull out the catapult again." Chris concluded, "Not to mention she kidnapped me and held me hostage at metal bar point."

"And he wouldn't stop screaming." Jeff added.

"YOU EMBARRASSED ME! I'LL KILL YOU!" Chris screamed tackling the camera man as the shot turned blurry with movement.

* * *

**Theme song: I wanna be famous**

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Porch**

* * *

Terrance was sitting on the steps leading to the Falcon's cabin playing a Nintendo 3DS. He was currently playing Mario and Luigi Dream Team and appeared to be battling a gigantic robot made out of pieces of broken buildings as a gigantic Luigi with regular sized Mario sitting on his head.

"Come on! Come on!" Terrance grunted through clamped teeth while not noticing anything around him due to having headphones in his ears.

And that was a bad thing because something or someone was watching him from the bushes.

"One more hit!" Terrance yelled as the robot was hit repetitively on the head with Luigi's hammer.

Whatever was in the bushes began approaching Terrance but backed away the moment loud music began blaring from the Weasels cabin.

"What the?" Terrance stammered getting distracted from his game and being defeated in a single blow from his opponent, "GREAT!"

At that moment a blurry eyed Cole stormed out of the cabin snatched Terrance's game away and threw it on the ground nearby.

"Why would you do that?" Terrance asked confused.

"PLAY WITHOUT ******* VOLUME!" Cole roared.

"That noise came from their cabin." Terrance pointed out just as the noise, the lights on the cabins, and everything else electrical suddenly shut off.

"JULIA!" Someone from the other cabin screamed.

"Oh." Cole replied before walking back inside.

"Good thing you weren't destroyed 3DS." Terrance laughed, "I need you for Pokémon X and Y."

"What just fried my stereo?" Summer asked opening her cabin door and shoving a burnt portable stereo system in Terrance's face, "Because if it was your game system's charging then I'll literally make you pay for a new one."

"I don't leave my systems plugged in longer than they need to be." Terrance replied, "You can shoot your chargers that way."

"Then what made the power surge?" Summer asked, "It basically fried anything that was plugged in."

"Something about Julia and loud music." Terrance replied with a shrug, "We can ask them at breakfast."

"Well music pumps me up in the morning." Summer sighed, "now I'm not cheerful."

"Always look on the..." Terrance started.

"I'M NOT IN THE MOOD!" Summer screamed before realizing she was overreacting, "Sorry I'm really not cheerful right now."

"Point taken." Terrance replied fearfully.

"I'll make it up to you later." Summer growled, "But I swear to god that I will kill whoever fried my stereo. It was the final gift my grandma gave me before passing away."

"Sorry to hear that." Terrance replied but Summer had already disappeared into the cabin, "I wonder who will bother me next?"

Ten seconds later Cole walked out of the cabin fully dressed took one look at Terrance before snatching his game system again and tossing it on the ground.

"What was that for?" Terrance asked picking it up again and checking for damage.

"Fun." Cole shrugged pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his pocked and walking into the woods.

"What a jerk." Terrance growled dusting his 3DS off and putting it back into it's case, "And this is not coming out again until he's asleep."

"Then what are you going to do all day?" John asked exiting the cabin and taking a seat next to Terrance.

"Interact with people and play dungeons and Dragons." Terrance replied, "Just because I'm a gamer doesn't mean I don't want a social life."

"This is the first time anyone's ever wanted to hang out with you isn't it." John guessed.

"NO!... Yes." Terrance replied with a sigh, "I'm the only geek at my school."

"That's impossible how big is your class?" John replied.

"The entire grade consists of twenty people." Terrance replied getting a gaping look from John.

"I have at least three hundred people in my grade." John replied, "How the heck do you end up with that few people?"

"I live in a town with fewer than four thousand people in it and I attend the smaller school." Terrance replied, "And guessing by the fact that you probably wouldn't like D&D I'm going to just sit here and play on my PlayStation vita until Jill wakes up."

"Dude I don't even know what Dungeons and Dragons is about." John stated while Terrance shut off his Vita with a sigh.

"Who am I kidding." Terrance sighed as John prepared for his answer, "I'll play super Mario world on the Gameboy!"

John fell over like people do in Anime's when someone says something out of context.

"You definitely need a girlfriend." John sighed, "Maybe we could hook you up with Jill! She'd show you that video games aren't the perfect pass time."

At that moment Jill walked out of the cabin with a towel over her shoulder and a Gameboy in hand.

"You were saying." Terrance mocked as Jill walked past them.

"Sometimes I wonder." John sighed.

"What are you guys talking about?" Jill asked pausing her game.

"I didn't expect you of all people to be obsessed with video games." John pointed out.

"You seriously haven't noticed me playing video games almost every time we're together." Jill growled.

* * *

**Bonfire pit night #2**

* * *

"...John." Chris called out as Cole flung a burning marshmallow at him.

"Suck on Hydro pump Charizard!" Jill yelled at her Gameboy from a rock next to Terrance.

* * *

**Amphitheatre on day three**

* * *

"This is painful." John sighed as Julia continuously muttered the word moist.

"I HATE YOU BOWSER!" Jill screamed shaking her Gameboy rapidly.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons Porch: Day six**

* * *

Jill walked out of the cabin...

* * *

"Aren't these flashbacks getting a little too close to the present." Jill pointed out.

"Whaaa?" John asked confused.

"Never mind." Jill growled, "The point is that I like video games alright."

All John saw was Jill wearing a white dress and Terrance in a suit standing next to her.

"I've gotta get more sleep." John yelled rubbing his eyes so the image would disappeared.

"I'm lost." Terrance stated.

"That makes two of us." Jill agreed.

"Ugh." Luke groaned slamming the door open.

"What up with you today Luke?" John asked.

"I don't feel too well." Luke coughed, "Maybe it's something to do with the challenge yesterday."

"Did you eat anything?" Terrance asked looking around, "What? that's the most common way to contract diseases."

"No I just don't feel well." Luke groaned.

"It's probably from all the slapstick last night." John commented.

"Wha?" Jill asked confused.

"Sometimes it's best not to ask." Terrance replied, "By the way you should get to that shower house quick, you girls only have it for twenty more minutes."

"Tell me about it." Jill growled.

"I still can't believe Patrice didn't even knock before entering at transition time." John replied.

"Only Alexa enjoyed that." Jill growled, "But then again what's the difference between Alexa half naked and what Alexa normally wears?"

"The price tag." Luke replied sitting down next to John and holding his stomach.

"I personally dislike guys watching me in my underwear." Jill stated, "I'll be back in about fifteen minutes."

"Take your time." Terrance waved off, "I'll distract Patrice."

"And how will you do that?" Jill asked, "He's really stubborn."

"And if anyone references naked women around him he starts bragging about his sex life." Terrance replied, "That or I could tell him that you have your crossbow handy."

"I didn't hurt him that bad." Jill argued, "A stake in the knee isn't that bad."

"NO SKYRIM REFERENCES!" John said loudly when he saw Terrance open his mouth.

"But those are the best." Terrance pouted sitting back down.

"Yes they are, but that arrow to the knee joke got old pretty friggin fast!" John growled.

"I'm just going to leave now." Jill stated walking towards the shower house.

"Well the excitement had to end eventually." Luke stated clutching his stomach in pain.

"Adventure..." Terrance muttered.

"No!" John yelled.

"ADVENTURE!" Terrance yelled.

"STOP!" John screamed.

"SPORE!" Terrance exclaimed pulling a laptop out and opening a game.

"NOT AGAIN!" John cried as he began hitting his head against the deck post.

"Carnivore or Herbivore..." Terrance pondered looking at the clouds.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Luke:** Okay truth is my other personality and me stayed up all night arguing. God Sly is annoying sometimes...

**Cole:** I had a little business to take care of before I started relaxing, I read the rules and found nothing against it. But Chris is not going to be happy about our little plan.

**Summer:** I wonder where Kai was this morning...

**Terrance:** Spore is a game developed by EA in 2008, in the game you take on the role of god and develop your own species of animal that will eventually go from a small scale cell to galactic warlords. all in all it's one of my favorite games, I especially like the RTS part of it during Tribal and civilisation modes.

**John:** Terrance played that game for four hours straight yesterday after the challenge.

**Jill:** "Gamer Gurl's" piss me off, the way the chew on controllers is a complete disgrace to girls who love video games... and medieval weapons.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Girls cabin (About the same time that Terrance was playing his 3DS)**

* * *

A butterfly softly landed on the windowsill of the Weasels cabin as the girls slept soundly. They had stayed up late because they would be getting a three day break, well that's what they thought.

Julia was the only one awake and was about to plug two cords together.

"Wake up time." Julia giggled slamming the two electrical wires together as a gigantic speaker began making so much noise that it slowly blew a startled and wide eyed Alexa's bed towards the door.

Teresa yelled something inaudible as the windows shattered and the flies buzzing around the room died.

"WHOOOO!" Julia yelled above the noise before the sound of something losing power filled the room.

"What the **** was that!" Emily asked looking at a traumatized Alexa who had her hair blown back like a Dragon Ball Z character.

"Uhhh." Alexa mumbled clutching her sheets closer and shivering.

"I thought we destroyed that thing." Winter stated not noticing the slugs crawling all over her arms and sleeping bag, "How did she get it back?"

Everyone (Minus Alexa) looked at a gaping hole in the floorboards and had their answer in about three seconds.

"JULIA!" Alexa screamed snapping out of her shocked state, "YOU DUG UP THE FLOOR OF THE CABIN!"

"Only a little bit." Julia replied innocently whilst rocking back and forth on her heels.

"You must have been very committed." Winter guessed brushing slugs off her arms and sleeping bag, "This means oatmeal you little demons."

"Hmmm." The slugs whimpered.

"I still don't understand why she brought that in here in the first place." Emily stated.

"WHY WOULD JULIA DO ANYTHING!" Alexa screamed grabbing a hairbrush and attempting to fix her hair.

"Is caps lock really that necessary?" Winter asked.

"Forth wall jokes grow old real fast Winter." Teresa growled.

"Hey it's almost like that pointless scene with the speaker was meant for something plot related." Winter replied with a shrug.

"There's breaking the forth wall and over using the forth wall." Emily grumbled tossing clean clothes onto her bed.

"I'm not breaking it." Teresa argued.

"Can we stay on topic?" Alexa asked with half a Dragon Ball Z haircut on the left side of her head.

"Which topic are we talking about again? Helga is confused." Helga grunted in response.

And this is what Alexa heard: "Grunt Grunt Grunt i'm stupid grunt Grunt Burp I'm ugly."

"I agree." Alexa agreed.

"Julia having a totally useless and annoying speaker in the cabin and frying electrical appliances." Teresa replied with a shrug before Alexa's cellphone exploded.

"M-M-M-M-My cellphone..." Alexa stuttered picking up the broken pieces.

"It'll be okay Alexa." Winter comforted, "It's not the end of the world."

"YES IT IS!" Alexa screamed in response.

"IPhone 5c comes out this fall." Teresa pointed out.

"Good riddance to that piece of ****." Alexa shrugged completely dismissing her phone.

"She got over that fast." Teresa commented.

"A little too fast for my tastes." Emily agreed walking over to Alexa's phone and standing up in disbelief, "The power outage shot the charger and blew up Alexa's phone."

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Alexa screamed lunging for Julia who sidestepped and forced Alexa to smack into a wall headfirst.

"Julia I don't understand why you did this but I'm ashamed of you." Teresa explained.

"Can Helga leave now?" Helga asked while she helped Winter through the window.

"Why do you want to leave?" Emily asked.

"Helga wants to get to the shower house before Patrice barges in again." Helga replied as Winter hit the ground outside.

"I'll unlock the door." Emily sighed walking over to the door.

"No need." Julia replied.

"What do you mean no need?" Emily asked confused.

Julia answered by snapping her fingers.

"What did that do?" Emily asked before all the locks and chains on the door fell off.

"Why?" Teresa asked.

"That hole was a decoy." Julia replied, "It ends at the well."

"I will never understand you." Emily shook her head.

"SHOWERS!" Julia giggled dashing out of the cabin and running into the forest.

"Where in the world is she headed?" Alexa asked finally finished with her hair.

"Knowing Julia... off a cliff." Emily replied before a gigantic crash was heard making everyone cringe.

"Helga thinks Julia's tunnel isn't a straight line!" Helga yelled from outside, "Helga broke the deck."

"I can fix it." Emily stated unmotivated.

"You do that." Alexa replied.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Emily:** Maybe we should target Helga because she has a bad habit of breaking things, but if I mention that I'll be eliminated which will cause Helga to be eliminated anyway. I love Helga but god can she just smash things by accident.

**Winter:** And now I get to face death in another meeting with Kai... Send help please.

**Alexa:** You know someone's ugly when slugs crawl over them.

**Teresa:** I will be cooking pork chops and eggs for breakfast today, I wonder how many I'll have to cook for Helga...

**Helga:** Helga is sorry that she broke things again, maybe she can make it up to Emily somehow.

**Julia:** Juicy fruit, the gum of all contrived and whimsical total drama moments. NA NA NA NA NA!

* * *

**Beach**

* * *

"Truthfully I won't believe it if Vanessa's still on the island." Terrance explained while he and Jill walked down the beach where the boat of losers had sunk.

"It'll be a shock." Jill agreed adjusting her helmet, "Good thing I'm loaded with weapons."

"True." Terrance agreed, "But did you have to bring a catapult?"

"Yes." Jill replied looking over to where a catapult sat perched on a nearby hill.

"You are going nuts for that vehicle challenge." Terrance commented.

"So when I attach that thing to my medieval destruction car of doom I'll destroy everything in that challenge."

"Except maybe Summer's tank." Terrance argued.

"We're on the same team buddy." Jill responded, "Plus I haven't seen the Weasels working on their vehicles at all since the second challenge."

"We'll absolutely destroy them in that challenge." Terrance agreed, "it'll be like an episode of robot wars but with vehicles of mass destruction."

"And John's bathtub." Jill added.

"And John's bathtub!" Terrance announced.

Just up the hill two people were watching the two campers with disgust.

"They sicken me." The first one growled.

"Well they won't be sickening you for long." The second replied.

"So you're sure no one saw me?" The first asked.

"I removed all the batteries from the cameras along the east side of the island and then planted the idea of using that speaker into that retard's mind." The second assured the first, "So in other words half the cameras won't be working until Chris finds an alternate power source."

"I really didn't believe you could pull this off at first." The first replied, "I was really wrong."

"Well we may not get along but money and some other stuff is all it took to convince me." The second replied.

"And what will you do if I'm found out?" The first asked.

"Frame someone." The second smiled, "After that we'll resort to plan B."

"Who will you frame?" The first asked.

"Someone unimportant like Clyde or Terrence." The second replied.

"Well I'll be setting up near the staff building." the first replied walking off.

"This game is about to get very interesting." The first smiled flicking a cigarette butt onto the grass, "And no one suspects a thing."

"What colour is your sword's hilt?" Terrance asked from the beach below.

"No one." the figure smiled walking in the direction of camp.

* * *

**Confessional: Is who you expect the real culprit?**

* * *

**Jill:** The good news is that we can look for my sword a lot over the next few days which means we have a better chance of finding it.

**Terrance:** I wonder where Jill's sword could be... It's not like anyone took it or anything.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Boys cabin**

* * *

"Those stings healing nicely Patrice?" Greg asked while Spader and him played a game of poker using rocks as chips.

"No thanks to Vanessa." Patrice growled checking his watch again.

"What are you checking your watch for?" Spader asked.

"Oh I'm walking into the shower house at exactly eight 'o'clock." Patrice replied.

"Not again." Spader complained.

"Ever heard of knocking?" Greg asked.

"You make guys look stupid and obsessed over naked women." Spader added.

"Hey at least I'm not gay." Patrice argued.

"Now that's a new low." Greg complained, "Gay people aren't a joke."

"Yes they are." Patrice argued, "And anyone who doesn't like seeing naked women is in that category."

"You are so one note it's painful to watch." Spader stated.

"I prefer a girl's personality over her body." Greg agreed.

"Well then you can marry a fat lazy idiot!" Patrice yelled.

"I wouldn't date a girl who didn't care about her body or well being." Greg argued, "Therefore women who wish to look unattractive are out of the question."

"You're confusing me." Patrice grumbled.

"He's saying that women who look unattractive don't wish to be attractive and are probably miserable because of their appearance and refuse to accept that they're beautiful in their own way." Spader explained.

"Why do most of our conversations involve women?" Greg asked.

"It's hard to avoid the subject when you're rooming with a pervert." Spader replied.

"You guys are dumb." Patrice growled.

"I disagree." Greg replied, "For example in my class there are two girls, one is pretty because of makeup and one is just pretty."

"I'm lost." Patrice sighed.

"The one who wears makeup looks ugly when she isn't wearing makeup while the other is always pretty." Greg continued.

"So? one's just hotter than the other." Patrice argued.

"They're identical twins." Greg replied, "I like girls who are happy with what they are and it really shows appearance wise."

"Your stupid." Patrice growled walking out the door.

"He really is just a one note character." Greg stated.

"So now you realize it." Spader sighed shaking his head.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Spader:** Well my best bet at getting Winter's attention is to win Total Drama, because how could she say no to that... NO! Stupid idea! Grrr! Why is it so hard to talk to girls?

**Greg:** My best chance of getting a girlfriend is after they pass the "Bad Boy" phase. Can anyone explain why girls like jerks that act like Patrice?

**Patrice:** I go to every party back home and pick up the hot chicks who are drunk beyond standard thinking, they're always the most fun.

* * *

**Camp**

* * *

As almost everyone milled around camp thinking about what they'd be doing on their three day break Chris suddenly stormed out of the staff building with an angry look on his face.

"EVERYONE IN THE MESS HALL NOW!" Chris yelled angrily.

"Why are we meeting in the mess hall?" Cole asked from where he was standing next to the Falcon's cabin.

"And why didn't you ask us over the PA system?" Kai asked.

"Because someone caused a power shortage!" Chris screamed, "My Jacuzzi doesn't work and I won't rest until I figure out who caused all of this!"

"Julia caused it." All the girls from the Weasels said in unison.

"SILENCE!" Chris screamed, "I will have justice for my lack of power when I figure out who was responsible!"

"I did it." Julia replied.

"SILENCE!" Chris yelled.

"Normally I'd be freaking out but I can't really complain because we haven't had any internet connection since we left Toronto." Terrance shrugged.

"But didn't on of your game systems explode?" Teresa asked.

"Yeah like my phone!" Alexa yelled holding a pink Nokia in the air which was charred and had several band aids on it.

"how do the band aids help?" Terrance asked.

"MESS HALL NOW!" Chris screamed as seventeen grumbling teens sauntered into the mess hall.

"Maybe a good rant will show them..." Chris started before shutting the door behind him.

About three seconds after that happened three people wearing black clothing and ski masks ran across camp and began fixing the door to the mess hall in place.

"Hey boss are you sure they're all in here?" One of the bigger guys asked.

"Chris has all the interns and camera crew running on giant hamster wheels for power in the basement." the shortest one explained.

"Hey boss how do you know so much about this here island?" the other big guy asked in a gruff voice.

"I have someone on the inside." The short one explained.

"Who..." The big guy began before the other two shushed him.

* * *

**Inside**

* * *

"So you're telling me a giant speaker caused the power out!" Chris yelled not believing the camper's story.

"Yes." Emily replied, "And I assure you that Julia did indeed short out the power."

"I don't believe this." Chris sighed putting his face in his hand, "It would take a very strong electrical surge much greater than a speaker going off to shut off the power."

"Then what shut off the power?" Teresa asked, "Some mass murderer that escaped from prison?"

"Naw the cameras would have caught footage of anyone coming onto the island and the power is here in camp so it had to be someone shutting the power off or overloading it."

"It's probably overloading then." Summer replied, "My speaker was fried."

"What up?" Patrice shouted raising his hand for someone to high five it, "Anyone?"

"If Summer's right then that means that we have to shut off whatever's causing this." Chris explained.

"So in other words we have to walk across camp and turn a switch off?" Cole asked.

"It's much more complicated than that." Chris replied.

"I'm a student electrician, I think I know how this **** works." Cole replied.

"Well then you can go fix the power!" Chris exclaimed.

"I didn't volunteer." Cole growled.

"Well I guess all the mutated wildlife can sneak up on us at any moment." Chris shrugged, "But who cares about minor details like that."

"FINE! I'll go!" Cole growled standing up and walking out the door opposite the one everyone had entered, "But don't expect me to enjoy it!"

"We don't." Chris yelled back as he rolled his eyes.

"Well how long should it take Cole to fix the power?" Terrance asked raising his hand.

"Save all questions until the power comes on again." Chris replied.

"So you expect us to sit here, with only a window creating light while a jerk wanders around camp looking for the power switch?" Jill asked.

"Pretty much." Chris shrugged.

"Fine by me." Jill sighed putting her feet up on the table.

"Can you put your feet down? We eat there." John asked politely.

"I wouldn't call it eating but if you ask me to do something I'll do it." Jill agreed taking her feet off the table.

"Well..." Patrice started before Emily jabbed him in the stomach really hard.

"Don't even start." Emily explained.

"You guys are no fun." Patrice grumbled crossing his arms and pouting like a toddler.

"I like cheesecake..." Julia hissed leaning into Patrice's face, narrowing her eyes, and backing away slowly.

Patrice mouthed something to Greg before the lights flickered before dying again.

"Well it appears we need to fix the power as well." Chris explained.

"What if someone snuck onto the island and shut the power off?" Emily asked.

"That's silly." Chris replied, "Steven is trained to attack anyone who isn't supposed to be here."

"How does he do that?" Kai asked.

"With a radar that's... plugged in downstairs... oh god." Chris stammered, "QUICK JILL STAB WHOEVER ATTCKS YOU AND TERRANCE ON THE WAY TO THE POWER HOUSE!"

"Wait! I don't have my sword!" Jill yelled before Chris shoved her and Terrence outside.

"What could possibly go wrong now?" Chris asked before the room was filled with a hissing sound.

The campers and Chris began looking around trying to pinpoint what was making the sound when Helga noticed a cloud of blue gas floating up from the door the had entered.

"Helga doesn't understand why Chris needs a smoke machine." Helga grunted.

"What do you mean smoke machine?" Chris asked turning around and stiffening, "SAVE YOURSELVES! AND ME!"

"It's okay guys we can just exit through this door." Spader explained before three figures blocked the doorway.

"Not on my watch." The smallest laughed.

"Please tell me that isn't who I think it is." Luke sighed putting his face in his hand.

"Who do you think I am?" The person asked.

"I can recognize that annoying, know it all voice anywhere Theodore." Luke sighed.

"So you aren't as dumb as I thought!" Theodore laughed pulling the ski mask off, "Hand over the show to me Mclean!"

"And how are you going to get me to sign a agreement?" Chris asked with a bored expression.

"BOYS!" Theodore yelled snapping his fingers as the two bigger guys pulled machine guns from out of their jackets.

"HEY THAT'S ILLEGAL!" Teresa yelled before one of the guys shot a bullet through the roof of the mess hall, "If you use a gun illegally in Canada you get arrested on the spot."

"Vell it'z a good thing ve're from Russia." One of the guys spoke in a thick Russian accent.

"Oh that'll protect you." Teresa fumed before the big guy shot another round of bullets through the roof.

"Now you can either surrender or die from fumigation." Theodore explained, "You have ten seconds."

"HELGA DOESN'T WANT TO DIE!" Helga screamed picking Chris up and barreling to the door.

"OH NO!" Theodore screamed before Helga plowed the three over.

"JAIL BREAK!" Someone yelled from the back before everyone ran out of the mess hall trampling Theodore and his henchmen to the ground.

"Zey got away." one of the henchmen commented.

"I KNOW!" Theodore yelled elbowing the guy in the neck.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** What the **** is Theodore doing here?!

**Teresa:** I'm certain Russia doesn't like their citizens shooting people in other countries.

**Luke:** I'm scared.

**Chris:** Theodore must be after my deed, because whoever owns Wawanakwa owns Total Drama.

* * *

**Camp**

* * *

"Which way to the power house?" John asked as the group of campers rushed outside.

"Over near where we keep the mutated wolves." Chris replied.

"YOU HAVE MUTATED WOLVES IN A CAGE!" John exclaimed shocked by Chris's stupidity.

"It's fine." Chris replied, "The fence surrounding them is electric."

"And what do we have none of?" John asked.

"Good interns?" Chris guessed.

"POWER! P! O! W! E! R! POWER, ELECTRICITY, THE ONLY THING STOPPING US FROM BEING EATEN BY MUTATED WOLVES!" John screamed.

"We can't do anything about that now." Chris explained, "I need a group of you to help me reach the main building so we can communicate with the backup generator."

"Not it!" Summer yelled.

"NOT IT!" Emily yelled.

"Also not it." Clyde stated.

"Okay..." Chris trailed before pointing at Kai, Greg, Helga, and Teresa, "Okay I need one more."

"Nope not happening." Patrice said stubbornly.

"Eeney meeny miney you!" Chris stated pointing at Luke.

"Great." Luke sighed.

"GET THEM!" Theodore yelled from inside the mess hall.

"EVERYBODY SCATTER!" Chris screamed as almost everyone darted in different directions.

"Vere did zey go?" One of the big guys asked.

"SHUT UP!" Theodore yelled before pulling a walkie talkie out of his pocket, "David bring in the escaped convicts."

"You sure Mr. Yetrill?" Asked the guy on the other side.

"TELL THEM I'LL PAY THEM LARGE SUMS OF MONEY FOR BRINGING ME CAMPERS!" Theodore yelled, "Dead or alive..."

* * *

**Power house**

* * *

Jill and Terrance were finding their way through the power house, Jill was in front holding a boomerang like a weapon while Terrance followed her holding his 3DS like a flashlight while Pokémon Black two gym music blared from the speakers.

"I guess Chris judges people by how well they can handle weapons." Jill sighed as she and Terrance walked through the concrete building.

"He probably picked me because I know how to use a Nintendo 3DS." Terrance grumbled.

"Do you suppose Cole made it here all right?" Jill asked.

"We're about to figure that out." Terrance replied heaving a sigh as the power light switched from blue to red, "Looks like we're swapping to Gameboy power without volume until we turn the lights on."

Terrance turned the DS off and stuffed it in his pocket.

"You know, someone could sneak up on us while we're in the dark." Jill commented as Terrance found his Gameboy and flicked the power switch on.

"Who would scare us?" Terrance asked as the room was bathed in light.

"HELLO!" A figure yelled from just outside the light.

Jill screamed in response and chucked her boomerang at the person knocking whoever it was over.

"WHO ARE YOU!" Jill yelled pulling two more boomerangs out and pouncing on her target in one swift movement.

"Geez take a joke will ya?" Cole stammered pushing Jill's weapons of choice away from his neck.

"What the heck Cole! I thought you were turning the power back on!" Terrance exclaimed shining the screen which showed Mario getting killed by a goomba in super Mario world at Cole.

"I did." Cole replied, "I hit the power switch but got lost on the way out."

"Well the electricity is overloaded at the moment." Terrance replied, "We have to reset it or something."

"Oh that's easy." Cole shrugged, "We just gotta head into the power room."

Cole then bolted into the darkness.

"Wait for us Dude!" Terrance yelled following Cole quickly.

"Idiot." Jill grumbled putting her boomerangs away, "I swear if anything else goes wrong..."

Jill then had a hand clamp around her mouth and she was dragged into the darker part of the shadows.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Cole:** I kind of wish I knew what was going on, the power out is kind of freaking me out.

**Terrance:** I have a sneaking suspicion Cole might've been behind this mystery.

* * *

**Main building**

* * *

Chris, Kai, Greg, Helga, Teresa, and Luke had reached the main building and were cautiously making their way through the basement of it.

"Where is everyone?" Kai asked as they passed empty room after empty room.

"The Interns were running on giant hamster wheels so I could get power to my Jacuzzi." Chris replied.

"Why are there so many doors?" Teresa asked looking down the hallway.

"Oh they're leftover from a game show I was planning on doing called maze of a thousand doors." Chris replied, "It's just a bunch of empty rooms though."

"So you're telling me you wasted thousands of dollars on the construction of this place." Teresa exclaimed, "And you've never used it!"

"That's why fresh TV holds me on such a tight contract." Chris replied, "I still owe them a couple million dollars for the island so they're making me host this show until I can pay them off."

"If you keep buying things like that plane you'll be here forever." Greg growled, "Which door was it again?"

"I dunno." Chris shrugged.

"You... Don't... Know..." Greg stammered before pouncing on Chris, "I'll kill you!"

"Helga thinks there are better ways to solve our problems." Helga grunted picking Greg and Chris up like they weighed no more than rag dolls.

"He's led us into an unsolvable maze!" Greg yelled.

"He's a brat!" Chris added.

"Helga doesn't care." Helga yelled clonking the two together and tossing them aside.

"You can either agree with the half ton behemoth or get killed by her." Kai shrugged walking past the two and opening a door.

"They're here." an unknown voice mumbled from the shadows.

"IT'S THEODORE!" Chris screamed as he and Greg tripped over one another in an attempt to escape whatever was following them.

"I hear a noise!" The voice yelled, "Did you yell?"

"I didn't!" another voice yelled.

"Then who did?" The voice asked.

At that moment Chris and Greg plowed Teresa over.

"WHAT THE **** ARE YOU TWO DOING!" Teresa screamed bonking Greg on the head as hard as she could.

"Someone's following us!" Chris yelled.

"Yeah, Luke." Teresa replied rolling her eyes, "See!"

Greg and Chris whirled around to see Luke step from the shadows clutching his stomach.

"My throat feels like I just ate fire ants." Luke groaned, his voice oddly deep.

"Did you catch something?" Teresa asked picking herself up.

"I don't know." Luke whined.

"I'll make you some herbal tea when we get back to camp." Teresa stated, "Come on."

Teresa then continued to walk down the hall.

"I could of sworn Luke was arguing with someone." Greg said freaked out.

"You weren't the only one to hear it then." Chris replied looking back into the darkness.

"We may as well catch up with Helga." Greg suggested, "She can protect us."

"Good idea." Chris nodded before the two dashed down the hallway as quickly as possible.

As soon as the two had vanished down the hallway a nearby door opened and a masked man stepped out, looked around, and then followed them.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Chris:** Well despite how much I hate campers, they have their uses...

**Kai:** Greg and Chris just can't stop fighting, maybe we should just bean them both over the head and hand them over to Theodore.

**Greg:** I still think something was following us.

**Luke:** I feel as sick as that time my class visited a coal power plant. Smoke makes me sick and I guess since Cole smokes I must be getting sick off the second hand stuff.

* * *

**Mess hall**

* * *

"Well I never expected you to be the first one captured." Theodore laughed as an tall Asian man shoved Jill into the room.

Theodore was lounging on a chair wiping the fog off his glasses when Jill had been brought to him.

"What the heck are you doing here?" Jill asked glaring at her former teammate.

"That is none of your business!" Theodore shouted kicking Jill in the head.

"Ow, that hurt so much." Jill said sarcastically.

"I may not be strong but I'm powerful!" Theodore yelled, "And now I'm going to make you suffer."

"And how will you do that?" Jill asked.

"I'll make you face your worst fear." Theodore explained, "I will make you be a damsel in distress."

"Yeah that only works if I'm helpless." Jill replied.

"But you are helpless." Theodore laughed.

"TA-DA!" Jill yelled holding her hands up and revealing that she had picked her handcuffs.

"Kiofski!" Theodore barked as the big Russian guy taped Jill's armour with a electrified rod making her flail around for a few seconds before passing out.

"YOU!" Theodore yelled pointing at the Asian guy, "Go look for more of them!"

The guy nodded and left the mess hall quickly.

"Vhat do Ve do vith the girl?" The man asked.

"Lock her in a cage or something, she can pretend to be princess Link from the Mario games or whatever she's called." Theodore ordered.

* * *

**Forest**

* * *

"We're hopelessly lost." Winter sighed as she, Alexa, John, and Spader hit yet another dead end in the maze of thorn bushes they had entered.

"Why don't we just turn around John asked.

"We did that not five minutes ago and we've hit this part eight times already." Spader replied.

"Then there must be something special about it." John stated walking up to the bush, Maybe if we just pull a thorn off..."

The moment John did that the bush came to life, picked John up, and began flailing him around before slamming him in the mud as hard as it could.

"It's mutated." John stammered before letting his face fall in the mud.

"We better not let him drown." Spader sighed picking John up and shaking him until he was conscious again.

"This place is disgusting." Alexa growled.

"What makes it so much more disgusting than what you usually find disgusting?" Winter asked.

"Well for one it's muddy." Alexa explained.

"That's part of nature, deal with it." Winter replied.

"Secondly, Winter's ugly albino skin is basically glowing in this gloom." Alexa continued.

"Well it's better than my skin burning in direct sunlight." Winter replied.

"Third off, this creepy frog thing won't take it's tongue off my leg." Alexa finished motioning to the winged frog that had it's purple tongue wrapped around her leg.

"Awww something as cute as your personality." Winter mocked.

"Well those slugs are as cute as yours." Alexa retorted pointing at the various slugs climbing on the thorn bushes.

"You didn't have to come with us you know." John muttered.

"It's better than being around Teresa and Emily." Alexa explained.

"Why doesn't she like them?" John asked.

"It's Alexa, who the heck cares?" Winter asked, "She makes me sleep on the floor."

"Winter." Alexa stammered.

"No Alexa! I am done with you treating me like I belong in a dumpster!" Winter ranted.

"Winter." Alexa stammered again pointing at Winter.

"What is it..." Winter started before turning around and coming face to face with a gigantic fly.

The monstrous thing roared before spewing a jet of digestive acid in the camper's direction.

"DUCK!" Spader screamed.

"That's a fly not a duck idiot." Alexa growled before the green goop knocked her over.

"WHAT THE **** IS THIS ****!" Alexa screamed falling into a pool of mud.

"RUN!" John screamed as the other three trampled Alexa in an attempt to evade the monstrous bug.

"Don't leave me!" Alexa exclaimed but everyone had left already.

SPLASH!

"Spader is that you?" Alexa asked, "I can't see anything without my contacts."

Nope." A masculine voice laughed before someone picked Alexa up and began carrying her back to camp.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Winter:** Maybe I should form an alliance with Emily and Teresa and we can work on getting Alexa out.

**John:** Somehow I ended up with three members of the other team. This will be good if we all make it to the merge.

**Spader:** I never thought I'd say this but I miss hanging out with Greg. He always knows what to do in situations like this.

* * *

**Shower house**

* * *

Summer was inside the shower house washing her hands. Because of the power outage Summer had a flashlight pointed at the roof for a light source and was angrily complaining about the temperature.

"This water is freezing." Summer grumbled wiping her hands on her pants because Chris refused to provide anything they could use to do so.

Summer suddenly got that weird feeling when all of a sudden you need to look in a specific direction.

"Who's there?" Summer asked pointing the flashlight at the shower in the corner.

A shuffling sound suddenly came from the stall in the middle.

"If you're trying to scare me I will beat you up using karate." Summer stammered before she flung the shower curtain to the side to find... nothing, "Just my mind."

Summer put the curtain back and came face to face with a masked figure hanging on the shower curtain.

"EEEK!" Summer screamed as the figure began hitting her with something.

The figure ignored her scream and continued to smack her with the blunt object, it hurt a lot but didn't seem to be doing any damage.

"Summer what's taking so long..." Emily began walking into the room and noticing the figure.

"WHO ARE YOU?" Emily asked shining the light on the figure to reveal Julia wearing a scream mask hitting Summer repetitively with a spoon.

"JULIA!" Summer growled ripping the mask off and flinging it into the corner, "What are you doing?"

"Scaring people." Julia giggled, "You should have seen the look on your face!"

"We're leaving." Summer grumbled grabbing Julia's ponytail and dragging her out the door.

"OW, OW, OW, OW, OW..." Julia yelled as she was dragged out the door.

The moment the door shut a clawed hand reached from the far shower stall and grasped the mask.

* * *

When the three girls got outside they looked around to make sure the coast was clear before dashing into the woods nearby. once they arrived they were greeted by Clyde and Patrice who were sitting in the woods nervously.

"Jesus! What were you doing in there?" Patrice asked walking away from the tree he was leaning against.

"It's kind of hard to go to the bathroom in the dark while Julia rips off Psycho." Summer grumbled, "I could've sworn you were in the corner stall though."

"Nope I was just hanging on the shower curtain." Julia giggled before jumping in the air and catching a branch from a tree and hanging two feet off the ground.

"Julia what are you doing?" Emily sighed.

"I'm batman." Julia stated before pulling herself up and climbing into the leaf filled branches.

"I will never understand her." Clyde stated as a squirrel dropped from the branches with a bite mark in it.

"She's a retard so who cares?" Patrice replied rudely.

"Dude..." Clyde started but the squirrel that Julia had taken a bite out of had grown back flesh where the bite mark was and was steadily growing in size.

"Maybe we should back up..." Summer started before the squirrel sprouted two more heads and grew to the size of a small car.

"Nobody make any loud noises or sudden movements." Emily whispered.

"AHHHHHH!" Patrice screamed flailing his arms around like a madman.

The gigantic three headed squirrel roared and gave chase to Patrice.

"Julia please don't bite any more squirrels." Summer ordered the moment Patrice was out of sight.

Julia replied by dropping a KO'd man in a trench coat from branches.

"Can I eat him?" Julia asked from the branches.

"NO!" Everyone else yelled in unison.

"You guys are no fun." Julia grumbled falling out of the tree and landing on her feet.

"Maybe we should tie this guy up." Clyde suggested.

"Good idea Clyde." Summer replied, "And I know the perfect place to put him..."

* * *

**Confessional: (That clawed hand? That comes back later)**

* * *

**Patrice: **(He appears to be rolling in the confessional like the confessional's being rolled down a hill... oh and he's covered in raw sewage.)

**Summer:** If we can find where Theodore is we can find out how to stop him.

**Clyde:** That guy had a gun... This is friggen scary! GET ME OUTTA... (He's cut off by static)

**Emily:** Normal squirrels don't look like Cerberus.

**Julia:** NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA, BATMAN!

* * *

**Mess hall**

* * *

"SOMEONE GET ME A PIZZA!" Theodore yelled throwing a temper tantrum, "And has anyone located Chris?"

All of Theodore's minions shook their heads no.

"THEN GET SEARCHING!" Theodore screamed throwing a glass at the wall.

"Hey boss." A gruff male voice called from the entrance to the mess hall.

"WHAT?!" Theodore asked whirling around angrily and glaring at his henchman.

"I found one of the campers." The guy answered tossing Alexa onto the floor.

"I need Chris to sign a deal to sell the island to me! NOT THIS DUMB CAMPER!" Theodore screamed.

"She might have info." The guy stated.

"I'll interrogate her." Theodore grumbled, "But then she goes to hang out with Jill."

Theodore pointed to where Jill was hanging by her ankles from the ceiling.

"Nice trap." The guy complimented.

The moment the two were distracted Jill pulled herself up and picked the locks near her ankles before falling to the floor and punching the nearest guard.

"Stop her." Theodore sighed as about twelve guys walked up with and pointed guns at her.

"How did she escape?" The guy asked.

"We don't exactly know how she does it." Theodore replied, "She's escaped twenty different traps."

"Maybe we should just kill her." The guy suggested.

"GO FIND MORE PEOPLE" Theodore yelled angrily slamming his fist on the table in front of him.

"Settle down boss, I'm going." The guy stammered backing out of the mess hall.

"What stinks like barf and swamp water?" Theodore asked as the nearby guards not forcing Jill into a cage shrugged.

"MMPF!" Alexa tried to yell through the gag around her mouth.

"What do you know about Chris?" Theodore asked as a guard removed the gag.

"He's a rude person and hosts the show..." Alexa began.

"TELL ME HIS LOCATION!" Theodore screamed throwing another tantrum.

"I-I-I Don't know." Alexa stammered.

"She's stupid." Theodore muttered, "Attach her to the ceiling by her wrists!"

"You got it boss." One of the guards replied picking ALexa up and carrying her into the back.

* * *

**Power house**

* * *

"So you're telling me you don't have posters of nude women on your walls." Cole exclaimed.

"Nope." Terrence replied, "Never have, never will."

"But dude its normal for guys our age to have stuff like that." Cole argued.

"I much prefer my legend of Zelda poster and drawings." Terrance replied, "I may not be like most guys but that doesn't give any reason to bug me about it."

"To me you seem a little gay." Cole grumbled.

"What do posters have to do with that?" Terrance asked raising an eyebrow.

"Ummmm... SHUT UP!" Cole yelled pointing at Terrance angrily.

"You know, I haven't heard from Jill in a while." Terrance mused turning around and shining the dim light cast by his game system down the narrow hall, "HEY JILL! Where are you."

A loud hair raising howl sounded in response.

"Was that a wolf howl?" Cole asked as the two boys stiffened and glanced at each other nervously.

"Yes, yes it was." Terrance replied.

"How close do you suppose it was?" Cole asked.

"Hard to tell with the stone passage ways." Terrance replied.

"Do we run?" Cole asked.

"I believe we do." Terrance nodded before the two boys dashed down the hallway at full speed.

Another howl sounded signaling that whatever was chasing them had caught onto their trail.

"Let's find a door! Let's find a door!" Cole repeated as a steel door came into sight.

"IN HERE!" Terrance screamed throwing the door open and running inside... only to end up outside about twenty feet in the air.

Cole landed in a tree while Terrance plummeted to the ground below.

"Who puts a freaking door in a place like that." Cole grumbled looking back at the door and seeing it slam shut, "Damn it."

Cole looked around and couldn't find Terrance.

"Terrance?" Cole asked slightly worried, "Oh god! did he get caught!"

Cole then noticed a Gameboy lying on the ground below the tree.

"Now where did he go?" Cole asked himself.

* * *

**Confessional: (The Claw!)**

* * *

**Terrance:** I don't ever want to tumble downhill like that ever again... Speaking of which, why was the confessional at the bottom of a hill?

**Cole:** Well I may as well start searching for Terrance.

* * *

**Maze of a thousand doors**

* * *

"Are we there yet?" Greg asked.

"NO!" Chris growled.

"How about now?" Greg asked.

"NO!" Chris yelled.

"Do you even know where this stuff is?" Greg asked.

"NO!" Chris yelled before realizing what he'd just said, "I mean that we'll be there soon."

"Good because I'm sick of opening doors." Greg grumbled as he opened yet another door.

"Did you know that I installed a tube system that randomly deposits things into the rooms down here." Chris stated opening a door to reveal a room full of garbage, "Chef uses this one for garbage."

"I think I can smell the food from the first day of the first season in there." Luke gagged.

"With a hint of garlic." Teresa added receiving strange looks.

"So you're saying you could have this tube system bring anything down here?" Kai asked.

"Yep." Chris smiled, "Garbage, props, interns, you name it we can send it down here."

"So if Theodore figures out where we are he can send people to the end of the maze." Kai stated.

"Yep." Chris nodded.

"And we didn't use this system to get to the room we're looking for faster?" Teresa asked.

"Noooo..." Chris trailed realizing how much easier this could've been.

"So we opened two hundred doors for no reason!" Greg yelled clubbing Chris over the head with his golf club.

"Greg calm down." Teresa yelled.

"He started it." Greg growled pointing at Chris.

"Dude, get your anger issues in order." Kai stated swiping Greg's golf club away and sticking it in the belt loop of her pants.

"Can I have my golf club back please?" Greg asked.

"Not until you learn how to behave!" Kai growled walking down the hallway a little ways.

"Helga wonders why we can't just smash the doors." Helga grunted.

"These doors cost me FIVE! no... TEN! no... ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS EACH!" Chris lied, "If you break it you buy it."

"Helga thinks that's unfair." Helga stated.

"I didn't get the memo that said life's fair!" Chris laughed walking ahead.

"Helga tries to make everything fair." Helga grumbled.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Helga:** Helga doesn't agree with Chris at all...

**Greg:** Kai stole my Golf club... She seems like my kind of girl! Forcing me to deal with my problem non-violently and she has the discipline strategy of a kindergarten teacher.

**Kai:** I wasn't going to put up with Greg hitting Chris constantly so I took the cause of the problem away.

**Chris:** Why didn't I use that tube system?

* * *

**Cliff**

* * *

"AHHHHHHHH!" The criminal screamed as Summer slowly lowered him down the side of the thousand foot cliff.

"You can tell us anytime." Clyde yelled.

"I'll talk!" The man cried, "Just don't leave me here!"

"So why does Theodore want control of the island?" Summer asked.

"I don't know! The man cried, "He's just paying us money to capture you guys!"

"And what were you planning to do with us?" Summer asked passing the rope to Julia and Emily.

"You know, tie you up and give you to Theodore." The man replied eying the ground below like he would fall right through it and die.

"Where is Theodore now?" Summer asked.

"In the mess hall!" The man screamed, "Just don't let me fall."

"Okay, Emily, Julia tie the rope to that tree, this guy isn't following us." Summer ordered as Emily tied the end of the rope to a nearby tree.

"How are we going to stop Theodore?" Clyde asked.

"Clyde do you know how to drive?" Summer asked putting her arm around Clyde's shoulder.

"No." Clyde replied, "What scary and dangerous thing do you have in mind?"

"I'm going to teach you... TO DRIVE!" Summer explained motioning to the distance.

"Does this involve explosions?" Clyde asked worried.

"Yep." Summer giggled grabbing his wrist and dragging him into the woods.

"Come on Julia, we don't want to lose." Emily motioned following the two falcons into the woods.

"This rope is too big." Julia said to herself the moment Emily was out of hearing range, "I'll shorten it!"

"NO!" The man screamed as Julia began sawing through the rope.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Summer:** Theodore is going to wet his pants.

**Clyde:** I'm hoping this driving involves something easy to steer...

**Emily:** I'm guessing that we're using Summer's tank.

**Julia:** He's okay.

* * *

**Swamp**

* * *

"Did we lose it?" John asked as the three campers panted near a fallen tree.

"I believe so." Winter sighed sitting down on the log.

"Did anyone notice where Alexa went?" Spader asked looking around.

"No I think she fell in the mud when that _Thing _started chasing us." John replied.

"Well we better go back then." Spader sighed.

"Whoa whoa whoa." John repeated, "Why would we go back for her?"

"Because she's our teammate and a fellow camper." Spader replied, "Plus every elimination ceremony we go to she ends up with at least two votes."

"And this matters to me why?" John asked.

"If you don't come with us those ants might find you again." Winter grumbled, "I would rather leave her in that maze of thorns but I won't because it's not right."

"Fine!" John sighed standing up and looking around, "Hey guys?"

"Yes John?" Spader replied.

"Which way did we come in?" John asked pointing north without realizing it.

"I think it's where all that fog is." Spader replied pointing south over his back, "You know, because fog is evaporated water."

"I'm not sure." Winter mused, "It wasn't foggy in the swamp."

"Oh god!" John screamed we're lost!"

"No we aren't." Winter replied pointing at a camera placed in a tree, "Chris or the interns will find us when we get power back."

"And if we don't?" John asked.

"Well then the chances of being found are slim." Spader stated, "We can either stay here or venture back into the swamp to find Alexa."

"I'm comfy." Winter Stated.

"I have cramps." John added.

"You know we might get lost." Spader finished.

All three of them sat down on the fallen log and looked around with bored expressions.

"Well this sucks." John stated.

"Who knew it could be so boring without annoying people." Winter mused.

"Maybe we should go after Alexa." Spader suggested.

Three seconds of silence later

"Nah." The three said in unison.

"Being bored is more fun than being bored with Alexa around." John stated.

A nearby bush suddenly shook.

"What is that?" Winter screamed leaping into Spader's arms like Scooby doo.

"My noodle arms can't handle this." Groaned Spader as he attempted to hold Winter up.

"It's probably just a rabbit." John waved off.

"Didn't a rabbit eat your pants yesterday?" Winter asked.

John was in Winter's arms faster than the roadrunner.

"It had a taste of polyester fibre!" John screamed, "It's back to finish the job!"

"Guys! What part of noodle arms don't you get?" Spader asked from the bottom of the stack before they all collapsed in a tangled heap.

The bush rattled again and a figure rose from it.

"AHHHHH!" The three campers screamed.

* * *

**Maze of a thousand doors**

* * *

"I spy with my little eye..." Greg paused.

"Stop it." Kai grumbled.

"...Something that is brown." Greg finished.

"A door, the wall, my hair!" Kai yelled.

"Hey! Only one guess per player!" Greg yelled, "And how did you know it was your hair again?"

"Because if it's not the wall or a door, it's my hair." Kai yelled.

"Okay I'll pick something else." Greg grumbled.

"NO!" Everyone yelled at once.

"You guys are no fun." Greg growled opening another door, "Hey I found the lost ark!"

"Keep moving." Chris ordered.

"Fine." Greg growled closing the door containing the valuable lost artifact.

"So... does the door have any markers?" Teresa asked.

"Nah, that would have cost money." Chris replied, "It's just door number five hundred sixty three."

"And why didn't you tell us about this earlier?" Kai asked.

"Because we haven't been keeping count." Chris replied as the obvious dawned on everyone.

"Damn it!" Teresa yelled.

"Helga is still confused at why we aren't just smashing doors." Helga grunted.

"Because Chris says he paid a lot of money for them." Teresa grumbled, "But I don't see why he thinks the danger of possibly being killed is irreverent to these doors."

"Hey!" Chris yelled, "You're right but it's still not fair to make fun of me."

"You know, we could just go back to the surface and use that tube system." Luke pointed out.

"That would require effort though." Chris whined.

"Nothing comes without at least some effort." Kai exclaimed, "WE ARE GOING TO THE SURFACE NOW!"

"Geez!" Chris exclaimed, "Don't blow a gasket."

A door about six feet away suddenly opened and a man wearing a clown mask walked out.

"I can't find anyone wearing a clown mask threatening." Greg grumbled snatching his golf club away from Kai and raising it to hit the clown guy.

He never did hit him.

About three seconds after he raised the golf club a dart with a colourful end embedded itself in Greg's back.

"What the..." Greg started wavering a little before falling over into Kai's arms.

The group whipped around to see a grinning guy loading another sleeping dart into a long bamboo tube.

"I suggest we run." Teresa stated.

"HELGA WOULD RATHER FIGHT!" Helga roared picking the clown mask guy up and tossing him at the bamboo tube guy. The two were tangled in a heap when another nearby door opened and another man stepped out.

"HEY!" The guy yelled, "What did you do to George and Jack?"

"HELGA'S TIRED OF THESE DUMMIES!" Helga roared tossing the guy back into the room like a rag doll and slamming the door behind him.

"GET THEM!" the clown mask guy yelled as another dart stuck in the back of Teresa's neck.

"Urk." Teresa squeaked before foaming at the mouth and falling over.

"MUST RUN FASTER! MUST RUN FASTER!" Chris yelled flailing his arms and running deeper into the tunnel.

"Helga I advise we leave." Luke pointed out as several door scattered down the hall opened.

"For once Helga agrees with fleeing." Helga stated picking Greg up and running down the hall with Luke being dragged behind her due to the fact she grabbed his hand.

"GET THIS GIRL TO THE SURFACE!" One of the guys roared as all four of the campers disappeared down the hall.

"Ay ay cap'n." A guy grinned revealing several missing teeth.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Kai:** What is a confessional doing down here?

**Chris:** Where did I put that room?

**Helga:** (She's making Greg's mouth move and is imitating his voice) Helga is the best person ever!

**Luke:** How many freaking minions does Theodore have?

* * *

**Camp**

* * *

"HELLO!" Terrance yelled across the camp.

When no one replied Terrance lowered his hands.

"You'd think the camp was attacked or something." Terrance muttered to himself walking towards the mess hall before a hand grabbed his shoulder.

Terrance whipped around and punched the person in the face.

"Why the **** did you do that?" Patrice asked rubbing his eye.

"Why are you trying to scare me?" Terrance asked.

"I'm hiding from Theodore." Patrice hissed.

Normally Terrance would believe him but Patrice was covered in wet toilet paper, water, and had several multicolored smears on his shirt. He also smelt like he'd been left outside for a year, after being dragged out of bed, and then rolled in manure.

"Sure." Terrance replied, "And I'm king of the Mushroom Kingdom."

"No I mean it!" Patrice yelled flailing his arms.

"Come on buddy, we're going to find those crazy pills that you forgot to take today." Terrance said slowly like he was talking to a child, "And then when the power comes on again we'll have you take a bath."

"NO LISTEN TO ME!" Patrice screamed backing away from Terrance, "He's set traps and everything!"

"Sure." Terrance laughed taking one step... and getting caught in a snare.

"I told you!" Patrice yelled running into the bush screaming.

"This guy should be eliminated for this." Terrance muttered reaching and freezing when he noticed a man standing nearby wearing a saw mask.

"Wanna play a game?" The guy asked.

"Okay." Terrance replied, "Show me you Pokémons!"

"That's not what I had in mind." The guy replied.

"Oh Mario kart." Terrance replied.

"Do you even know who I'm pretending to be?" the guy asked.

"No idea." Terrance shrugged.

"What the **** happened to people watching horror movies." The guy sighed taking the mask off and rubbing his face stressfully.

"So are we battling Pokémon or what?" Terrance asked.

The guy put the mask back on, "We're playing Jigsaw!"

"Cool!" Terrance cheered, "What's that?"

"You'll see." The guy laughed.

* * *

Ten minutes later

* * *

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...!" Terrance screamed as his character died again, "I'LL KILL YOU GAP! I'LL KILL YOU!"

"This is working much better than I expected." Theodore laughed from the other side of the glass.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Terrance screamed picking the keyboard for the computer off the table and smashing it through the screen.

"All it took was an impossible internet game called the gap." The jigsaw guy laughed.

"Keep up the good work." Theodore ordered walking away as another Computer was placed in front of Terrance.

Theodore walked outside and it was revealed that he and the captured campers were on a yacht just offshore.

"Another Pina Colada sire?" A British waiter asked, "This one has vodka."

"I WANTED A BEER!" Theodore screamed throwing the drink at the man's face, "EITHER GET ME WHAT I WANT OR GO DROWN!"

"Yes sire." The waiter stated wiping pina colada off his face and walking back into the kitchen.

"Messing with daddy's staff is fun." Theodore laughed sitting down in a lawn chair not noticing Jill burst out of the kitchen before being tackled again and dragged away, "What can possibly stop me now?"

* * *

**Forest**

* * *

"You know what the best part about this place is?" The cloaked figure asked as a gigantic spider held Spader, John, and Winter hostage in its mouth as they moved through a foggy bog.

"The spiders?" Winter asked bored.

"YES THE SPI-DERS!" The figure laughed raising his voice while saying Spiders.

"You know, you've pointed that out like eight times already." John stated.

"Pointed out what?" The figure asked turning to face the campers but his face was kept in shadows by the cloak.

"The spiders." John stated.

"THE SPI-DERS!" The man yelled, "I LOVE THE SPI-DERS!"

"We get it." Spader sighed, "You like..."

"THE SPI-DERS!" The man yelled waving his hands mystically.

The three campers groaned in response.

"You know, I never would've found you without..." The figure began.

"We know, the spiders." John sighed.

"Actually I was going to say the birds." The man replied.

"Well that's..." Winter started.

"Just kidding!" The man laughed, "It was the SPI-DERS."

"Stop saying it like that." Ordered John.

"Like what?" The man asked.

"The way you say the word... not going to say it, so mystically and high pitched." John replied.

"Oh you mean how I say SPI-DERS!" The man yelled.

The three campers groaned again.

"Can you just take us to Theodore already?" Spader asked, "We've had enough torture!"

"Who's this Theodore you speak of?" The man asked, "Does he like SPI-DERS?"

"Stop it." John ordered.

"If you don't work for him then what are you going to do to us?" Winter asked.

"Are you going to eat us?" John asked with a gasp.

"I don't wanna die!" Spader cried.

"Nope I won't eat you." the man replied as they entered a clearing filled with various animals encased in amber, "I'm just going to add you to my collection!" The man laughed throwing back his hood to a hard shell like substance covering his face and two sets of yellow eyes, "I call it Jurassic sap hole!"

"That's original." Winter stated sarcastically.

"Why thank you." The bug man replied.

"What are you?" Spader asked.

"I call myself the SPI-DER overlord." the man replied, "And now you're going to join my collection."

The gigantic spider moved over the hole and the three campers looked down into a pit filled with bubbling sap.

"the process is quite painless, you'll just be encased in amber for all of eternity." The Spider overlord laughed.

"STEWART! WHAT ARE YOU YELLING ABOUT?!" A masculine voice asked from the shadows.

"I'M WORKING MOM!" The bug man named Stewart yelled in reply.

"Who's that?" John asked.

"My mom." Stewart growled, "Now be quiet!"

"DID YOU GET ME DINNER?!" Stewarts mom asked with a scream.

"NO!" Stewart yelled, "I don't have time for that!"

"OH SO I LEND YOU DROOFUS AND YOU CAN'T EVEN CATCH A SQUIRREL!" Stewarts mom yelled, "I'm coming in there."

"NO!" Stewart yelled.

"DID YOU BRING ANOTHER GIRL HOME?" She asked, "I DON'T WANT THEM TRYING TO EAT YOU AGAIN!"

"THAT FREAK WAS A STALKER!" Stewart yelled before a few seconds of silence followed.

"SO YOU DON'T EVEN LOVE YOUR OWN MOTHER!" Stewart's mom answered walking into the clearing.

Now imagine one of those sumo wrestlers you see in cartoons, now put a blue exoskeleton, four arms, four legs, and an abdomen on it and you have Stewarts mom. and the moment she spotted Winter she flipped out.

"I'LL SAVE YOU STEWART!" She screamed as she came tumbling through the bushes tripping on her legs, "I WON'T LET HER EAT YOU!"

"I wasn't going to eat him!" Winter yelled in panic.

"He's a girl?" Stewart asked bewildered.

"Dude! How can you not see that she's a girl?" Spader asked.

"She doesn't have an abdomen the size of a boulder." Stewart replied.

"Humans don't have those." John pointed out.

"Do humans eat each other?" Stewart asked his mom.

"DUH WHAT ELSE WOULD THEY EAT!" She replied louder than Helga normally does.

"I prefer Seafood." Winter stated.

"Chicken." John added.

"I personally like sushi." Spader shrugged.

"I bet they kill SPI-DERS!" Stewart muttered.

"Stop saying it like that!" John yelled.

"We don't!" Spader yelled. "Humans don't like harming anything as cool as spiders."

"Spiders are the bomb!" John agreed.

"Actually some humans do." Winter stated getting glares from the guys and looks of hatred from the spider people, "We don't but there's a guy named Theodore..."

"Who is this Theodore you speak of?" Stewart asked.

"We'll tell you when this _Thing _puts us down." Winter stated.

"DROOFUS DOWN!" The mom ordered as the spider holding the three dropped them and scuttled around the pit and sat at Stewart's feet

"What is that thing?" John asked.

"ONE OF MY KIDS!" Stewarts mom stated like it wasn't important.

"Then why is..." John started.

"Shut up!" Winter barked, "Theodore is an evil human!"

"How evil?" Stewart asked.

Winter thought for a moment.

"He eats his mates..." Winter began.

The two arachnids gasped.

"... He kills innocent spiders." Winter continued.

Stewart looked faint.

"And he hates flies." Winter finished.

"he doesn't sound that bad." Stewart shrugged.

"... He poisons flies and feeds them to spiders!" Winter exclaimed quickly.

"I'LL KILL HIM!" Stewart's mom roared as Stewart held her back from the sap pit.

"So do you want to show us where this demon is?" Stewart hissed.

"Only if you promise to let us go and never bother us again." Winter replied.

"Why would we do that?" Stewart asked glaring at Winter.

"Because Theodore's favorite activity is filling a tank with acid and dropping spiders in it." Winter lied.

"MAYBE WE SHOULD LISTEN TO THEIR TERMS AND AGREEMENTS!" Stewarts mom yelled in a attempt to be subtle.

"Very subtle mother." Stewart grumbled.

"Are you with us?" Winter asked.

"Fine." Stewart sighed, "Mother call the SPI-DERS!"

"Stop it!" John yelled.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Spader:** After about twelve minutes of non stop screaming we kind of got over the entire giant spider bit.

**Winter:** Sometimes a little lying comes in handy, I learned that from my dad, He sometimes has to lie in order to get along with his customers. Like one guy hated non alcoholics so dad had to dump drinks in mom's fern all night. God that thing grew strangely after that...

**John:** If he says the word Spider like that ONE more time I will literally push him into that sap hole!

**Stewart:** THE SPI-DERS!

* * *

**Junkyard**

* * *

"There she is Clyde." Summer laughed pointing at her tank, "The very thing that will save us from Theodore."

"Why did you call it a she?" Clyde asked pointing at the tank.

"Because modes of transport are referred to as girls normally." Summer replied, "By the way, why did Chris have us build these things anyway?"

"To waste time?" Emily guessed from nearby.

"To cook mashed potatoes!" Julia giggled before dumping a tray full of battery acid on her head and pretending it was shampoo.

"I don't want to know." Clyde gulped.

"Too bad!" Summer replied, "You're going to be here for a while bud!"

"Oh now you're just inviting the grim reaper over!" Emily yelled.

"NOT HELPING!" Clyde yelled in response.

"So what's the plan anyway? Are we just going to drive over there and blow up the mess hall?" Emily asked.

"Nope." Summer replied, "I'm going to teach you... TO DRIVE!"

"Mommy." Clyde whimpered.

* * *

"... And the yellow light means speed up." Summer explained from the seat next to Clyde as the tank rumbled along the beach.

"Are you sure you know how to drive Summer?" Emily asked from the seat behind Clyde.

"I've seen enough racing movies to know how." Summer replied.

"THE AMBER LIGHT MEANS SLOW DOWN UNLESS YOU'RE ALREADY IN THE INTERSECTION!" Emily screamed, "IT'S DRIVING 101!"

"Does Mario kart count as driving 101?" Summer asked.

"Nope!" Julia replied, "But Grand Theft Auto Mt moon does."

"I don't think that's a game." Summer replied.

"Have either of you ever driven?" Emily asked.

"In..." Summer started.

"F-zero doesn't count." Emily growled.

"Then I haven't driven in my life." Summer replied, "Oh and Clyde if you see a deer speed up so the windshield won't get damaged."

"YOU STOP!" Emily screamed.

"Hey no back seat driving." Summer ordered, "Only the driver and passenger can touch the steering wheel."

Emily replied by banging her head against the wall.

"I drive a bike." Julia giggled, "It has three and a half wheels."

"How does that work?" Summer asked.

"Can everyone be quiet please?' Clyde asked politely, "I can't concentrate with all this arguing!"

"I don't think you're a very good driving instructor." Emily stated.

"Are we there yet?" Julia asked.

"No." Summer replied, "Emily I can handle this."

"Are we there yet?" Julia asked.

"Quiet Julia." Emily shushed, "I don't think you can."

"Are we there yet?" Julia asked.

"I will make Clyde turn this thing around!" Summer yelled.

"No touching the steering wheel!" Emily yelled.

"ARE WE THERE YET! ARE WE THERE YET?! ARE WE THERE..." Julia repeated before Summer whipped around and began strangling her.

"THAT'S IT!" Clyde yelled slamming on the breaks, "OUT!"

"But..." Summer started.

"OUT!" Clyde screamed.

* * *

"I still don't see why I had to leave the tank." Emily growled, "I wasn't doing anything."

"Did too!" Summer yelled getting in Emily's face.

"Did not!" Emily yelled.

'Are we there yet?" Julia asked.

"YES!" The other three campers yelled in annoyance.

"Good." Julia stated, "Because I'm tired"

Julia then fell over onto an ant hill and began snoring.

"Are we there yet?" Julia asked in her sleep.

"HOW?" Summer exclaimed motioning to Julia.

"I don't know." Clyde shrugged.

"Lets just go back to the tank." Emily grumbled lowly moving to the tank.

"Not on my watch." Clyde growled pulling out a set of keys with a anime cat keychain out and pressing the lock button on the remote.

"Hey don't touch that!" Summer yelled swiping the keys from Clyde.

Clyde looked at her for a few seconds before kicking her and swiping the keys back.

"OW! HEY BRING THOSE BACK!" Summer yelled chasing Clyde into the bushes.

"Geez!" Emily stated, "Maybe I shouldn't be around Summer when she drives.

"Pretty music!" Julia giggled while ants swarmed her.

"Hey look! Ninja ants!" Emily laughed before one sprang up and uppercut Emily.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Julia:** I ate those ants before they hurt me... (Her fist moves and begins punching her in the face .)

**Emily:** (She has a black eye) What happened? OH GOD! GOTTA FIND SUMMER AND CLYDE!

**Clyde:** So I'm hiding in here for now... (A fist punches through the wall and Clyde screams girlishly)

**Summer:** (Clyde is being held in a headlock) GIVE ME THE KEYS!

* * *

**Maze of a thousand doors**

* * *

"Seventy two bottles of non alcoholic substance on the wall, Seventy two bottles of non alcoholic substance! You take one down pass it around, Seventy one bottles of non alcoholic substance on the wall." Helga sang as the campers and Chris marched down the hallway.

"This is physically hurting me." Chris growled as he walked next to Kai.

"Why is she changing the words to the song anyway?" Kai asked motioning to Helga.

"Helga doesn't drink!" Helga boomed raising her hands in the air and almost knocking Greg off her shoulder.

"How long is that tranquilizer going to last?" Kai asked pointing at Greg.

"Depends on the dosage." Chris shrugged, "Watch this."

Chris pulled a black marker from his pocket reached up and drew a moustache, goatee, and glasses on Greg.

"You're doing it wrong." Kai stated snatching the marker and drawing a unibrow, rainbow, and the word Brony backwards on his head.

"What does that mean?" Luke asked from behind the two.

"It means he's a fan of my little pony." Kai giggled.

"Isn't that a little mean?" Luke asked.

"I could draw something that would instantly get this show an R rating if you want." Chris shrugged.

"I'm good." Luke nodded quickly.

"Helga's bored." Helga grunted, "She'll open one more door."

Helga reached for a plain brown door, swung it open, and revealed a radio room.

"Helga found the room!" Helga cheered jumping up and down.

"OH yeah it had a CM on it." Chris laughed smacking his forehead.

"Idiot." Luke growled rolling his eyes in quite an out of character manner.

The four (Technically five) entered the room and noticed several radios, a generator, and an old communication device.

"Now does anyone know how to work one of these?" Chris asked as Kai and Helga gave him looks of shock.

"I do." Luke replied sitting down and putting the headphones on and twisting a few knobs.

"How do you know how to work these things?" Kai asked amazed.

"My dad taught me." Luke shrugged as he began pressing buttons.

"How long will it take?" Chris asked.

"Done." Luke stated loudly.

"Already?" Kai asked shocked.

"I just typed SOS." Luke shrugged.

"Maybe you should send it again just to be sure." Chris suggested.

"Nah!" Luke shrugged off before growing thoughtful and distant, "Maybe I should just for safety."

"Is something troubling you?" Kai asked.

"Nope, nothing at all." Luke smiled sitting back down and typing for a few seconds before transmitting the message.

"Why did that one take longer?" Chris asked.

"Because I switched frequency." Luke replied quickly.

"So do we just wait here?" Helga asked.

"May as well." Luke shrugged spinning the chair.

"Snort." Greg snored.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Kai:** I can't guarantee Theodore's minions won't find us... (She holds up a Katana) ... But I'm prepared just in case.

**Luke:** I blanked out for a few seconds, maybe I'm just getting tired.

**Chris:** I really hate working with campers.

**Helga:** (She has Greg over her shoulder still.) Helga prides herself in not ever drinking alcohol!

**Greg:** (Helga's making his mouth move again and she's attempting to imitate his voice.) Thanks for carrying me Helga, I'm going to vote for Alexa next ceremony because she's mean to Helga!

* * *

**Camp**

* * *

"This is completely stupid." Cole growled glaring at the yacht in the distance, "I get to sit here with no power and someone parks a yacht in the bay, I bet this is just a challenge and Chris is waiting there for us."

Cole took one step before he was tackled by Patrice.

"WHAT THE **** MAN!" Cole yelled shoving Patrice off him.

"You can't go over there!" Patrice yelled, "THEODORE WILL FIND YOU!"

"Someone took a few happy pills." Cole laughed.

"Terrance was here but he was captured." Patrice explained pulling Terrance's 3DS from his pocket.

"HEY!" Cole complained, "I'm the only one allowed to take things from him with no legal repercussions!"

"Huh?" Patrice asked stupidly.

"It means I won't get in trouble, god get a education." Cole growled rolling his eyes and snatching the DS away and beginning to walk into the open.

"NOOOO!" Patrice screamed, "NOT NOW!"

"What are you going to... HEY!" Cole yelled as Patrice tackled him to the ground out of sight just as one of Theodore's henchmen walked out of the main building with a KO'd Teresa on his shoulder.

"They're everywhere." Patrice hissed pointing at a nearby tree where one of the henchman was setting a trap, over to a rock where one had shifted to check his watch, and at a squirrel.

"A squirrel?" Cole asked giving Patrice an odd look.

"I took a few pills." Patrice sighed.

"Ya think?" Cole asked glaring at him.

"What are we going to do?" Patrice asked, "I'm high and you have two heads."

Cole was about to answer but glared at Patrice instead.

Patrice stared back.

Cole continued to glare at him.

"Why?" Cole asked.

"What?" Patrice asked, "You have two heads."

Cole reached over and began throttling Patrice while screaming about how dumb he was.

"You'll attract the guards!" Patrice choked.

* * *

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Theodore asked with a girly giggle as Cole and Patrice were dragged across the deck handcuffed together several times.

"What the **** are you doing here?" Cole asked.

"Who's the girl?" Patrice asked before laughing, "Heh, heh, girl."

Both Theodore and Cole gave him weird looks.

"just going to ignore that." Theodore stated.

"It's for the best." Cole agreed.

"Now, you to will be put in cages like Jill over there." Theodore stated pointing over his back at an unlocked cage with a note stuck to it that read _The Princess is in another castle, beating up guards._

"Question." Cole growled.

"What?" asked Theodore.

"Where's Jill then?" Cole asked.

"In the cage." Theodore replied.

"Nope." Cole argued as a guard with a bruised face dragged a tranquilized Jill back to the cage, tossed her inside, and locked it with a huge lock and car alarm.

"Yes." Theodore laughed turning around and seeing Jill in the cage, "You're a bad liar."

"I can't believe how dumb you are." Cole sighed.

"TAKE THAT BACK!" Theodore yelled freaking out.

"Your lemonade sir." The butler announced bending over and holding the tray near Theodore's face.

"Good job." Theodore growled grabbing the lemonade and taking a sip before spitting it out, "THIS IS SWEETENED!"

"Yes sir, exactly what you asked for." The butler replied.

"GET ME UNSWEETENED LEMONADE!" Theodore screamed throwing the drink in the butlers face.

"Right away sir." The butler replied walking back to the kitchen.

"Now." Theodore growled looking at Cole and Patrice, "You'll both be taken to the prison level.

"Okay." Cole shrugged watching Jill wake up and begin working on the lock on her cage.

"TAKE THEM AWAY!" Theodore screamed as two huge guys grabbed the two campers and dragged them downstairs.

* * *

**Beach**

* * *

"I got the keys!" Summer laughed dancing around Clyde while holding the keys to her tank in the air.

"Wouldn't have guessed from the choke hold you just gave me." Clyde growled.

"Just admit that people shouldn't mess with me." Summer laughed pumping her arms in the air, "I'M UNDEFEATABLE!"

"Yeah but what happens when something does beat you?" Clyde asked.

"Nothing can defeat me!" Summer laughed not noticing something watching her from the bushes.

"NINJA ANTS!" Julia giggled prancing into the clearing tossing ants everywhere while a bruised Emily staggered behind her.

"Never leave me alone with her again." Emily hissed, "I could've sworn she was even crazier when you guys left."

"That's Julia for you." Summer grumbled.

"HEE HEE HEE!" Julia giggled in a high pitched voice behind Summer.

"So are we heading back to the tank or what?" Clyde asked.

"OF COURSE!" Summer exclaimed beginning to walk but was stopped by Julia.

"IT's coming." Julia hissed.

"What now?" Summer sighed.

"IT!" Julia screamed whipping a Stephen King novel at Clyde knocking him over.

"Why did you do that?" Emily asked.

"She literally threw IT at me." Clyde stated amazed, "Where was she keeping this."

"Narnia, where else?" Summer asked rhetorically.

"Uh huh!" Julia giggled.

"It's like she's been paid to advertise things." Clyde growled.

"Do you like clowns?" Julia asked.

"Yes." Clyde replied, "They can be funny."

"Do you like gothic clowns holding machine guns?" Julia asked.

"Why would you ask that?" Clyde asked giving Julia a look of annoyance.

"Because there's a clown standing behind you wearing gothic makeup and holding a machine gun." Julia replied like she was talking about cookies.

Clyde whipped around and saw a guy wearing clown makeup behind him.

"Seriously! Could Theodore have hired weirder henchmen?" Clyde asked with a whimper.

"You can either come with me." The clown laughed, "Or die right here."

"I give up!" Emily yelled throwing her hands in the air.

"I agree with her." Clyde whimpered.

"Julia! Attack!" Summer yelled as Julia jumped into a tree and swung at the guy disarming him in the matter of sixteen seconds.

"How did she do that?" Clyde asked in amazement.

"Natural instinct." Julia replied looking up from biting the guy's nose.

"That wasn't instinct." Clyde replied, "What are you? Some sort of government experiment gone wrong?"

Julia replied by slowly leaning closer to Clyde.

"What's she doing?" Clyde asked leaning away.

"WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY!" Julia screamed scaring her fellow campers.

"Foxes bark." Summer replied, "Any who doesn't know that hasn't been paying attention in school."

"NO!" Julia yelled, "They say RING TING TING..."

"Shut up!" Clyde ordered.

"I am a powerful wizard and will eat an entire oak tree!" Julia yelled knocking the clown out before jumping onto a tree and climbing it like a spider.

"Can someone explain that?" Summer asked.

"I could try." Emily shrugged, "But I'd probably be wrong."

* * *

**Confessional (That song is annoying and I don't get why it's popular.)**

* * *

**Summer:** Sometimes Julia seems more sane than others, today was one of the days where she was crazy.

**Julia:** The economy runs off idiots...

**Emily:** And the award for most random person ever goes to Julia.

**Clyde:** I'll be lucky if I don't get medevac'd for all the people that just sneak up behind me.

* * *

**Maze of a thousand doors**

* * *

"THIS IS SO BORING!" Chris whined as the other four campers sat around gloomily.

"This is fun." Helga said in a high pitched voice while moving Greg's mouth.

"Helga, leave Greg alone." Kai sighed.

"okay." Helga replied moving Greg's mouth.

"Luke are you sure that message got through?" Kai asked.

"Of course." Luke replied, "What could possibly interfere with my message?"

"Messages." Chris corrected.

"I only sent one though." Luke replied confused.

"We asked you to send a second one and you agreed." Chris replied rolling his eyes.

"Oh yeah..." Luke agreed sceptically, "Sorry it must be my sickness messing with my head."

"Maybe you're just a retard." Chris grumbled.

"We're getting a little rude here." Kai stated.

"A little." Chris muttered.

"Does anyone else hear what Helga hears?" Helga asked.

"What?" Chris asked.

The group fell silent and sure enough the sound of footsteps could be heard.

"Prepare for a couple of guys with guns." Kai growled standing near the door with her Katana raised.

The footsteps continued to grow louder as the group continued to tense up and prepare themselves with random stuff to throw.

"_What is blocking this entrance?" _Someone snarled in a language that no one in the room understood.

"_I believe it's wood._" Someone replied.

"_They can't possibly have enough to stop me from breaking through it." _The first voice argued.

WHAM!

Someone had slammed into the door.

"_I told you it wouldn't work._" The second voice sighed.

"_I'd like to see you do better._" The first growled.

"_Hand me that axe."_ The second ordered.

"What are they saying?" Kai asked as an axe smashed through the door creating a hole large enough for someone's head to fit through.

And a head was exactly what pushed it's way through that door.

"What is it?' Luke asked as a snout covered in grizzled brown fur poked its way through the opening.

"That's one of those wolves that we were keeping in an electrically powered cage." Chris replied, "They see people doing things and copy those actions."

"So if they saw people arguing..." Kai stammered.

"They'd copy them." Chris replied, "And probably kill whomever was in the argument."

"TOODOO!" The monster screamed.

"HELGA DOESN'T LIKE CREEPY DOG!" Helga screamed running to the door and ripping it off it's hinges and scaring the two mutants in the process.

The wolves were slightly taller than people with shaggy brown fur covering their bodies, long tails, yellow eyes, and clawed hands with opposable thumbs.

"Hroo?" One squeaked in it's own language.

"HELGA SMASH!" Helga screamed bashing the first wolf with the door repetitively.

"Didn't you say you had three of them?" Luke asked.

"We did." Chris replied just as a third wolf entered the room wearing a scream mask and holding it's weapon of choice in the air ready to strike.

"AHHH!" Luke screamed as the monster approached him and hit him with...

...

...

...

... a spoon.

"This is more annoying than painful!" Luke complained as the wolf hit him with it continuously.

"Where would it pick up a skill like that?" Kai asked motioning to the wolf.

"Masterchef." Chris shrugged.

"Help us!" One of the wolves Helga was beating with the door begged in English.

"Why would we help things trying to kill us?" Chris asked.

"Yeah!" Luke agreed, "and hit us with spoons!"

"We'll do anything!" The wolf begged as Helga continued to bean its buddy with the door.

"Anything?" Chris asked getting an evil smirk, "There might be something I want you to do..."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Helga:** (She has the door still, and Greg.) Helga still doesn't trust wolves, Helga will hit them if they try anything funny.

**Kai:** Theodore... (She puts sunglasses on) ... Can deal with it. AWWWW YEAHHHHH!

**Chris:** I can just put those slobbering carnivores to work in exchange for Helga not being violent.

**Luke:** I have a feeling that Sly may have attempted something earlier. It may have done nothing, but it was still something.

**Greg:** (Helga's moving his mouth) I don't trust those wolf things!

* * *

**Camp**

* * *

"How many SPI-DERS live here?" Stewart asked as the group walked into camp.

"Thirty seven, now shut up!" John ordered.

"Aren't SPI-DERS fascinating to you?" Stewart asked.

"STOP OVERREACTING!" Stewarts mom yelled slapping Stewart over the head.

"You tell him mrs. stewart's mom!"Winter laughed before receiving a deadly glare in return.

"See that boat?" Spader asked pointing at Theodore's yacht.

"You mean that floating island?" Stewart asked.

"Sure." Spader shrugged, "Whatever you want to call it."

"But it's a..." John started before Winter elbowed him in the gut in order to shut him up.

"All we have to do now is sneak onto it." Winter explained walking closer to Stewart and getting tackled by his mom.

"I WON'T LET YOU EAT MY SON!" Stewarts mom screamed slapping Winter.

"Moooom!" Stewart whined.

"WOMEN ARE DANGEROUS." She growled in response.

"YOU'RE a women for gods sake!" Stewart yelled.

"I believe you are correct." Stewart's mom muttered rolling off Winter and glaring at her from a distance.

"Can we just focus on what's important?" Spader asked with a bored expression.

"Fine." Stewart growled crossing his arms, "But don't expect me to like it."

"So does anyone have a weapon of mass destruction we can us to get over there?" John asked receiving confused looks as an answer, "I'm joking, who could possibly have something that convenient."

At that moment a deer the size of a car bolted out of the trees and trampled John to the ground.

"Okay I know deer are skittish, but come on! That thing's huge!" Winter pointed out.

"She's right." Spader nodded.

"THE SUN!" Stewart yelled pointing into the trees.

"The sun's in the sky..." John trailed as an enormous tank drove through the trees right in the direction of John.

"AHHHHHHH!" John screamed as the tank stopped a finger length from him before he passed out.

"Now that was what I call off road!" Summer cheered opening the hatch of her tank, "LET'S DO IT AGAIN!"

"I think I'm going to be sick." Emily moaned falling onto the ground in a groaning heap.

"What's going on?" Spader asked.

"HAIL THE SUN!" Stewart worshiped bowing down to Summer.

"I know I'm hot, but not that hot." Summer giggled before realizing what she was talking to, "SPIDER!"

"Don't you mean SPI-DER?" Stewart asked, "Almighty sun god."

"KILL IT BEFORE IT BREEDS!" Summer yelled jumping to the ground and punching Stewart.

"WITH HIS TASTE IN WOMEN THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!" His mom laughed before Summer clubbed her over the head with a board.

"SUMMER STOP!" Winter yelled grabbing Summer's arm, "They're friends."

"Acquaintances." Stewart corrected rubbing his head, "Normally you'd be part of Jurassic sap hole by now."

"That's original." Summer muttered, not impressed.

"HEY! I said that." John groaned from where he was sitting on the ground.

"Well it sounds more original coming from me." Summer argued crossing her arms.

"Can someone tell me what this girl is doing?" Stewart asked motioning to Julia who was chewing on his leg, "I think she's eating me!"

"By now we believe that's how she says hello." Emily groaned still lying on the ground.

"Wait minute." Summer stated, "Where's Clyde gotten to?"

Spader peeked into the tank to see Clyde in a state of immobile shock gripping the steering wheel.

"What were you guys doing to him?" Spader asked.

"Oh he was learning SUMMER'S CRAZY DRIVING!" Emily yelled before moaning and smacking her face back into the dirt.

"My driving is awesome." Summer argued.

"Don't wear a seatbelt because we're going two blocks, Passing over the speed limit is legal, DRIVING 120 KM/HOUR IS LEGAL ON A HIGHWAY WITH 100 POSTED!" Emily yelled imitating Summer's voice, "You are a hazard!"

"No I'm not." Summer argued, "I'm just stubborn."

"CAN WE JUST FOCUS ON TAKING DOWN THEODORE!" Spader yelled in anger.

"Don't you mean the SPI..." Stewart started.

"IF YOU SAY SPIDER LIKE THAT ONE MORE TIME I'LL THROW YOU IN THAT SAP HOLE!" Spader yelled interrupting Stewart.

"Jeez Spader, you never get that mad... or raise your voice." Winter stammered.

"Sorry, but we either get rid of Theodore, or die." Spader replied.

"At least we have Summer's tank." John shrugged, "We can blow Theodore to smithereens."

"Actually Julia shot all the ammo while trying to kill the lake." Summer replied.

Silence

"CAN SOMEONE GET HER OFF MY LEG!" Stewart yelled.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**John:** Maybe I should just ask if anyone has ammunition for her tank, It might just fall from the sky, it would fall on my head but that's besides the point.

**Spader:** Stewart was beginning to piss me off with the way he says spiders.

**Emily:** Summer needs some drivers training, you hear me Summer's family? Please get her to take it!

**Summer:** My driving can't be that bad. Driving through a stop sign in an area with no traffic is legal, right?

**Julia:** Water is mocking me, It laughs whenever I see it!

* * *

"Three, two, one!" Summer yelled as she and John pulled Julia off of Stewart.

"Thank you sun god." Stewart praised bowing.

"I'm here too!" John yelled.

"SHHH!" Summer shushed enjoying the worshiping.

"I'm just wondering why Julia went after Stewart and not someone else if she was hungry." Emily pondered.

"If Julia was hungry she'd go after Clyde if anyone." Winter replied.

"ACK!" Clyde yelled rolling out of the tank with Julia biting his leg, "HELP SHE'S LOCKED HER JAW!"

"Hand me that board." Summer sighed as Stewart handed her a board and bowed low.

"This is getting out of hand." John commented.

"Yeah." Spader agreed.

"At least it can't get any worse." John shrugged.

"Who are them?" A monster asked from a distance.

"AHHHHHH!" John screamed jumping into Spader's arms like Scooby doo.

"Wait, why is Chris with a werewolf... In daylight... on the half moon?" Spader asked dropping John.

"What's going on?" Summer asked trying to shake Julia off the board she had.

"Chris is with a were wolf... no two... no actually it's three... oh and there's Helga holding a door with Greg slung over her shoulder... Oh and Kai and Luke." Spader stated as each member of that party exited the mess hall.

"Why does this toxic waste keep making sentient animals?" Winter asked before glancing at Stewart who was continuing to worship Summer, "Well... almost sentient."

"Hi guys!" Kai greeted as the other group approached the others.

"What are those?" John asked.

"These are mutated wolves." Kai explained with a shrug.

"How did you find them?" John asked.

"They tried to kill us but Helga beat them with a door." Kai shrugged.

"CUT IT OUT!" Luke yelled as the third wolf continued to hit him with a spoon.

"Demons." Stewart hissed hiding behind Summer.

"SPIDER!" Kai screamed ripping the board out of Julia's mouth and clubbing Stewart over the head with it.

"TV, it knows what I want." Chris chuckled, "Too bad not all of you have revealed your fears."

"Stop beating up Stewart." Summer grumbled.

"Why?" Kai asked pausing.

"Or his mom will start screaming." Summer shrugged.

"LEAVE MY SON ALONE!" Stewart's mom yelled knocking Kai fifteen feet away.

"Too late." Summer sighed drooping her arms.

"Can you heal me sun god?" Stewart asked before passing out.

"Well at least nothing can go wrong." John shrugged, "What could Theodore possibly do to us all standing within fifteen feet of each other?"

* * *

WHAM!

"You had to speak, didn't you." Luke growled holding the bars on the large cage that had been dropped on the group.

"Why Chris, nice to see you." Theodore laughed sitting in a lawn chair not far away.

"Who is this small wimpy man?" One of the wolves asked.

"You're a carpet when I'm finished with Chris." Theodore threatened.

"Where are the SPI-DERS?" Stewart asked.

Theodore just ignored him.

"So Theodore why are you here... On an expensive yacht?" Clyde asked.

"Yeah how does someone like you get a yacht." Winter asked.

"Shut up you dirty Albino." Theodore hissed, "But I am rich, and powerful."

"Then why did you sign up for total drama?" Spader asked.

"To get my name out there of course." Theodore replied, "And after Chris tells me what I want to know, I'll reset the show and make myself the popular winner who everyone wants to buy stuff from."

"Doesn't this plan have flaws?" Luke asked, "Enough plot holes to make any film critic die."

"Not after I get the location of Chris's employers vault." Theodore smiled.

"Your lemonade sire." Theodore's butler announced walking out of the kitchen.

"NOT NOW!" Theodore screamed glaring at the butler.

"Wait, The people who own Total Drama have a vault full of money on Wawanakwa?" Winter asked in shock.

"Yes." Theodore laughed, "And if Chris doesn't reveal the location of it..."

Theodore pulled out a doll and ripped off it's head.

"... BLAMOH!" Theodore yelled.

"Did you factor in the legal repercussions?" Spader asked.

"Yes." Theodore nodded.

"The fact that we have dangerous animals and Katana in here?" Summer asked.

"Of course." Theodore laughed.

"The fact that Jill beat up all your guards and has a crossbow pointed at you?" Kai asked.

"WHAT?" Theodore screamed whipping around to see Jill pointing a crossbow at him, "How did she escape?!"

"Your cages aren't that good." Jill shrugged firing the dart right at the lock on the cage and breaking it.

"SECURITY!" Theodore yelled as several big guys tumbled out of lower levels.

"HELGA DOESN'T WANT TO BE CAPTURED AGAIN!" Helga screamed smashing the cage door off and hitting one of Theodore's henchmen with it.

"UGHUGHUG." The guy muttered with a goofy look on his face before he collapsed into a heap.

"FREEDOM!" Chris yelled as the campers swarmed the deck of the boat.

"Don't injure them!" Theodore yelled right before Julia attacked him like a cat.

"This fight seems pointless." Winter growled.

"Enjoy it while it lasts!" Jill cheered riding one of the guys like a bull.

Winter just sighed in response.

"I've got you in my sights." One of Theodore's henchmen laughed pointing a gun at Winter.

"AHEM."

The man whipped around to see one of the wolves.

"Clever girl." He hissed.

"I'm a dude." The wolf growled before attacking.

"I hate violence!" Clyde screamed tripping over his own feet and knocking Jill over.

"Come on Clyde! Knock someone one important off the boat." Jill explained patting Clyde's back.

"I can't." Clyde whined but Jill had already vanished.

Clyde glanced around but all he could find was a piece of cardboard.

"GET OFF!" Theodore yelled not far from Clyde drawing a sword and trying to stab Julia with it.

"I'm nimble like a jellyfish!" Julia giggled dancing around Theodore.

"Jellyfish aren't nimble!" Theodore yelled, "Especially on land."

"You're just jealous that you were eliminated second." Julia mocked dodging the sword again.

"HEY! Isn't that my sword?" Jill yelled.

"Why of course." Theodore laughed, "You can have it back after I win."

"Give it to me!" Jill yowled whipping a small wooden baton out of her sheath.

"Oh guards." Theodore called and within thirteen seconds Jill was surrounded by guns.

"You're a prick." Jill growled dropping the baton and raising her hands in the air.

"No you are." Theodore growled.

"HELGA HATES GUNS!" Helga screamed mowing down three of the guards with the cage door.

"Tranquilizer her! Tranquilize her!" Theodore screamed diving behind a guard.

Helga was then hit with a dart. And almost all of Theodore's men cheered before Helga just brushed it off like it was a small nuisance.

"AHHHHH!" About ten guys screamed running in fear while Helga chased them.

"This is scary!" Clyde cried from where he was cringing on the ground.

"You're the most pathetic, useless, and dumb person here." Theodore growled, "It should've been you instead of me."

Theodore raised his sword to strike but was kicked in the face by Kai who was wielding her Katana.

"I am useless." Clyde cried grabbing the piece of cardboard and holding it closer.

"You suck at this." Kai growled as she parried all of Theodore's sloppy blows.

"I was hoping that the sword would scare you." Theodore laughed continuing his attack.

"Truthfully you're just a pathetic..." Kai started but Theodore had knocked her out with the butt of his sword.

"Burn in ****." Theodore growled spitting on his opponent, "Who can stop me now?" Theodore asked looking around the boat.

Jill was still surrounded, Helga had fallen off the boat, most of the Frosty Falcons were KO'd by sleeping darts, and Clyde was crying not too far from Theodore.

"Clyde will!" Spader yelled before realizing Clyde was crying.

"I'll just stab him and see how well he's doing after that." Theodore smiled.

"RUN CLYDE RUN!" Winter screamed before a guy clamped his hand over her mouth.

"Ew did you just lick my hand." The guy gagged while Winter nodded.

"Just a quick stab to the shoulder should do." Theodore laughed swinging the sword from side to side.

"Fight back Clyde!" Spader yelled, "Give him a shot of whatever you're holding!"

Clyde looked at the cardboard and suddenly had a bright idea. He charged Theodore.

"Come and get it!" Theodore laughed readying the sword.

Clyde got closer and raised the chunk of cardboard while Theodore raised his sword.

And one of them got stabbed while the other got an injury that is more painful.

A paper cut.

Now I'm not talking about a tiny one, this one was deep and gushing blood.

"AGH!" Theodore screamed in agony holding the area over four fingers where his paper cut was.

"Your unsweetened Lemonade sire, extra acidic." The butler announced as Theodore crashed into him causing the lemon juice to get into his cut, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Clyde are you okay?" Winter asked pushing through the guards and pressing a rag against his stab wound.

"I'm fine compared to Theodore." Clyde laughed, "Ow..."

"We have to get you back to camp quick." Winter stated but Theodore's henchmen blocked the way out.

"Great." Clyde sighed.

"THEY KILL SPIDERS!" Winter yelled as the two guys looked confused.

"ARGHHHHH!" Stewart and his mom yelled in unison charging the guys and knocking them off the boat.

"Actually all of these guys that work for Theodore do." Clyde added with a smirk as they either fled in terror, got stuck to wall, or were knocked overboard.

"This is funny." Julia giggled clapping her hands.

* * *

"Sorry you had to go like this." Apologized Summer as Clyde was being Wheeled away by a stretcher.

"Who cares that I'm gone! I'll get tonnes of fan mail now!" Clyde cheered, "Plus Chris always brings people back at the merge."

"No I don't!" Chris denied.

"Have you even watched the past seasons?" Summer asked.

"Yes... No..." Chris stated.

"Well I made some awesome friends, one enemy, and had a great time." Clyde smiled before trying to touch his bandages.

"NO!" Jesslyn yelled slapping Clyde's hand, "If you touch it it'll get infected and be very painful."

"How painful?" Clyde asked.

"Very." Jesslyn hissed.

"But now we're one member down." Cole complained.

"I'm fixing that by sending the Weasels to elimination tonight." Chris announced.

"That's not fair!" Patrice complained.

"You can avoid it by admitting your fears." Chris smiled evilly, "All of the Falcons did."

"No way!" Alexa yelled, "I will not go through one of those stupid fear challenges!"

"But Alexa it saves us from elimination." Winter stated.

"I'm in a good position on this team so I don't need immunity." Alexa scoffed.

"And who's voting with you? Julia?" Winter asked.

"HEE HEE HEE!" Julia giggled in a comically high pitched voice.

"Yes." Alexa stated blandly.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Clyde:** I may be out of the game but I'm going to Playa des losers, and they have a free Nacho bar that uses healthy types of cheeses and whole grain chips! I get to eat Nacho's and benefit from it!

**Winter:** I think Alexa's time on total drama has come to an end.

**Alexa:** As the superior girl on the team I chooses who goes and who stays.

**John:** I'm going to miss Clyde, me and him were pretty close... HE WAS GOING TO BE MY ALLY COME THE MERGE! (John starts sobbing into his hands)

* * *

**Wicked Weasels cabin**

* * *

"I say Winter goes tonight." Alexa announced as she did her hair near the mirror.

"Why?" Teresa asked.

"Because she's useless and ugly." Alexa replied.

"I'm right here." Winter growled from the floor.

"Precisely." Alexa stated, "You agree with my plan right."

"Yeah." Winter growled sarcastically, "It's so genius!"

"She knows her place." Alexa laughed.

"I think that you need to learn your place on this team." Emily muttered.

"Tut tut Emily." Alexa muttered.

"Why did you just say that?" Emily asked blinking in confusion, "You never say anything like that."

"Quiet! Now I'm going to vote and I expect all of you to vote for Winter... Especially you Winter." Alexa stated before walking away.

"How dumb can someone get?" Winter grumbled.

"Pretty dumb." Emily replied.

"Helga thinks that if we all vote out Alexa cabin life will get much better." Helga grunted.

"I agree with Helga." Emily nodded.

"All in favor?" Winter asked as every single one of the girls raised their hands.

"Hey girls! Who's going?" Patrice asked walking up to the porch.

"We're voting Alexa off." Emily shrugged.

"Why would we do that?" Patrice asked confused.

"Because she's a..." Emily started but was cut off by Winter.

"She's stealing your camera time." Winter lied.

"That *****!" Patrice yelled, "I'm voting her out!"

"Idiots." Winter smiled as Patrice ran to the confessional.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Winter:** My mom told me that the weak minded are usually problematic and that I should only manipulate those who don't deserve to be in the game.

**Alexa:** Goodbye Winter, you will not be missed.

**Patrice:** Alexa dares to steal MY camera time! Well someone thinks they're smarter than me.

**Emily:** Winter is strangely good at manipulation, I mean dangerously good. Maybe we should target her instead.

**Helga:** Helga is glad girl with makeup mask is going.

* * *

**Forest**

* * *

Greg and Spader were walking through the woods while Spader explained the events Greg had been unconscious for.

"So we lost on a day without a challenge?" Greg asked.

"Yep." Spader replied, "And it's all Alexa's fault."

"God I missed mutated spiders, bipedal wolves, and Theodore getting the most epic paper cut in the history of paper cuts!" Greg exclaimed, "BTdubs, where did those wolves and spiders go?"

"Chris threatened to call animal control and they fled into the woods." Spader shrugged, "They were kind of just annoying and unneeded."

"SPI-DERS!" Greg stated receiving a glare from Spader, "Sorry."

"So what did you want me out here for?" Spader asked crossing his arms.

"Well I'm thinking about targeting Patrice again." Greg stated, "And perhaps we should make this alliance more permanent because I assume by now Teresa, Winter, and Emily have one."

"Well I do know you a lot better now, and those three are dangerously close." Spader mused, "I guess I'll go with your plan."

"Great! Now all we need to do is vote for Patrice." Greg stated.

"But won't Alexa be going?" Spader asked, "And don't we want to get on the good side of an alliance of three?"

"WAIT!" Greg yelled, "Why don't we vote for Alexa and then the three girl alliance will like us more!"

Spader sighed and face palmed.

"Let's go tell them." Spader sighed.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Spader:** I know Greg a lot better now than on day one so an alliance seemed obvious.

**Greg:** After Alexa we can convince the girls that Patrice is a definite threat.

* * *

**Bonfire pit**

* * *

A new moon didn't shine down on the Wicked Weasels as they waited for Chris to show up.

"Where is that camera hogging host at now?" Alexa asked, "The sooner Winter's gone the sooner this island will be eighty percent less ugly."

"Why do you think I'm ugly again?" Winter asked.

"Because you're an albino freak that has bad makeup." Alexa hissed.

"I don't wear makeup." Winter replied bored.

"My god you're beautiful!" Greg gaped staring at Winter before Spader elbowed him and pointed at himself, "Right..."

"What was that?" Teresa asked.

"What was what?" Spader replied.

"That elbowing." Teresa replied.

"We have to keep the fact that she's going a secret." Spader lied pointing at Alexa.

"Boys." Alexa sighed, "Winter already knows she's going, we have a plan."

"And I'm totally on board with it." Winter growled sarcastically.

"Good evening campers!" Chris announced as he walked into the fire light with a tray of marshmallows, one of which was coloured black.

"You're late." Greg commented.

"It's called fashionably late." Chris argued.

"Nope, you're just late." Greg replied.

"SILENCE!" Chris yelled, "Now I know none of you expected this and I already went over the confessionals so it's time to vote."

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Greg:** I'm voting Patrice just to shake things up, even though everyone thinks I'm voting for Alexa.

**Alexa:** Goodbye ugly.

**Spader:** I vote Alexa.

**Winter:** Good riddance Alexa.

**Patrice:** You've stolen too much camera time from me!

**Julia: **I vote for me, ME, **ME, _ME!_**

**Teresa: **Winter's a threat but everyone's voting for Alexa... Hmmmm... (Static cuts her off)

* * *

"When I call your name you get a marshmallow." Chris stated dramatically, "If you do not receive a marshmallow you're out of the game forever."

"But..." Winter started.

"FOREVER!" Chris announced dramatically, "The first marshmallow goes to...

...

...

... Helga."

"Helga is relieved." Helga sighed getting up and claiming her immunity.

"Greg."

"Yes!" Greg cheered.

"Spader."

Spader high fived Greg and got up to collect his marshmallow.

"Teresa." Chris continued.

"And they chef stays another day." Teresa cheered.

"Emily."

As Emily got up to get her marshmallow Chris looked over the remaining four campers.

"You all received votes but only one of you got more than one." Chris stated.

"Winter." Alexa smiled smugly.

"Is safe." Chris finished tossing a marshmallow to Winter.

"Patrice." Alexa gulped.

"Is also safe." Chris finished, "One of you two gets the last marshmallow and that person is...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

... Julia."

"Awwww." Julia frowned as the marshmallow fell onto her lap.

"WAIT THERE'S ONE MORE MARSHMALLOW!" Alexa yelled.

"Oh yeah, this is a swap marshmallow." Chris announced, "If you ever receive one of these you're instantly on the other team."

"WHAT!" The entire Weasel tribe yelled astonished.

"Due to Clyde being medevac'd we're going to have Alexa replace him on the other team." Chris announced, "Alexa, you may move your stuff to the Frosty Falcon's cabin."

"So long losers." Alexa laughed standing up and walking away.

"I'm just full of surprises." Chris laughed before being bombarded with Marshmallows.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: Boys cabin**

* * *

"I wonder if Clyde will come back after the merge." John sighed from where he was sitting on his bed.

"I don't know." Cole sighed, "I don't want to go anytime soon and join him though."

"Me neither." Luke shook his head.

"Maybe us three should make an alliance." Cole suggested.

"Cool! Four guys outnumber three girls right?" John asked.

"No Terrence." Cole shook his head.

"Why not?" Luke asked confused.

"Because he's too cosy with the girls." Cole growled, "He's likely already in an alliance."

"I don't like this plan." Luke stammered, "Terrence is a nice guy."

"And what do nice guys do in this game? They win." Cole growled, "That alone makes him a huge target."

"Maybe we're overthinking this." Luke stated, "Maybe the girls have some drama going on over on their side."

"I doubt it." Cole argued.

At that moment Terrence re-entered the cabin.

"Hey guys, did I miss anything?" Terrence asked walking over to his bed and climbing into it.

"Nope, nothing at all." Cole replied, "We were just talking about Clyde."

"I'm sure he's happy at the playa." Terrence replied, "Don't worry we'll win tomorrows challenge for Clyde's sake."

"Get some rest guys, I suspect Chris won't allow any rest tomorrow.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Terrence:** I wonder what surprises are waiting for me tomorrow...

**Cole:** I will remove Terrence from this game before he gets too cosy with anyone, This game has been missing strategy up until now.

**Luke:** I would be all for an alliance with Cole but he doesn't want the majority when it comes to votes just because Terrence is too nice.

**John:** I'm telling Terrence about Cole the first chance I get.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Boys cabin**

* * *

"At least she's not on our team anymore." Spader stated in an attempt to calm Patrice down.

"BUT SHE'S STILL STEALING MY CAMERATIME!" Patrice yelled punching the wall.

"We can't do anything about it now." Greg growled, "You just have to do more interesting stuff."

"How did Winter even know you were losing camera time to Alexa anyway?" Spader asked.

"Well she... She... SHE LIED!" Patrice screamed, "I'll skin her alive!"

"That would get you kicked out of the game though." Spader stated, 'And you don't want that to happen."

"For once I agree with you Spader." Patrice growled, "I expect one of you to come up with a plan by the time I'm back from taking a leak off the deck."

"technically it's a porch." greg corrected.

"Guys pee fast." Patrice hissed walking out the door.

"Fake alliance?" Greg asked the moment the door shut.

"Fake alliance." Spader agreed shaking his head yes.

* * *

**Confessional (Oddly short segment...)**

* * *

**Patrice:** Now I have an alliance that doesn't like Winter at all.

**Spader:** If only she knew I was saving her butt.

**Greg:** I'm going to try and make Helga and Julia be a part of our alliance, step one is voting Patrice out.

* * *

**Wicked Weasels: Girls cabin**

* * *

"NOOOOO!" Winter screamed standing over the remains of Alexa's destroyed bed, "I was finally going to get a bed!"

"She truly is a *****." Teresa growled, "Winter you can have my bed."

"NO!" Winter yelled, "I will not jeopardize your strength, as we all know I'm not a physical challenge winner. I am more on the lines of a mental challenge winner."

"I win those!" Julia yelled.

"She means puzzles." Teresa replied.

"**Boy **am I in the wrong place." Julia yelled jumping off her bed right onto a weak patch in the floor and falling through it into her tunnel from the night before.

"Are you okay Julia?" Emily asked grabbing a rope an d lowering it down the hole.

"**Boy **am I in the right place." Julia stated, "Ooh a snack!"

"I hope that the Falcons just beat the living daylights out of her." Winter growled walking back to her sleeping bag.

"Kai, Jill, and Summer... They all get along, they are no nonsense girls, and I think they aren't afraid to make her sleep outside." Teresa stated, "She is definitely staying outside."

"Helga normally doesn't agree with torturing people but it's Alexa!" Helga grunted before rolling over and beginning to lightly snore.

"AWWW! She snores like a kitten!" Emily squeed.

"We can only hope she's eliminated next time they lose." Emily stated dragging Julia out of the hole.

"Here's hoping." Teresa stated jumping into her bed began rocking up and down on a loose piece of floor, "I wonder if this is the cabin Chris destroyed in revenge of the island..."

"Knowing how cheap Chris can be, most likely." Winter agreed.

"Good night girls." Winter stated flicking the lights off and walking back to her sleeping bag.

...

"I see dead people." Julia stated creepily.

* * *

**Confessional**

* * *

**Julia:** I have hair on my head... and a nose.

**Winter:** Well, here's hoping I don't have to trick anyone else for the remainder of the competition, with almost all the mean people gone this is going to be one heck of a fun time from here on out.

**Helga:** Helga is happy that Alexa is gone from her cabin, but Helga is sad that the burden known as Alexa will be in the Frosty Falcons way now. Helga likes even teams.

**Teresa:** Winter, when you see this from the playa I mean no harm, you have to go and I'm willing to lie in order to get you out. Sorry but you're a little too good at manipulation even though it's for a good cause.

**Emily:** I have way too much fixing to do with my team.

* * *

**Frosty Falcons: girls cabin**

* * *

Alexa was standing outside of the Frosty Falcons cabin talking to herself about her strategy.

"This is it." Alexa sighed breathing heavily from having to destroy her old bed, "Winter won't sleep and I get a few new teammates who will probably accept their roles as my underlings easily."

Alexa smiled and opened the door to the girls side quickly.

"Hi guy..." Alexa started but looked around the room seeing Summer wearing a black hood that covered her eyes, Kai wearing a fanged mask, and Jill, nothing special there.

"What is she doing here?" Summer asked drawing back her hood.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Alexa shrieked dropping her luggage and covering her face.

"Alexa, calm down, we're just telling stories." Kai growled rolling her eyes.

"Oh." Alexa stated embarrassed.

"So what are you doing here?" Jill asked.

"Oh I was eliminated but Chris gave me a black marshmallow which means I get to switch teams." Alexa replied, "So I'm basically taking Clyde's spot."

"We won't be able to see the difference." Kai grumbled.

"We'll just clear off a bed for you." Summer stated, "and then you can move in."

"Wait, A bed?" Alexa asked.

"Yeah, two for luggage and four for sleeping." Summer replied, "Are you okay with your bags staying with Jill's?"

"No I need fifty percent of all cabin space." Alexa replied.

"Now that doesn't seem very fair." Jill argued.

"ANd where do you suppose I'll hang up my poster of British supermodel Andreo Malcolm Vanswanna?" Alexa asked holding up a poster of a handsome tanned guy that couldn't have been more than sixteen.

"I find teenage super models overrated, and most of them are stupid." Jill grumbled.

"He has a Spanish accent, beautifully white teeth, has won Mr. perfect Jr. six times, and is apparently single." Alexa stated.

"He's probably photo shopped." Summer explained, "I do admit he's attractive, but that's a poster."

"I demand wall space!" Alexa yelled, "And there's nothing you ugly losers can do to stop me!"

* * *

THUD!

That was the sound of Alexa landing on the ground outside the cabin while rain poured down.

"AND STAY OUT!" Summer yelled slamming the door and locking it behind her.

"I HATE YOU!" Alexa yelled, "And I will not stay on the bottom for long..."

* * *

**Dock of Shame**

* * *

"And so ends an exciting episode of total drama!" Chris announced while holding an umbrella over his head to keep the rain off him.

"Hey Chris what are we going to call this episode?" Jesslyn asked walking up behind him.

"I was thinking Scary Chapter!" Chris replied waving his left hand mystically.

"THAT IS THE WORST..." Jesslyn yelled but Chris just talked over her rant.

"Will Alexa achieve her revenge? Will the Falcons survive with her? And how many characters in one game can Chef get wrong? Find out next time on TOTAL DRAMA RETURN TO THE ISLAND!" Chris announced.

"...IT COULD HAVE BEEN SOMETHING COOL BUT IT'S FREAKING SCARY CHAPTER!" Jesslyn complained as Chris simply walked away.

* * *

**Chris's private boat**

* * *

"So how did Total Drama change you?" An interviewer asked Clyde while a medical lady dressed his wound.

"I learned that I give deadly paper cuts." Clyde replied.

"Will you miss anyone?" The interviewer asked.

"Everyone." Clyde replied, "Except Alexa, good thing she's eliminated right?"

* * *

**Frosty falcons:** Jill, Terrance, Luke, Summer, Cole, Kai, John, Alexa

**Wicked Weasels:** Teresa, Emily, Julia, Patrice, Spader, Greg, Helga, Winter

**Eliminated: **Mona, Theodore, Pete, Billy, Vanessa, Clyde (Medevac'd)

**Interns: **Jesslyn (Black hair in a ponytail and glasses. She's in charge of editing the episode and sending the good parts to the production team.), the fat one, Jeff (Has an English accent and is the main cameraman. He has black hair, Green eyes, and always wears a scarf), the Indian one, and the one they all call Steven

* * *

**Votes:**

* * *

**Alexa:** Winter

**Teresa:** Alexa

**Emily:** Alexa

**Julia:** Julia

**Spader:** Alexa

**Patrice:** Alexa

**Helga:** Alexa

**Greg:** Patrice

**Winter:** Alexa

* * *

**So in this chapter I decided it was about time I started using stereotypes to their advantage. Terrance was the most fun to write about in this chapter because I could incorporate all of my favorite games. I don't think he even touched an electronic until this chapter which ironically had no power. This played on the fear of a permanent electrical shortage. I felt that some characters took it well while others... well Alexa would have died. I also made fun of the fact that Nokia's are virtually indestructible, I think the band aid joke was funny (And it's based off of what a girl in my class did to her phone)**

**As for Clyde getting injured and removed from the game... well lets say that he's a very hard character to write about so I removed him (I don't think that's the last we'll see of him though) But I made him go out in the most awesome way possible.**

**I also decided I'd add a quirk to each character, as in something weird or different. Like Summer's driving skills! Now these will evolve over time but I added a few now to show that not everyone's perfect, some are dangerously imperfect while others... are just not deadly drivers.**

**You're also probably wondering why I called it scary chapter when it had very little to do with any horror movies, except Jurassic park. Trust me when I say spoofing is really hard, I try to do my own thing while still paying homage to things I'm basing stuff off. Ah if I ever do a sequel series then I'll just make a better chapter called scary chapter II.**

**I noticed that this chapter also had a lot more of Winter, Spader, John, Jill, and Terrence. oh and a lot of Theodore. This is probably because of FrostPrince's obsession over the shipping of these characters. Oh and he likes John. Believe it or not your reviews do affect screen time, so why not leave one ? If you hate my story, love it, or just wanted to read it because you were bored, well then leave me a review even if you don't have an account.**

**I'm also looking for fan mail for Mona, Theodore, Pete, Billy, Vanessa, and Clyde. So even if their interview has passed I'll still make Nova and James read their fan mail for you to enjoy, whether it be rude, friendly, fanboyish, or even just plain weird send it in via PM or Comment (No operation system is required, side effects include, but are not limited to: Prosperity, feeling cool, evil fortune cookies, tight pants, and a warming sensation in the abdomen. Carla I've always loved you but never had the guts to say it.)**

* * *

**Next time: FROSTY FALCON PUNCH!**

**Just guess...**


End file.
